Hand in Hand
by Shadoweyes1
Summary: Raven’s depressed, Robin’s trying to convince himself he loves Starfire, Slade’s out for revenge, Aqualad thinks he can help and Rage just wants to kill everyone. Well, nobody ever said life was easy. RobRaeAqua
1. Nobody's Home

Disclaimer: I owneth not teen titans or the words to Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne. This story is dedicated to all the reviewers of my one shot stories and especially to Dark Weezing who was my very first Teen Titans reviewer. 

**Hand in Hand**

**_Chapter One: Nobody's Home_**

_Nevermore_

Raven sat in her room with an emotionless expression on her face. She was staring out of the window towards the horizon above the ocean that surround titan's tower. The dark sun was setting slowly spilling orange light over the bay and into her room.

**_I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,  
She felt it every day,  
I couldn't help her,  
I just watched her make,  
The same mistakes again_**

Raven Roth was depressed. Really. Not that she ever let anyone see that, she never let anyone see anything beneath her porcelain mask. Around her the darkness that she had wrapped herself in was visible in her sense of style. The walls were dark, the ceiling was black and the carpet was black. The curtains were dark blue and the only light was covered in a twisted and black shade. There was never really any light in there anyway. Her black bed was flanked by towering black bookshelves and statues of huge abnormal crows and ravens and leering masks were hung upon the wall. Raven didn't move a muscle as a breeze wafted in through her open window and made the black fabric that hung behind them flutter wildly as if they had a life of their own.

Her short purple hair was brushed back behind her ears, her amethyst eyes were locked on the invisible marvel that only she could see, her lips were drawn into a straight line.

**_What's wrong, what's wrong now?  
Too many too many problems,  
Doesn't know where she belongs,  
Where she belongs_**

She was supposed to be getting ready for an evening out on the town with the other titans beginning with pizza at the food court. She knew that Beast Boy, Terra and Cyborg were supposed to be meeting them there but she, Robin and Starfire were supposed to leave the tower together. She estimated she was already about ten minutes late. She knew that they would be annoyed, well maybe not Starfire she's too happy to be annoyed at anything and Robin well he was always very understanding. But no one could understand her now she thought bitterly her brows creasing into a frown suddenly. No one could understand her anyway. She guessed that Beast Boy and Terra would be slightly put out if she made the others late; she doubted Cyborg would mind, it just meant more pizza for him.

She'd just give it a miss this time she thought finally turning away from the window. Maybe she's venture to the plain of nevermore and try and get to the root of all of her problems. She was beginning to think that her depression was being caused by internal factors as well as external ones. She thought that if she didn't show up downstairs then the others would go with her, it wasn't like they cared anyway. She sighed to herself and then got up. She dusted off her cloak as she rose. She walked over to her side cabinet and picked up the familiar beauty mirror that lay there. It was an ornamental mirror and she didn't use it that often, the dark claw like spikes rose up from the thin frame and seemed to look like demon horns. That thought made her shudder slightly.

**_She wants to go home,  
But nobody's home,  
It's where she lies,  
Broken inside_**

Raven pursed her lips and raised the mirror to her face. She saw herself in the depths of the silver glass and stared nonchalantly at her pale reflection, even now to her, her skin still seemed to be ash grey, it was like she didn't have the will to have colour in her. No one was going to look close enough to see that anyway she reminded herself sternly.

She heard shuffling heading up the corridor towards her room. Glancing at her closed door she shook her head, she doubted that they were coming to find her, someone had obviously forgotten something, it was bound to be something along those lines.

With that final depressing thought, Raven Roth vanished into her mirror taking with her all the trials and tribulations that she hid from the world at large.

**_There's no place to go,  
No place to go,  
To dry her eyes,  
Broken inside_**

It was surprisingly empty and dark in her mind when she got there. The stars had all been covered with thick grey clouds that loomed dangerously over the rocky land. Long shadows stretched across the ground hiding the broken stones that littered the path.

Raven levitated into the air and began to make her way down the winding path towards the stony arches. As she went the black crows and ravens alighted onto the dying trees around her and cawed sadly their red eyes staring endlessly at into space.

She ignored them as she walked past, the large beaks of the younger birds opening in silent protest as she made her way towards the gate that led into the other sides of her mind.

"Raven..." they called in child-like voices that echoed eerily in the cold air, "Come back..."

Again Raven ignored them. She dipped to the floor and picked her way through the cracks and twigs. Sighing in trepidation she began walking forward a lot more quickly. She wasn't eager to go anywhere special but it was not normal for one to feel uncomfortable in one's own mind.

**_Open your eyes,  
And look outside,  
Find the reasons why,  
You've been rejected,  
And now you can't find what you've left behind_**

Her mind just didn't seem to fit her right she thought, wincing when that thought was broadcast through nevermore loudly so that everyone would hear it whether they wanted to or not. "What's wrong with me!" she implored the black sky tilting her head back and glaring at the nothingness that stretched out before her.

There were three main reasons for the depressive state that Raven Roth currently found herself in and she was ashamed to admit them even to herself. Maybe she feared others would look at her less, maybe that it would make her less of a person than she already was. She didn't know.

She reflected on the harshness of her own semi-human life as she neared the first arch that was the gateway to her happiness.

The first reason for her sad predicament being the fact that she felt as if Terra was pushing her out. The other titans had known Terra for only a year or so and already she was much more widely accepted than her. She was better friends with the others, Raven worried that maybe, the titans might forget about her if she wasn't there anymore.

**_Be strong, be strong now,  
Too many, too many problems,  
Doesn't know where she belongs,  
Where she belongs_**

The second reason was her emotions were too easy to control. Normally she had to meditate for hours a day to suppress them, but now she hardly had to bother. It seemed as if with each day that passed her by, her emotions were turning to dust. Even internally or in her dreams she felt empty. As if there was a hole that was continuously growing inside of her. It unnerved her.

**_She wants to go home,  
But nobody's home,  
It's where she lies,  
Broken inside_**

The third and final reason being the most important. She was all alone. Her loneliness was the hardest thing she had ever had to deal with, and to make it worse, she had to deal with it on her own. She couldn't tell the others, she was...she should say she was embarrassed but even that was hard for her to express. She was just too proud. The loneliness stemmed from the fact that she saw love and true, deep friendship before her everyday and she had to go to sleep every night knowing that she would never be a part of it, that she would never experience that kind of compassion for herself.

**_There's no place to go,  
No place to go,  
To dry her eyes,  
Broken inside_**

Without truly realising it she passed under the first arch. She paused when the scenery suddenly changed, like the shifting sands in a sand glass. The field was darker than usual, she noted dryly, the sky was heavy almost overcast and there was no sunshine, all of the colours had been dulled down and glossed over with a pale grey. She looked around herself trying to find her happiness but it was nowhere to be seen.

Even as she stood there the sky darkened and more shadows appeared, a dead wind rippled through the area barely moving the blades of grass under her feet. She looked down, there were no flowers anymore, it was all just dark green grass. And even that didn't look healthy.

**_Her feelings she hides,  
Her dreams she can't find,  
She's losing her mind,  
She's falling behind,  
She can't find her place,  
She's losing her faith,  
She's falling from grace,  
She's all over the place..._**

"What's wrong here?" she whispered aloud. She looked up and about herself, "Where did my happiness go?" she asked herself, the thought moved almost sluggishly through her head as if it was tired.

Maybe her depression was worse than she thought. She wondered if it was like this in every corner of nevermore.

She glanced behind her; she thought for a moment that she had seen a glimpse of something, like ghost moving through hell, just a sharp quick glimpse in her peripheral vision. "Happiness?"

**_She wants to go home,  
But nobody's home,  
It's where she lies,  
Broken inside_**

"Raven..." called a voice which unmistakably her own, "Raven...help me..."

She whirled around to confront her happy emotion, but she couldn't see anything except a shadow that seemed to disappear as she looked at it, "Happiness? What's wrong with this place?"

The shadow of herself mouthed something as she faded, but Raven couldn't work it out. Raven took a step forward but the effort was in vain because as she did, the shadow blew away like smoke in the wind.

**_There's no place to go,  
No place to go,  
To dry her eyes,  
Broken inside_**

Raven stared at the spot where her emotion had been and at the same time she felt the hole inside herself grow bigger.

_Raven?_

Raven's eyes widened as she heard the familiar voice, she was caught then, torn between the decision to stay in her mind and see if it was the same throughout nevermore, she had already lost happiness she didn't want to lose anything else, and the decision to go back out of the mirror and stop the titans from discovering the darker corners of her own private world.

_Raven? Are you in here?_

Raven looked up at the sky and then back across the darkened expanse of land that would lead her into her next emotional state.

She's lost inside, lost inside

Raven?

Her eyes narrowed in consternation, why couldn't they just stay out of her room, they seemed content to stay out of every other angle and aspect of her morbid life, such as it was...why was her room so important to them?

_Hey, cool mirror..._

"Fool." Spat Raven suddenly swinging her cloak around her body expressively and vanishing in swirl of dark and ice-cold mist.

**_She's lost inside, lost inside_**


	2. Silent Thunder

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to the song Silent Thunder by Dare.  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Two: Silent Thunder  
  
Robin sighed and looked at his watch. He and Starfire had been waiting ages for Raven to show up; it seemed she had just opted out of going to the food court without telling anyone. Telling Starfire to wait by the front door, Robin began making his way up to Raven's room.  
  
He knew she was anti-social, but lately that had been getting worse with every passing day. He knew that Slade's escape from prison was preying on everyone's mind. He hadn't attacked yet but they had no doubt that he would. But somehow Robin didn't think that was what was bothering Raven.  
  
He realised that the others would be annoyed at their tardiness but they would have to make do, because Robin, as leader, had a responsibility to check up on all the team members if ever there was something wrong with them.  
  
##The dawn rises over the ocean,  
Casting my eyes on a brand new sun,  
My spirit flies over this mountain,  
Carrying my soul to the new day##  
  
Robin jogged up the stairs, he had to admit that he was not used to jogging wearing jeans and as a result he nearly went flying head first as his heel caught the bottom of his trousers. He whipped his head around and glared at the clothing as if it had betrayed him. Shaking his head he continued his way up the stairs.  
  
He reached the top of the stairs and looked around first to make sure Raven wasn't wandering the halls. She wasn't. He frowned fiercely as he neared the door to Raven's room. It was closed.  
  
He pulled himself up short and then took a deep breath, this was Raven, and he knew she hated being disturbed. For a moment he hesitated and then shook his head, she couldn't stay that angry at him. He was her leader after all.  
  
##And I hear the thunder's song,  
And I live the dream,  
Like a fire burning in my soul  
Into the centre of my heart,  
And I feel it start##  
  
He raised his fist to the door and knocked gently. When he received no response he knocked a little louder, but still not too loud, he did not wish to incur her wrath. But still no response greeted him. He knocked again, his knuckles wrapping against the metal in quick succession.  
  
He looked around himself again, almost as if he was nervous and then pulled gently on Raven's door. He jumped backwards as if stung when the door slid open easily at his touch. He calmed himself and gave the door a wry look, he told himself it was only surprise at the door being unlocked that made him leap back. He made a small noise at the back of his throat.  
  
Slowly he poked his head through the door. And...he couldn't see anything. It was all pitch black.  
  
"Raven?" he called quietly.  
  
If anything the silence alone seemed to roar towards him. He blinked as the absurd notion came to his head. He scowled. He told himself he had nothing to be afraid of. He inched his way into the room.  
  
The darkness crowded in, he had only the light from one window to see by. "Raven are you in here?"  
  
##Can you hear the thunder?  
Raging in my heart?  
And it feels like silent thunder,  
Raging in my heart and through my soul##  
  
He went further into the room as his sight adjusted to the dim, almost insubstantial light...and he received the biggest culture shock of the century. He knew that Raven was gothic, perhaps even mysterious but her room was like stepping into a whole other dimension. It sort of creeped him out. An involuntary shiver suddenly ran down his spine.  
  
"Raven?" he called out again nervously.  
  
His eyes strayed to the side briefly and his interest was quickly caught by the beauty mirror that lay discarded on the floor.  
  
"Hey, cool mirror." He said to no one in particular as he bent down to pick it up. But as his fingers closed around the cool handle he was thrown backwards violently.  
  
Dark skies dangerous and beautiful,  
Guiding me home like an old friend,  
Sometimes I'm lost at night,  
Between the devil and the deep blue sea again##  
  
"Don't touch that!" snarled Raven suddenly appearing from nowhere, her purple hair flew in front of her face obscuring her eyes from view. She snatched the mirror out of the air as it fell.  
  
It was only Robin's fine tuned reflexes that saved him from falling over and injuring himself. "Raven?" he asked looking at her with confused eyes as he steadied himself.  
  
But her anger was gone, her face was expressionless and when she spoke her voice was monotone again, like always, "What are you doing in my room Robin?" she asked gently putting the mirror back down on the small black cabinet from whence it came.  
  
Robin looked down at the mirror for a moment and then looked back up at her his own expression hidden behind his mask, "I came to see if you were still coming to the food court, because we're already running late."  
  
##And I could feel the angels by my side,  
How could they understand?  
How good this feels inside##  
  
Raven scowled at him and put her fist on her hip, "I'm not going." She said simply and then turned away.  
  
It was obviously a sign for him to leave but Robin didn't, he reached out and grabbed her wrist. He didn't miss the dark glare that crossed her features directed at him when he made contact, but he just shrugged it off. He turned her around to face him and only then did he let go of her wrist. "Why not?"  
  
Raven gave him a glare that seemed somewhat rueful, "Because I have much better things to be doing with my time than go out with the rest of you." Her tone came out harsher than she expected and for a moment she looked surprised but it didn't last long, "Now you better go, otherwise you'll be even later."  
  
Robin scowled at her and suddenly he sat down on her bed and folded his arms over his chest.  
  
Raven's left eye twitched slightly in annoyance, "Just what are you doing?" she asked moving to stand in front of him. She glowered down at him coldly.  
  
Robin smiled knowingly, "I'm not moving from this spot until you agree to come to the food court."  
  
##Can you hear the thunder?  
Raging in my heart?  
And it feels like silent thunder,  
Raging in my heart and through my soul##  
  
Raven stared at him, "No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Get out of my room Robin." Raven ordered, "Don't make me use force."  
  
Robin grinned impishly and then the smile turned into a smirk as his T-communicator went off. He took the small device from his jeans pocket and pressed the red button. "Robin here."  
  
"Dude! Where are you?!" yelled Beast Boy, "I'm starving and Cy says we can't eat until everyone else is here! Where are you guys? Have you seen Terra? She's late too." There was mumbling in the background, "Oh no, wait never mind she's just arrived." There was a pause, "So dude where are you guys?"  
  
Raven scowled at the communicator.  
  
Robin grinned, "We're just coming Beast Boy, Raven was having problems with her mirror."  
  
Raven's eyes widened, she knew he didn't know what the mirror was for, but Beast Boy and Cyborg did and they could tell him now.  
  
The communicator was silent for a moment, "Oh, okay then. Well hurry down guys..." there was more mumbling in the background, "Oh yeah and Aqualad's joining us as well." There was a sound that resembled a snort and the line was cut off and static filled the room.  
  
Raven breathed a small sigh of relief, she knew she'd have to talk to Beast Boy now anyway so that he didn't let slip to Robin the secret of her mirror.  
  
"So, you have to come now. We've got guests." Robin's tone was smug.  
  
Raven sent him a withering glare, "Fine whatever."  
  
Robin jumped up, "Great!" he sent her a big smile, "C'mon let's go and get Starfire. I'm hungry too!"  
  
Raven was silent as she followed her leader out of her room.  
  
"Hey Raven?"  
  
Raven glanced sideways at Robin as they began to descend the stairs, "What?"  
  
"You look nice today."  
  
Raven looked down at her uniform. She wore the same thing nearly every day. She gave a brittle laugh, "Thanks."  
  
##I could hear the thunder,  
I could hear the thunder## 


	3. Where Do I Hide?

Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans or the words to the song Where Do I Hide by Nickelback  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Three: Where do I Hide?   
  
"It's about time!" yelled Beast Boy waving is arms up and down in a pointless gesture, "We've been waiting ages!"  
  
Robin pulled up on his motorcycle and cut the engine; he removed his helmet and grinned over to the frantic green elf, "Cam down BB, we're here now."  
  
Starfire landed next to Robin and smiled brightly at everyone, "Hello friends!" she chirped.  
  
Raven watched them all welcome each other as she gently alighted on the cement ground. With Robin and Starfire there she knew that none of them would notice that she had even arrived. She lifted her chin, determined not to let anyone see who much it hurt her. Her eyes flickered over all of them as if she were seeing them all for the first time. Lately she had been seeing them all in a different light.  
  
First she looked at Cyborg, he already had his head buried in the menu and she knew that any second now he would launch into a new argument about which was better, meat or tofu. She thought their arguments were childish.  
  
Beast Boy was sat next to Cyborg his green ears twitching ever so slightly as he listened to the conversations around him. He was wearing a bright shirt that made Raven cringe inwardly.  
  
Her eyes went to Terra and immediately her loneliness roared upwards from her soul. She didn't know what she felt about Terra, it might have been hatred or jealousy but she couldn't quite focus enough to find out. The blonde girl was laughing at something Beast Boy had said, her pale blue shirt looked beautiful on her and for that Raven did feel envious. Her expressions darkened slightly but she forced her gaze on to the next person.  
  
##Got a criminal record,  
I can't cross the state lines,  
First on the bad list,  
And you're the last on mine##  
  
Starfire was frowning at the menu with one eye and staring at Robin and Aqualad talking together with the other. Raven felt a mirthless smile tugging at her lips; Star was so innocent and so ignorant as well. They always said that ignorance was bliss. She looked radiant in the early evening light, the lanterns around the table giving her orange skin a healthy glow.  
  
##Lookin' for a scapegoat,  
Long past due,  
Walking down the aisle,  
Staring straight at you##  
  
Raven's empty eyes travelled across to Robin. Her leader was already seated, laughing easily with Aqualad. His spiky black hair didn't look as if it had been brushed, but Raven knew that no one would mind. She clenched her fist slightly; he seemed so worried about her before but look how easily he forgot.  
  
##I still hear him screaming, "Where do I hide?"  
And all he asks and I say, "Hurry inside."##  
  
Finally her gaze came to rest on Aqualad. The atlantian was different from her team-mates, and she looked upon him in a different light. Possibly because she didn't see him that often and possibly because when they had first met her happiness has overcame her. But now she wasn't that happy to see him because she had no happiness anymore. She frowned to herself.  
  
Aqualad looked up and caught her gaze; she blinked at him but didn't turn away. He smiled nicely and motioned for her to come over and sit next to him.  
  
Raven sighed but approached the table anyway. She slid into the wooden seat next to the dark haired atlantian and glared darkly at the table. The lanterns were swaying in the breeze above her, and the shadows that the group cast were constantly changing. A few of the other outside tables were occupied, but most people were inside the mall, staying in the warmth. Raven didn't even notice whether it was cold or not.  
  
"So Raven, how've you been?" asked Aqualad looking down at her.  
  
##He said, she said...  
No she don't,  
Be back before morning,  
And you know she won't##  
  
"Alive." She replied noncommittally shrugging her shoulders, not moving her gaze from the table top. She tuned out the conversations of the others; she had no interest in what they were saying. It didn't concern her.  
  
"Oh." Aqualad replied frowning slightly, "Anything troubling you at all?"  
  
She stiffened slightly and sent him a quick look, he was watching her intently, the gaze made her shiver slightly, "What makes you say that?" she said in a dull tone trying to put him off. She didn't really want to talk about it.  
  
Aqualad shrugged, "You just seem sadder than usual."  
  
"How would you know? You're never around." She asked suddenly.  
  
Aqualad nodded, "I know I'm not. But we atlantians can sense when something is wrong. And you seem sad Raven."  
  
##Well I remember that summer,  
Like yesterday,  
And I remember his mother,  
As he was dragged away##  
  
Raven opened her mouth to say something when the waitress suddenly appeared bearing trays of food. Raven frowned. She hadn't ordered anything and yet a cup of herbal tea and a plate of sushi were put down before her. She raised her eyebrows.  
  
Robin leaned over to her, "I'm sorry, but you were bust talking to Aqualad so I took the liberty of ordering for you. I hope you don't mind."  
  
Raven shook her head and a small smile graced her features. Robin grinned and returned to his conversation with Starfire. Raven dropped the smile immediately.  
  
"You seem very sad." Repeated Aqualad picking up a slice of his pizza and eyeing it warily before taking a small bite.  
  
"I just smiled didn't I?" asked Raven lifting her cup of tea into her cold hands. She took a sip from the cup and looked at Aqualad with a haughty expression.  
  
He frowned almost thoughtfully, "Maybe it would be better though, if you put happiness into a smile. People are going to notice that you're not happy sooner or later." He took another bite of his pizza and gave her a hundred watt smile.  
  
Raven froze. She was beginning to feel nervous around the dark haired teen; if he kept this up he was in danger of learning what was really wrong with her. And that just wouldn't do at all.  
  
##I still hear him screaming, "Where do I hide?"  
And all he asks and I say, "Hurry inside."  
A whole lot of memories...yours not mine,  
And all he asks and I say, "Hurry Inside."##  
  
"Why do you even care?" she asked, making her tone as cold as she could at the moment. She noticed in the corner of her mind that her arms and wrists had started to itch. She ignored the sensation and settled on glaring at the atlantian while the other titans dug into their food with vigour. She knew that the conversation she and Aqualad were having was going unnoticed by the others around the table. And that made her glad and yet achingly lonely at the same time.  
  
Aqualad swallowed what he had been chewing and smiled warmly, "Because Raven, I'm your friend. Just like the titans are, I'm your friend and I care about you." He took a quick drink of water from his glass and then said, "Why are you so sad Raven?"  
  
She didn't answer, but she looked away.  
  
Aqualad began to say something else when Beast Boy interrupted.  
  
"Hey Aqualad do you wanna come to the tower tomorrow? Then I can show you that I'm the best at video games!" the green elf avoided Cyborg's hand as it came in to cuff him around the head, "What do you say? You up for it?"  
  
Raven knew that Aqualad loved to compete with Beast Boy, but at the moment Aqualad didn't seem too pleased with his interruption. Raven however was very relieved.  
  
The whole table froze and quietened as Beast Boy turned into a mouse under Aqualad's fierce gaze. The atlantian stood from his chair a cold look on his face, the look was quickly replaced by an easy smile, "Of course Beast Boy. I would love to beat you at something else." He paused, "I am sorry but I must take my leave now. Farewell titans." He nodded to Raven, "Raven."  
  
##Got a criminal record,  
I can't cross the state lines,  
First on the bad list,  
And you're the last on mine##  
  
Raven felt extremely uncomfortable as Aqualad took his leave and left her there as the subject of five curious gazes. She shifted slightly and then in spite she looked up and glared at them all. "What?" she snapped.  
  
Beast Boy who had just regained his animal form gave her a weird look, "What was all that about Rae?" he asked around a mouthful of pizza.  
  
"Nothing." She snapped sticking her fork violently into a piece of sushi. Beast Boy flinched as if he knew that the blow was meant for him.  
  
##Lookin' for a scapegoat,  
Long past due,  
Walking down the aisle,  
Staring straight at you##  
  
"Raven are you alright?" asked Starfire in concern reaching over to pat Raven's gloved hand.  
  
Raven jerked her hand from under Starfire's, "I'm fine. Just leave me alone." She rose from her chair, she glared at them all as a whole and then in a flash of dark purple smoke she had vanished.  
  
Robin looked at the rest of the titans, "Beast Boy what did you do?"  
  
The green elf jumped up outraged, "Dude, I didn't do anything! She's the one being moody!"  
  
Cyborg shook his head at his friends, "Just leave her alone guys."  
  
##I still hear him screaming, "Where do I hide?"  
And all he asks and I say, "Hurry inside."  
A whole lot of memories...yours not mine,  
And all he asks and I say, "Hurry Inside, where do I hide?"##  
  
The remainder of the titans were silent for a moment, before Terra suggested the go to the amusement park for a few hours before heading back. They all agreed heartily and set about finishing their meals quickly...although not necessarily cleanly.  
  
##Where do I hide?  
Where do I hide? ## 


	4. Nowhere Fast

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans, any monkeys or the words to the song Nowhere Fast by Incubus  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Four: Nowhere Fast  
  
It just goes to show; she thought bitterly, that no one really cares. It had been three hours since she had left the other titans at the food court. It was now half past ten at night and the sky was dark. But no one had come to check if she was okay, no one had even contacted her via the communicator.  
  
Raven was sat in the darkness of her room, her cape wrapped around her shoulders as if to keep her warm, but she wasn't even cold. Her purple hair was drooping past her shoulders as if it were dead. She didn't care. She didn't care at all.  
  
The moonlight was shining in through her window casting a silver glow on her grey skin.  
  
She sighed. She had no idea why she was still here. She should just leave the titans, that way they wouldn't drag her down and vice versa. Everyone would be safer that way, and at least when she died they wouldn't have to pay the expenses for the funeral. She put her head in her hands, she knew she shouldn't be thinking up ways to save the team money, it was a waste of time.  
  
She should go back to nevermore and try and find out what was happening to her emotions, but at the moment her entire mind was consumed with thoughts of her own worthlessness and her own destruction. She was beginning to wonder if any of them would even miss her if she died.  
  
##Will I ever get to where I'm going?  
Will I ever follow through with what I planned? ##  
  
She gritted her teeth together suddenly; she really, really hated the person she had become. She hated that she felt so weak and insignificant, she wanted to be important to someone, and she wanted to mean something she wanted to be someone, instead of meaning and being what she saw herself as. Nothing.  
She hated being a half-demon, she wanted to feel emotions, she wanted to have fun. But she couldn't.  
  
The silence around her was roaring in her ears and seemed to be worse than the loudest noise on earth. In despair she raised her hands to her ears to try and block out the silence. It was a futile gesture but it was all she could do. Her eyes darted around the shadows of her room looking and waiting for something that wasn't there.  
  
##I guess it's possible that I've been a bit distracted,  
And the directions for me are a lot less in demand##  
  
Her fingers curled around the strands on her hair and she gripped them hard almost afraid that if she didn't she'd fall somewhere where she couldn't escape. Her palms were pressed tightly against her ears, but still the quiet raged and screamed at her.  
  
"Go away." She hissed to no one in particular. "Go away."  
  
But no one listened, because there was no one there to hear her, they wouldn't have understood what she wanted anyway.  
  
Her eyes searched the darkness and she began to see things that didn't exist. The faces on her wall leered and sneered at her, they mocked her with her empty eyes, the twisted and deformed crows seemed to be laughing at her, and her books seemed to shrink into the darkness until she couldn't see them anymore.  
  
She closed her eyes tightly and shook her head, "Go away. Leave me alone."  
  
##Will I ever get to where I'm going?  
If I do, will I know when I am there? ##  
  
She began rocking back and forth, the corners of her eyes were wet and tears were glistening on her eyelashes, "Leave me alone." She pleaded to the silence, "Please."  
  
There were many things about herself that Raven Roth didn't like, and she didn't mean the physical things, she knew that she thought to much, and she knew that even though people said that with knowledge there is always power the truth of the matter was the more she knew, the more scared of the world she became.  
  
She knew she was suffering from paranoia but the knowledge that she was doing so didn't help her at all. It just made her even worse. What if the others wouldn't help her if she asked? What if they just laughed? And then what if she lost control and killed them all?  
  
Her eyes snapped open in panic.  
  
##If the wind blew me in the right direction,  
Would I even care?  
I would##  
  
She froze. The silence was still tearing at her, ripping away at her sanity with its invisible claws, like it had been doing for the past few nights when she had tried to sleep. She knew she was going to be an insomniac. But she knew what she had to do to make the quiet go away. It always worked.  
  
Her knees trembled slightly as she staggered to her feet in the dark. With jerky movements she made her way over to the black cabinet where her mirror was kept. But she ignored it and dropped to her knees next to it instead. She pulled open the drawer and saw it, lying there.  
  
The long sharp blade of the silver dagger was glinting in the moonlight. The enamelled hilt was carved to look like a raven spreading its wings.  
  
With shaking hands she picked the weapon up. She had had it since she was born; it was a present from someone on Azarath. She couldn't exactly remember who, but the blade was always as cold as ice.  
  
She lifted the dagger up and stared at it for a moment.  
  
##I take a look around and it's evident the scene has changed##  
  
She folded her legs underneath her and began to untie the fastenings to her gloves. She pulled the leather material away from her skin and then rolled up her right sleeve, revealing the angry red scars that were already healing. Some were only a few hours old, the oldest scars she had were years old, dating back from just before she joined the titans.  
  
She bit her lip, she knew she shouldn't do it, but it was bliss, the physical pain blocked out all her other pain in one fell sweep. She held her wrist facing upwards and then steadied the dagger in her hand.  
  
##And there are times when I feel improved upon the past,  
And there are times when I can't understand at all##  
  
Raven lowered the blade down and rested it gently on her skin. In one quick movement she pushed it down and dragged it sideways. She inhaled sharply as pain and the smell of her own blood enveloped her in a glorious maelstrom of sensation.  
  
The redness of her own blood didn't surprise her; she had seen it many times before. If anything it was like an old friend that comforted her. She lifted the blade; the silver now painted with red and then brought it back down in a different place.  
  
She did it again, and again, and again.  
  
##And it seems as if,  
I'm going nowhere##  
  
Finally the quiet was replaced by the rapid sounds of her own breath and the sound of her own blood hitting the floor and creating tiny patterns and pictures that meant nothing but looked beautiful all the same.  
  
Raven slumped forward and passed out, the dagger sliding from her grip and hitting the floor with a dull thud.  
  
##And it seems as though I'm going nowhere...  
...Really fucking fast## 


	5. Handful Of Redemption

Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans or the words to the song Handful Of Redemption by Boysetsfire  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Five: Handful Of Redemption  
  
Aqualad scowled at the fish that swam suddenly in front of him, halting his progress towards his underwater cave. Without realising it he telepathically scolded the little fish for getting in the way. The fish gaped at him before turning on its tail and fleeing.  
  
The atlantian was thinking hard, and all of his thoughts were focused around one person and one person alone. Raven Roth. He had been fascinated with her since they had first met and he had saved the titan's lives. Usually she seemed to be happy when ever he came to visit but he knew almost instantly that tonight there was something wrong.  
  
## The sick and tired refrain of everyday,  
Is branding itself into you##  
  
He had sensed that she was sad about something, had he not known any better he would have thought she was mourning a death. Her eyes were almost empty; true they had always been expressionless but never empty. That night when she had looked at him, all he had seen was endless darkness stretching out inside her mind. It had shocked him; he had never seen that kind of nothingness reflected in the eyes of any living creature before.  
  
He frowned as he swam past a colourful reef of fluorescent coral; the colours stared up at him, a mixture of pink, red and green. Normally he would stop and admire the wondrous colours but tonight he couldn't spare them a thought.  
  
Raven, she was so quiet, he could see why none of the titans had any idea that anything was wrong; she always seemed so reluctant to talk. She was always...he paused for a moment to think of the word, she was always...so introverted. Maybe she didn't want anyone to know what was wrong with her. That made his frown deepen, didn't she know that keeping things locked inside was bad for her health? He understood that she couldn't express herself very much, but that didn't mean not at all.  
  
He slowed for a second and sat upon a rocky arch that brightly coloured eels were weaving in and out of in delightful and intricate shapes, their scaly skin flashing in the moonlight that filtered down through the waves.  
  
He rested his elbow on his knee and his chin in the palm of his hand.  
  
## Discouragement defined by all the times,  
When everything just falls apart##  
  
What was wrong with her? Truly he didn't understand why she was so sad, atlantians were supposed to hold superior knowledge over all things including the emotions that made humans do what they do. But Raven was still an enigma to him. He had no idea what made her tick, he didn't know what she lived for, what she loved, it didn't occur to him that maybe she didn't love. In fact, he scowled at the water before him; he hardly knew anything about her past her name and powers.  
  
## And your skeletons have broken down the door,  
And left you there for dead##  
  
He pushed himself forward off his perch and dived down into the darker regions of the ocean that he knew so well, his black hair trailed behind, caught in the current his own haste was making.  
  
Why didn't the other titans try to involve her more in their everyday activities? Beast Boy had often told him how angry Raven got when ever he said anything to her in a joking manner, and even he too could understand why Beast Boy's incessant and bland jokes would annoy her.  
  
Time and time again the titans had explained away Raven's absence at days out, or group lunches as her wanting to be left alone.  
  
Aqualad scowled as he swam deep into the mouth of a dark cave.  
  
Nobody could want to be alone all the time, human nature craved companionship, even the people who said they didn't need friends often did. It was one of the flaws to the human design. Another flaw was the ability to lie so effortlessly as if it didn't matter. True Raven hadn't come right out and said that she was happy but she hadn't admitted that she wasn't, in fact she seemed to dance around the subject as if it were dangerous. That was just as bad.  
  
## How do we find a little piece of heaven  
  
In our time before we find acceptance  
  
When no one understands at this point  
  
That a handful of redemption's all we need##  
  
His head broke the water as he arrived in the underground cavern he had shown the titans to on the first time they had met. He had fond memories of the place, but he did not want to indulge himself in them now. He stepped up onto the back and shook himself briskly, like a dog, to rid himself of excess water. He flicked a strand on wet hair from his eyes and walked forward.  
  
He began pacing.  
  
## From remorse to rebirth,  
Finding it hard to think that this is really true##  
  
What was Raven missing from her life? He thought back to a few hours earlier, Raven had arrived behind Robin and Starfire. She had looked sad to begin with but then the empty expression had re-lighted in her face. He put his hands behind his back as he paced.  
  
She had approached slowly and had looked at the all of the titans in turn. He counted himself lucky that he had caught that, true he had been in conversation with Robin at the time but he had thought to keep an eye on her as well. He did after all have a soft spot for the gothic sorceress.  
  
He growled softly to himself, mild derision had crossed her face when she had looked at Cyborg and Beast Boy and a flicker of envy and almost hatred had been visible when her eyes had settled on terror. She had smiled when she looked at Starfire and there was something very sad in her expression when she had looked at Robin. Then she had looked at him but he had had to focus all his attention on the conversation for a moment to make it seem as if he hadn't been watching her. He had turned and motioned to her and she had approached him...almost warily.  
  
Aqualad ran a hand through his hair. She was so hard to figure out!  
  
## Ask how long should we wait,  
Before we take instead of waiting to be free##  
  
He racked his brains trying to remember more. He usually had a perfect memory but his mind was so...blurred with thoughts of the expression on her face that he was having trouble recalling thoughts his brain had given birth to only moments before.  
  
Okay, she had replied evasively when he had questioned her. She had also questioned his reasons for asking by saying he was never around to know that much about her. Aqualad paused in his pacing and then resumed it a moment later.  
  
## And all, all the fear all the anger falls away  
  
All the days that were wasted cut and pasted fall away##  
  
She had then smiled, albeit mirthlessly at Robin when she realised that he had ordered her food for her. Something clicked in the atlantians brain.  
  
"She's lonely." He whispered to himself.  
  
He looked up at the roof of the cave, maybe she wanted Robin to make her loneliness go away. It, on reflection, certainly seemed like it. Aqualad's expression turned sour, but Robin had a thing for Starfire, Beast Boy had told him, so was the boy wonder toying with Raven's feelings? He sincerely hoped not.  
  
## Never walked so tall until that moment,  
When fate and circumstance collide##  
  
Hmm, he would have to find out about that. It was clear to see that Starfire also liked Robin. Perhaps that was why Raven did not speak out about her feelings. But that still did not explain Raven's apparent dislike for Terra.  
  
It was all very confusing.  
  
## When all it takes is a step that you never saw,  
And all the burdens fall away##  
  
Aqualad stopped moving and put his hands on his hips. He glared at the water before him as if it had somehow offended him. He had to find out what was going on. His human friends were very dear to him and if there was discord among them he took it upon himself to sort the mess out.  
  
## How do we find a little piece of heaven  
  
In our time before we find acceptance  
  
When no one understands at this point  
  
That a handful of redemption's all we need##  
  
But then maybe, the atlantian thought a small smile finding its way onto his previous scowling features, maybe he could be the one that chased Raven's loneliness far, far away.  
  
##Redemption's all we need,  
Yeah, Redemption's all we need## 


	6. If You Were Me

Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans or the words to the song If You Were Me by Chris Rea.  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Six: If You Were Me  
  
"Friend Robin! Let us try to ride the wheel of the Ferris!" squealed Starfire hooking her fingers around Robin's arm and pulling him towards the long, but fast moving queue.  
  
Robin barely had time to register what she had said before he was yanked away from the acrobats that had been watching because Star had just had to see the 'Bats of Acro'.  
  
They had left the food court at about eight and had come to the amusement park which was open until midnight. Terra had remarked that it was just like a fairy tale which had led to everyone explaining to Star that there was no fairy with a tail flying around somewhere. They had separated into three groups. Starfire had immediately dragged him off away from the others, despite the fact that he really wanted to go to the arcade. Terra and Beast Boy had gone off somewhere with Beast Boy boasting that he would win Terra the biggest prize ever. Cyborg had just shrugged and made his way to the arcade.  
  
Robin felt sorry for Raven; she should be here with them experiencing what they were. He knew that she probably wanted to be left alone right now, but still it made him feel bad.  
  
##If you were me,  
And I was you,  
If you had to play my part out,  
What would you do? ##  
  
Robin looked up at the Ferris wheel. He wondered if Raven had ever been on one. She didn't seem the type of person that would like to go on amusement rides. He shook his head, she didn't seem the type to do anything much that the rest of them enjoyed. Perhaps that was the reason she had captivated him so. She was so mysterious. But he didn't like her...in that way. At least he was pretty sure he didn't. He liked Starfire.  
  
"Oh Robin is this not glorious?" exclaimed Starfire throwing her arms wide in an over exaggerated gesture that nearly knocked a passer by over.  
  
Robin looked around him, young couples with hot dogs and candy floss were milling around holding hands and smiling giddily. Every so often he could see an older couple standing somewhere with their heads close together. The sky was dark and thousands of stars were out. Chinese paper lanterns and blinking light had been strung up across the stalls and rides lighting the whole place up magically. Well...almost magically.  
  
##Two crazy stories,  
Two different views,  
If you were me,  
And I were you##  
  
Starfire was looking at him expectantly her hands clasped together in front of her, "Do you not think so Robin?"  
  
"Yeah." He tried to say it normally but his voice came out strangled. He blamed the candyfloss he had just eaten, "It is."  
  
They moved down in line as the last ride stopped and the customers filed out. The next batch got in and the ride started again.  
  
"Looks like we'll be on next." Noted Robin.  
  
Starfire smiled happily, "Oh joy! I simply cannot wait."  
  
Her happiness was infectious and soon Robin found himself grinning like an idiot. Some of the older couples made comments about 'what a cute pair' they made as they walked past. Those comments made Starfire blush so that she almost matched the colour of her fiery hair.  
  
##########  
  
"Stand back babe." Warned Beast Boy grinning and pushing Terra back slightly, "I need my space to work." He made a show of rolling up his sleeves.  
  
Terra giggled and blew him a kiss.  
  
Beast Boy grabbed the first ball in his green hand. He looked up at the pyramid of tin cans and narrowed his eyes. He tossed the ball up in the air and then caught it as it came back down. He drew his arm back and with a grunt he flung it forwards.  
  
The tennis ball rocketed forward and smashed into the very top of the tin pyramid causing three of the ten cans to fall.  
  
He glared at the stand and then stuck his tongue out at the man next to him who was snickering to himself, "Dude, you're disturbing my concentration!" the man stopped chuckling and moved away, an ashamed almost abashed look on his face.  
  
##If you were me,  
And I were you,  
What kind of crazy things,  
Would I have to do? ##  
  
Beast Boy grabbed his second ball, he had paid for three, and drew his arm back again, he threw it and it smacked the canvas behind the tins without making a single one fall. Beast Boy scowled, that snickering man had made him miss.  
  
"You can do it BB!" called Terra in the background her blonde hair falling over her face as she pumped her fist into the air and cheered him on.  
  
"Course I can babe." He agreed as he grabbed his final ball. He brought it up to his face and glared at it as if telepathically telling to hit the tins. He expelled a breath and drew his arm back. He lifted his right leg as if he was pitching in a baseball game. He grinned ruefully for a moment and then let the ball fly.  
  
It hit its target full on sending the cans crashing to the fall in an unordered succession. He grinned and stood back to admire his handy work.  
  
The stall keeper smiled at him, "What prize do you want?" he asked whilst stooping down to pick up the discarded cans, "Pick anything off the top shelf."  
  
Beast Boy glanced back at Terra and then picked out a prize. The stall keeper picked it from the shelf and handed it over with a smile.  
  
Beast Boy turned around.  
  
Terra gasped; in his arm was a big blue kitty teddy bear. Its face was almost identical to 'the face' which Beast Boy always pulled in his kitten form. Its fluffy fur was powder blue and strands of glitter had been intermingled with it, long curly black whiskers were protruding from its white cheeks. Its large brown glass eyes stared up at her, it looked as if it was about to cry. Its long tail was curled up in a shape that looked convincingly like a question mark.  
  
##Who likes to party,  
Who likes to stay at home?  
If you were me,  
And I were you##  
  
"Oh Beast Boy, it's gorgeous! Thank you!" she threw her arms around the blushing green elf and hugged him, the cuddly toy got squashed between the two of them.  
  
"It's no problem." Whispered Beast Boy, "But I think you're gonna crush it."  
  
Terra looked down and her eyes went wide, "Oh!" she exclaimed and backed off, she fluffed the toy back up to its original shape and grinned sheepishly, "Oops."  
  
They both grinned at each other before they linked hands and turned to walk towards the fun house. "So," said Beast Boy casually, "What are you gonna call him?"  
  
"Malcolm." Terra replied seriously.  
  
"Malcolm?!" cried Beast Boy his eyes wide in mock indignation.  
  
The sound of their laughter faded as they moved away.  
  
##Never like strangers  
Though never the same,  
Two circus side shows,  
That laughed in the rain##  
  
##########  
  
Starfire looked out across the starry horizon dreamily. Robin watched her, her face was so open, unlike Raven's which hardly ever showed any emotion. He wondered how the two were such good friends. There were times when Raven seemed to despise the young alien girl beside him.  
  
##You stayed with the full moon,  
And searched for the stars,  
Thank God in his heaven,  
Here we both are##  
  
Robin looked over at Starfire, he wanted to ask her out, but he didn't know what she would say to him. He was pretty sure that she liked him. But then Star treated everyone the same. With boundless happiness and unending forgiveness.  
  
"Um Starfire?" he asked his voice hitching slightly.  
  
"Yes Robin?" she asked turning to face him.  
  
He told him self to ask her now, and to ask her quickly. But in the end he seemed to chicken out and instead he said the first thing that came to him mind, "Nice night isn't it?" she looked startled for a moment but then she grinned and nodded enthusiastically.  
  
"Oh yes. The sky is beautiful tonight." She sighed.  
  
##If you were me,  
And I was you,  
If you had to play my part out,  
What would you do? ##  
  
Robin kicked himself for missing his chance, "Like you then." He muttered.  
  
##Two crazy stories,  
Two different views,  
If you were me,  
If you were me##  
  
"What was that Robin?"  
  
"Nothing Star."  
  
##If you were me,  
And I were you## 


	7. Keep Breathing

Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans or the words to the song Keep Breathing by Garbage.  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Seven: Keep Breathing  
  
Raven groaned and shifted slightly where she lay. She didn't know where she was, and in truth she didn't want to find out. She cracked open her sticky eyes. And immediately knew that no one had thought to check up on her. She was still in the same position as she had been the night before. It was like her dagger had just been twisted in her side a few times. It was so clear now. They really didn't care.  
  
She struggled up onto her knees and pulled her arm quickly off the carpet. The blood from her wounds had dried and stuck to the floor. She winced as one of the cuts was reopened. She looked at her arm for a moment. The jagged red lines looked as if they had been drawn with a red marker instead of her dagger.  
  
Her dagger.  
  
She looked around and spied it resting on the floor, flakes of dark red stuck to the silver blade. She picked it up tenderly as if it was a living thing. She sighed and shook her head. She tilted her head back, ignoring the ache in her body from sleeping in such a weird position, and looked at the black clock on her wall. Ten minutes past nine. She was normally meditating by now.  
  
They really don't care, she thought bitterly as she forced her weak legs to stand. She stumbled slightly but managed to regain her balance by grabbing onto the nearest bookcase. She expelled a breath and waited a while until she was sure that legs were regaining their strength.  
  
## She's not the kind of girl  
  
Who likes to tell the world  
  
About the way she feels about herself##  
  
She shook her head again, to try and clear her thoughts and then moved over to her bathroom. She grasped the door handle and winced as the reopened wound stung in protest. She pulled down the handle and pushed open the door.  
  
She flicked on the light and immediately her violet bathroom was illuminated. She flicked the lever that operated the shower and a jet of luke-warm water sprang out from the shower head. She watched the water for a moment and then set about removing her uniform. Her shaking arms made it hard for her to untie the fastenings on her books and cloak. Finally though she did manage and stepping out of her shoes she shed her blue cloak. It slid down to the floor where it landed like a puddle of dark water.  
  
She brought her unmarked arm up to take down the sleeve of her leotard. The silky material came away easily and she peeled it away as if it were her second skin. If only if it was that easy to shed one's own skin and move on.  
  
She didn't look at the mirror as she moved forward to put her clothes in the black wicker laundry basket. She had already smashed it months ago. She didn't want to have to look at herself.  
  
## She takes a little time  
  
In making up her mind  
  
She doesn't want to fight against the tide##  
  
She looked around her, as if she could find something that would remind her of why she stuck around with the titans. But she found nothing. Sighing she walked over to the basin and turned on the tap. The water gushed out and she held the knife under it. She watched as all the pieces of dried blood were drained away. She turned the tap off and put the knife on the edge of the sink. Water dripped down at its point onto the dark purple carpet. She blinked several times trying to ride herself of the feeling of tears building up behind her eyes. She turned away from her weapon.  
  
She bit her lip as she moved over to the shower, she knew the water would hurt, it always did. She closed her eyes, took a breath and stepped in. The warm water washed over her head and then ran in tiny rivers across her skin, separating and then rejoining.  
  
The water splashed against her arm, and it did hurt. The water than ran at the bottom of the shower suddenly turned pink and then red as it mingled with her blood.  
  
Raven watched it with indifference. It made no difference whether she bled or not in the shower, there was no one around to see. She washed herself quickly with a lavender gel, avoiding her wounded arm diligently.  
  
She stood for a while again under the water until the last of the suds were washed away, she liked to pretend that the bubbles were her sins and that she was somehow washing them away instead.  
  
She turned off the shower and stepped out. She picked up a black towel that was on the sideboard and dried herself as quickly as she could manage. She wrapped the towel around her; she didn't even notice how soft it was today.  
  
She turned the light off and went back into her room.  
  
## Lately,  
  
I'm not the only one,  
  
I say,  
  
Never trust anyone##  
  
She hugged the towel to her as she strode towards her wardrobe. She opened the wooden cabinet and stared at her clothes. It was either jeans and along sleeves shirt or her uniform. She sighed. She didn't want to wear her uniform again; already it was fast becoming lost in a sea of bad memories.  
  
She pulled out a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved dark blue polo neck jumper. She looked at them apprehensively. Oh well, between a rock and a hard place...  
  
## Always the one who has to drag her down,  
  
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around##  
  
Now she was dressed she looked down at herself. She looked normal. But then looks can be deceiving. She realised that the jumper would itch at her cuts so rolling up her sleeve she quickly wrapped a long piece of black bandage around her wrist and lower arm. Her bandages were always black; they were less noticeable that way. She pulled the sleeve back down; satisfied that she couldn't make out the bandages through the dark fabric.  
  
She turned towards the door, she thought maybe some herbal tea before hand would calm her nerves so she could meditate and eventually find out what was wrong in nevermore. She slid open her door and walked out into the hallway.  
  
## Can't bear to face the truth,  
  
So sick he cannot move,  
  
And when it hurts he takes it out on you##  
  
She descended down the stairs and was immediately met by a site she had come to despise. Well, not despise exactly, but she found it annoying and pointless.  
  
"...Real eggs..." Cyborg was saying what he would prefer for breakfast.  
  
"Tofu!" interrupted Beast Boy frowning at his half robot friend.  
  
"..And bacon..." continued Cyborg ignoring the green elf in front of him.  
  
"How can you eat meat? It used to be alive!" yelled Beast Boy trying to shove Cyborg from the stove, unsuccessfully.  
  
"...and sausages." He finished as he took out the frying pan.  
  
"NOOO!" yelled Beast Boy diving at him, arms outstretched.  
  
"Hey! What the...GET OFF!" Shouted Cyborg as he stumbled backwards and held the frying pan above his head, "I'm making breakfast today!"  
  
Raven glared at them and moved over to the counter. She quickly made herself a cup of herbal tea, jasmine; she was in the mood for jasmine. She tried to ignore the childish play-fighting that was occurring next to her.  
  
"Morning Raven." Said Robin from beside her.  
  
Raven jumped slightly and sent him a derisive look, "Robin. Have fun last night?"  
  
Robin grinned while began fixing his own breakfast. It comprised mainly of cereal and milk. There was no chance of getting near the stove while Cyborg and Beast Boy were fighting, "Yeah, it was a blast, you should have come Rae." He frowned suddenly, "Yeah, you should have come and saved me from Star's carnival cake, which I watched her make on the spot from what she could find." He looked ill but then he remembered who he was talking to, "So what did you do last night? Did you have fun?"  
  
## Lately,  
  
I'm not the only one,  
  
I say,  
  
Never trust anyone##  
  
Oh the irony of it all, Raven thought dryly taking a sip of her tea, "Why would you care?" she asked snippily as she brushed past him and headed towards the table.  
  
Robin stood there for a moment dumbfounded by her response.  
  
## Always the one who has to drag her down,  
  
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around##  
  
Raven slid into a seat by the empty table, she wondered where Starfire and Terra were. She cupped her bare hands around her tea and let it warm her. Robin sat down opposite her with a bowl full of cereal and scowled.  
  
"What do you mean, why would I care? What's that supposed to mean?" he asked as stuck his spoon into his bowl of frosted flakes.  
  
Raven surveyed him over the rim of her cup, "Nothing." She muttered averting her eyes.  
  
## The trick is to keep breathing,  
  
The trick is to keep breathing##  
  
"You know I care Raven." Said Robin reaching over and putting his hand on hers, "Anything that's bothering you, you know you can tell me right?"  
  
Raven didn't say anything she just looked at his hand on top of hers.  
  
"You're part of this team Raven. It's my duty to make sure you're all alright." Robin continued.  
  
## She knows the human heart,  
  
And how to read the stars,  
  
Now everything's about to fall apart##  
  
Raven jerked her hand out from under his quickly, she knew it was duty or something, he didn't really care, he just felt obligated. She gave him a dry look, "Part of this team." She sneered, "What more could I ask for?" she drained her tea in one mouthful and then put down the cup, hard.  
  
"What does that mean?" he asked grabbing her arm as she went to walk away. Somewhere behind him the kettle exploded in a little puff of black energy.  
  
## I won't be the one who's going to let you down,  
  
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around? ##  
  
She turned her blazing eyes on him, "I don't like to be touched." She hissed, "Now let go of me!" she could feel his fingers pressing against her cuts. The pressure he was exerting was making the pain excruciating, they hadn't healed properly yet.  
  
Robin released her arm grudgingly, "Raven, what's the matter?"  
  
"Nothing." She snapped turning her back on him.  
  
## I won't be the one who's going to let you down  
  
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around? ##  
  
"Are you sure? You seem different." he went to reach out to her again, but before his fingers could even brush her skin the window exploded in wards and the room was subjected to a seconds worth of glass rain.  
  
##The trick is to keep breathing,  
The trick is to keep breathing,  
The trick is to keep breathing##  
  
"Whoa!" yelled Beast Boy suddenly covering his head with the frying pan he had wrestled from his friend. "What happened?"  
  
##The trick is to keep breathing,  
The trick is to keep breathing,  
The trick is to keep breathing##  
  
"Raven?" asked Robin dropping his arm and looking at her in question. His eyebrows were raised as well and his fist was on his hip.  
  
Raven growled at him, "I just need to meditate." With that she stormed off upstairs and met Starfire on the way.  
  
"Friend Raven! Good morn...Where are you going?"  
  
Raven ignored her friend, if she could call her that, maybe none of them liked her and it was all a charade. She hadn't thought of that. She headed towards the roof intent on meditating all day, partly to get her mind and nevermore in order, and partly to separate herself from the others.  
  
##The trick is to keep breathing## 


	8. Rags and Bones

Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans, a hippo or the words to the song Rags And Bones by Thea Gilmore...as promised my dear and loving reviewers...I have updated! Woohoo! Go me! I would have updated yesterday but for some reason I couldn't log on...  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Eight: Rags And Bones  
  
"C'mon man, I'll show you how good I am." Boasted Beast Boy pointing a thumb to his chest and grinning at Aqualad. Terra looked up from her conversation with Starfire and grinned at her boyfriend.  
  
Aqualad looked around at the titans tower, he had just come in a second ago, he had arrived on a wave about ten minutes ago had had proceeded to head for the tower almost instantly. Despite the fact that he was supposed to be challenging Beast Boy, the real reason he was there was to face Raven and find out what was really wrong with her. But he had to admit, there was something different about the room he was standing in. He couldn't quite put his finger on it.  
  
A breeze ruffled through his hair. A breeze? He looked up. There was huge gaping hole where obviously a window had once stood. He raised an eyebrow, "Don't you normally just open the window if you want fresh air?"  
  
Beast Boy scratched the back of his head, "Yeah, the Boy Wonder made Raven angry this morning."  
  
Robin turned around from where he sat on the sofa, "I did not!" he said heatedly.  
  
Aqualad looked between the two of them.  
  
"But you were the only one talking to her when she blew up the kettle and the window!" pointed out Beast Boy. That comment made Robin turn around and mumble something that Aqualad didn't quite catch.  
  
##Through the iron winter,  
To the fires of June,  
Through the five 'o'clock skyline,  
To the deadlocked moon##  
  
"Speaking of Raven, where is she? I have to have a talk with her." He tried to sound casual but despite his tone, everyone in the vicinity turned to look at him goggle eyed. "What?" he asked defensively.  
  
Starfire and Terra started giggling uncontrollably.  
  
"What?!" asked Aqualad as Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy continued to look at him as if he'd just told them all he loved Starfire's cooking.  
  
"You want to talk to her?" asked Beast Boy looking around nervously, "Dude, she's not in a sociable mood."  
  
Aqualad stared at him.  
  
"You see what she's done to the window!" Beast Boy exclaimed, "Don't throw your life away!"  
  
Three pairs of eyebrows rose at the little green elf that was waving his arms.  
  
"Isn't that just a tad dramatic?" asked Aqualad.  
  
"I guess..."  
  
"So...Do you know where Raven is?" he asked again. He was really tired of talking to Beast Boy already; the boy must have taken too much caffeine this morning. He half expected him to start ranting about the end of the world. He supposed at any other time he would have found it funny. But now...he was only concerned about Raven. He was beginning to think...in fact...that maybe he liked her as more than a friend.  
  
##There's a flickering figure,  
Dancing alone,  
Making her junk pictures,  
Out of rags and bones##  
  
"I don't have a clue." Lied Robin from the sofa as he turned back to the TV.  
  
Cyborg looked at his leader strangely but didn't comment.  
  
"She's uh, probably up on the roof meditating." Answered Beast Boy inching away from the leader of the titans as Robin turned his head to glare darkly at him.  
  
Aqualad nodded his thanks; he looked intently at Robin for a moment. It was obvious that he had known where Raven was, but for some reason he hadn't wanted Aqualad to know. The black haired teen wilted under the atlantian's gaze and turned away.  
  
Aqualad smiled slightly before he turned on his heel and headed towards the stairs. It still unnerved him that Terra and Starfire were still giggling. Frowning he began to climb the steps.  
  
His plan was to get out of sight and then listen in to their conversation for a moment; he just had to find out what the girl's were giggling about. Somehow he knew that it had something to with him, and maybe Raven as well.  
  
##Well the vapour is rising,  
Between the seedling and the vine,  
And all the shadows in waiting,  
Are wasting their time##  
  
He paused at the top of the stairs and tilted his head to the side as he listened to what was going on back downstairs.  
  
"What are laughing at?" he recognised Cyborg's irritated voice.  
  
"Well, isn't it obvious?" he estimated that the person speaking was Terra; her voice wasn't as sugary as Starfire's.  
  
"Err, no." that was Beast Boy.  
  
"Aqualad likes Raven!" Terra again.  
  
Aqualad nearly choked in surprise, but he steadied himself and continued to listen in.  
  
"Is it not wonderful?" Definitely Starfire.  
  
"And maybe she likes him back."  
  
"SHE DOES NOT!" Aqualad scowled at Robin's outburst. He knew that the boy wonder might feel something for Raven, but it was also public knowledge that he was fixated of Starfire at the moment and so any attention he was paying towards Raven was not fair on either of the girls.  
  
"How do you know?" asked Beast Boy.  
  
"Err, I'm just guessing..." muttered Robin.  
  
##Because my veins are tracking street maps,  
And the compass and the stones,  
And I'm still making my junk pictures,  
Out of my rags and bones##  
  
Aqualad was good friends with Robin, he respected the teen titan but sometimes he wondered if Robin had any idea what he was doing. Aqualad turned away from the conversation that he had been listening to and resumed his trek up to the roof.  
  
He pulled a face as he thought about what Raven would say to him for disturbing her meditation. He knew that if she was in a bad mood it was not likely to be pretty. But still he knew that he had to talk to her. Maybe even convince her to have fun for once.  
  
Atlantians were good at persuasion.  
  
##Oh yeah the hammer and the nail,  
Oh yeah the hearts and the small change,  
Oh yeah and the devils in the detail,  
And in my rags and bones##  
  
He stuck his head around the roof door. Raven was sitting cross legged in the air about five or so metres in front of him. But, what he noticed more than that was how stiff her posture seemed to be. And she was silent, he knew from what the other had told him over the years that Raven always chanted when she was meditating. He frowned.  
  
"Raven?" he called quietly, he didn't want to startle her.  
  
##Well it's a fist through the window,  
And the wine that you bought,  
It's a far cry from the shackles,  
Of cognitive thought##  
  
Raven stiffened slightly and cast a quick glance over her shoulder, "What do you want?" she asked, her voice was raspy as if she had been crying.  
  
Aqualad's eyes widened, Raven couldn't be crying. She couldn't be.  
  
##It's the lines on the fridge door,  
Oh see how they've grown,  
Up from little junk pictures,  
Made from my rags and bones##  
  
He slipped through the door and closed it softly behind him. "I came to see if you were alright." He moved over to her, but even as he did she turned her face away and looked out across the ocean.  
  
"Is it nice to live in the ocean?" she asked suddenly, her voice only the barest of whispers.  
  
Aqualad was caught off guard by the abruptness of the question. He sat down next to her and rested his chin in his hand, "Well, I've never thought about it much, but on reflection it is a marvellous place filled with wonders that most people never have the chance to see."  
  
Raven made a noise that was a cross between a groan and a sigh, "It must be nice for you."  
  
##And now the candle's flickered out,  
The walls have been built,  
And they are wracking up the weapons,  
Of blood and piss and guilt##  
  
Aqualad, quite frankly, didn't know what to make of that. "It is." He agreed, he tilted his head and tried to see her face, but her purple hair had fallen in the way, it was like a curtain between him and her. He scowled at it.  
  
##The voices have been silenced,  
But they belong to anyone##  
  
Eventually when she didn't reply or move, he reached up and brushed her hair over her shoulder. He didn't know what he expected, tears stained skin maybe, eyes full of tears but neither was what he saw. Her expression was that of a corpse. It was dead, as if all the happiness and joy had been sucked from her. Her eyes were half empty. He could see the darkness in them still, but somewhere in the depths in he saw pain. "Raven? Tell me what's wrong."  
  
She turned her head slowly to look at him, "They don't like me you know." She muttered blinking several times.  
  
Aqualad put his hand on her shoulder, "That's not true. You're their friend."  
  
Raven stared at him for a second, "It makes me want to cry."  
  
Aqualad stared back at her, "Then why don't you?"  
  
Suddenly, he wasn't quite sure how it had come about, but he wasn't complaining. He had his arms wrapped around her shoulders and her face was buried in his chest, he expected her to cry her heart out. But she just clung to him.  
  
"You can cry Raven. It's okay. Why don't you cry?" he was concerned that she wasn't letting her tears fall. Surely it would be better to let it all out.  
  
"I can't." she whispered into his chest.  
  
He tightened his grip around the girl he had come to care for, "Why not?"  
  
She didn't reply straight away. He waited patiently, emotions were tough things to handle, he knew especially for Raven.  
  
"I think I've forgotten how."  
  
##These little junk picture,  
Made from my rags and bones  
These little junk pictures,  
Made from my rags and bones## 


	9. Leave It All Behind

Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans, sanity or the words to the song Leave it All Behind by Amy Grant  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Nine: Leave it all Behind  
  
Raven glared at him, "Tell anyone about that and I will flay you alive."  
  
Aqualad smiled, "Hey, you were the one that hugged me!"  
  
She glared harder, "A bad decision on my part then." She snapped turning her face away from him.  
  
Aqualad couldn't help but smile, she was so... pragmatic. Also she tried to hide the fact that she was sad but it wasn't helping. When she had pulled away from their embrace it was as if she had suddenly awoken from a dream. She had retreated a good few feet away and had proceeded to threaten him a thousand different ways if he ever spoke of 'the moment of weakness' ever again.  
  
## I took a drive along the west bank of the shore,  
  
I thought of what you said then I thought some more##  
  
An idea suddenly came to him. A mischievous smile wound its way onto his face, and he chuckled to himself, "Alright Raven Roth, here is the deal; I won't let anyone know about what just happened if you agree to one thing."  
  
She looked at him and glared. And if looks could kill he would have died and been reincarnated several thousand times. "What?"  
  
"You heard me." He said, for a moment his quick eyes turned smug even though his smile remained gentle, "Just think of the embarrassment if the others knew that you, fearless Raven had hugged me."  
  
She growled something that he didn't hear, "You're not serious." She said as an after thought.  
  
Aqualad looked down at his hands, "Perfectly."  
  
He looked up just in time to see her eye twitch in annoyance.  
  
"It's a fair trade." He pointed out.  
  
She looked at him in exasperation, "What do I have to agree to?"  
  
Aqualad grinned, "Oh no, I'm not telling you yet that would give you chance to refuse. Oh no, I'm gonna tell the others what you've agreed to and they'll be so happy you won't be able to say otherwise." He knew he had beaten her.  
  
## You say your life is all but chiselled out in stone,  
  
And all you want is just a taste of the unknown##  
  
Her glare, if possible, intensified and he had the horrible feeling that he was a specimen under a microscope. He shifted slightly.  
  
"I wouldn't count on that."  
  
"I would. Otherwise I'll tell them there and then." Aqualad shrugged and began the task of getting up, which seemed harder than he had anticipated because his legs seemed to have gone to sleep.  
  
Raven threw several insults at him, which made him laugh if nothing else. She then folded her arms across her chest, "But if I agree you won't tell them?" Somehow in her own twisted little mind she had the thought of her so called friends using the knowledge against her. She thought she was going insane.  
  
## Think it was yesterday I called you on the phone,  
  
You say you need a change, I recognize the tone,  
  
Buy me a ticket please, to anywhere I'll go##  
  
He held up his hands as he finally made it onto his feet, "I promise to not say a word."  
  
Raven expelled a breath, "Alright fine. I'll agree to whatever you tell the titans."  
  
Aqualad nodded his grin widening, "Great, let's go!" he reached out a hand but she jerked away, "What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing." She said, and then she sighed, "Sorry. Let's go then." She brushed past him and disappeared back into titan's tower.  
  
Aqualad sighed as well; he didn't what he had done to make her jerk back suddenly like that. But he saw the look in her eyes when she had. It was fear. She confused him and bemused him. But he hoped his plan would make her come out of the shell she had locked herself in. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation and then followed Raven into the tower.  
  
## I'm not saying what is right or what is wrong.  
  
I'm just thinking you've been hanging here too long##  
  
Aqualad cleared his throat. The titans, who had been, until then engaged in a friendly game of cards looked up to see what was the matter.  
  
Aqualad's gaze fastened on Robin for a second but he quickly adjusted his sight to take them all in. He looked behind him and saw Raven lurking in the shadows. He motioned her forward and she came, albeit slowly.  
  
"Titans, Raven has decided..." he paused for dramatic effect, "...that we should all go and hang out at the mall."  
  
"I WHAT!?" she screeched.  
  
"Didn't you?" he gave her a charming smile and was delighted to see that she blushed and averted her gaze.  
  
"What? Oh yes. Hang out." She mumbled.  
  
## So, why don't we, just up and leave it all behind,  
  
Maybe a change would ease your mind,  
  
For a time, leave it all behind##  
  
Aqualad looked up at the other titans who were all staring at Raven as if she had just announced that she loved the colour pink and was going to paint her room that colour. Aqualad was pleased with their reaction. It was something that they didn't expect.  
"Well? Don't you think that that's a good idea?" he watched them all carefully judging their individual reactions.  
"Hey I'm game." Said Cyborg getting up from the table and stretching.  
"Yeah, we're up for that." Yawned Beast Boy as he got up from his seat and began clearing away the cards. Terra glared at him for answering for her, but in the end she didn't say anything.  
  
## What I really want to do is see you smile,  
  
Hear you talk and let me listen for a while,  
  
There's too much going on to keep it all inside##  
  
"I think it is a wonderful idea friend Raven!" cried Starfire jumping up from her own seat next to Robin and flying over to them, "It is good that you wish to initiate the ritual of hanging out."  
Robin mumbled something under his breath.  
"What was that Robin?" asked Aqualad putting a hand up to his ear, "I didn't quite hear you then."  
Robin coughed and then blushing he smiled, "I said, uh, yeah it's a good idea."  
  
## You try to whisper, but you start to scream and shout,  
  
What you need is just a place to let it out##  
  
Aqualad smiled his award winning smile and clapped his hands together. His plan was going accordingly; if Raven would not go out with the others freely then he would blackmail her into going. Maybe if she opened up, they could get to know each other. And if they got to know each other then who knows. "Excellent! Let's get going shall we?"  
  
## So, why don't we, just up and leave it all behind,  
  
Maybe a change would ease your mind,  
  
For a time, leave it all behind## 


	10. Just That Good

Disclaimer: I own not the teen titans nor the words to the song Just That Good by The Calling  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Ten: Just That Good  
  
Robin revved the engine of his motorcycle as he sped through the crowded streets of Jump City. The others had gone in the T-care but he had kindly, and he stressed the word kindly, offered to meet them there. He needed to clear his head anyway. The last few days had been hard on his head, literally. His thoughts were really confused. He spent most of his time at night now telling himself that he liked Starfire and not Raven, but no matter how many times he forced that thought through his mind he still didn't believe it.  
  
Thoughts of Raven were always in his head now. He told himself it must be because she's more withdrawn now. But he knew deep down that wasn't the answer. He tried comparing Starfire and Raven in his head.  
  
Starfire was always happy, always even when things seemed really bad, she could always cheer everyone up, and she was really open with her feelings and thoughts. But Raven, well she was an exact opposite, he knew that it was because of her powers that she had to keep everything she was feeling in check, but she didn't even pretend which is what, he guessed, what Star would do. But Raven was always so quiet and thoughtful. Star was an extrovert whereas Raven was an introvert.  
  
He frowned; Starfire was too innocent to be allowed out into the world on her own. Her naiveté he supposed was one of the things he liked about her. Raven on the other hand was well experienced in the ways of the world. But still she was a reserved person and clever too. That wasn't really fair; both of the girls were clever, just in different ways.  
  
He scowled at the girls that waved at him from the car that pulled up next to his bike as he was waiting for the light to change.  
  
##A little paint to cover what's deep inside,  
A little truth you know we all want to hide,  
Well I'm trying; I'm trying to get to you,  
But you're telling me like you always do, you say##  
  
He tried comparing them physically but he found that that wasn't any good either. They were both beautiful in different ways. Starfire was tall, slim, curvy and had a childish look to her face, her eyes were always laughing. He supposed she could have been a model if she had wanted to. Raven was slender and delicate, her hair and skin colour made her seem exotic and mysterious but what Robin really admired about her was the look in her eyes. He couldn't find the words to describe it but when she looked at him, he felt like the only person in the world.  
  
The light changed and his bike shot forward leaving the car full of excited females behind in the dust.  
  
His frown deepened. But now he had another factor to consider. Aqualad. He knew that both Starfire and Raven had liked him when they had first met but the infatuation seemed to have died down. He hadn't considered the possibility that the atlantian would like one of the girls back.  
  
##Don't hate me,  
Because I'm just that good##  
  
What was Aqualad thinking? And that was half the problem, Robin didn't know what his friend was up to and so he had no idea how to combat his actions, if they needed opposing. He didn't doubt that Aqualad's intentions were honourable, but there was something that just didn't seem right about Aqualad and Raven being together in that way.  
  
Robin turned the corner. The sunlight was reflecting off of his helmet but he was accustomed to the glare and so he was not blinded like others would have been. The breeze was gentle but at the speed at which he was travelling it was cold enough to chill him to the bone.  
  
##I've got to hand it to you,  
You're a hard one to please,  
When it looks as though,  
You've got all you need##  
  
He wondered what Raven was thinking and he was suddenly angry at her, why did she find it easier to talk to Aqualad than to him. He was her friend after all and he had told her that he cared for her. He scowled; he didn't know what was going on in that pretty little head of hers. But he doubted that it could be anything good.  
  
Suddenly the T-car sped past him honking the horn. Startled Robin slammed on the breaks just in time to see Beast Boy and Starfire waving at him from the back window and Raven sitting sullenly in the front set next to Cyborg who was driving. Robin narrowed his eyes as they sped on, because he couldn't see Aqualad or Terra he assumed that they were seated on the other side.  
  
He started his bike again and it roared into life. He sped after them, but the car had already vanished over the rise of concrete.  
  
Raven didn't even seem to be that happy to be going to the mall. Even though Aqualad had said that it was her idea. Robin thought back to the expression on Raven's face when he had ordered for her yesterday at the food court. Maybe there was something wrong with her. He shook his head; Raven wouldn't be stupid enough to keep it from him.  
  
Would she?  
  
##And all the times I've dreamed,  
I could walk in your shoes,  
What a nightmare it must be,  
To be you. Say...##  
  
He turned another corner; he estimated that he would arrive at the mall car park in five to ten minutes. He wondered they were supposed to be doing at the mall. No doubt they would go to the food court for lunch. Obviously they were going to go shopping. But what for? He couldn't imagine Raven wanting the whole team to go with her if she wanted to buy something; usually she just went on her own. It puzzled him.  
  
At least at the mall all of them were safe from suffering the horrors of Star's cooking. He was sure that if she every met the army they would use her creations as a form of torture. Yes in the mall they would be safe. Of course that was what he had thought at the carnival...he felt sick just thinking about the hotdog, ice-cream, candyfloss, lemonade and burger cake that Star had whipped up in a matter of seconds because he had said he was peckish...never again.  
  
Raven would never do that to him.  
  
He shook his head; his thoughts always seemed to come back to Raven of late.  
  
##Don't hate me,  
Because I'm just that good,  
A little misunderstood,  
You made me,  
So I'm just that good##  
  
He wondered again about Aqualad, why did he have this sudden interest in Raven? He had never shown any before. Sure, he'd been polite but he had never sought her out especially or anything like that.  
  
##Step outside and walk with me,  
Everyone I know and see is falling,  
Is crawling after something maybe,  
A bigger house, a faster car,  
Never knowing who they are##  
  
Robin chewed his lip as he thought about it.  
  
Where did the atlantian get off, just waltzing in and trying to Romance Raven. He pulled a face, he wasn't even sure if that was what Aqualad was doing.  
  
##They're lonely,  
They're lonely,  
They're lonely##  
  
Raven had never, ever expressed any interest in ever having a boyfriend, ever. She didn't seem all that bothered with having friends. She only just tolerated Beast Boy and Cyborg.  
  
## Don't hate me,  
Because I'm just that good,  
A little misunderstood,  
You made me,  
So I'm just that good##  
  
Robin scowled. Why now of all times when Slade had just escaped, they had to be on the look out for trouble, not playing social outings and romantic disasters. He knew that he shouldn't stand for it. But it was Raven he was talking about. Raven, who always seemed to want to be alone.  
  
##All this time will take its toll on you,  
As the same it will on me,  
Well good ain't all that good's made out to be,  
Don't hate me, we're all just that good##  
  
He pulled up outside the mall and found the others all ready there and waiting for him. He saw Raven standing next to Aqualad and a strange feeling rose up from his stomach and reared its ugly head.  
  
The feeling, Robin realised in despair, was jealousy.  
  
##We're all just that good## 


	11. Where and When

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to the song Where Or When by George Michael  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Eleven: Where Or When  
  
"So." Said Terra smiling brightly as the seven of them walked into the mall, "Where are we going first Raven?"  
  
Robin looked over at Raven; she was glaring down at the floor as if it were a naughty child that needed to be put in its place. She looked up quickly when Terra addressed her. Raven's eyes narrowed slightly, "Anywhere." She muttered and then looked back down.  
  
Robin looked over to Aqualad who was frowning thoughtfully at Raven. Robin felt his jealousy shift again.  
  
"Robin? Why are you sulking?" asked Starfire suddenly appearing by his side, as if from nowhere.  
  
Robin jumped, he looked at Starfire, everything was confusing him now, he had no idea what to think or where to go, "I'm not sulking Star." He said sharply, and he immediately regretting doing so, "Ergh." He groaned when everyone looked at him oddly, "I'm going to go and look for something okay, I'll meet you at the food court at one." Without waiting to see what any of the others said he whirled around and marched off, in the general direction of the music store.  
  
"I fear Slade is making him anxious." Said Starfire sighing, "I would go after him, but of late he has not been happy and even my pudding will not change that."  
  
There were muffled comments about that said behind hands or under the guise of a sudden coughing fit or sneeze.  
  
Finally after a moments silence it was Raven who spoke, "How about we all go our separate ways until one and then after that we can go somewhere together."  
  
Aqualad sighed at this but nodded his head; he could not afford to argue with her in front of the others without raising any suspicion. As the others began to disperse he tried to catch her eye so that he could at least mouth to her that he didn't want her going off on her own. But he back was already turned and she was heading in the direction of one of the smaller book shops. Aqualad scowled but turning around he jogged to catch up with Beast Boy and Terra.  
  
#########  
  
##When you're awake,  
The things you think,  
Come from the dreams you dream##  
  
Robin stared at the rows of CDs his eyes were travelling along the brightly coloured covers, but the words were blurred and he wasn't really taking anything in. He was having trouble coming to terms with his jealousy.  
  
Maybe it was a brotherly thing he felt for Raven, but that didn't make sense, because he hardly knew a thing about her. True he knew her favourite drink and food, and what type of music she liked and about her powers, but he didn't really know anything personal, anything that she's told him and only him. There were many secrets wrapped around Raven that he couldn't see through. And it infuriated him.  
  
It wasn't anything sexual that he felt for her either, in that respect it was all Starfire, at least for the moment it was. He scowled at the CD he had paused to look at and then continued along the shelves.  
  
Surely he should be happy for Raven, if she had finally found someone to take away all the problems she had. She had always been a loner; even the team's attempts to converse with her had ended in either something exploding or a cold and often calculating glare.  
  
"Would you like any help?" asked a voice from next to him.  
  
Robin looked sideways at the shop assistant, "No thank you, I'm just looking." He said as politely as he could manage.  
  
The girl's eyes widened, "Oh my god!" she breathed, "You're Robin!"  
  
Internally Robin now hated himself, he sighed and turned his body to face the now dithering girl, her eyes were bright like those of a puppy that was begging for a scrap of food. "So?"  
  
The girl squealed, "Oh, do you suppose I could have your autograph! Could you sign my shirt?" she whipped out a permanent marker from nowhere and offered it to him.  
  
Robin would have refused but he didn't want to give the team some bad publicity, lord knows they had had their fair share of it. "Sure." He said with a brittle smile on his face, he too the pen from her and scrawled, without really paying attention, a message on the back of her obscene pink shirt. He thought vaguely that any company that made their employees where clothes like that had to be mad.  
  
"OH! Thank you! I can't wait to tell Candy she'll be sooo jealous!" The girl started babbling about something else but Robin tuned her voice out, she sounded almost uncannily like Kitten. He shuddered at the memory of the blonde haired girl.  
  
He turned away from her and made a sharp exit from the store. He began wandering in an aimless pattern.  
  
##Thoughts have wings,  
And lots of things,  
Are seldom what they seem##  
  
#########  
  
"So A-Lad." Said Beast Boy as he struggled with the controller on the latest game at the arcade. His focus was solely on the screen as the little figure he was controlling dodged balls of fire and jumped over black holes, "What's with you and Raven?"  
  
Aqualad cringed visibly at the nickname Beast Boy had given him, "Nothing. Why?" he said lightly pretending he was engrossed in watching the moving pictures on the screen.  
  
Terra was leaning against the wall a bored look on her face; she looked at Beast Boy and then sent a sympathetic look in Aqualad's direction.  
  
"Well," began Beast Boy, "You two just seem to be...YES!" the game made a bleeping noise, "Next level! Anyway, It's just that you and her seem to be getting on well lately..." he hit the button on the panel before him.  
  
"Why do you say that?" Aqualad smiled at Terra when she rolled her eyes. The blonde blushed and looked away.  
  
Beast Boy didn't notice, "You're the first person I've known to be..." he paused to do something with his controller, "able to get Raven to hang out with us without a fight!"  
  
Aqualad smiled, "Maybe I'm blackmailing her." He said shrugging.  
  
"Nah, Raven doesn't hold for that sort of thing...Oh! God-" Beast Boy kicked the machine, "Dammit!" the words 'Game Over' flashed on the screen in bright red. "Dude! You made me lose!"  
  
Aqualad shrugged, "It's only a game."  
  
#########  
  
##Sometimes you think you've lived before,  
All that you live today,  
Things you do come back to you,  
As though they knew the way,  
Oh, the tricks your mind can play##  
  
Robin looked up as the floor he was staring at suddenly changed from a white laminated glass effect to a black carpet. He stared around him, not recognising the shop that he was now stood him. He frowned. All around him were old and dusty books. They seemed to form some sort of maze. He kicked himself. He looked back the way that he had come and saw the people milling aimlessly outside. He sighed and turned back to face the shop. Maybe they had a good book on self defence.  
  
He looked towards the cashier, but the man's head was bent over a thick book that looked as if it could kill a horse if thrown right. Robin stepped into a random aisle, not really paying attention again, to where he was going.  
  
And so, as do all people who do not look where they are going he walked into something. Or rather someone.  
  
"Urgh. Sorry." He muttered as he rubbed his arm. He bent down and picked up the book that had fallen from the other's arms. He looked up sheepishly to apologise to the person's face and his mouth fell open. "Raven?"  
  
Raven blinked as if noticing him there for the first time, "Oh. Robin." She said slightly confused, "Where did you come from? I mean, what are you doing?" her tone had started off as mellow and confused, but it had quickly reverted back to the monotone voice that she always used.  
  
##It seems we stood and talked like this before,  
We looked at each other in the same way then,  
But I can't remember where or when##  
  
"Here. You dropped this." Robin said quietly handing her book over, he glanced at the cover, 'Blake's Poetry and Designs' he had always figured her for an Edgar Allen Poe lover after all he had seen her with a few of those books in the tower ages ago.  
  
Raven frowned at him and then looked at her arms, which were now empty, "I did? When?" her tone was confused again.  
  
Robin stared at her, and began to wonder, really, if she was alright, "Um, just now when I walked into you. Remember?"  
  
Raven took the book of him and then blinked a few times, she smiled uncertainly at him, "Uh, yeah..." now she looked distracted, and she looked around her as if she was trying to find something that wasn't there.  
  
##The clothes you're wearing are the clothes you wore,  
The smile you're smiling you were smiling then,  
But I can't remember where or when##  
  
"Raven? Are you alright?" Robin asked in concern, this was not normal Raven behaviour.  
  
"Hmm?" she looked back at him and blinked in surprise, "Robin? When did you get here?"  
  
Robin raised his eyebrow in surprise. Was she joking around with him or was she really that distracted? And if so what was distracting her that much? He looked hard at her face trying to see some tell tale emotion in her eyes. But he saw nothing except a blank, searching look.  
  
##Some things that happen for the first time,  
Seem to be happening again,  
And so it seems that we have met before,  
And laughed before, and loved before,  
But I can't remember where or when##  
  
"I've been here for five minutes now. I walked into you and you dropped your book, I've just given it back to you." He was seriously starting to see why Aqualad was so concerned for her all of a sudden. But then maybe Aqualad was the cause for concern.  
  
"Oh, right. Right, right, right." She looked at the book she was carrying in confusion as if she hadn't expected it to be in her hands, "Do you want this?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"Oh." She turned to the shelf and placed the book in between two thicker books. Robin was sure it wasn't meant to go there, but somehow he didn't think that anyone would notice. People would notice however if Raven walked out of the shop looking and sounded like she's just got herself stoned.  
  
## It seems we stood and talked like this before,  
We looked at each other in the same way then,  
But I can't remember where or when##  
  
"Raven do you want to go and get a cup of coffee?" he knew that just across the way there was a small café that nobody hardly ever went it. Maybe a good jolt of caffeine would snap her out of the funny mood she was in.  
  
She stared at him for a moment and then walked past him.  
  
Robin growled in consternation, what was wrong with her? There was, obviously something wrong. But oddly enough, he wasn't as annoyed with what was happening as he should have been.  
  
##The clothes you're wearing are the clothes you wore,  
The smile you're smiling you were smiling then,  
But I can't remember where or when##  
  
Robin followed her as she left the shop, and as she almost floated, but not quite, across the floor and into the coffee shop. Robin ran a hand through his hair and groaned. He really didn't know what was worse, Raven as she was now, or Starfire when she found the shop 'Victoria's Secrets'.  
  
He glowered at the back of Raven's head as he followed her to the back of the café and slid into a leather chair opposite her. He didn't say anything as the waitress came over and asked for their order. He didn't say a word when Raven ordered two cups of coffee. One for each of them. After all he was still confused.  
  
And since when did Raven drink coffee?!  
  
##Sometimes you think you've lived before,  
All that you live today,  
Things you do come back to you,  
As though they knew the way,  
Oh, the tricks your mind can play##  
  
The coffee's arrived and Raven took a sip from her. She looked at him and he decided that now was the time to speak.  
  
"Raven. I know something's been bothering you. And I want to know what it is." He made his voice sound authoritative but it had little effect on the girl sitting opposite him watching him carefully and silently while she drank her coffee.  
  
She didn't reply.  
  
"Raven."  
  
"Robin."  
  
Oh, this was going nowhere, he thought fighting back a sigh. Instead he took a quick mouthful of his coffee, almost throwing back up as it scorched the walls of his throat. He blinked quickly as his eyes teared. That coffee was HOT. How could she drink it?  
  
"Tell me please Raven. I want to help."  
  
She stared at him, "Why?"  
  
Robin stared back at her trying to will her to tell him everything, "Because I'm your friend and I love you..." her eyebrows rose, "like a sister." He finished lamely.  
  
Raven put her cup down and glared at him, "Indeed." She snapped and got to her feet, "Then I suggest brother dear that you hurry up. It's five to one." Holding her head high she stalked out of the door, leaving a very confused...VERY CONFUSED...Robin in her wake.  
  
What the hell just happened? He thought as he drained his coffee, his eyes bulged as it burned his mouth. He quickly spat it back into the cup ignoring the disgusted looks that the other two customers threw him.  
  
##And so it seems that we have met before,  
And laughed before,  
And loved before,  
But who knows where or when## 


	12. Not Like Other Girls

Disclaimer: I do not own the teen titans or the words to the song Not Like Other Girls by The Rasmus and thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you to all my reviewers.... Oh and some of you may think that Raven and Aqualad are gonna be the main couple well....no not really...I'm too big a fan of Robin/Raven fics to do any other sorts...mwahahahaha!!!!  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Twelve: Not Like Other Girls  
  
Aqualad was going out of his mind. If he heard Beast Boy challenge another innocent passer-by to a game on that infernal electric machine, he would, personally, strangle the silly elf.  
  
And by the looks of it, Terra wouldn't mind. The blonde was hanging about on the sidelines bored out of her skull. He could tell because she kept fidgeting and looking at her watch as if the time wasn't going nearly fast enough for her liking.  
  
Not that he would admit out loud, at least not to Beast Boy but he actually liked Terra. He thought she was beautiful, but he knew that it would be dishonourable to make a move on her while she was courting Beast Boy. Unconsciously he moved over to her. She smiled at him.  
  
"Hey."  
  
Aqualad smiled back and then folded his arms, "Is he always like this with people he doesn't know?" of course he knew that Beast Boy was competitive he remembered their first meeting with distaste.  
  
Terra smiled, "Yeah. He's just competitive." Her voice held an annoyed tone in it and a glance at her face confirmed what he thought. She was angry with her boyfriend they would most likely argue tonight.  
  
Aqualad sighed, again these two were his friends and he didn't want to see any of them get hurt, "This is boring." He said suddenly turning to face her, "You want to go and grab a soda?"  
  
Terra shrugged, "Sure, I doubt he'd notice with the mood that he's in."  
  
Aqualad grinned and the two of them, with one last dry look at Beast Boy yelling at a startled customer for interrupting his winning streak, they turned and walked away.  
  
##No more blame,  
I'm destined to keep you sane,  
Gotta rescue the flame,  
Gotta rescue the flame in your heart##  
  
"Thanks." Said Terra nodding to the man behind the refreshments stall. She popped open the can and took a quick swig of the grape flavoured juice.  
  
Aqualad held his own lemonade, it was cold against his hands, "So," he began casually, "What's up with you and Beast Boy?"  
  
Terra leaned against the railing that they were standing near and shook her head, "I don't know. I just think that her competitiveness gets in the way. Sometimes he's so busy challenging others he completely forgets about me."  
  
Aqualad stood next to her and looked down at the lower level of the mall, he watched the people milling about almost aimlessly like ants on a garden slab stone. "And that makes you feel unimportant?" he questioned.  
  
"I guess." She replied, "He still buys me stuff, and when he's not playing his silly little games he'll lavish affection upon me...but." She pushed a few strands of blonde hair behind her ear. She looked wistful.  
  
"You want him to notice you all of the time." Finished Aqualad, he had seem this sort of thing go wrong with couples in Atlantis, the male part of the population were often too busy creating new things or patrolling the ocean. "It's...understandable Terra."  
  
She nodded, "Yeah, but I feel bad expecting that y'know? Because we're not like ordinary teenagers and we do stuff that most people don't and...well..." she trailed off and took another sip of her drink, "It's hard."  
  
"You could always talk to him." Suggested Aqualad finally opening his own drink.  
  
"I know. But he might be gutted, after all he does gloat that he's the best boyfriend in the world." Terra shook her head, "he's not you know...ergh, listen to me going on and on...what about you and Raven?"  
  
##No more blood,  
I will be there for you my love,  
I will stand by your side,  
The world had forsaken my girl##  
  
Aqualad smiled when Terra mentioned the gothic girl's name, "What about me and Raven?"  
  
"Well, are you two an item or what?"  
  
Aqualad snorted and took a long gulp of his soda, "I wish."  
  
Terra smiled and looked at him, "You like her don't you?"  
  
Aqualad grinned back, "Yeah. I think she's beautiful, I won't say that she's the only girl I admire, because that would be a lie, there are a few. But circumstances stop me from pursuing them."  
  
Terra nodded, "Raven's not like other girl's you know. She's not easy to get along with. What attracts you to her?"  
  
##I should have seen it would be this way,  
I should have known at the start what she's up to,  
When you've loved and you've lost someone,  
You know what it feels like to lose##  
  
Aqualad turned back to watching the people below, "Everything. She's so quiet and mysterious there's a depth to her that most of the girls I know don't possess, she's intellectual enough I suppose to keep up with the women in Atlantis. She's very thoughtful and always knows what to say."  
  
Terra sniffed, "She hardly ever says a word to me anymore."  
  
Aqualad shrugged, "We used to have long interesting conversations about William Blake and philosophy, but now she doesn't seem to want to engage in anything. With anyone." He frowned down at his soda, "I just want to help her out of her shell. You can understand that."  
  
"Hmm, do you love her?"  
  
##She's fading away,  
Away from the world,  
Drifting like a feather,  
She's not like the other girls##  
  
"You want the truth?" he asked looked sideways at the girl he was talking to.  
  
"It would be preferable." She replied crushing her empty can in her hand and tossing it into the waste basket that was conveniently at her side.  
  
Aqualad sighed, "At the moment, no. But if she would just let me in I could." He didn't know why he was telling Terra all of this, the two of them hadn't spoke over the past four years.  
  
"I see." She replied, "I guess and I can see why you'd like her. She's pretty...in a gothic sort of way." She frowned, "If I didn't know any better I would have thought that Robin likes her as well, but he likes Starfire, so it's probably me being interfering."  
  
##She lives in the clouds,  
She talks to the birds,  
Helpless little one,  
She's not like the other girls I know##  
  
"Right." Sighed Aqualad.  
  
The two of them were silent for a moment.  
  
"Do you think I have a shot then?" Aqualad asked.  
  
"About as much as I've got with getting Beast Boy to notice me over his video games." The blonde sighed.  
  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."  
  
She laughed, "No, I mean it'll be hard, but not impossible."  
  
##No more shame,  
She's felt too much pain in her life,  
In her mind she's repeating the words,  
All the love you put out will return to you##  
  
"Guys! There you are!" yelled Beast Boy suddenly appearing from nowhere and startling them both, "Come on!" he urged dragging them away, "It's already ten past one!"  
  
##She's not like other girls,  
She's not like the other girls I know## 


	13. Mainstream

Disclaimer: I own nothing, not the world, not teen titans and not the words to the song Mainstream by Thea Gilmore  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Thirteen: Mainstream  
  
"They had better hurry up." Grumbled Cyborg as his stomach rumbled loudly. He glared at the menu and picked several full meals that he would be ordering if the others were any later. One 'o'clock Raven had said. It was now fast past one and he and Starfire were the only ones that had turned up.  
  
"Where do you think they are friend Cyborg?" asked Star as she too viewed the lists of pizza that were written down.  
  
Cyborg shrugged and turned his attention away from the menu as a waitress showed up. She had a notepad in her hand and smiled brightly at them, "Can I take your order darlin'?"  
  
"Should we order for our friends?" asked Starfire chewing on her lower lip.  
  
Cyborg shrugged again, "Yeah, might as well, because Cyborg's getting' pretty hungry and we always have the same anyway."  
  
"Okay, worker at the court of food, I wish to order!"  
  
The waitress looked taken aback at the alien girl's happiness; she did however quickly regain her composure and she laughed, "Go on then darlin'. Order away."  
  
"I will have three pizzas of the cheese. Large and one pizza of the pepperoni. I would also like six cans of the soda and mustard of the hot." Star smiled as she ticked off the meals she knew her friends were like, "Oh and one pizza of the tofu!"  
  
The waitress wrote it all down quickly, "Okay, I'll back in twenty minutes."  
  
##Headstrong heavy weather, going at it hell for leather,  
Red lights flashing on some little pop song,  
Boys get out your Balzac the empire's gonna strike back,  
The critics and the diplomats are living in a tin shack##  
  
The waitress moved away just as Raven sat down next to Starfire, "I see you've ordered. Good."  
  
"Friend Raven! Did you have fun? Did you find what you were looking for?" chirped Star turning in her seat to face her gothic friend.  
  
Raven seemed confused for a minute, her eyes widened, she'd put her book back on the shelf...oh darn...she's have to go back and get it later if she had the chance. She quickly covered her bemused expression, "Oh, no I didn't."  
  
"That is too bad."  
  
"Yeah, yeah that's too bad." Interrupted Cyborg, "Where is everyone?"  
  
Raven looked over her shoulder, "Well I was sure Robin was right behind me..." she trailed off and shrugged, "How should I know? I'm not their keeper?" she snapped out of the blue.  
  
Cyborg held up his hands, "Whoa I wasn't saying otherwise. Chill."  
  
##Break neck full tilt climb the ladders they built,  
Angels in the abattoir are junking up a good guitar,  
State city bandwidth, you don't get the language,  
But don't pick on the girl that's only turning on the light switch##  
  
A breathless Beast Boy suddenly slumped in the seat next to Cyborg startling them all. Seconds later a dizzy looking Aqualad and Terra stumbled into the food court with little imaginary stars running around their heads.  
  
"Sorry we're late..." gasped Beast Boy between breaths, "We were...in the...arcade."  
  
Terra sort of fell into the chair next to Beast Boy, she grasped her head, "Next time Beast Boy, please let go of me when you run somewhere."  
  
Aqualad echoed her suggestion in his own words as he sat between Raven and Cyborg. Raven smiled at him, an empty smile, but a smile none the less. Aqualad grinned back and then grinned at Terra who covertly gave him the thumbs up sign.  
  
"Friends! Tell me where you went?" asked Starfire.  
  
"To the arcade!" cried Beast Boy looking pointedly at Cyborg, "You so should have been there Cy, it was awesome, I was creaming all these people at this new game."  
  
"BB," said Aqualad in a tired tone, "You were challenging passers-by the chances are they have never played a video game in their life."  
  
"Everyone's played video games." Protested the green changeling looking forlornly at them all, as if trying to get them to agree.  
  
"No they haven't and you practically ignored Terra the whole time you were there." Aqualad said glaring at him.  
  
Beast Boy's jaw dropped, "Dude no way." He looked at Terra quickly who smiled weakly, "Is that what you think babe?" he asked in a hurt tone, "I was only having fun."  
  
Terra sighed and leaning over she kissed him quickly, "I know BB, its okay."  
  
##Are you gonna swim the mainstream,  
Are you gonna swim the mainstream,  
Or are you gonna make like lightning,  
Are you gonna swim the mainstream##  
  
Robin suddenly dropped into the spare seat between Terra and Starfire, "Hey guys." He said. He had a brown paper bag under one arm. He put it under the table on his knee as he sat down.  
  
"Hello friend Robin please tell me what you have purchased?" asked Starfire grinning at him.  
  
Robin smiled knowingly and tapped the side of his nose, his mood seemed much improved since they had arrived at the mall, "Let's just call it an early Christmas present."  
  
Starfire's hands flew to her mouth in horror, "I have not purchased any of the gifts that I wish to give for the celebration!"  
  
"Relax Star," said Robin leaning over to her and gently pulling her ands down from her face, "It's only November, you've got like a month and a half yet."  
  
Terra wrinkled her nose, "Yeah, I guess I better start buying gifts as well." The blonde pulled out her purse and looked dubiously at the contents, "I may have to withdraw some cash out of the bank."  
  
The sodas and mustard arrived on a silver tray as Beast Boy grinned and said, "Well I've already bought all of mine." He pointed to his chest, "Am I great or what? What about you three?"  
  
Cyborg who was downing his sodas fast as he could, paused wiped his mouth and said with a rueful grin, "I'm all done too, unless you know anything catches my eye in the Xmas sales." He shrugged, "I thought I'd get it done early in case prices went up."  
  
Raven blinked, "I...I hadn't even thought of Christmas."  
  
Aqualad looked at them all, "In Atlantis, we do not celebrate Christmas."  
  
Six pairs of eyes looked at him in surprise. Cyborg's jaw was on the floor, "Say what?"  
  
"You do not celebrate Christmas?" asked Starfire uncertainly, "That is sad."  
  
"Yeah, it's a real shame." Put in Robin smiling slightly.  
  
##Heads up they'll say history was a big mistake,  
Chews you up and spits you out then asks you what the lips about,  
An old tin army a young James Dean,  
And another kind of war that is raging in your bloodstream##  
  
Aqualad shrugged, "We've never had any need to celebrate on December the twenty-fifth. It is not special to us." He looked at their disbelieving faces, "We don't need a special day as a reason to give each other gifts, although we do have a few occasions." He waved a hand, "It doesn't matter."  
  
Beast Boy's eyes were as wide as dinner plates, "Dude how can you not celebrate Christmas, it's like a rule! Everybody does it!"  
  
"Actually Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate either." Put in Robin helpfully.  
  
"Not helping!" hissed Beast Boy.  
  
"I have an idea!" proclaimed Starfire suddenly as the pizzas all arrived five minutes early, "Oh thank you!" she beamed up at the waitress who smiled back and left without saying a word, Starfire turned back to her friends who were all digging in to their food, "Friends I have an idea!" they all paused and looked at her, "Why doesn't Aqualad spend Christmas with us at the tower?"  
  
This was met by several nods and mumbles of confirmation.  
  
"Oh great." Muttered Robin sarcastically but before any one could notice he plastered a smile on his face, "That'd be great."  
  
Aqualad looked around at them all, "If you're all sure...I wouldn't want to impose."  
  
"Oh you won't be!" assured Starfire grabbing at a slice of pizza before Beast Boy and Cyborg devoured it all, "It will be glorious to have you there!"  
  
"Well in that case," Aqualad said glancing sideways at Raven, "I'd be honoured to." He frowned, "I suppose I would have to but gifts now as well."  
  
"That's not necessary." Said Raven in a dull tone, "We don't expect that of you."  
  
Aqualad smiled, "No...but I suppose I want to. If you're gonna invite me I might as well get you all something."  
  
"Wonderful!" declared Starfire clapping her hands, "As soon as we arrive back at the tower I shall create a new happy pudding!"  
  
Everyone who was eating slowly turned green and placed their half- eaten bits of pizza back on the plates. They swallowed what they were chewing and looked at each other nervously.  
  
##Wildfire, wild card this girl's been barred,  
They drew the weapon read the rules and sent the rebels back to school,  
They'll book you for the next crime, catch you in the nick of time,  
So don't trust the captain who is sailing in a straight line##  
  
"Uh, maybe it would be better if you saved your pudding for Christmas." Suggested Robin gently while at the same time praying to every God he knew that she would forget.  
  
"What a wondrous idea! I shall write it in my calendar!"  
  
There were various groans from around the table.  
  
Robin looked down at his pizza and pushed his plate away he took a few mouthfuls of his own soda to wash away the imaginary taste of 'happy pudding'. He looked around him and wasn't surprised to see others doing the same. "So where are we off to next?"  
  
All eyes turned to Raven.  
  
##Are you gonna swim the mainstream,  
Are you gonna swim the mainstream,  
Or are you gonna make like lightning,  
Are you gonna swim the mainstream##  
  
She shifted slightly under their gaze; it was already nearing two o'clock, "Uh, the movies?"  
  
"An excellent idea!" cried Starfire draining the last of the mustard bottle.  
  
Everyone nodded their approval.  
  
"Yeah, let's go see that The Day After Tomorrow!" suggested Robin.  
  
"We'll decide when we get there." Said Raven firmly as she rose from her seat. The others followed suit.  
  
"Oh man, this is sweet!" muttered Beast Boy to Cyborg, "I hope we go and see a comedy!"  
  
"Nah, Sci-Fi is much better."  
  
"Comedy."  
  
"Sci-Fi."  
  
"We'll decide when we get there." Repeated Raven as she turned around her eyes blazing, "Now shut up and get in the T-car!"  
  
"I do not wish to ride in such cramped conditions again!" squealed Starfire as the others piled in.  
  
"You can ride with me then Star." Said Robin handing her a red helmet that he's been hiding God knows where.  
  
The bubbly alien girl jammed in on her head. "I cannot see a thing Robin!"  
  
Robin paled, "Uh, no Star you put it on the other way round." He helped her take it off and she quickly rectified her mistake.  
  
Robin swung his leg over his bike and sat down, he felt Starfire sit down behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist.  
  
"We'll see you there!" yelled Beast Boy as the T-car pulled out of the parking lot at a speed that was not normally classed as safe.  
  
##Say your prayers stay polite, busy saving daylight,  
Age plays dirty tricks you're looking like a counterfeit,  
Who's gonna train us can you really blame us? ##  
  
Robin's bike roared out into the road after the T-car, it sped past the pedestrians and other cars as if it were in a race, and in a way it was.  
  
##Who's gonna train us can you really blame us?  
If we grow up we're all going to be famous! ## 


	14. I Think I'm Paranoid

Disclaimer: I do not own the teen titans or the words to the song I Think I'm Paranoid by Garbage  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Fourteen: I Think I'm Paranoid  
  
Raven stared out of the window of the T-car as all the others cars became blurs and all the building seemed to be connected in one long never- ending grey line. All the people the car passed seemed to have no faces, just empty circles where their eyes should be, no distinguishing features, they all looked the same, their brightly coloured clothes running into each other and turning into a muddy pond of browns and reds.  
  
She now hated the fact that she had decided to wear normal clothes today, true Starfire, Terra and Robin were all wearing their own clothes, but she felt, naked without her cloak. She felt unsafe as if anything could just reach out and grab her. She shivered and rubbed her arms as if she was cold. But how could that be, the heater was on in the T-car and the fan was swirling the warm air around the vehicle slowly so that it was nice and toasty.  
  
##You can look,  
But you can't touch,  
I don't think I like you much,  
Heaven knows what a girl can do,  
Heaven knows what you've got to prove##  
  
Raven let her hands fall to her lap. Her fingers twitched slightly. She frowned as she passed the world by, it seemed very different to view it all from the inside of the car rather than from out there with the people.  
  
The people on the street were all human, completely human and somehow that knowledge made her think that they all knew and despised the fact that she was a half demon.  
  
The car drew to a sharp stop as the light changed to red. Raven continued to look out the window as she tried to ignore the conversation that Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad were having in the back.  
  
A car pulled up next to the T-car in the next lane. All the people in the car, with holes for eyes and no real faces turned to stare at Raven long and hard. Raven unnerved stared back.  
  
Their horrible faces somehow formed gaping black mouths that suddenly opened in grotesque leers. Raven's breath caught in her throat as they laughed at her. She blinked.  
  
The old man was staring straight ahead, his normal eyes watching the lights, his mouth curling into a smile as his wife said something to the two little children in the back. Raven frowned.  
  
##I think I'm paranoid,  
And complicated,  
I think I'm paranoid,  
And manipulated##  
  
As the lights changed and the T-car started forward Raven turned away from the window and instead fixed her gaze on the radio. It was playing a pop song by a group she had never even heard of. But the words were hard to make out. Her frown deepened.  
  
Her fingers twitched again and she wriggled his fingers slightly, the sensation subsided after a moment and she rested her hands once again.  
  
##Bend me and break me,  
Anyway you need me,  
Because all I want is you##  
  
She scratched idly at her wrist with her good hand. She was sure the song on the radio was going on about mince pies, but she couldn't be too sure. After all she never listened to pop music, for all she knew mince pies might be in fashion.  
  
She looked up into the rear-view mirror and watched Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad laughing, she wondered if they'd ever talk to her like that. She didn't think so. Terra seemed to fit in so much more than she did, Terra seemed to laugh at everything and flirt with everyone, two things which Raven never did herself. Aqualad caught her eye in the mirror and smiled. Raven smiled back, as well as she could, given the present condition of her mind.  
  
##Bend me and break me,  
Breaking down is easy,  
Because all I want is you##  
  
Raven sighed quietly and dropped her gaze from the mirror. She turned her attention back to the radio. It seemed to her as if the song had moved on from mince pies and was now warbling away at the joys of the motorway...she scowled at it. Never in her life had she heard such ridiculous lyrics.  
  
Her eyes widened slightly when the song started singing about killing ravens. She looked around at the others in the car but they seemed to not notice. She looked closely at Cyborg, he was mouthing along to the song, but the words he was mouthing were not the words she was hearing. The songs words were crude and vicious going on about catching a raven and putting it in a box to rot, because it was an evil and vile bird that did not deserve life.  
  
Raven shook her head, and suddenly the real words to the song flooded her ears. She stared at the radio for a moment in confusion.  
  
##I fall down just to give you a thrill,  
Prop me up with another pill,  
If I should fail,  
If I should fold,  
I nailed my faith to the sticking pole##  
  
Raven knew that she was being silly, the world wasn't out to get her, and she knew that really she had nothing to be afraid of. But that couldn't ease the feeling of despair and fear that was building in her stomach.  
  
Her hands and fingers were itching her tremendously. She scratched at them, but it didn't seem to ease the tickling. She looked down and jumped in her seat. A thousand or so red fire ants were crawling all over her, biting at her skin and drawing blood, their stick like legs were brushing against her fingers and against her clothes. She felt bile rise up in her throat and she tried to brush them all away.  
  
##I think I'm paranoid,  
Manipulated,  
I think I'm paranoid,  
Too complicated##  
  
"Raven what are you doing?" asked Cyborg suddenly.  
  
Raven looked up in surprise, she then looked back down to find her hands, clean and ant free, "There was a bug." She answered stiffly.  
  
"Oh, okay." He replied and then turned his attention back to driving.  
  
Suddenly Robin's bike roared past the T-car, Starfire let go of Robin's waist with one hand and waved as they overtook the other.  
  
"What?! I ain't having no bike beat the T-car to the movies!" growled Cyborg in outrage and slammed his foot down on the acceleration.  
  
Raven watched the bike as the car caught up, and her thoughts drifted to the driver of said bike. Robin. She bit her lip, he always seemed to understand her, but lately he was annoying her more than the others. She frowned. Her head was so messed up.  
  
##Bend me and Break me,  
Any way you need me,  
Because all I want is you##  
  
As the motorcycle began to pull away again, Raven could have sworn she saw Starfire laughing, which was impossible; the alien girl's face was hidden behind the helmet visor. But Raven had got the distinct impression...she shook her head...she really must be paranoid. But she couldn't dislodge the feeling that one of her best friends had been laughing...at her.  
  
Raven quickly looked in the mirror, the three in the back of the car were still laughing together.  
  
##Bend me and break me,  
Breaking down is easy,  
All I want is you##  
  
She turned back and made herself be content to look out of the front window; she didn't want to look out of the side window ever again. The road was empty; it was as if all the other cars had vanished. The only two vehicles on the road were the T-car and Robin's bike.  
  
Her eyelids drooped, but she wasn't tired.  
  
The road seemed to heave as they sped across it, she watched as it rose up and down in hills as if it was alive, but she couldn't feel anything as the car sped on.  
  
##I think I'm paranoid,  
I think I'm paranoid##  
  
Suddenly in the middle of the road, to Raven's eyes only, yawned a great black hole. It covered the road, and it was evil and menacing as if it threatened to swallow them all. She tried to warn the others but it was as if her lips had been glued together. Robin's bike reached it first and disappeared down into the depths. The others in the car screamed suddenly and slammed on the brakes, but it was too late the T-car also teetered over the edge of the hole and then tumbled into darkness. Cyborg, Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad all turned to her.  
  
"It's all your fault, it's all your fault." They chanted in hushed voices, "It's all your fault, we hate you."  
  
Raven closed her eyes.  
  
##Bend me,  
Break me,  
Any way you need me,  
All I want is you##  
  
She opened her eyes again and stared dumbfounded out of the window. Robin's bike was still ahead and still going, the road was flat, the others in the back were still joking and laughing and Cyborg was hunched over the steering wheel muttering as he tried to get the car to catch up with the bike.  
  
Raven's heart thudded heavily inside her chest. Had she just imagined all of that?  
  
##Bend me,  
Break me,  
Breaking down is easy,  
All I want is you##  
  
Raven looked around her; with a slightly trembling hand she brushed her dark purple hair behind her ear. The car drew level with the bike as they both turned to enter the car park outside the cinema. They both screeched to a halt about an inch or so away from the back wall.  
  
The people all waiting in the queue turned as one to stare at them, their gazes were condescending and some shook their heads. But they were normal, at least as normal as humans could be when they were glaring.  
  
Raven shifted, even though she knew that they were glaring at the team as a whole, she was sure that most of their anger was centred on her. She hated it. She wanted to sink into the ground.  
  
##Steal me,  
Deal me,  
Any way you heal me##  
  
Cyborg clicked the car into park and took the keys out. He kicked open the door and ignored the stares that he received from the people waiting to go in. Terra, Beast Boy and Aqualad got out next.  
  
Raven stared at the door, handle. She was sure it was evil. But before she could debate it further her door was opened for her and a hand was held down. She looked at it. It seemed safe. She reached up and took it; it pulled her out of the car. The door shut. She looked up at Aqualad and smiled slightly.  
  
"Thank you." She murmured, releasing his hand eventually.  
  
He smiled down at her, "No problem."  
  
##Maim me,  
Tame me,  
You can never change me##  
  
"I can't believe your bike nearly beat my baby!" Cyborg was saying shaking his head.  
  
Starfire was grinning her head off and Robin was smirking, "Don't underestimate the bike then." He said shaking his finger mockingly.  
  
Starfire smiled at Terra who had linked arms with Beast Boy, "It was thrilling! I recommend it to anyone!"  
  
Raven rolled her eyes.  
  
##Love me like me,  
Go ahead and fight me,  
Please me tease me,  
Go ahead and leave me##  
  
Raven narrowed her eyes as her gaze dropped to where Starfire's hands were curled around Robin's arm lovingly, and by the smile on his face, it really looked as if he liked her touching him. She had always suspected that those two would get together.  
  
She just didn't realise that it would hurt her so.  
  
And she didn't know why it did either.  
  
##Bend me and break me,  
Any way you need me,  
As long as I want you it's alright##  
  
She knew that there was never much chance of experiencing love for herself. But now seeing everyone so happy around her, it just made that fact become clearer and clearer.  
  
"You ready then?" asked Aqualad, as the other began to walk towards the back of the shrinking queue to get in.  
  
Raven nodded and followed him and others. They stood outside behind some people that they didn't know. Raven's thoughts were as confused as she was.  
  
##Bend me,  
Break me,  
Any way you need me,  
As long as I want you it's alright##  
  
Raven looked up at Aqualad and noticed for the first time, how nice he actually was. She looked around at her friends as they laughed and joked and held hands. It was a conspiracy against her. No wonder her happiness had faded away. Self pity rose in her but she quelled the feeling.  
  
##I think I'm paranoid,  
I think I'm paranoid## 


	15. At The Movies

Disclaimer: I don't own the teen titans but I do own the words to the song At The Movies by Echodrome because I wrote it for my band...this song at the moment doesn't have any guitar music to go with it yet...but oh well it has some keyboard music so that'll do. And I should warn you that this is going to be a LONG fic and by long I mean over forty chapters... and despite the fact that Aqualad seems to be the best choice for Raven believe me he's not... I have so much planned...mwahahahaha  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Fifteen: At The Movies  
  
"I am telling you comedy is the way to go!" whined Beast Boy as they were stood in a group around the ticket counter.  
  
"No, an action film would be better!" argued Robin.  
  
"I would like to watch a romance a film." Spoke Starfire from her position on Robin's arm.  
  
"Hell no," protested Cyborg, "I ain't gonna watch no chick flick."  
  
"What's wrong with chick flicks?" asked Terra coming to Starfire's defence. The girls had to stick together when they were choosing movies.  
  
"Seven tickets for Van Helsing will be thirty dollars please." Said the girl from behind the counter.  
  
Raven was silent as she handed the money over. The girl behind the counter handed over the tickets and smiled brightly, "Thank you, please come again."  
  
Raven turned around and was met by five surprised stares. Aqualad was behind her so she couldn't see what his expression was like. "What?" she growled.  
  
"Hey how come you get to choose?" asked Beast Boy looking distraught.  
  
"Because it was my idea to go here so I get to choose the movie." She snapped as she handed out the tickets, "Now hurry up and get what you want because it starts in ten."  
  
##Hey we're at the movies,  
We're gonna see a flick,  
You get the popcorn,  
And I'll get the seats##  
  
Beast Boy snatched his ticket from her and grumbled as he stomped over to the candy counter, he quickly got over his sour mood however as he realised they opened a whole new section dedicated to chocolate, his eyes went wide and his grin stretched from one pointed ear to the other. Terra saw the look and grabbed onto his arm before he dived head first into the sugary snacks.  
  
Robin took his and Starfire's tickets, "Do you want a soda Star?" he asked the red haired girl next to him, he had decided, while driving to the cinema with Star behind him that it really was brotherly love he felt for Raven and he was gonna try and be happy for her, and at the same time he had finally taken the leap and asked Starfire to be his girlfriend, to which she had quickly agreed, and with such enthusiasm that Robin had almost lost his lead in the race with the T-Car.  
  
##Girl's and boys,  
Forget your toys,  
We're gonna see a movie,  
It's gonna rock your world##  
  
"Oh yes Robin. I would love a Soda!" she replied with bright eyes, she grabbed his hand and dragged him away to the fridge. She paused and viewed the multitude of different bottles and cans on display. "Oh but there are so many! I have not heard of half of them!" she exclaimed.  
  
Cyborg followed Beast Boy into the chocolate section only he knew what he wanted so he paid for it and then moved up towards the door. Holding his soda and popcorn in one hand he took a leaflet off a nearby shelf and flicked through it reading reviews on upcoming releases.  
  
Raven shook her head at them and went straight into the screen room. She walked down the aisle, noticing that it was empty and chose a good seat, four rows from the back and dead centre. She sat down and waited.  
  
Seconds ticked by and Aqualad arrived. He slid into the seat next to her. "So what's this film about then?"  
  
"Vampires and werewolves." She whispered back.  
  
"Oh." he said and then frowned, "I take it its horror then." She nodded.  
  
The two of them sat in silence and waited for the others.  
  
##So, hey what're we gonna see?  
Romance, Horror or comedy? ##  
  
Cyborg was the first to arrive, he squeezed past both Raven and Aqualad and sat down next to his gothic friend he grinned and offered them some popcorn. They both declined. Politely of course.  
  
Robin and Starfire came in next; Robin sat next to Cyborg with Robin on her other side. Robin had some popcorn in his hands and Starfire seemed to have bought four cans of soda. Raven raised her eyebrows, she must be thirsty.  
  
##How 'bout action?  
A sci-fi or a chiller,  
I'm in the mood for a drama,  
And then a thriller##  
  
Just as the lights dimmed Terra dropped into the seat next to Aqualad with Beast Boy on her left. Beast Boy had his arms filled with bags of chocolates and jelly animals and popcorn and bottle of soda, and ice-cream.  
  
"Have you got enough?" asked Aqualad looking at the amount of food with wide eyes.  
  
Beast Boy scowled, "No. Terra wouldn't let me get any nachos or crisps."  
  
"Riiiiight..."  
  
##Lets sit back and enjoy the show,  
The lights are dimming and the movies coming on,  
Pass me the popcorn,  
Hey what? I'm hungry##  
  
The adverts on the screen suddenly cut off and the opening credits to the film flickered on.  
  
##Hey, don't flick sweets at me,  
Pass me the soda,  
Ooh, look at those two,  
Making out on the back seat##  
  
Half way through the film, everyone apart from Raven was staring at the screen with wide eyes.  
  
"I do not like this movie!" whispered Starfire clinging onto Robin's arm. But Robin had frozen with one of his hands inside the bag of popcorn.  
  
Cyborg had a straw in his mouth, but he wasn't drinking anything, his face was a picture of complete shock, "I'll never look at vampires the same way again..." he muttered around the straw.  
  
Terra had buried her head in Beast Boy's shoulder and the green elf's jaw had dropped and several pieces of chocolate were falling out of his open mouth onto his lap.  
  
Aqualad was staring at the screen in morbid fascination, he had never gone to the cinema before and was not used to the surround sound, but still he did not think he would like to meet a werewolf or a vampire any time soon.  
  
Only Raven seemed to be fine, she was on the edge of her seat, her mouth curled into a slight smile, the movie was reflected in her eyes as she stared unblinking at the screen.  
  
## So, hey what're we gonna see?  
Romance, horror or comedy?  
How 'bout action?  
A sci-fi or a chiller,  
I'm in the mood for a drama,  
And after that a thriller##  
  
The huge words 'THE END' rolled onto the screen.  
  
Raven blinked herself free from the imaginary world that the movie had taken her into; she dusted off her jeans and stood up. She looked down at her team mates in surprise. They all seemed to have frozen like statues. "Uh, guys?"  
  
Slowly as if in pain they all looked at her, mouths open.  
  
"The movie's finished." She told them and watched the surprise register on their faces, "It wasn't that scary." She had no idea what was wrong with them, she hadn't found it scary at all, humorous in parts maybe, and it had had a good storyline, but she didn't think it was scary.  
  
"Are you kidding?!" yelled Beast Boy leaping up, "That has got to be the scariest film I have seen in ages."  
  
"You haven't seen that many then." Muttered Raven nonplussed.  
  
He stuck his tongue out at her.  
  
"That was awesome." Breathed Robin finally lifting his hand from the popcorn. He looked at his now sticky hand and grimacing he wiped it on his trouser leg.  
  
"I did not like it." Murmured Starfire, "Are there really monsters like that in this world?" she asked fearfully still clinging to Robin as they too stood up and began leaving their seats.  
  
"No Star. Don't worry." Assured Robin squeezing her hand and smiling at her.  
  
"That was cool..." giggled Terra letting go of Beast Boy and flicking bits of stray popcorn from her hair, heaven knows how they got there like...but oh well. She found a jelly giraffe stuck to her neck and peeling it off she shook her head at her boyfriend. "How'd you manage to get food all over me?"  
  
Beast Boy shrugged.  
  
Aqualad frowned at the screen, "It was...interesting. I'm not sure I liked the ending..." he trailed off and then smiled at Raven, "Well, it was entertaining at any rate."  
  
Cyborg jumped up suddenly, "That was the coolest werewolf I have ever seen, and when those little vampire kids came out, man! I was shiverin'!"  
  
##Hey we're at the movies,  
So let's have fun,  
And we can watch another,  
When this film is done##  
  
Raven shrugged, "It was okay. It was nothing too special. I've seen better." She brushed past them and walked off.  
  
Aqualad sighed and gave Terra a forlorn look. Terra shrugged and gave him a reassuring smile. She mouthed 'Don't worry.' At him and then turned to talk to Starfire.  
  
"Let's go then!" yelled Cyborg, "And this time wonder boy, the T-car is gonna leave your bike in the dust!"  
  
"Oh no it won't!" grinned Robin getting his keys out ready.  
  
"Wanna bet?"  
  
##We're at the movies,  
We're at the movies,  
So what shall we see? ## 


	16. The Fine Art Of Falling

Disclaimer: I do not own the teen titans or the words to the song The Fine Art Of Falling by Boysetsfire  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Sixteen: The Fine Art Of Falling  
  
Robin gave one final wave to Aqualad before the atlantian jumped back into the ocean, to go for the night. He closed the door to the tower and expelled a breath. A grin found its way onto his face and he turned around and singled out Cyborg. He extended his hand and beckoned to his friend, "Pay up."  
  
Cyborg pouted but pulled a note from his wallet, grudgingly he handed it over.  
  
"It was ten not five. Come on now." Reminded Robin gesturing again.  
  
Cyborg grumbled and pulled another note from his wallet, leaving it virtually empty of all cash, "I can't believe the T-Car lost the race." He shoved his wallet back into the pocket of the jacket that he had hung up behind the door. "This sucks."  
  
Robin grinned and pocketed the cash, "You were the one that made the bet remember. I told you not to underestimate the bike."  
  
##I could lie here all day,  
Tongue tied and outclassed,  
Never missing the world that used to be my life##  
  
Cyborg turned his back on his friend, "Yeah, yeah rub it in." he moved over to the kitchen, he looked over his shoulder to glance at them, "I'm gonna warm up some left over pizza, anyone want some?"  
  
"I do!" yelled Beast Boy from the couch where he sat cuddling Terra and flicking through the channels. "Bring me a couple of slices!"  
  
Robin shook his head and wandered over to the table where Starfire was sitting writing in a small book, "Your appetite astounds me BB." He said sarcastically.  
  
Beast Boy grinned, "Well, I am the best pizza eater in the world." He stated and turned back to the television.  
  
Robin shook his head and slid into the chair opposite Starfire, he tried to see what she was writing but her arm was in the way. Finally he gave up, "What're you writing in?"  
  
She lifted her head and grinned at him, "It is my portable calendar I am writing a note to remind myself that I must make a happy pudding on Christmas day!" she made a noise that resembled a squeak, smiled wider and continued writing.  
  
##And I can't remember what it was,  
That I wanted,  
But it should have always been,  
This rhyme and this reason,  
Not withstanding...##  
  
Robin looked up as a shadow fell across the table. Raven stared down at him. He wasn't sure but he thought that he saw a flicker of sadness in her eyes.  
  
"Everything alright Raven?" he asked trying to keep his tone neutral, he had told himself that it was only brotherly love that he felt, now if only he could make himself believe it... His off kilter thoughts were giving him problems and he really wished, no he hoped that Raven wouldn't try and read his thoughts anytime soon. He continued to watch her for a moment as she stared down at him, her purple hair was windswept, but he couldn't remember her being out in any sort of wind. He forced himself to keep smiling.  
  
Finally she spoke, her tone was quiet and dull, but her eyes held a warning, "I'm going to my room. I do not wish to be disturbed. By anyone, for anything." As she finished there was a finality to her words that made Robin suspect that something was up.  
  
But he would respect her need for privacy so he merely said, "Okay. We'll steer clear from your room tonight."  
  
##Folded into beauty,  
And if I hold this here forever,  
I will never fall down,  
And when I loose my ground,  
I can always remember...##  
  
For a minute her murderous stare intensified but then emotion left her face and she nodded. "Thank you." She spun on her heel and proceeded up the stairs to her room.  
  
Robin scowled after her; he wondered what made her want to be so secretive all the time. Shaking all thoughts of her from his head he turned his attention back to Starfire who had finished writing in her little reminder. Robin decided he would rip that page out of her book as soon as he got the chance. Star put down her pen and looked up. She positively beamed at him.  
  
"Is it not wondrous to have someone who cares for you as much as you do me and I do you?" she asked the happiness evident in her face, "I cannot believe that you asked me to be your girlfriend!" she reached over and clasped his hand, "I cannot wait to begin the rituals of courtship!" her cheeks blushed red as she said the words.  
  
Robin intertwined his fingers with hers, she really was beautiful. "It's gonna be fun." He agreed, "So where would you like to go on our first date?"  
  
She squealed at the idea, "Perhaps a private ritual of hanging out at the mall? Or a private trip to the movies to watch a poultry brush."  
  
"Poultry...oh you mean a chick flick." Robin laughed  
  
Starfire nodded eagerly, "Yes I believe that is what they are called." She pushed her two index fingers together and looked at him shyly, "Where would you like to go?"  
  
##This is my reason,  
You are my reason to stay,  
I have shed this dry hard shell,  
Traded its comfort for your eyes##  
  
He began to think about all the possible places that he thought Starfire would like to go. She was a fun person to be around and would obviously enjoy going somewhere that was fun, bright and full of happy things. He frowned. Raven was much easier to please, she liked gothic clubs, dark café's and quiet places...he smacked the side of his head with the palm of his hand. Always his thoughts came back to Raven. Stop it! He scolded himself; he knew it was extremely inappropriate to be thinking of other girls while he was dating another.  
  
##I played with denial,  
Then denied my own defences,  
It's no longer a part of me##  
  
"We could always go to the zoo." He said slowly, "Or the water park."  
  
"Oh yes! They sound fabulous!" she agreed squeezing his hand.  
  
Robin grinned back at her and brought his other hand up so he held her hand between his. Her skin was so smooth and sun kissed...not at all like Raven's...he knew he had to stop thinking about her. He had to. He wasn't with Raven he was with Starfire now.  
  
"Well you have to have fabulous places to go with a fabulous girl." He said slyly watching as she blushed and giggled and then turned her head away.  
  
Starfire. Raven. He didn't know what he wanted. But he had Starfire...but was that good enough. He didn't even know if Raven liked him like that. He had received no inclination... He knew Starfire... she was safe and predictable.  
  
Robin smiled on the outside and scowled on the inside. Starfire was the safe choice. But did he want safe? Or did he want dangerous? He wasn't sure anymore.  
  
##These questions of security,  
You will always be the most magnificent creation## 


	17. Last Resort

Disclaimer: I don't own the teen titans or the words to the song Last Resort by Papa Roach and I must warn you that even though there will be a lot of Aqualad/Raven in the following chapters there will be a lot of Robin/Raven later and yes there will be comfort scenes. But now oh great and wonderful readers and reviewers...now is your chance to help me with this fic...I need songs...happy songs...not love songs...happy songs maybe about friendship, I need a few about shopping or having fun or searching and I need all the Christmas songs you can find! Just put the name and singer in the review box and I'll go and check it out. If I like it, it shall go into the fic! Please and thank you!  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Seventeen: Last Resort  
  
Raven locked her door behind her, the click of the lock seemed awfully loud to her ears but she tried to ignore it. Stepping forward into the dim room she walked straight over to her cabinet and picked up her mirror. She knew that by waiting she'd probably made the state of nevermore worse...but she couldn't help that now. She brought the black mirror up to her face and stared into its depths. A pair of dark red eyes flashed at her from the silvery glass and in a second...she was gone and the mirror fell to the ground almost silently to rest where it lay hidden in shadow.  
  
##Cut my life into pieces,  
This is my last resort,  
Suffocation no breathing,  
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding##  
  
She dropped to the ground heavily, which in itself was unusual, straightened and looked around. She recognised where she was almost immediately. She was in the maze that her timidity roamed. She frowned; she hadn't meant to go to a particular place...  
  
She looked up at the huge and foreboding grey walls that towered around her. She knew she had to go through the maze to reach the other side where her bravery lived. She growled to herself and walked forward, she knew the way so it was doing was wasting her time.  
  
The chill caught around her knees and she looked down, her legs were bare. She looked at herself and was surprised to find herself back in her uniform. She scowled; obviously clothes didn't change at all in nevermore.  
  
She looked up and started walking again, it was useless to levitate it would just waste energy. She turned a corner and froze. She heard something; it was the barest of sounds. She strained her ears and tilted her head.  
  
The sound came again, a soft almost mewing sound. Her brow furrowed, obviously mind was playing tricks on her, she didn't keep cats in her mind. The sound increased and she realised that what she was hearing wasn't a cat. It was someone, probably her timidity, crying. She began to wander towards the sound and realised how pitiful it really was, it was like long continuous note, on and on it went, never ending and never relenting.  
  
##Do you even care if I die bleeding?  
Would it be wrong?  
Would it be right?  
If I took my life tonight,  
Chances are that I might,  
Mutilation out of sight,  
And I'm contemplating suicide##  
  
She turned another corner, certain that where she was going was not the way out, if anything she seemed to be going deeper and deeper into the heart of the maze.  
  
The sound was getting louder; she knew she must be nearing her timidity if that really was who was crying. She stilled suddenly, what if it wasn't her timidity? What if it was something else? What if it was something much worse? Suddenly she didn't know if she wanted to find out anymore. She looked around her, the walls seemed to be closing in on her, shrinking and tightening as if they were going to crush her.  
  
She let out a frightened gasp and whirled around. A mist had rose up and blocked her view, it was thick and impenetrable, she tried to see through it but if anything it just thickened.  
  
The mist seemed more foreboding to her than the walls.  
  
"Argh!" she cried out involuntarily as the sound that she could hear was magnified by an infinite number and echoed continuously through nevermore, it echoed back to her sounding as if thousands of people were all crying together, all mourning, she covered her ears with her hands and ran around the next corner. She dropped to her knees and closed her eyes.  
  
She didn't understand, this was her mind, she was supposed to have control; she was supposed to know everything about it. But she had no idea; she didn't know what was happening. And it wounded her to realise that she wasn't the one controlling her mind.  
  
She eased her hands away from her ears, the noise had stopped. She bent over and put her palms flat on the grey floor. She took several deep breaths. She would not let this get the better of her. She would not let her subconscious play games with her.  
  
##Cause I'm losing my sight,  
Losing my mind,  
Wish somebody would tell be I'm fine,  
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine,  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine##  
  
She opened her eyes as she felt something warm and wet run over her hands and past her knees. She jumped up in terror and backed away until her back hit the opposite wall. She looked at her hands in horror as she felt the liquid drip through her fingers and slide down her legs.  
  
It was blood.  
  
Her mouth parted slightly and her breath starting coming in quick rapid breaths, the blood was hot against her skin, unbelievably hot it almost burned her. She shook her trembling fingers but it did nothing to rid her of the blood on her hand. She looked to the ground; huge torrents of the crimson sin washed past her ankles in a river and vanished around the corner. She watched as it rippled and splashed, she felt it seep through the buckles and fabric of her boots.  
  
Her eyes widened. What was happening?  
  
She looked wildly to her left to see the source of the blood and her eyes, if possible widened further.  
  
##I never realised I was spread to thin,  
Till it was too late and I was empty within,  
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin,  
Downward spirals, where do I begin? ##  
  
Her timidity was sitting in a puddle of her own blood, or rather in a puddle of Raven's blood. Her arms and hands were slashed and cut beyond recognition. Blood both black and red poured from the wounds in what seemed like inextinguishable torrents. The grey cloak that her timidity wore was soaked red at the bottom.  
  
Raven took several steps forward but every step she took, her timidity seemed to be further away.  
  
Raven looked around her in anguish. As she watched another wound opened before her very eyes, it just appeared on her timidity's skin. It started as a small indentation, the skin then split and slowly a cut formed millimetre by millimetre as if a knife were being dragged along her skin.  
  
Raven choked on her own bile, was that really what she looked like when she hurt herself? The image was not pleasant at all.  
  
##It all started when I lost my mother,  
No love for myself and no love for another,  
Searching to find love upon a higher level,  
Finding nothing but questions and devils##  
  
Suddenly as if sensing her presence Timidity looked up and Raven struggled not to scream.  
  
The eyes of her emotion...were just like the eyes of the people she had passed in the T-Car. They were black and empty.  
  
Only this time they were filled with an unbelievable pain.  
  
##Because I'm losing my sight,  
Losing my mind,  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine,  
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine,  
I'm running and I'm crying##  
  
"Why do you do this Raven?" asked Timidity in a hollow voice lifting her hands, "Why do you hurt us so?"  
  
Raven stumbled backwards, but the wall was at her back wherever she went, "I...I..." she tried to speak but the words stuck in her throat like shards of glass.  
  
Timidity suddenly convulsed suddenly as if in agony. She reached out a hand towards Raven, the arm was shaking and blood dripped from her sleeve and down her arms, she opened her mouth but no sound came out and slowly Raven's emotion began to fade to shadow.  
  
##I can't go on living this way##  
  
"Wait!" cried Raven, "Where are you going?" she too reached forward and it was as if the distance between the two of them had suddenly dispersed. Raven's fingers reached out to her emotion's... but instead of grasping the bleeding hand, Raven's trembling appendage met cold air and passed straight through.  
  
She jumped back in surprise.  
  
##Cut my life into pieces,  
I've reached my last resort,  
Suffocation no breathing,  
I don't care if I cut my arm bleeding,  
Do you even care if I die bleeding?  
Would it be wrong, would it be right?  
If I took my life tonight,  
Chances are that I might,  
Mutilation out of sight,  
And I'm contemplating suicide##  
  
"What's wrong with you?" she whispered feebly in a shaking voice.  
  
Timidity just leered at her as the mass of shadow grew and threatened to consume the bleeding emotion. The image began to fade.  
  
"NO!" Raven yelled lunging forward...  
  
##Cause I'm losing my sight,  
Losing my mind,  
I wish somebody would tell be I'm fine##  
  
Raven hissed in pain as she crashed into her bedroom wall. She slid down to the floor and glared at the mirror that had expelled her from her own mind.  
  
"I can't do this anymore." She murmured, "I need help."  
  
##Nothing's alright,  
Nothing is fine##  
  
Her first thought was of Robin, her fearless leader; he'd be able to help her. He said that he cared. She knew that she desperately needed help and thought that if she tried to take her mind off her thought and tried to join in with the others then maybe her head would revert back to its original state. It was a long shot but it was all she had. By accident she brushed the edge of Robin's thoughts.  
  
'I like Starfire, not Raven'  
  
She withdrew from his mind hastily; his thought had stung her internally, although she had no idea why.  
  
She thought about Beast Boy but neither he nor Cyborg had the capacity to understand her troubles let alone know what to do with them. Without thinking she reached for her T-Communicator. She pressed the button and listened to the crackle that followed.  
  
"Hello?" she said hesitantly.  
  
"Aqualad here...What's up?"  
  
##I'm running and I'm crying## 


	18. Do You Have A Little Time?

Disclaimer: I don't own the teen titans or the words to the song Do You Have A Little Time by Dido. IMPORTANT! I REALLY NEED SONGS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP PEOPLE! I CAN'T THINK OF ANY! ARGH!  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Eighteen: Do You Have A Little Time?   
  
Aqualad kicked the rock he was standing by viciously. The ocean was lapping gently at the shores of the beach that he was standing on. He looked across the waters to where the T-Tower stood alone on its own little island. He wondered what the titans were doing.  
  
He cursed under his breath; his plan had not gone at all how he had planned. For starters they were not supposed to split up while they were at the mall and they definitely weren't supposed to go to movies, because that prevented him from talking to her at all. He clenched his fist; it seemed to him that Raven had deliberately done that to wriggle her way out of the trap he had thought he had sprung.  
  
##If you're feeling low and lost today,  
Probably doing to much again,  
Spend all your hours just rushing around,  
Do you have a little time for me##  
  
He bent down and picked up a stone that lay discarded in the sand. He looked at it and then he chucked it at the water. It struck the surface of the waves and skimmed gently for three or four paces before it disappeared into the murky depths.  
  
True Aqualad had never spent that much time with the titans but he had spent enough, and he knew that their team would be nothing if one of them changed or left. He wanted to help his friends but he wanted to help himself as well. He really liked Raven and seeing her so sad just made his heart ache for her. But he doubted if she even liked him like that.  
  
He sighed and sat down on the beech. He crossed his legs on the damp sand and put his head in his hands. There were thousands...okay maybe not that many but enough females back at Atlantis that he knew liked him, but he couldn't help but feel that there was something missing in them.  
  
Maybe it was because all atlantians were often too absorbed in their studies or their political arguments to pay much attention to the opposite sex and when they did it was often a brief courting period sometimes with mating and then that was it. It was over. Finished.  
  
Aqualad knew that he needed more than that, which was probably the reason he found himself attracted to the girls not from at Atlantis like Raven and Terra. But if he had to pick between the two, Raven would always come out on top. Her mysterious ways would always intrigue him, it was as if her dark aura had hooked its claws into him and he could only free himself if he struggled greatly. But he didn't want to be free.  
  
##Slow down my love you're confusing me,  
If you're feeling stressed just try calling,  
Spend your time waiting for anyone to see,  
Do you have a little time for me? ##  
  
He reached down and grabbed a handful of the sand from next to his knee. He brought his closed fist up to his face and uncurled his fingers. The grains of sand were stuck to his skin and in the pale pre-evening light they glinted gold and red and silver. He tipped his hand sideways slightly and the sand slipped away from his skin to land silently back where it belonged.  
  
He groaned and put his head back in his arms. He understood know why most people who lived on the surface cities hated the transition between child and adult. It was so damned awkward. So many emotions and so many decisions to make. He knew that if his own people aged gracefully...because they were too wrapped up in knowledge. He smiled wryly.  
  
Why couldn't Raven see he was only trying to help?  
  
If only she would let him. But he knew that she was a proud person.  
  
##If you should stop for a while,  
You will find me standing by,  
Over here at the side of your life,  
I'd like to hold you still,  
Remind you of all that you've missed,  
If you have a little time,  
If you have a little time that is##  
  
Suddenly his T-communicator bleeped on and static crackled loudly through the air. He jumped slightly and looked down at it. He unhooked his water resistant communicator slowly and fumbled with it. He held it up.  
  
"Hello?" called a voice hesitantly from the other end.  
  
Due to the interference and the heavy static crackle he couldn't tell who was calling him. He really didn't feel like fighting a villain now and had thoughts about turning the little machine off. He shook the notion from his head and brought the communicator up to his mouth.  
  
"Aqualad here." He said, "What's up?"  
  
There was a muffled sound on the other end and the static roared and then quietened, "It's Raven."  
  
He frowned and then smiled in delight, and then in puzzlement why was she contacting him? "Uh, hey Raven. What's up?"  
  
There was another slight pause, "Oh, um I was wondering if maybe...uh..." she trailed off again.  
  
Silence for a second. Aqualad looked down at his communicator and shook it slightly to make sure it was still on. "Raven? You still there?"  
  
##Why do you still run when you can walk with me?  
Life will pass you by when you move this quickly,  
What can you see when you're spinning around,  
Do you have a little time for me? ##  
  
"Yeah...I was wondering if you'd like to um, maybe get a cup of coffee or something?" her voice sounded hesitant to him.  
  
Aqualad's face suddenly broke into a wide smile, "Sure when?"  
  
"Now...if uh, you're not busy that is..."  
  
"What, busy, me? Nah." He said quickly, "Where do you want to go?"  
  
"There's a café opposite the games store on Madison Street..." her voice was muffled as if she was speaking through a pillow, "If that's not too far."  
  
##if you should stop for a while,  
You will find me standing by,  
Over here at the side of your life,  
I'd like to hold you still,  
Remind you of all you've missed,  
If you have a little time,  
If you have a little time that is##  
  
Aqualad grinned and looked over to the titan's tower as if he could actually see Raven from here. He had no idea what was behind her sudden change of heart, he just wished that she would tell him all and now he knew that he was that little bit closer to getting to know the real Raven and not the Raven that everyone else saw.  
  
It was like setting off on a new adventure.  
  
"No, Madison Street's fine. I'm right on the beech. Do you want me to come and pick you up?"  
  
"Um, no. That's not required. Just...meet me there okay? The Café's called The Black Out." Her voice had gotten firmer and louder, it wasn't as unsure as it had first been.  
  
Aqualad began walking while he was talking to her, "Alright then. How long are you going to be? If it's a while I don't mind waiting."  
  
##If you let me listen I'll make you feel clear,  
Spend your time waiting for anyone to see##  
  
"No, it's fine. I'll be there in about ten minutes...you will be there won't you? You won't leave?"  
  
Aqualad was sure that for a moment there was hint of desperation in her voice, but he shook his head, Raven was never desperate and if she was she never showed it. He supposed it was the interference with the transmission. He tapped the communicator to try and rectify the problem.  
  
"No I won't leave. Why would I?" he asked suddenly pensive, he walked out onto Madison Street and began to search for the café. He spotted it; it was exactly where she said it would be. He made a beeline for it unable to stop the happy smile that found its way up onto his face. "Why would I leave?" he was disgusted that she would even think of such a thing, didn't she realise that he liked her?  
  
"Oh, no reason. No reason at all." She replied with what sounded like a sigh, "No reason at all."  
  
##If you should stop for a while,  
You will find me standing by,  
Right over here,  
At the side of your life,  
I would like to hold you still,  
And remind you of all you've missed,  
If you have a little time for me,  
If you have a little time that is## 


	19. Ready For The Good Times

Disclaimer: I do not own the teen titans or the words to the song Ready For The Good Times by Shakira. Thanks you for reviewing. And despite the fact that this chapter leans almost viciously towards Aqualad/Raven the main couple will be Robin/Raven just give it time...two or three chapters maybe for Robin to realise how stupid he's being!  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Nineteen: Ready For The Good Times  
  
Raven was nervous, her hands twitched slightly in the mellow shadows of the café. The black leather booth that she was sitting in was warm to the touch and thankfully there was no one else present apart from the cashier and Aqualad who was sitting opposite her, he looked uncertain. She winced internally; she was beginning to wonder if she had done the right thing by coming here with him. She had wanted companionship; she had wanted to tell her troubles to someone and not have to hold back until every detail was out in the open but now...  
  
##I don't want to clear the cobwebs from my head,  
Time will bring them back I bet##  
  
She shook her head slightly, maybe she just wasn't ready to tell anyone yet, or maybe it wasn't Aqualad she was supposed to tell. It just didn't feel right. She couldn't deny that he was a good friend and treated her like an actual person but there was something that was a little off. She frowned down at the table top.  
  
"Hey Raven." Said a feminine voice suddenly, "What are you ordering tonight?"  
  
Raven lifted her head slightly and turned her gaze to the tall black haired girl that was now stood by the side of the black painted table with a notepad and pen in hand. The girl smiled back, the pen poised over the paper.  
  
"Oh. Just some Hawthorn Berry tea for me thanks..." her voice trailed off and she wiped her hands quickly even though there as nothing there.  
  
Aqualad saw the nervous gesture but didn't say anything, he turned to the girl, "Just some still water please." He wasn't a big fan of hot caffeine filled drinks.  
  
The girl nodded and then scribbled it down, she looked at Raven for a moment, "You sure about your order Rae?" she asked casually turning away from Aqualad and shoving her pen behind her ear.  
  
Raven stared at her, "Yes." She said in a warning tone.  
  
The girl shrugged, "Okay then. I'll be right back."  
  
Raven stared after the girl as she walked away. What did she mean are you sure about your order? Raven scowled, she'd had that tea before. It was used to sooth nerves and that was what she needed.  
  
"Are you sure you wouldn't prefer Rosehip tea?" the girl yelled from behind the counter.  
  
Raven was suddenly glad that she and Aqualad were the only customers...her face flamed in embarrassment. Rosehip tea was used to encourage loving auras and attract lovers. "NO." she replied hotly.  
  
"It's a good harvest this year, a bit sweeter than usual...ergh!" the girl suddenly disappeared into the back on a wave of dark energy.  
  
"I said no." snapped Raven resettling her hands on the table top.  
  
##So if you hear me say that I believe in love,  
Don't make me feel so ashamed,  
I used to sing the saddest songs##  
  
There was a moment of shuffling and a muttered curse and the girl reappeared, somewhat dishevelled, but carrying a tray with a bottle of water and a cup of steaming tea. She put the tray on the table and took the items off it. She put the tea in front of Raven and thrust the bottle of water at Aqualad. She picked up the tray and held it in front of her like a shield, she had a sour look on her face, "Was there any need for that?" she whispered harshly, "I was only trying to help!"  
  
"Well next time you feel like helping...don't." Raven replied picking up her cup and taking a sip of the amber liquid just to make sure that the girl hadn't put rosehip oil in it by 'accident'. "I can do things well enough on my own."  
  
The girl sniffed slightly but couldn't stop the smile curving onto her face, "Well good for you Rae. He's quite a catch." She winked at Aqualad and then sauntered off back towards the kitchen swinging the tray at her side.  
  
Raven blushed awkwardly and risked a glance at the atlantian. He was staring at her. She shrivelled inside; he probably thought she was a freak. But to her surprise he just smiled good-naturedly back at her.  
  
"I didn't realise you were fishing." He said unscrewing the water that was in his hands.  
  
Raven stared at him, "Huh?"  
  
##While in the meantime roaches used to climb my door,  
And then fall back down to the floor,  
I used to read survival guides,  
When my world was full of seven legged cats,  
But here I am with eight more lives##  
  
"Good catch. Fishing." He said shrugging his right shoulder.  
  
"Oh. That was your attempt at humour." Said Raven lifting her eyes to meet his soft gaze.  
  
"Yeah. Marks out of ten?"  
  
"About a three." She said smiling hollowly. It wasn't that she didn't want to smile happily it was just that no matter how far down inside herself she reached; she couldn't seem to find any happiness at all. Maybe Aqualad was someone that could help her without knowing about her problems...after all he was trying to help now...with his really bad joke. She wondered if he's been hanging around Beast Boy too long.  
  
"Damn." He frowned slightly but then the grin was back on his face, "Never mind. I'll try again some other time. So am I?"  
  
Raven scowled at him, "Are you what? Annoying?"  
  
"A good catch." He leaned his elbows on the table and put the bottle on the table before him.  
  
Raven blushed again, why did he have to ask that? Happiness may have flown the coop but embarrassment was still there. "Maybe. I haven't caught you yet." She froze astounded that she had actually said the words that had come from her own lips. She would never ever have said that any other time...never. She put down her tea. She clenched her fists enough to make the knuckles on her hands white. Was she insane? She was beginning to think so...she groaned inwardly...it must be because her timidity had faded. She gulped.  
  
"I..." began Aqualad looking confused.  
  
And with good cause, Raven thought dully looking down ashamed. "Never mind. Forget that I said anything."  
  
"Oh no. You can't get away that easily." He murmured, "Maybe I want to be caught."  
  
Raven snapped her head up quickly and stared at him. His eyes were soft, and he seemed to be telling the truth. Maybe if she read his thoughts...she gently brushed her own mind against his but to her frustration he had put up a mental barrier. She scowled.  
  
"If you want to know what I'm thinking, you need only ask." He said resting his head lightly in his left hand and smiling at her.  
  
##I'm ready for the good times,  
Ready for the good times,  
Ready to get it on,  
I'm ready for the good times,  
I'm ready for the good times,  
Now that I'm not alone##  
  
She folded her arms over her chest in a defensive gesture, "Alright then. What are you thinking?"  
  
"I'm thinking that maybe you like me..." he watched her intently, "And I'm thinking that maybe I like you too."  
  
Raven's thoughts suddenly screeched to a halt and collided together, "Wha...what?" she wasn't sure if she liked him enough to want him like that, she frowned, she just wanted companionship, but she didn't know who off... maybe him. She had hoped though it would have been someone else...but that decision wasn't even on the agenda now. This was here and it was right in front of her, friendship, comradeship and possibly more. If only she could convince herself to reach out and take the chance and try and be normal for once.  
  
##I don't want to look at fashion magazines,  
While someone does my nails,  
Sitting here watching other people live,  
Frozen by their fear to fail##  
  
"It's okay to show some emotion now and then Raven. No one's going to give you a hard time about it. I know you feel something for me. And, I just I want you to know that I feel for you too and if you ever need anyone..." he trailed off and ran a hand through his hair, "okay I'm not doing a good job of this. Look Raven I know that you like your privacy and you don't spend that much time with your friends but..." he broke off and frowned, "What I mean to say is...well what I want to say is..."  
  
Raven watched him closely he seemed genuine enough. But was it really what she wanted? Did she really want to be courted like a normal girl would be? What if it didn't help? What if it made things worse? What if...what if...she suddenly realised that there were a lot of what ifs in her life. What if she just took a chance for once? The others would be amazed, but they would understand. Everyone needed someone at some time or another even if only for a little while.  
  
Raven decided to take the chance for once. She reached out her own pale hand and grasped his, his skin felt warm under hers, she noticed that she was trembling but she couldn't stop now. "I know what you mean." She looked up determined to keep eye contact despite the heat spreading to her face, "And I think we should build something from that feeling." She cringed inwardly, her timidity would never allow her to do something this crazy, "We should try being together. See how that works out."  
  
Aqualad stared at her gob smacked as if she had suddenly sprouted eleven heads and announced that she was the goddess of the ocean and that she would grant him three wishes if he would find a dancing eel. In other words he was looking at her with a very strange look on his face. "You want...you want us to be together as partners?"  
  
"Um, yeah." She wondered if her suggestion hadn't been made clearly enough.  
  
"I thought so." His other hand closed around hers, "Raven I have no idea what has brought on this sudden shift in your mood and emotions...but I am glad that it has occurred."  
  
"Is that a yes?"  
  
"That's a yes."  
  
##Because everyday there's a war to fight,  
But if I win or lose never mind,  
As long as you're my shelter every night,  
I used to cry against a wall,  
But now I've got a shoulder I can lean on,  
Swear to me you won't be gone##  
  
They sat there in silence for a moment, "Sooo...." Said Aqualad looking out of the window, "What do we do now?"  
  
"I have no clue." Raven looked to her left and saw the girl who had taken their order peeking out from the kitchen a cheeky grin on her face. When she noticed Raven's glare she gave her a thumbs up and disappeared into the back with a swish of her apron.  
  
##I'm ready for the good times,  
I'm ready for the good times,  
Now that I'm not alone## 


	20. Pure Shores

Disclaimer: I don't own the teen titans or the words to the song Pure Shores by All Saints. Incidentally I would like to thank my loyal and absolutely wonderful reviewers by giving them a nice chapter where Raven has fun, this will shortly be followed by a chapter where Robin does NOT have fun. Hmm. Ah well you can't have everything. And I should also mention that in this chapter two characters from Beyblade will make a guest appearance because I don't know of any other atlantians from teen titans. Sorry.  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Twenty: Pure Shores  
  
21st November  
  
"How about the beach?" asked Aqualad looking at the relatively clear night sky. The millions of stars were visible which was unusual but it was still nice.  
  
"But it's November. The end of November and it's night time won't it be cold?" asked Raven peering out of the window as well and rubbing her hands together as if talking about it had dropped the temperature.  
  
"No, the wind has gone and so it won't be that cold. And you know that November isn't a winter month. Winter starts in December." He shook his finger at her in a mocking manner. "Didn't you know that?"  
  
She batted his hand away, "Oh shush." She gave him a quick half- hearted glare that made him chuckle. "Well, I suppose there isn't really that much to do around here at night if you don't want to go clubbing. The beach will do."  
  
"Well if your going to be like that. Maybe I don't want to take you to my beach." He crossed his arms and made a show of looking upset.  
  
Raven stared, "Who said the beach was yours? I didn't see your name on it anywhere."  
  
Aqualad turned to look at her, he tilted his head and looked thoughtful, "I could have sworn I wrote it in the sand." He grinned and then shook his head, "Whoever said we were going to THAT beach. I've got a different one in mind."  
  
## I've crossed the deserts for miles,  
  
Swam the water for miles,  
Searching places to find,  
A piece of something I could call mine,  
(I'm coming)##  
  
"Don't be silly. There isn't another beach for miles." Raven retorted draining the last of her tea. No sooner had she put the cup down the girl behind the counter was there with a washcloth and tray.  
  
The girl, Raven didn't know her name, she was sure the girl must have told her at one point over the last few years, but memory escaped her at the moment, grabbed the empty cup and chucked it on the tray. She flung the washcloth against the table and began to scrub it as if her life depended on it. "Did you enjoy your tea Raven?" she asked as she squirted all sorts of cleaning solution on the table top, "Do you want another? I can get you one really quickly." The girl stood up and tossed the cloth onto the tray, "In fact I can get you one like that." She clicked her fingers.  
  
There was silence for a few moments.  
  
"And I half expected tea to appear then." Said Raven dryly looking up at the girl.  
  
She grinned back impishly, "Oh no, no. I don't do witchcraft and the like. Just good hard manual labour. I would if I could though."  
  
Raven and Aqualad stared.  
  
"Oh right. I'll make myself scarce." The girl said flapping her apron with her hands. She whirled grabbed the tray and made a sharp exit.  
  
"I'm beginning to wonder if normality isn't all it's cracked up to be." Muttered Raven shaking her head, "What were you saying?"  
  
"Hmm? What? Oh. Yeah I wasn't going to take you to that beach. I was going to take you to another." Aqualad surfaced from his daze with a smile and a raising of the eyebrows.  
  
"Oh? And where would this other beach be hmm?" asked Raven turning back to look out of the window.  
  
"Well, I'll show you."  
  
## A piece of something to call mine,  
  
(I'm coming)  
(I'm coming)  
A piece of something to call mine##  
  
Raven stared at him long and hard, "You'll show me huh? Okay then. Show me YOUR beach. If there even such a thing."  
  
Aqualad looked slightly affronted, "Okay, well maybe it doesn't belong to me in particular but it belongs to all atlantians." He scowled playfully at her, "But it does exist." He stood up from his seat and stared down at her. He walked around to her side of the table and extended his hand, "Are you coming?" he held out his hand.  
  
Raven reached out and took. He pulled her up into a standing position. When he didn't release her hand she looked up at him quizzically, "Don't take this the wrong way but...I don't like to be touched."  
  
Aqualad hastily withdrew his hand and smiled sheepishly, "My mistake. Come on then let's go."  
  
"Okay." Agreed Raven and followed him to the door, "Put it on my tab!" she told the girl as she opened the door and let it swing shut behind her.  
  
The night air wasn't particularly cold. She looked at him sourly. He had been right it wasn't at all chilly. She wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not.  
  
"So where is this beach?" asked Raven as the two of them made a beeline to the old beach, "Is it far? Do I have to get wet to get there?" she looked down at her clothes and wondered what would happen if they got covered in salt water. She really didn't want them to be ruined.  
  
"It's only for a second." Muttered Aqualad as he walked back onto the sands of the beach he had stood on hours before, "Only a second. It's warm there anyway so any clothes will soon dry."  
  
"Oh I'm sure." Returned Raven staring down into the salty depths of the water that was lapping around her ankles as she moved forward. The moonlight was leaving trails of silver and gold across the surface of the ocean as the waves rose and fell in succession.  
  
##Went along many moors,  
Walked through so many doors,  
The place where I wanna be,  
Is the place I can call mine,  
(I'm coming)##  
  
"It will only be for a second I promise." Murmured Aqualad.  
  
Raven frowned down at the water, "Okay so what do we do to get to this beach of yours?"  
  
"Oh, not much." Replied Aqualad almost as if he was trying to avoid the question.  
  
"What do you mean not much?" Raven questions turning around.  
  
But before she could properly turn around someone seized her around the waist, picked her up and threw her out into the ocean.  
  
Raven let out a tiny scream as she flew and forgetting to use her powers she hit the water and sank like a stone. As she disappeared beneath the dark depths a pale hand came out of nowhere and grasped hers. The hand pulled her down sharply. She felt the water rushing past her face and her body, soaking through the fabric of her clothes like they were paper.  
  
There was a popping sound and suddenly she wasn't cold anymore. She was warm and there was no water. She looked around herself trying to see what was going on.  
  
##Is the place I can call mine,  
(I'm coming)  
(I'm coming)  
Coming closer to you##  
  
Raven turned her head. Aqualad grinned at her as he placed his hands behind his back and floated downwards. Floated? Now she really knew she was going crazy. People don't float...okay so some did but...she scowled and then looked at herself, she too was floating downwards as if suspended in water even though there was nothing around her.  
  
"Nearly there!" Aqualad yelled, well by watching his face it looked as if he was yelling but she couldn't hear a thing.  
  
"What is this place?" she yelled back but even to her, her voice sounded muted and terribly quiet.  
  
"What?" he yelled back.  
  
"Never mind!" she yelled waving her hand as if to try and tell him what she meant by using sign-language.  
  
He put his hand to his ear and grinned.  
  
Raven folded her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at him. She didn't know if this was some sort of game he was playing but she was getting uneasy when she was continuously floating downwards without knowing if she was going to stop any time soon  
  
But she had only just thought about the prospect of floating down forever when the ground suddenly rushed up to meet her. She hit the sand hard and her knees bent under the impact. She straightened slightly and looked around. Aqualad landed next to her.  
  
"Welcome to the atlantian beach!" he said proudly spreading his arms.  
  
Raven raised her eyebrows and looked around. They were in a small cavern. The walls and roof of it were covered in fragments of precious stones and glittering veins of blue and gold ran in the warm sand under her feet but still, there was no water. "Uh, this is the beach?" she asked in confusion.  
  
Aqualad rubbed the back of his neck, "Okay no it's not but just beyond that opening right there is the beach." He said dropping his arm slightly and pointing towards the small doorway she had not noticed before.  
  
"Riiiiiiight..."  
  
##I'm moving,  
I'm coming,  
Can you hear what I hear?  
It's calling you my dear,  
(Take me to my beach)  
I can hear it, calling you,  
I'm coming not drowning,  
Swimming closer to you##  
  
"I'm mean serious." He said with mock indignation, "Come on this way, hopefully no one else will be there."  
  
Raven followed him almost hesitantly trying to ignore how warm the sand was. She could feel the gentle warmth up from under the soles of her boots. It was a nice feeling it almost felt safe, "Who else would be there?"  
  
Aqualad shrugged, "Some other atlantians maybe. Most of my race don't come here often they're too busy but sometimes the occasional person will come to relax or to have competitions."  
  
"Oh." Said Raven she really didn't want to meet any new people at the moment especially atlantians.  
  
The two of them reached the opening and Aqualad paused, "Yeah the competitions are really rare though. If anyone we'll meet people relaxing and it's a big beach so we could just move to another spot." He winked at Raven and then disappeared through the opening.  
  
Raven scowled at him but followed him nonetheless.  
  
When she emerged out into the light she was...awestruck to say the least. The sand was a mixture of silver and gold. And the huge cliffs that flanked the beach were pale grey washed with silver. Long trailing vines were hanging from every crevasse and blooming purple and yellow flowers were wrapped around every outcrop. The icy sky blue waters lapped at the sand gently. Raven looked up at the cliffs and let her gaze sweep right the way across. Aqualad had been right. The beach was huge. The stone ceiling was mixed with precious gems that glittered and shone. They were as much of a light source as the huge fired torches that stood near the rock face on the entrance side. Raven felt the breath catch in her throat as she turned to see a huge waterfall, the clear sparkling waters shifted as they ran down the side of the rocks and splashed into the darkness of the water creating silver and cream foam and golden bubbles. She could see smaller waterfalls around the beach.  
  
She was so dazzled by it all that it took all of her will power to not just stand there gaping like a fish.  
  
##Never been here before,  
I'm intrigued, I'm unsure,  
I'm searching for more,  
I've got something that's all mine,  
I've got something that's all mine##  
  
"It looks like there's no one else here..." began Aqualad standing up on his toes and checking out the beach with quick and dark eyes. "Okay I take that back there is someone else here."  
  
"Who?" asked Raven finally when she recovered her ability to speak coherently.  
  
"A friend of mine...I don't think that's he's seen us so...oh too late. He's coming over." Aqualad muttered a curse under his breath, "Timing. Very bad timing."  
  
Raven looked towards the direction where Aqualad was staring and narrowed her eyes. Sure enough a teenage boy with black hair was walking towards them smiling. She narrowed her eyes further; did that guy have a tail? She shook her head as she realised that the boy just had really long hair that had been tied back in a bind. Spiky black bangs fell in front of his face almost hiding his golden cat-like eyes.  
  
Raven wondered whether or not other atlantians had eyes like that.  
  
"Aqualad! Hey! What brings you here?" asked the boy as he got closer. Raven could see now that he was closer that he was wearing some sort of Chinese fighting out fit.  
  
"Hey Rei. I came to show Raven this place." Said Aqualad smoothly beckoning towards Raven.  
  
"Oh, right." The boy flashed a smile and Raven could make out slightly pointed teeth. She wondered if she should be worried that the boy had fangs, "Hey Raven." He said softly, "I'm Rei." He held out his gloved hand.  
  
Raven looked at the appendage and then looked back at his face. She didn't say anything. She didn't really want to talk to someone she'd only just met especially someone who's appearance unnerved her so.  
  
##Take me somewhere I can breathe,  
I've got so much to see,  
This is where I want to be,  
In a place I can call mine,  
In a place I can call mine##  
  
Rei stared at her for a moment and then smiled, "The silent type I see. Just like Kai. You should meet him." Rei turned around as if looking for someone.  
  
"Kai's here?" asked Aqualad raising his eyebrows and smirking.  
  
Rei looked back at him and grinned, "Yep, Kai!" he leaned forward and cupped his hands to his mouth, "Kai! Hey Kai get over here!"  
  
Raven watched this silently.  
  
"What are you two doing here then?" asked Aqualad leaning back on the wall.  
  
Rei grinned and his fangs flashed again, "You want me to answer that in all honesty?"  
  
Raven looked at Aqualad as he suddenly laughed and waved his hands in front of him, "Nope, never mind. I don't think I want to know!"  
  
Raven scowled.  
  
Rei grinned, "I knew you were gonna say that." He laughed and then smiled at Raven, "You'll like Kai, he never says much either. And when he does its often condescending and sometimes rude." Rei shrugged. "KAI!"  
  
Another teen came around the corner and scowled darkly. Raven noticed his eyes first of all and the dark look in them made her shiver. They were blood red. Raven stared at this new teen and came to the conclusion that she didn't like him at all. He was wearing black trousers and a black sleeveless shirt. His hands were covered with long black fingerless gloves that sported cruel curled blades at the elbow. A long white scarf trailed behind him from his neck. Raven scowled. The boy's hair was two toned blue, the front spikes were slate blue and the longer hair at the back was dark blue. What confused her the most though were the four pale blue triangular tattoos that he had on his face. They made him look vicious.  
  
"What?" the teen snapped, "I thought you were going to come straight back."  
  
Rei grinned, "Aww Kai I was just saying hello and anyway I want you to meet Aqualad's new friend Raven."  
  
"But why?" questioned both Raven and Kai at the same time in the same exasperated tone.  
  
## I'm moving,  
I'm coming,  
Can you hear what I hear?  
It's calling you my dear,  
(Take me to my beach)  
I can hear it, calling you,  
I'm coming not drowning,  
Swimming closer to you##  
  
Rei and Aqualad looked at each other and chuckled.  
  
Raven sighed and crossed her arms again, "I take it you are both atlantians then?" she asked trying to make conversation and not appear rude for Aqualad's sake.  
  
Rei grinned and pointed to his chest, "Born and bred, isn't that right Kai?"  
  
Kai was silent.  
  
"Kai." Rei said again turning slightly to fix the blue haired teen with a quizzical look.  
  
Raven and Aqualad just stared. Aqualad groaned slightly as if this was something he was used to seeing. "Not again." He muttered under his breath.  
  
Rei looked at Kai closely, "Kai?"  
  
He received no response.  
  
Rei's eyes narrowed slightly and the cat like pupil slit in aggravation, "KAI!"  
  
The blue haired teen cracked open one of his now closed eyes and gave the dark haired atlantian an annoyed look, "What?"  
  
Rei faltered, "Is this about earlier? I knew it! You're mad aren't you? I'm so stupid, are you mad?"  
  
Raven and Aqualad's interest piqued and they leaned forward slightly.  
  
"What happened earlier?" asked Aqualad looking from one of his friends to the other.  
  
The two atlantians were silent and Rei blushed dark red and turned away slightly, "Nothing." They both muttered at the same time.  
  
There was silence on the beach for a moment and the only the sound of the waterfalls were heard.  
  
"Are you mad?" asked Rei finally after fidgeting for a while.  
  
Kai turned his back on them and snorted, "Maybe."  
  
"Urgh...I said I was sorry!" Rei whined creeping towards the older boy.  
  
Kai looked over his shoulder at Rei, "It doesn't change the fact that you did it though does it?" he asked and looked back over at the water his gaze avoiding Rei's.  
  
"I'll make it up to you then! Is there any way I can make it up to you?" he asked whilst flashing a grin at Raven and Aqualad who were standing watching the interaction between the two boys with growing interest and confusion.  
  
"No."  
  
##Moving, coming, can you hear what I hear?  
(Hear it out of reach)  
I hear it calling you, swimming closer to you##  
  
Rei wrung his hands together and blanched slightly as Kai began to walk off head held high, "Are you sure there is nothing I can do?" he asked his voice almost desperate.  
  
Kai paused and turned slightly, there was amusement in his eyes, "That all depends on what you're willing to do."  
  
Rei's eyes widened slightly and his face suddenly broke into wide grin that threatened to split his face in half, he waved at Aqualad and Raven and then bounced after the retreating Kai, "I can do almost anything! I'm very flexible after all..." his voice trailed off as the two of them got further and further away.  
  
Aqualad laughed, "I'll see you later then!" he called.  
  
The two boys turned, Rei waved and Kai smirked.  
  
Raven narrowed her eyes as the boys grew smaller and smaller as they approached the horizon, "Um...are those two...." Her voice trailed off.  
  
Aqualad grinned, "Yes. They are."  
  
Raven's eyes widened in surprise, "And atlantians don't mind that?" she asked watching as the two others finally disappeared from view.  
  
Aqualad shrugged, "We've never really thought about it. Most of the atlantians spend too much time working to ever fall in love and those that do are often considered lucky and special. Gender was never really an issue to us."  
  
Raven nodded, "I think atlantians are more humane that humanity." She shrugged and looked again at the beach.  
  
##Many faces I have seen,  
Many places I have been,  
Walked the deserts, swam the shores,  
(Coming closer to you)  
Many faces I have known,  
Many ways that I have grown,  
Moving closer on my own,  
(Coming closer to you)##  
  
"It's beautiful isn't it?" he asked her suddenly.  
  
Raven stared at the landscape before her as the shock finally wore off, "Yeah. It's magnificent...I...I wish I could come here more." She ended and sat down on the warm sand. She ignored the particles that found their way into her cloak. They would wash out later.  
  
Aqualad sat down next to her and put his elbows on his knees, "Well if you ever want to come here...all you have to do is ask."  
  
Raven blinked in surprise. Aqualad grinned at her owlish expression, "Are you serious?" she asked.  
  
"Yes." He replied staring at her eyes.  
  
##I move it, I feel it,  
I'm coming not drowning,  
I move it, I feel it,  
I'm coming not drowning##  
  
Raven blushed slightly, "Thank you."  
  
They fell silent for while as they both watched the water rising and falling with the tide. It was peaceful as if they were both living in a child's dream.  
  
Eventually though it was Raven who broke the comfortable silence and looked over at Aqualad, "Hey." She said quietly lowering her eyes to the sand as the words left her lips.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You...you can hold my hand if you want." She asked and the looked away embarrassed. She kicked herself inwardly. What was she thinking? She didn't know. She sighed inwardly. This no timidity thing was going to get her into a lot of bother. She had thought she'd over stepped the line until she felt cool fingers curl around her own.  
  
She jumped slightly at the contact and looked up at him.  
  
Aqualad smiled softly, "Okay."  
  
Raven conveniently decided to forget that she had said she didn't like to be touched. Raven gave him the best smile she could manage. There was no happiness in it but copious amounts of relief and certainty were present.  
  
## I'm moving,  
I'm coming,  
Can you hear what I hear?  
It's calling you my dear,  
(Take me to my beach)  
I can hear it, calling you,  
I'm coming not drowning,  
Swimming closer to you,  
(Take me to my beach)## 


	21. I Wish

Disclaimer: I do not own the teen titans or the words to the song I Wish by Gabrielle. Little Robin/Raven scene here! Wahoo! It's about damn time.  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Twenty One: I Wish  
  
26th November  
  
Robin stared at Raven from across the kitchen. He was busy making scrambled eggs for his breakfast because the other had all gone out for some reason that was not known to him. He suspected that Beast Boy had dragged them off to buy Christmas decorations. Aqualad was busy in Atlantis today and that left him alone with Raven.  
  
That wasn't a good thing. For one he couldn't stop staring at her. He really didn't know what was wrong with him. He should be happy after all over the past four days Raven had agreed to go to more places with the rest of them than ever before. She smiled more too although Robin thought there was something in her smile that made her expression seem...he didn't know, empty some how. He told himself again that he should be happy for her after all it was public knowledge now that Raven and Aqualad were a couple. They had announced it four days ago the night that they went to the mall.  
  
And yet despite this announcement that they both had made he had seen no interaction between them to suggest that they were actual boy friend and girlfriend. He had seen Raven smiling at Aqualad and a few times when they had been caught holding hands but apart from that...he had never seen the two of them kiss or cuddle and for some reason that small piece of information made him smile widely.  
  
His eyes focused back on Raven and he watched her for a moment more. She was sat at the end of the semi-circle sofa in front of the TV and had her head buried deep in the pages of a thick black leather book. He could only imagine what she was reading about. He couldn't really pay attention to the book because he was too busy staring at her face. Her eyes were staring down at the page intently and he saw things in her face that normally he never saw. He wondered if he should read the book, if it was good enough to make Raven betray her own feelings it must be a best seller or something. He had suddenly decided he was going to add purple to his list of enchanting colours.  
  
##You don't know what you do to me,  
Sometimes I feel,  
You knock me off my feet##  
  
Smoke blocked his view for a moment and he glared at it. Smoke? He looked down and yelped. He jumped backwards quite comically and waved his hands at the now burning eggs.  
  
Raven looked up from her book, smiled wryly and settled into a more comfortable position to watch.  
  
Robin looked up at her while fanning away the smoke, "I could use some help here you know!" he yelled to her.  
  
Raven merely looked at him and arched an eyebrow, "It's your mess." She said simply closing her book and watching.  
  
"Oh gee thanks." Muttered Robin running to the sink, forgetting to take the pan off the stove. He turned on the tap and cold water rushed out. Robin tried to ignore the feeling that Raven was laughing at him as he grabbed at the nearest pan to him. His hand closed around the handle and he swung it under the water waiting for it to fill up. He cast a worried glance at the pan and was horrified to see the stove ablaze with orange flames. Smoke was rising in great billows up to the ceiling. "ARGH!" he yelled and turning threw the contents of the pan onto the stove. The flames hissed but didn't die.  
  
##Oh how I wish that we could be alone,  
Oh how I wish to me,  
That you belonged##  
  
He grabbed another discarded item, a mug and filled that with cold water. It didn't occur to him to actual turn the stove off first or just pick up the fire extinguisher.  
  
He looked through the smoke and was annoyed to find Raven still sitting down watching.  
  
She noticed him looking at her with an annoyed expression and she stared back at him nothing showing on her face, "There's an easy way to put that fire out you know." She said leaning forwards.  
  
Robin scowled and threw the water on the stove. It had no effect and he made a noise in the back of his throat, "Well you're not doing this so I'll do it my way!" he yelled. She shrugged at him. He was about to open his mouth to reply when a sudden shrieking noise rang out. "What the hell?!" Robin shouted looking around.  
  
"That's the fire alarm." Reminded Raven from where she sat.  
  
Robin scowled. Somehow he knew it was all her fault this had happened. If the guys found out of this he would never hear the end of it. Beast Boy would be living off the humiliation it caused him for months.  
  
He growled at the flames.  
  
Suddenly there was a flash of purple light and Raven was beside him. He jumped at her sudden appearance and watched as she waved her hand. The dial on the stove rotated slightly until it clicked into an off position. At the same time the alarm overhead was cut off.  
  
Raven beset him with a slight glare.  
  
##I often watch you when you're least aware,  
Even though I know, it's really rude to stare##  
  
Robin looked sheepish, "I guess that wasn't helping..." he was cut off from further speech when the water sprinklers on the ceiling of the kitchen suddenly decided to come into play and rained ice cold water down on their heads.  
  
As the last of the fire spluttered and died the smoke moved out across the expanse of the ceiling activating more inside rain until finally it began to drift out of the open windows and into the early morning sky.  
  
Robin looked across at Raven and felt something inside him take flight. Raven was standing before him and to he wondered why he had never noticed how really beautiful she was. Her hand was her hip; the left side of her cloak was thrown over her shoulder while the right side hung down in front of her covering her other arm. Her hood was down. Her hair was beginning to stick to her face with the wetness, water slid across her face like tears.  
  
"What?" asked Raven tilting her head back to look at Robin clearly.  
  
##Sometimes I find I just can't help myself,  
Because I want you and nobody else##  
  
Robin didn't blink, "Beautiful..." he murmured and as if on its own accord his hand reached out towards her. He knew he was probably going to get himself killed, he doubted that Raven would have welcomed his feelings even before she started seeing Aqualad but now consequences were making everything complicated. He was definitely going to get himself killed...but what a way to go.  
  
Raven didn't move as his hand touched her shoulder, her eyes seemed to open and for the first time he saw something that truly scared him.  
  
Nothing. It was like looking into the eyes of a porcelain doll.  
  
"Raven..." he whispered as he stepped forward.  
  
She didn't move, didn't blink, and didn't say anything. Now was his chance if he really felt something for Raven then he could act on it now and if there was nothing there then they could hopefully go back to normal.  
  
Robin moved closer again and brought his other hand up to cup her face. He was surprised at how cold her skin was, but he put that down to the ice cold water still raining down. He tilted her head up so she was looking at him, and he could see himself reflected in her eyes.  
  
##My heart skips a beat,  
Whenever you are near,  
And I just don't know,  
What I'm gonna do##  
  
The water had slicked his hair back and it looked like solidified oil rather than actual hair. It fell across his forehead awkwardly and he drew himself even closer to Raven all the time wondering why he wasn't dead yet.  
  
He lowered his head, their lips were mere inches apart and the gap was slowly closing.  
  
But then...  
  
##Oh how I wish,  
That you were here,  
Oh how I wish,  
That you were near,  
Holding me tight,  
Spending some time  
Wish you were mine##  
  
"Friend Raven! Friend Robin where are you we saw the smoke from the window!" cried Starfire floating in through the door whipping her head around trying to locate her friends. She hit the button near to the door and the sprinkler systems shut off in one loud bang.  
  
Sanity finally returned to Raven and she jerked backwards away from Robin as if he had burned her. She looked towards the door that the other four had come in through wildly.  
  
"Raven..." began Robin reaching towards her.  
  
"Dude what happened?" yelled Beast Boy grabbing at his hair and staring in horror at the bowl of now soggy popcorn he had left on the table that morning. Terra laughed at him and hugged his arm while whispering sweet nothings in his ear.  
  
"Friends! Are you injured?"  
  
"What the hell happened here? Oh man...the TV got wet..." complained Cyborg walking over to check the damaged monitor.  
  
Robin watched as Raven quickly composed herself and the emotionless look slid down over her features.  
  
"Robin burnt breakfast." She muttered avoiding making eye contact with everyone. Robin felt something reverberate with pain as she turned away from all of them and walked over to the sofa. She looked down at her wet book and using her powers she tossed it in the bin. "I'm going to my room to meditate." She said and then swept off towards the stairs.  
  
Robin watched her go.  
  
##My thoughts revealed,  
I'm showing all the signs,  
When we're face to face,  
I can't look in your eyes##  
  
"Man what were you cooking?" asked Terra turning up her nose at the horrible grey black and yellow ash that lay in the bottom of the frying pan.  
  
Robin jerked out of his reverie by the sound of the blonde girl's voice; he looked at the mess in the pan and then gave them a bland look, "What do you think? It was scrambled eggs."  
  
"Dude." Said Beast Boy coming over to stand by Terra and inspect the pan, "Even I wouldn't eat that. Maybe you shouldn't cook. Ever again."  
  
Starfire floated over and tucked her hand in Robin's. Robin wanted to pull away at the contact but he knew that that wouldn't be fair to Star and he really didn't want to hurt her. "I agree Beast Boy. You should leave all future cooking to me!"  
  
"Nah I know he just needs lessons!" exclaimed Beast Boy in a hurry, "I'll teach you how to cook, no worries!"  
  
Terra, Cyborg and Robin's face immediately relaxed from the horrified expression they had been stunned into.  
  
"Okay." Agreed Starfire happily laying her head on Robin's shoulder ignoring the fact that it was still wet from the sprinklers.  
  
Robin forced a smile onto his face, knew that no one must ever find out what had nearly transpired between himself and Raven. Not only would it destroy the whole team but it would wreck all the bonds of friendship that had been years in the making.  
  
Robin counted himself lucky that they had come in when they did, otherwise, well if they had come in just a few seconds later he knew that the reactions would have been loud, angry and possibly accompanied by tears and violence. He breathed a silent sigh of relief.  
  
##Sometimes I find I just can't help myself,  
Because I want you and nobody else##  
  
"Robin! Let us go back out to the mall! Just you and I!" chirped Starfire dragging him unwillingly towards the door.  
  
Robin looked back at the others; they were already deep in conversation. Robin's thoughts turned to Raven what was she thinking right now? He didn't know. She could be thinking all sorts and he hated not being there to explain. It was allowing her to draw conclusions to things that had not gone as planned.  
  
## My heart skips a beat,  
Whenever you are near,  
And I just don't know,  
What I'm gonna do##  
  
Starfire opened the door to the titan's tower and dragged Robin outside. The sun was bright and the air was clean and cool. But Robin couldn't pay attention to any of that right now, he had to sort out his head and he needed to explain to Raven. He needed to explain. He needed to.  
  
##Oh how I wish,  
That you were here,  
Oh how I wish,  
That you were near,  
Holding me tight,  
Spending some time  
Wish you were mine##  
  
"Come on Robin! Let us make haste!" said Starfire tugging on his arm again.  
  
Robin looked back at the closed door of the tower and then looked back at Starfire who was grinning at him expectantly. He didn't want to disappoint her but suddenly he felt as if he was with Kitten again. Forced into something against his will. He had to tell himself that he was the one who had started this relationship with Starfire. He sighed braced himself and then allowed himself to be dragged along.  
  
He would explain later. He hoped Raven would understand. He needed her to understand...he was beginning to think that he needed what he couldn't have. Raven.  
  
He didn't notice a pair of empty violet eyes fixed on him from one of the higher windows of the tower as he and Starfire walked off. He didn't notice that the emptiness behind the eyes grew a little more the further away he got.  
  
##My heart skips a beat,  
Whenever you are near,  
And I just don't know,  
What I'm gonna do,  
Oh how I wish...## 


	22. Just The Way I'm Feeling

Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans or the words to the song Just The Way I'm Feeling by Feeder. PS in the next arises between Robin and Aqualad...ooh! And I think that, yes, Robin/Raven is a lot cuter than Aqualad/Raven! And I have something really special planned for Christmas! But I'm not gonna tell you what that is...mwahahaha!  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Twenty-Two: Just The Way I'm Feeling  
  
27th November  
  
Raven sat at the bottom of the shower at the warm water wash away the blood that had dried on her arms. She wondered if she was doomed to live a life full of complications and disappointments. But had happened with Robin yesterday had made her think that maybe he did notice and was aware of what she was going through. But then he had gone out with Star anyway and had forgotten about her like she was a broken toy. She wiped her hair back behind her ears with both her hands.  
  
She hadn't gone back to nevermore since she had been chucked out; she was trying to block the whole ordeal from her mind. But it wasn't working very well. At least Aqualad was coming round tomorrow and his companionship would serve as a good distraction.  
  
##Love in,  
Love out,  
Finally feeling##  
  
She wasn't sure what she felt for Aqualad she couldn't deny that he seemed concerned for her and that he was always very friendly and put her needs before his own. He had even shown her to that wonderful beach. They had gone back the day after and had lunch with Kai and Rei. It had been a suitable activity to use up time. New people didn't bother her much. They didn't care for her deeply and so wouldn't pry into her life.  
  
That had suited her just fine at the time. But now after the incident with her leader she was beginning to think that maybe she wanted someone to interfere in her life.  
  
She stood up shakily and fumbling she turned the shower off. It cut off with a groan and the red water drained away. She clicked the light off and went back into her room. She walked over to the cabinet and bandaged her arm almost methodically as if it were a chore. She dressed in her uniform quickly not even pausing to think about the few other clothes she had in her wardrobe. She was in no mood for such frivolous things.  
  
She didn't look at the mirror as she passed it by as she re-entered the bathroom and grabbed her drying dagger. Almost lovingly she stroked the hilt and then placed it gently in the drawer from whence it had came.  
  
With one last look around herself she flicked her cloak over her shoulders and strode from her room out into the hall.  
  
##Scream in,  
Scream out,  
Time for healing##  
  
She descended the stairs into the kitchen and scowled when everyone looked up at her.  
  
"Morning Raven!" called Beast Boy leaning back in his chair and grinning like a maniac, "Just thought you'd like to know that I'm going to make an announcement later!" he didn't wait for her reply and went back to shovelling obscene amounts of tofu into his face like there was no tomorrow.  
  
Raven was going to raise her eyebrows but her body decided against it and she just stared, she looked at the others for some sort of hint but they all just shrugged and shook their heads. She sighed and slid into the only empty space which was next to Cyborg but unfortunately it was opposite Robin. The boy wonder tried to catch her eye but she kept her gaze down.  
  
"We are having a feast of tofu!" proclaimed Starfire as if the announcement itself would solve world hunger. The red haired girl grinned brightly and passed a plate of white clay to Raven.  
  
Raven stared down at it. Maybe it was still alive.  
  
Cyborg was shaking his head at his own food, "So what's everyone doing today?" he asked while emptying half a container of salt on his tofu eggs.  
  
Starfire grinned and ate some of her eggs, "I do not know. Perhaps we should all go to the park and commence the ritual of hanging out?" she suggested.  
  
Terra whispered something to Beast Boy who hastily swallowed what he was eating, "Yeah I can do that!" everyone looked at him; he shoved more tofu in his mouth, "Go to the park I mean." He said between mouthfuls.  
  
"I'm up for that." Agreed Cyborg, "Pass the pepper please. What do you say Robin?"  
  
Robin passed the pepper absently, "Yeah I guess." He said stabbing at his own food with his fork.  
  
Cyborg nodded and began showering his salty eggs with pepper.  
  
"Dude!" protested Beast Boy, "You're gonna kill the taste if you do that!"  
  
Cyborg grinned wryly, "That's the whole idea." With a grin he tipped the plate up and emptied the well seasoned eggs into his mouth. With a gulp he swallowed and licked his lips. "Mmm." He said, "But now I'm thirsty."  
  
Raven didn't say anything as she moved the cartoon of orange juice from the counter top with her magic and set it down in front of Cyborg.  
  
"Thanks Rae." He said drinking straight from the carton much too every one else's distaste.  
  
##You feel the moments gone too soon,  
You're watching clouds come over you,  
Torn in two,  
You close your eyes for some place new,  
Torn in two##  
  
"Can't you use a glass?" snapped Robin picking his head up and glaring at his friend.  
  
The others froze, they were glad someone had something but they had never expected it to be their leader and never with such an annoyed tone.  
  
Cyborg drained the carton and met Robin's glare, "You should have said earlier. Man chill it didn't do any harm."  
  
Everyone's, minus Raven's, eyes were fixed on Robin and they were wide with surprise and concern. Raven could almost see the wheels turning in their heads. They were wondering what had happened to make their leader so uptight.  
  
Raven bowed her head over her plate and tuned out Robin's mumbled apologies. She tried her best to ignore the idle chatter that was going on around her. Her cuts were starting to sting; she was beginning to think that she had wrapped the bandages too tight. She risked a look around the table, maybe no one would notice if she slipped away to her room. She didn't want to cut off her circulation.  
  
Raven's expression twisted suddenly and her fists clenched in anger. She didn't know why she felt as if she had to cut herself to drown out all the emotion turmoil she felt. She hated her powers for what they restricted her to. Everyone else could just talk about it freely, she didn't think they realised how lucky they were.  
  
She wondered if she was obsessed with her own destruction.  
  
##I feel it's going down,  
Ten feet below the ground,  
I'm waiting for your healing hand,  
One touch can bring me round,  
I think we're going down,  
Ten feet below the ground##  
  
It was just that she didn't know any other way to deal with sorrow and passive rejection and the feeling that she was slowly dying inside. How could she know she was alive if she didn't feel pain? She was forbidden from feeling emotions but what good is a life like that?  
  
"Raven." A hand was being waved in front of her face, now why hadn't she noticed that before? Her brows knitted into a frown. "Raven."  
  
She looked finally registering the voice that was saying her name. The others were looking at her in concern.  
  
"Are you alright?" asked Robin his eyes searching her face.  
  
Raven looked away from his gaze, didn't he realise that today's pain was because of him? Why couldn't he just leave her alone? Why couldn't he just ignore her like everyone else, after all he had Starfire now. Why would he ever even want her? "I'm fine." She mumbled quickly.  
  
"Oh, it's just that Beast Boy wants to make his announcement thing and we're waiting for you." Robin said in a dejected voice staring down at her bowed head.  
  
"Right." She muttered not looking up even though she knew he was still looking at her. It made her uncomfortable. She vanished suddenly and then reappeared on the couch next to Starfire.  
  
The alien girl jumped but after recovering from her shock she merely beamed as if it were the best day of her life. Raven thought this was very typical of Starfire; the redhead was so naive and innocent. It annoyed Raven to no end.  
  
Robin came and sat down on the other side of Starfire, who immediately linked their hands. Robin lanced at Raven but Raven turned her head away and pretended not to be looking. She tried telling herself that she didn't care.  
  
She hated lying.  
  
##It's just the way I'm feeling,  
It's just the way I'm feeling##  
  
Raven crossed her arms over her chest, she realised it was a defensive posture and that if anyone looked at her body language they would notice something was up but at the moment she couldn't be concerned with such things.  
  
"Alright!" said Beast Boy appearing from nowhere holding a white polythene bags, "My announcement is to do with Christmas!"  
  
Terra groaned and Cyborg chuckled. Everyone else was silent as the five of them looked at Beast Boy and eyed the bag he was holding expectantly.  
  
Raven dropped her eyes after a moment and stared at the floor, hearing the words but not really taking them in as Beast Boy puffed up his chest and started a long speech.  
  
"Well guys, I know that Christmas is nearly upon us after all in one month it will be over and one with." He sighed sadly, "Time flies and I know that over the last few years we haven't done much in order to celebrate but this year I decided we should go all out." He put the bag on the table in front of him and grinned happily at them all.  
  
##Glow in,  
Burn out,  
Lost the feeling,  
Bruise in,  
You bruise out,  
And nurse the bleeding##  
  
Raven sighed inwardly why did they continuously seek to both with such unimportant matters? It was a silly little holiday that had been overtaken by commercial myth. It did not deserve the recognition that the people gave it. Greed was the only thing that fuelled Christmas in her eyes.  
  
Beast Boy gave them all the thumbs up, "I decided that since we're going to have fun this Christmas that I should involve us all in time honoured traditions that have kept children and adults alike captivated for years. This particular tradition rocks, because dude, I know we all love chocolate." He opened the bag carefully and put his hands inside, "And so I bought us all advent calendars!"  
  
"A what?" asked Starfire delighted looking happy despite the fact that she didn't have a clue what an advent calendar was.  
  
Beast Boy shook his head, "Star, it's only one of the best things about Christmas. It's a twenty-five day calendar that you hang on your wall. Under the dates though there are little windows and on each day following from the first of December you open a window and you get a little piece of chocolate shaped in a Christmas shape!"  
  
Starfire squealed in excitement like a little girl, "That is wonderful Beast Boy! And you have bought us all one?"  
  
Beast Boy grinned, "Yeah." He scratched his head, "Even Raven even though I know she probably won't want one."  
  
Raven scowled, they always assumed things about her. Assuming was a dangerous game. They all thought they knew her so well. But they didn't know a thing!  
  
##Torn in two,  
Each time we bruise,  
And I feel it's going down,  
Ten feet below the ground,  
I'm waiting for your healing hand,  
One touch can bring me round,  
I think we're going down,  
Ten feet below the ground##  
  
Beast Boy grinned and drew the first advent calendar from his bag. It was pale blue and had cakes and ponies drawn all over it. He handed it to Starfire with a grin.  
  
Starfire took it and grinned, "Thank you Beast Boy! I shall prepare the pudding of thanks!"  
  
Beast Boy tried to ignore that comment and drew another calendar out, it was black and had giant robots on it. He chucked it at Cyborg who caught it in one hand, nodded his thanks and began studying the pictures.  
  
Raven sighed.  
  
"This one's yours Terra!" Beast Boy cried bringing out a large yellow advent calendar with a picture of the sunset over the Grand Canyon painted on it, "I hope you like it."  
  
Terra looked at it and leapt up to hug Beast Boy.  
  
Beast Boy blushed and went back into the bag, "Uh, here's yours Rob." He said tossing out a red advent calendar that had a hand painting of both batman and himself on it. Robin's eyebrows rose but he thanked Beast Boy all the same.  
  
Raven looked down at the carpet all sorts of thoughts running through her mind.  
  
Why had he left her until last? She told herself that the order in which the calendars were picked was purely coincidental.  
  
"This one's for you Rae." Mumbled Beast Boy nervously, "I didn't know what you liked so I hope this is okay." He thrust something nervously onto her lap.  
  
Raven looked at it.  
  
##It's just the way I'm feeling,  
It's just the way I'm feeling,  
Two different views,  
As words confuse,  
And break,  
I can't get out,  
There's no way out,  
Of here,  
I can't get clear##  
  
The dark purple advent calendar was decorated with a close up picture of the Milky Way galaxy. Raven didn't know what to make of it. She didn't really indulge in chocolate and she didn't think much of Christmas. She frowned down at it.  
  
Robin leaned over and looked at it, "That's a nice one." He said appreciably smiling uncertainly at Raven.  
  
Raven looked up at him briefly, was he goading her? Lulling her into a false sense of security perhaps? She didn't like the game he had decided to play with her. She was unsure what he was trying to do. It was obviously to do with yesterday morning. He was probably worried he was going to tell Star. He needn't worry. She grabbed the advent calendar and shoved it towards Robin, "If you like it. You have it." She stood up and marched off.  
  
"Oh man." Moaned Beast Boy, "I thought I'd got it right that time."  
  
"What is your problem?" yelled Terra after the retreating form of Raven.  
  
"It's best to leave her alone at times like this." Muttered Robin putting Raven's calendar back down on the table next to the plastic bag that contained Beast Boy's own.  
  
"She needs to get an attitude adjustment." Snapped Terra glaring at the door Raven had gone through, "I don't know what Aqualad sees in her."  
  
"I do." Whispered Robin under his breath. But no one heard him and he didn't have the heart to repeat himself.  
  
##Love in,  
Love out,  
Find the feeling,  
I feel it's going down,  
Ten feet below the ground,  
I'm waiting for your healing hand,  
One touch can bring me round,  
I fear we're going down,  
Ten feet below the ground,  
It's just the way I'm feeling,  
It's just the way I'm feeling,  
Yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling## 


	23. I'm With You

Disclaimer: I do not own the teen titans or the words to the song I'm With You by Linkin Park. Ladies and gentlemen conflict had arisen! Bring on the fight!  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Twenty-Three: I'm With You  
  
Raven opened the door with a casual wave her hand. The other titans were near enough avoiding her since the fiasco of yesterday, not that she minded they never paid that much attention to her anyway. Besides Aqualad was here now and he was the only person who she needed to serve as a distraction, she was beginning to wonder though whether she really did want to tell him about her deepest and darkest secrets. Something about what they were doing didn't feel right.  
  
She frowned slightly, she had felt a bit better since they had started going out. However it was not a dramatic increase and didn't people always say that you get better before you get worse. That wasn't a comforting thought. She didn't want things to get any worse. Things were bad enough.  
  
She plastered a fake smile on her face as the door opened to reveal Aqualad.  
  
The dark haired atlantian looked up and grinned, "Hey, Kai and Rei say hi." He said as he stepped over the threshold.  
  
Raven frowned; the two other atlantians were nice enough she supposed but it was as if they were deliberately trying to become her friend. She shuddered. Friends were enemies in disguise, or so her paranoia told her. Instead of saying anything though she raised her eyebrow in question.  
  
Aqualad smiled dryly, "Okay Rei said hi, Kai just sort of ignored the fact that I exist." He gave a small laugh and then looked around, "So what's on the agenda today? Meditation? Talk?"  
  
Raven nodded to him, "Meditation in the morning. After that though whatever you want is good."  
  
Talking about the other atlantians made the emptiness inside her make its appearance known. She wanted the kind of understanding and love that Kai and Rei had. Why couldn't she have that? She wondered if she could have that with Aqualad. He was certainly willing to give it a go. But, she bit her lip and looked through the open doorway leading into the main seating area; she wasn't sure if Aqualad was the one she wanted. In fact she knew that he wasn't but the object of her affection didn't seem to notice her that much...except for that little mishap yesterday...  
  
##I woke up in a dream today,  
To the cold of the static,  
And put my feet on the floor,  
Forgot all about yesterday,  
Remembering I'm pretending,  
To be where I'm not anymore##  
  
########  
  
Aqualad watched as the far away expression made its way onto Raven's features slowly. She bit her lip and glanced to her right. Aqualad followed her gaze and made a face. Why on earth was she staring at Robin? She hadn't even spared him a glance over the last few days so what was so different now? He watched as Robin lifted his head. He gave a nervous smile in Raven's direction and Aqualad failed to notice that Raven turned her head away at this. Aqualad scowled at Robin. Robin as if sensing the hostile gaze transferred his attention to the atlantian. Immediately the leader of the titan's expression hardened.  
  
Aqualad shook his head, gave Robin a disparaging look and then turned away to address Raven.  
  
"Hey, you go ahead to the roof, I'll catch you up in a minute." He tried to make his voice sound casual but he knew that his anger showed through in his tone. He had to stop this thing between Robin and Raven before it started. He had no real idea what was going on. But he was going to stop it at all costs!  
  
Raven folded her arms and gave him a searching look, "Why?"  
  
For a moment Aqualad internally cursed her perceptive mind. He knew that she had picked up on the undercurrent to his words. And trying not to look agitated he gave an easy smile and said smoothly, "I just need to check some things over with Beast Boy. About me staying for Christmas that is. It shouldn't take long."  
  
Raven absorbed his words and she nodded her head, "Okay, you know where I'll be." She smiled hollowly at him and then turned to make her way up to the roof. Aqualad was sure to wait until she had rounded the corner and was out of sight before he turned around and walked through the TV room.  
  
########  
  
Robin's scowl intensified as Beast Boy tried to talk to him. He was leaning against the counter to the side of the couch straining, without trying to look too obvious of course, to hear what Raven and Aqualad was discussing. He mentally pointed out to Beast Boy that he couldn't hear anything with him babbling away. But of course he didn't speak out loud so the green elf just carried on unaware.  
  
##A little taste of hypocrisy,  
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake,  
Slow to react,  
Even though you're so close to me,  
You're still so distant,  
And I can't bring you back##  
  
Robin ignored Beast Boy's loud voice as he saw Aqualad turn and approach him. A thousand curses echoed around the inside of Robin's skull. What had Raven said? Had she said anything? Or nothing? How was he supposed to concentrate of finding Slade with all this aggravation happening? Why were things so God damned hard? He had finally admitted to himself, after the little escapade with the sprinklers and eggs that he really did like Raven that way. But now he faced a dilemma. How did he get Raven without hurting Starfire? Aqualad certainly wasn't making the ordeal any easier. And Raven's odd moods of late were driving him up the wall. He wanted to rip his hair out.  
  
He supposed he would settle with ripping out Aqualad's...  
  
The atlantian tapped him on the shoulder. Robin turned his head slightly to make it known that Aqualad held his attention.  
  
"I would like few words with you Robin. In private."  
  
The tone of his words made Robin's eyes narrow. He noticed that Beast Boy was looking between the two of them as if expecting them to try and swing for one another. The tension in the air was so thick you cut it with a knife. Robin turned fully to face the one that Raven was supposedly 'dating'. It was ridiculous Raven shouldn't be dating this...this...his mind couldn't think of a name good enough...this guy! She should be going out with him. With him, Robin and no one else. Robin was slightly surprised at the viciousness in his thought. Whoa.  
  
"Of course." Replied Robin fighting to keep the disdain he felt inside of him. He failed miserably and the titans in the immediate vicinity noticed and picked their heads up in interest to watch.  
  
Aqualad seemed to be struggling with himself, Robin noticed this and filed the information away in his brain for future use, maybe he could get under the atlantian's skin and use the other's annoyance to his advantage.  
  
Robin didn't exactly like playing dirty but...needs must, to coin a phrase.  
  
Robin leaned away from the counter and led the atlantian out into the hall. He opened the door that led to the training room. Despite being Aqualad's present rival his was still courteous and he held the door open and let the taller boy pass in before him.  
  
Robin walked into the darkened room, he closed the door with a click, the door and walls of the room were thick and it ensured that one would hear the words that were about to be exchanged. Robin reached up with his hand and flicked the light switch on.  
  
Bright light flooded the huge room. But neither of them had the time or the inclination to look around and enjoy the view.  
  
Robin moved over until he stood directly in front of Aqualad. He crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head back slightly to fix the other boy with a glare, "What did you want to talk about then?" he asked not even bothering to keep the annoyance from his tone.  
  
Aqualad met his glare and returned it three-fold, "Raven."  
  
##It's true the way I feel was promised by your face,  
The sound of your voice painted on my memories,  
And even if you're not with me,  
I'm with you##  
  
Robin stiffened slightly and forced himself not to blink. He had gone through a lot of emotional turmoil in the past few days and now that he finally had his feelings figured out he was not going to let anyone stand in his way. "What about Raven?"  
  
"She doesn't want you."  
  
The reply was harsh and abrupt and it definitely was not the one that Robin expected, well he had expected something along the long the lines of negatively but nothing as blunt and as straight to the point as that. Problem was though; Robin viewed this as the wrong point.  
  
Robin looked up his eyes blazing behind his mask, "You what?"  
  
"She doesn't want you. So stop messing around. You have Starfire. Raven doesn't want you." Aqualad's tone was cold.  
  
Robin let his arms fall to his side and he clenched his fists, "And you think it's you she wants?" he asked in challenge.  
  
"She was the one who propositioned me."  
  
Robin froze, not only at the words but he truthfulness he felt coming from them. Even though he had never known Aqualad to lie he just could not accept this fact. Raven would never...  
  
"That's a lie." He growled straining to keep his fists from shaking slightly.  
  
Aqualad folded his own arms, "Go and ask her then."  
  
Robin mind raced; there was no way on earth Raven would ever have asked Aqualad out. Things like that just didn't happen in the real world. It was as if everything had been turned upside down! The thought just didn't sit right with him.  
  
Robin growled in the back of his throat, he shouldn't be doing this he knew, he should be happy for Raven and Aqualad after all isn't that what all good friends do? Robin sighed internally this is what he got for following his heart and not his head.  
  
"So have you kissed her then?" asked Robin raising an eyebrow, he would not let Aqualad win this argument.  
  
Aqualad made a noise but otherwise didn't say a word; there were several moments of silence before he finally did speak, "No. Have you?"  
  
Robin realised that this was a very weird conversation to be having but nonetheless he persevered with it, trying to act confident and cool he smiled although he worried that it came out like a sneer, "Almost."  
  
Robin watched Aqualad's eyes tick nervously. Robin was sure that he had won the argument. There was no possible way to combat that remark.  
  
And so while his thoughts drifted back to Raven Aqualad did something unexpected. And caught of guard Robin had no idea what was going on.  
  
##You, now I see,  
Keeping everything inside,  
You, now I see,  
Even when I close my eyes##  
  
Robin brought his arms up automatically as Aqualad's fist came out of nowhere. The strength of the blow caused him to stumble back a few steps. Robin thanked the fact that he'd had years of training in hand to hand combat. As he skidded to a stop he looked up at Aqualad.  
  
The tall dark haired atlantian was standing in the same position as he had been when he had first spoken only the coldness had vanished from his eyes; they were now full of something that was a cross between a murderous rage and complete helplessness. True, Robin had no idea how he had come up with that analogy of what he saw in his rival's eyes but the description was fitting to say the least.  
  
"Stop messing around with her feelings Robin." The atlantian warned, "She's been a through a lot."  
  
Robin glared, "What's that supposed to mean? I know she has trouble expressing her emotions and that she has secrets and problems that she won't discuss but I want to help her!" he began walking back over, "And I am not messing with her feelings!" this small piece of denial seemed to rile the atlantian more than Robin's previous glares and comments.  
  
Robin ducked to the side swiftly and jumped out of harms way as Aqualad attacked him. The ferocity of the attack threw Robin for a moment, he had assumed Aqualad to be unused to combat like the sort they were now engaged him. He had thought Aqualad to be a lot weaker on land. He saw now, much to his frustration that he was sorely mistaken on the point.  
  
"If that's true then why did you try to kiss her?" asked Aqualad through clenched teeth as he brought his face close to Robin's while lashing out with his fists and feet, "Why when you have Starfire and you know Raven has me?"  
  
Robin blocked the quick and heavy blows smoothly whilst launching a few of his own, "Because I like Raven!"  
  
##I hit you and you hit me back,  
We fall to the floor,  
And the rest of the day stands still,  
Fine line between this and that,  
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real##  
  
Robin stumbled back at the force of Aqualad's next blow. He was surprised at his strength he hadn't thought of the atlantian as being particularly strong.  
  
"But she doesn't like you!"  
  
Robin whipped his head around and his whole body followed he tried to kick Aqualad's legs from under him, but his strike was blocked and parried, "How do you know? Has she told you? Because I would find that hard to believe!" yelled Robin turning midair and jumping away as Aqualad's foot came from nowhere.  
  
Aqualad grunted as Robin's fist connected with his stomach, "No she hasn't told me! But it's obvious!"  
  
Robin snarled as a blow to the chest sent him reeling backwards, "If it's that obvious I would have noticed it!"  
  
"You don't notice anything!" shouted Aqualad appearing before Robin.  
  
Before Robin had time to react Aqualad had forced him back into wall, Robin glared kind of amazed at how quickly he had walked into a corner, "What the hell does that mean?"  
  
Aqualad glared, "It means you don't notice anything!" he repeated.  
  
Robin pushed himself forward separated himself from the wall and he delivered a roundhouse kick to his rival's face. Aqualad dodged, "I notice plenty!" Robin fumed, "It's my job as leader to notice things!"  
  
"Then you're a lousy leader!" retorted Aqualad swinging his fist and catching Robin in the ribs.  
  
Robin felt pain and doubled over, that slight movement made it almost impossible to avoid Aqualad's next move. Almost but not quite. Robin leapt back and whirled around so that he was at Aqualad's back, "You take that back!"  
  
## It's true the way I feel was promised by your face,  
The sound of your voice painted on my memories,  
And even if you're not with me,  
I'm with you##  
  
Aqualad's dark eyes held unbelievable rage and Robin thought he saw jealousy flickering in their depths. So water-boy was jealous huh? Maybe he could use that to his advantage as well. Even though all this was going on Robin inwardly chided himself, he didn't usually act so hot-headedly.  
  
"A good leader would know to leave things well enough alone!"  
  
Robin felt insanely angry at the remark. True fighting over Raven was stupid, it could have been resolved through friendly talking or merely asking Raven but things had quickly escalated and gotten out of hand. Robin supposed it didn't help when the two of them were so used to getting what they wanted. But now Aqualad had taken to insulting his ability to be leader! Robin was mildly outraged...if one could feel mild outrage that is. He had never led his team wrong...okay so there had been a few upsets along the years but nothing serious.  
  
He blocked another attack and another; he knew his arms were going to be bruised to high heaven after this. He kicked out with his left leg and caught the atlantian unawares. Aqualad teetered backwards but regained his balance.  
  
Robin highly doubted that the fighting would stop unless one of them got seriously hurt and was unable to continue. Which was fine by him, the notion that the others would be angered by their little spar did cross his mind at one point but then he reminded himself that Aqualad had started it all.  
  
"If you leave things alone then things get worse!" Robin rubbed his arm slightly as he dodged a plethora of blows aimed his way. After all it was public knowledge that if you left an open wound it would go septic, if you left food it would rot...such was the way of the world. Robin resented the fact that he was philosophising at such an important event.  
  
"Just leave Raven alone!" yelled Aqualad kicking at Robin's chest just as Robin lunged forward with his fists drawn back, "Leave her ALONE!" he bellowed the last word and it echoed around the room.  
  
Robin spun away from the attack thrown at him; Aqualad blocked his fist and for a second both of them stood back chests heaving, sweat beading on their foreheads.  
  
Their ragged breaths were loud in the silent room. Robin opened his mouth to reply but before his words could come out the door to the training room opened and Starfire, Cyborg, Terra and Beast Boy piled in looking alarmed.  
  
Both fighters paused in surprise and looked up.  
  
TIMING! Screamed Robin's mind, IF ANYONE HAD ANY, WOULD BE NICE! But alas no one could hear his internal ranting.  
  
Starfire blinked her wide eyes at them, "What are you doing? Robin? Aqualad?" it seemed she was the only one capable of speech at the moment, the others' jaws seemed to be glued to the floor as they stared open mouthed at the two boys.  
  
Robin felt a vein throb in his temple.  
  
Aqualad walked towards the door suddenly not bothering to answer Starfire's question or offer a greeting to the other three. When he reached the doorway he paused and looked over his shoulder.  
  
"The ball, as they say Robin, is in your court." He turned to Beast Boy, "Tell Raven I was called away on urgent business and that I'll see her tomorrow." Beast Boy nodded dumbly as Aqualad smiled at the others, "See you around guys." He said to the others and then disappeared down the hall. The defining sound of the front door closing could be heard loudly. Everyone turned back to Robin questions in their eyes and on their tongues.  
  
"Court?" asked Starfire, "Were you playing tennis Robin?"  
  
Robin scowled, "No. We weren't"  
  
##No,  
No matter how far we've come,  
I can't wait to see tomorrow,  
No matter how far we've come,  
I can't wait to see tomorrow,  
With you## 


	24. Gonna Be Fine

Disclaimer: I don't own the teen titans or the words to the song Gonna Be Fine by Amy Studt. Ergh sorry for the wait, things keep getting in the way...  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Twenty Four: Gonna Be Fine  
  
28th November  
  
The training room was silent for a few moments. Robin blinked again but it seemed that no matter how many times he closed his eyes and opened them again he was always going to see the same two things. The first was the confused and slightly perturbed stares of his team mates, and the naive expression still implanted upon Starfire's features. Robin was beginning to wonder how she would have survived on earth if she had never come to the teen titans. The silence grew heavier and when the gazes of his friends bored into him he shifted slightly onto his other foot dreading the questions that they were going to ask.  
  
"What were you two doing then?" asked Beast Boy curling his arm around Terra's waist and pulling the blonde closer to him. "Because, dude, it didn't look or sound good."  
  
Robin straightened slightly, he was torn between two options, covering up what he had really been doing and then saving himself and Raven a lot of unnecessary embarrassment, or telling the whole unadulterated truth and faces many more questions, tears, tantrums and the possible breaking up of the titans. He decided that the latter was not a good choice. So instead he dragged a hand through his now sticky hair, noting he would have to have a shower now, and put an easy smile on his face. He told himself internally that this small lie was for the greater good, "We were just sparring Beast Boy. Aqualad was telling me that he's taken up hand to hand combat and wanted to test his skills on someone with experience." He kept his tone casual and his smile convincing.  
  
##Constantly finding ways to fill this empty space,  
But still it seems like nothing touches you anymore,  
And you're not really sure which way to turn##  
  
Starfire predictably swallowed this explanation like it was a strawberry and proceeded to latch herself onto Robin's arm. Briefly Robin wondered if actually caused her physical pain for her to not be in constant contact with him. That was another thing he had started to notice about Star as of late, she was particularly clingy. Not something that he was a big fan of. He struggled to keep his smile. "That is excellent news Robin, perhaps we could invite Aqualad to live here and become an official member of the titans and not just an honorary member."  
  
Robin suspected he must have blanched or winced at her words because Cyborg's eyes suddenly narrowed dramatically. Robin tried to ignore it and focused his attention on Starfire, "Yeah, but after that sparring match I think I need to go and take another shower." He deliberately moved away from the topic that Starfire had brought up and hoped no one would notice. And it didn't seem that anyone had.  
  
Starfire nodded and detached herself somewhat reluctantly, "Okay Robin. Could you tell friend Raven that we are all ordering food in tonight?" he tone was light and it seemed to Robin that she said it a bit too enthusiastically. He began to suspect that maybe Starfire had something planned. "We are all going to eat Chinese food and play the great game of Truth and Dare!"  
  
"That's truth or dare!" corrected Terra breaking away from Beast Boy's embrace and heading back out into the hall, "But first I'm going the mall to get an outfit for Christmas, anyone wanna come with?"  
  
Cyborg shook his head as he too exited the training room, "Nah, I got a high score to beat on the game cube." He waved at them all, "See you later guys!" he disappeared around the corner and only his heavy footsteps could be heard echoing down the hallway.  
  
Starfire squealed suddenly and attached herself onto a stunned Terra, "I shall accompany you to the mall of shopping!"  
  
Robin wasn't sure but he was sure that he saw Terra mouth the words, 'oh joy.' Silently to no one in particular. He shook his head as the girls departed with Beast Boy in tow. He must've been imagining things.  
  
##If you feel the sadness sweep you off your feet,  
Doubled in the things that you feel,  
Don't be afraid of who you are,  
And don't be afraid to stand your ground##  
  
When he was alone Robin realised that he faced a dilemma, the others were heading out so that meant that he had to tell Raven what they were having to eat this evening and tell her that Aqualad had unexpectedly left. He really didn't want to be the bearer of bad news.  
  
It was some small thought inside him that said, reasonably enough, that if he delivered bad tidings, he knew that thinking this was over dramatic, then Raven would associate him with the bad things...he chided himself gently, he really was being dramatic. Really over dramatic.  
  
But he had more important things to worry about. He had two choices, he was sure that the road he was walking down had about twenty five different crossroads. He just hoped he hadn't made a wrong turn. Anyway, he had two choices he was supposed to go and talk to Raven. However he was sweaty and so a shower would be preferable first, but if by the time he finished showering she was already looking around for Aqualad, then when he finally told her what he was meant to she could blow up on him for not telling her sooner. He frowned. To shower first or not to? That was the question. True the problem may not be as world crippling as poverty and hunger, and not as life threatening as earthquakes and volcanoes and not as politically interesting as the worlds economic crisis. However it was right up on the top of Robin's list next to buying more Christmas presents and stopping Slade.  
  
Robin was quite proud to say that his priorities were in order.  
  
Unconsciously he began to make the trek to his room, pondering more trivial things along the way.  
  
In the end he decided a quick shower would be best.  
  
##Because at the end of the day,  
You're one step closer to finding your way,  
And although you might think you're out of time,  
You're gonna be fine##  
  
After breaking the world record for speed showering Robin quickly dressed in black jeans and a red long sleeved polo-neck jumper. He tossed his uniform in the wicker laundry basket and made a sharp exit from his room kicking his door closed behind him.  
  
He made a beeline for the next floor up where Raven's room was and then paused. He changed his route quickly realising that she would probably still be on the roof meditating and chanting her magic words. He smiled at the thought but shook his head as he began the gruelling task of climbing up the many stairs. It wasn't the first time he had envied her teleportation skills.  
  
Raven swept past him heading in the opposite direction.  
  
Robin continued walking and then paused confused. He looked over his shoulder, to check if he had seen what he had thought he had seen. Sure enough Raven was descending the stairs. Army style he rotated his body about face and started back down the stairs.  
  
He finally drew level to her.  
  
She ignored him.  
  
He cleared his throat.  
  
She still ignored him.  
  
Okay, his mind told him, she was obviously ignoring him because of what happened the other day. That was understandable he supposed. She could at least acknowledge him. He berated himself; maybe she was waiting for him to say something. So he said the first thing that came into his head.  
  
"I like penguins." He froze in horror. Okay that was totally random and insane! He wanted to die on the spot; he was pretty sure out of all the things he could have said that that was by the far the worst.  
  
Raven didn't slow, she didn't even pause. She turned her head slightly and raised an eyebrow, "Good for you." She said in a condescending tone.  
  
Robin winced, "Okay, I really didn't mean to say THAT." He whined, immediately hating the tone of his voice.  
  
"What did you mean to say then?" she asked as she alighted off of the last step onto the ground floor and swept through into the kitchen.  
  
Robin shrugged, "Anything, I was trying," he stressed the last word, "To get you to talk to me."  
  
"About penguins?" she looked confused, she poured herself a tea and then looked around her as if searching for something.  
  
Robin groaned, he knew he'd probably never live that down now.  
  
## Because at the end of the day,  
You're one step closer to finding your way,  
And although you might think you're out of time,  
You're gonna be fine##  
  
"No..." he said in a tired tone leaning against the counter and absentmindedly rubbed at his bruised arm.  
  
Raven frowned, "Where's Aqualad?"  
  
Robin muttered a small curse, "That's what I was trying to talk to you about. He..." his breath caught in his throat as he thought up the lie, why he found it so easy to lie to the others and so difficult to lie to Raven he had no clue, "He was called away on urgent business, he told us to tell you that he'd see you tomorrow." Robin shrugged and reaching over he grabbed a can of unopened soda that had conveniently been left on the side. He popped it open and sipped at it. He pulled a face at the flavour. He watched as Raven's face fell.  
  
"Oh." Was all she said softly cupping her tea in her hands.  
  
Robin bit his lip; well at least she hadn't gotten angry at him. He guessed that now was a good a time as any to discuss what had happened yesterday, he hoped she would understand. He took a deep breath. "Raven..." he began tentatively, "About yesterday..." that got no reaction from her...he had expected her to stiffen or to freeze or to glare at him or something, anything. She didn't even blink for crying out loud! "Raven!" he said louder than he had intended.  
  
Raven looked up. The same dazed expression that had been in her eyes in the book store was back and stronger than ever. She put her cup down and then looked at it confusedly. She glanced up at Robin and frowned, "Sorry did you say something?"  
  
Robin stared at her intently for a moment. Interesting she seemed to zone out after she experienced disappointment. Last time though she hadn't had anything t be disappointed about. A strange thought crossed his mind, what if Aqualad was giving Raven drugs and she fell into a trance if she didn't get her regular boost...his thought trailed off lamely. Now THAT really was absurd. "Yes I did. I said we need to talk about yesterday."  
  
She didn't blink, "Did something happen yesterday?"  
  
Robin's eye ticked, "Yes. I nearly kissed you."  
  
"Did you that's nice." She stared off into space. Robin began to suspect that she had stopped listening to him all together. He decided to test his theory.  
  
"Raven, we're playing truth or dare later and having Chinese food ordered in. Is that okay with you?" he watched her closely.  
  
"That's wonderful."  
  
Robin pulled another face, "Raven." No response, "Raven." Nothing, "RAVEN!"  
  
Raven jumped slightly, "What's happening?" Robin saw something dark flicker behind her eyes. It blocked out the emptiness for a moment and seemed to pulse with negative energy. He retreated a few steps as the light flickered red, it was the same look she had had on her face when she had nearly destroyed Dr. Light years ago. "What?" she snapped.  
  
"Uh, nothing..." muttered Robin fearing her wrath.  
  
Raven mumbled something and vanished with a flap of her cloak.  
  
##You should know that things aren't always what they seem,  
So why still swim in the depths of a tide that's pulling you in,  
Makes you think you're life has been a waste of time,  
Leave the shade and step out into the glare,  
Peace of mind awaits you there,  
Don't be afraid to stand your ground,  
And don't be ashamed of who you are##  
  
Robin blinked three times quickly and then pinched himself to make sure that he was really awake. That had been really strange. There was definitely something wrong with Raven. He clenched his fists and scowled at her discarded tea. Why couldn't she just open up and let him in. he cared about her. He liked her a lot. As much as he ever liked Starfire. Why were things just so damn hard all of the time. He was a titan for god's sake he should be exempted from all the girl troubles that normal teenagers had to face.  
  
That was when he had an epiphany.  
  
He really was just a normal teenager, despite their powers, and their pasts and memories and likes and thoughts, they were friends and they were teenagers. Maybe it was time for them to act like it for once. True they hung out and stuff but maybe what they really needed was a vacation, or a long weekend off. He was sure he could get someone to stand in for them.  
  
##Never had to help you find your way,  
There's nothing you could do or say,  
You had to find your own mistakes to learn,  
Just look inside of you,  
You've got to make your own way through##  
  
He drummed his fingers on the counter top; maybe they should have a party at Christmas. After all it was only a three and a half weeks away. He decided to bring this notion up this evening.  
  
Maybe a party would be fun. But who would they invite?  
  
Robin sat there for the longest time unaware of Cyborg waving his hand in front of his face. When he finally came back to reality the shock of what he saw sent him collapsing backwards onto the floor. "Don't do that!" gasped Robin grasping a hand to his chest as if he was having a heart attack.  
  
Cyborg lowered his hand and chuckled.  
  
## Because at the end of the day,  
You're one step closer to finding your way,  
And although you might think you're out of time,  
You're gonna be fine## 


	25. Cry In The Dark

Disclaimer: I do not own the teen titans or the words to the song Cry In The Dark by Juliana Hatfield (and yes Dark Weezing there will be other J. Hatfield songs in this fic.) SORRY FOR THE WAIT! I'VE BEEN AWAY FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS!  
  
Hand in Hand  
  
Chapter Twenty-Five: Cry In The Dark  
  
Still 28th November  
  
Raven was sat on the sofa, her pale fingers clutching the poetry book she was reading tightly trying to will her hands to stop shaking. They had been doing so, despite her annoyance, since her chat with Robin this morning and after she had heard that Aqualad would not be spending the day with her. She suspected that it was supposed to hurt when someone cancels like that. But she didn't hurt; nothing even resembling hurt had stirred within her. Fear had though, without someone who partially understood around, what was she to do that would distract her? The boys were playing on that infernal contraption known as a game cube again and she didn't wish to join in with that. Everyone else was still at the mall. She suspected that it was evening now.  
  
Time had passed her by like smoke through a fan, she knew it was passing but she hadn't paid attention. She had attempted to drown her sorrows in selected works of William Blake. True Edgar Allen Poe was her most favoured poet but lately the slightly gothic prose of Blake had become more appealing to her. Which was why she had wanted to purchase that book from the mall, she had wanted all of Blake's work instead of having only a few selected poems. She could only vaguely remember that she had put it back on the shelf. She frowned down at the words she was looking at, at the black letters on white paper.  
  
"Cruelty has a human heart, and jealousy a human face, terror, the human form divine, and secrecy the human dress.." she whispered the words quietly to herself letting the language sink into her subconscious. She rested her book on her knee and stared down at the words willing them to offer her comfort that she could never seem to find, "The human dress is forged iron, the human form a fiery forge, the human face a furnace sealed, the human heart its hungry gorge..." she trailed off and her voice petered away into the silence. She blinked a few times wondering why her eyes were suddenly moist.  
  
##Do you cry in the dark because it's easier,  
To be alone than talk?  
When the words are not working,  
And you don't know how to explain these thoughts##  
  
Raven shivered slightly and quickly rubbed her arms in an attempt to get warm. Her fingers dragged over the hidden scars she bore and she winced. There was no way she could ever hope to forget the things that she wanted to. Things just seemed to remind her. She shook her head slightly.  
  
A noise made her look up. Suffice it to say her mood immediately soured when the rest of titans piled into the room. Beast Boy came first his arms laden with bags full of Chinese takeaway, Raven could smell the spices and herbs from where she sat. Starfire and Terra came in next with boxes full of pizza and other Chinese. Raven would have thought this was too much food for just six people to eat, but Beast Boy was here after all.  
  
To her annoyance instead of moving over to the kitchen they dumped all the food in the centre of the floor about two metres in front of her. Raven scowled. Robin and Cyborg came in through the other door and moved over to help the others unpack the food.  
  
Raven watched the food come out of their containers and be put on random plates and it bowls, or in some cases just left in the boxes they came in. She could plainly see the large plain cheese pizza, and the excessive amounts of noodles, there were prawn crackers everywhere and she was pretty sure she could smell chow-mien and chop-suei. There were cartons of rice as well and things Raven had never even seen before.  
  
Beast Boy sat down on the carpet just off to Raven's side and grabbed a portion of the food. Terra followed suit and sat on the carpet next to him. Cyborg sat next to Terra, Starfire sat by Cyborg and Robin sat next to Starfire, his back resting against the couch only a few inches from Raven.  
  
Raven's hands began to tremble again.  
  
"Dude, this is the best takeaway feast ever!" declared Beast Boy shoving forkfuls of rice into his open mouth and chewing quickly.  
  
Starfire giggled and nodded.  
  
Robin turned his head slightly to look at Raven, "What would you like to eat Raven?" he smiled nicely at her and then gestured to the food upon the floor.  
  
Raven felt sick to her stomach, "I...I'm not hungry." She muttered looking back down at her book, she had lied and she knew it. But something inside her was making it impossible for her even to think about eating, she felt as if she'd throw it all back up later if anything passed through her lips.  
  
Robin frowned and was about to say something else when Starfire tried to offer him what she was having. A look of consternation passed across his face and he turned back to the redhead he was dating.  
  
Raven sighed internally and reread the same line about six times without realising it.  
  
##Every look and every emotion,  
Has a deeper meaning,  
Everybody hurts nobody,  
Only when they're dreaming##  
  
"Raven are you gonna play?"  
  
The request brought Raven back out of her thoughts and she looked up derisively. Beast Boy was staring at her in anticipation as if thinking that she might actually say yes for once and agree.  
  
Unfortunately Raven had other ideas, she remembered, well it was more like a shadow of a memory that Robin had said something about playing truth or dare. She was not about to play a game that would cause embarrassing situations and make people do things that would normally never even cross her minds. "No."  
  
Beast Boy looked hurt and for a moment it looked as if he was about to protest. Raven watched him out of the corner of her eye; if he did try and persuade her to play it would undoubtedly be so he could ask her something embarrassing or do something morally degrading. Raven came to this conclusion without the help of her paranoia after all wasn't that what the game was designed to do? But in the end Beast Boy closed his mouth a just shrugged.  
  
"Alright then..." he began he was about to suggest that he go first because he had a wicked dare that he wanted to pull on Robin, he realised at the last minute though that a dare could be refused, his grin widened, "This game of truth or dare is sacred and therefore no dares or truths can be refused. To do so would bring the forfeit into play. And the forfeit is whoever fails their dare or refuses has to go on our next crime fighting mission dressed in a big pink dress," his eyes glittered, "Regardless of gender."  
  
Four pairs of eyes looked at him as if he was insane.  
  
"I'm going first then! And I pick the rule that you can't dare the person that just dared you! Got that?" everyone nodded. Terra turned to Beast Boy, "Truth or Dare BB?"  
  
Beast Boy swallowed the noodles he had been eating and hastily put down his food, "Truth."  
  
Raven tuned everything out from that point on.  
  
##Do you cry in the dark?  
The light hurts when it hits your face,  
You don't want anyone to see you this way,  
You only want to be loved and taken away by someone,  
So you cry in the dark##  
  
Terra grinned, "No lying now Beast Boy. Who was your first kiss with?"  
  
Beast Boy balked and then shifted slightly, he put his head down and bit a prawn cracker, he muttered something but no one could hear what he said.  
  
"Care to repeat that?" asked Terra smiling evilly.  
  
"You." Muttered Beast Boy louder.  
  
Cyborg snickered behind his hand and Robin looked at the carpet trying to spare his friend the embarrassment, Starfire didn't understand the importance of this answer and merely grinned. Raven didn't look up.  
  
Terra made a small crooning noise in the back of her throat and kissed Beast Boy, who was blushing all shades of red. "You're turn." She whispered, "Make it good."  
  
Beast Boy shoved his mouth full of food and chewed on it till he felt the warmth leave his face. He looked up at Robin, and the boy wonder seemed to feel the gaze. Beast Boy tapped his fingers together and smiled mischievously.  
  
"I don't trust that look." Stated Robin as Beast Boy turned to him.  
  
"Truth or Dare Robin?" Beast Boy said around mouthfuls of pasta.  
  
Robin didn't want to pick truth, he dreaded the question Beast Boy might ask him, if it was anything like the question Terra had given he would be in serious trouble. He cleared his throat, "Dare."  
  
Beast Boy's face turned smug, "I dare you Robin to French kiss the girl nearest to you."  
  
Robin felt relieved okay that wasn't that bad, he turned to face Starfire who was a few inches away from him, and he opened his mouth to get the redhead's attention when something that Beast Boy said made him freeze and his blood ran cold.  
  
"Ah, ah, ah." The green elf taunted shaking a finger, "Star's not the closest girl to you."  
  
All the colour drained from his face and he tilted his head back slightly to look at Raven who looked oblivious to everything going on around her, "Ra...raven?" he squeaked hating the way his voice sounded, "You want me to..." he trailed off aware that Beast Boy was grinning like it was already Christmas.  
  
##And the picture of you holding hands,  
By the fire is fading fast,  
And your heart is closing,  
And you don't know how to get off this track##  
  
"Yep. And remember if you refuse you have to wear the dress." The changeling cackled.  
  
Robin went even whiter, if that was humanly possible. "But Raven's not playing so you can't say that!" his voice was desperate. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but he didn't want to in front of everyone else, and he had no idea about Raven's reaction because she seemed unaware of everything that was going on.  
  
"You're right. Raven's not playing. But it's not her dare anyway." Beast Boy crossed his arms, "So kiss her already. And don't even think of moving nearer to Starfire, Raven is the closest to you."  
  
##Every day you mime a prayer,  
Even though your faith is shaken,  
Your godmother has nobody,  
Because everyone is taken##  
  
Unbeknownst to the others Raven's attention had fixed on the conversations happening around her as soon as she had heard her name. It had taken all of her willpower to stop herself from murdering Beast Boy on the spot where he sat. She wasn't the least bit surprised to find Robin trying to worm his way out of it.  
  
After all, she reflected, he never really wanted her that anyway it was just a silly mistake fuelled by the adrenaline as a result of burning breakfast. No one could ever want to kiss her. She doubted that Aqualad had, he'd never shown any interest in doing so; he'd never shown any interest in anything except showing her things and talking.  
  
With Aqualad it was more of a friendship than an actual relationship. She didn't even know if she wanted a relationship. She cursed her emotions for getting her into this mess in the first place.  
  
She kept her eyes focused on the page before her, willing the problem she now faced to go away. She could make it easier on herself and Robin, she knew that and was leaning towards that, but something in her mind was stopping her. She wanted to shake her head to clear her thoughts but in doing so she would attract the others' attention.  
  
The pages of her book felt like ice under her fingertips and the sofa burning hot as if it was on fire. Her paranoia working overtime she finally snapped when Robin turned around to look at her.  
  
She slammed the book closed with an audible bang and glared at Beast Boy, "Don't even bother." She hissed and teleported away to her room.  
  
## Do you cry in the dark?  
The light hurts when it hits your face,  
You don't want anyone to see you this way,  
You only want to be loved and taken away by someone,  
So you cry in the dark##  
  
Raven reappeared on her dark bed and immediately folded her legs under her, inconsolable thoughts running rampant through her mind. She dropped the book with a soft thud on the floor beside her bed and then sighed dejectedly.  
  
Things were getting out of hand. She was worried that she was so wrapped up in her own mental neuroses that she couldn't see the forest for the trees. Her train of thought no matter which direction she willed it to travel in always seemed to end up back, inexplicably, between Robin, Aqualad and the destruction of nevermore. She really had no idea what was happening, and even if she did she doubted that she would know what to do about it.  
  
She made a frustrated sound and curled up on top of her black sheets. Her trembling fingers clutched at the material for dear life. She wasn't tired but her eyelids were fighting against the unknown to stay open. She didn't want to go to sleep; her dreams and nightmares frightened her. And most importantly with the thought of going to sleep came the terrifying thought of never waking up again.  
  
Confused and disorientated she chanted the words of a favourite poem to herself, hoping beyond hope, that the familiar words would bring her comfort where no one else dared, "Deep in the darkness of the eternal night I live, There is no sleep for me here not even for a moment. I'm wrapped up in the gloom of the coming storm, Unable to move for lest I become unborn, The dust around my astral form is moving, But it does not grant me any peace or absolution, My thoughts are broken in my mind again, The shards of my memories cut me and cause me pain, My heart is splintering in the shadows, Everything that I have loved has faded away, Piles of smoking ash is all that is left of my soul, I have not the inclination now to try and make myself whole, Shuddering in the corner of my suicidal cage, I fear I have reached my final breaking point, Reality has been thrown into distortion, And I have torn down the sign that warns 'Caution' I have travelled along my long black road, And the air has turned to smoke around me, Still I keep on walking but I'm going nowhere, I'm going in circles in my own personal nightmare, My voice can no longer be heard by others, They have discarded me and moved on with their own lives, I'm pretending that I don't care but that's a lie, Caught between two evils fearing to live and fearing to die, The sun has melted down into acid beneath my feet, The stars have all fallen and have outweighed the moon, There is no light for me in this awful fantasy, All the greatness has been stripped away from my reality, Discerning lines have all blurred, And pastel colours have grown stark, I do not care for being pedantic, But still I am carried away on a wave of semantics, There is no peace in this meditative rage, Filled with passive and obvious resistance, I have forced myself to become emotionless, But perhaps that has made me senseless? Could this all be my own fault? Have I dug my own wet and muddy grave? I don't know what I am anymore, But for my disease...I know there is no cure." Her voice trailed off, the scenario in the poetry was her own, and it scared her. She had never known words that would so well express what she was feeling and now having found then it made her feel worthless.  
  
If someone else was able to put down her own feelings in words, did that mean that what was happening to her had happened to someone else at some other time? Was nothing sacred just to her? Had others experienced what she had? Maybe she wasn't special after all, maybe she never was. Maybe she really was worthless, good for nothing, useless.  
  
##This emotion is an ocean,  
And the waves are getting high,  
I'll find an island call it mine,  
I'm swimming for my life##  
  
Had everything she ever completed or compiled been in vain? Was there really no one who cared? Was she just living for the hell of it? No she realised in despair, what she was doing could not be classed as living. Didn't living life to the full require joy and happiness? Something that she obviously lacked.  
  
No one ever cared, she decided, not really.  
  
Raven was broken inside.  
  
She clutched her black sheet closer to her chest and tried to cry. But the tears wouldn't come, so she settled on staring into nothingness, contemplating the person she had unwillingly become.  
  
## Do you cry in the dark?  
The light hurts when it hits your face,  
You don't want anyone to see you this way,  
You only want to be loved and taken away by someone,  
So you cry in the dark## 


	26. Live On Tomorrow

Disclaimer: I don't own the teen titans or the words to Live On Tomorrow by Juliana Hatfield. SORRY FOR THE DELAY! was being a pain in the ass and wouldn't let me log on so I got help from my lovely sidekick Scorpio Serpent. She's uploading my chapters now okies?

Hand in Hand

Chapter Twenty-Six: Live On Tomorrow

1st December

Raven gave a wry smile in the direction of her broken mirror. She raised her eyes and glared defiantly at her distorted reflection. She had gotten up extra early today, too many days she had lay awake staring at the ceiling unable and disinclined to rise and face down, too many days had she lay rotting in her own skin while those around her grew more and more concerned. But not anymore. She had rose at dawn and showered; she had dressed in her uniform and taken the time to conceal her wounds in bandages that had been previously soaked in alcohol. It would prevent infection, or at least that was what the packet had said. She had brushed her hair pin straight and had polished the jewel on her forehead until it gleamed in the light like a precious gem.

She refused to allow herself to be manipulated by her non-existent emotions, refused to let her paranoia get the better of her.

For the past two days she hadn't left the safety of her room, much to everyone else's alarm, they had constantly been banging on her door, trying to get her to eat, to come out and talk. Even Aqualad had visited and had stayed outside longer than the others trying to coax her into some form of conversation. But eventually her mono-syllable answers were too much for him and he had left with the promise of returning tomorrow.

Raven had been thinking, she had avoided her mirror at all costs, nevermore was seen as a prison now and she had no desire to set foot in there again. She half feared what would be waiting for her but she told herself that she would deal with that problem when the time was right and she felt that she was ready to oppose with the horrors of her mind.

The thoughts that she had been thinking were all the same and no matter what she did the thoughts never changed. Even when she willed them to they seemed to echo through her soul, through her room until she couldn't concentrate on anything else. But now after hours of undisturbed meditation she had come up with a way to push all the disturbing pictures and memories into the darkest corner of her psyche. To a place where they wouldn't rise to torment her again.

##Put me in the shower,

Pull me out of bed,

Am I only dreaming?

Or did I wake up dead? ##

She had ignored the pangs of hunger that had visited her some times during the day, she didn't want to let herself be bothered by something as mundane as the need to eat or consume products deemed safe for consumption.

She was half demon after all, there had to be something about her ethnicity that allowed her some leverage over the average teenage body and persona. Even if was as microscopic as being able to restrain the desire to survive.

She looked away from the mirror and allowed herself a brittle smile. Turning she walked, well technically she glided, over to her door. Using her powers she pushed the handle down and then stepped out into the corridor. She knew that the others would already be up, after all now it was almost time for lunch but what greeted her when she looked up from her thoughts threw her completely.

Had she not known about Beast Boy's apparently officious love for all things Christmassy she would have been surprised...but however the overly decorated hall still made her pause.

Colourful banners were hung along the ceilings where the walls met the roofs; glitter had been thrown over the walls and over the carpet, instead of the normal plain lampshades there were red and green Chinese lanterns. Every few feet on the wall, small pictures of winter related landscapes had been hung up.

Raven shook her head and instead of facing the arduously long trek to and down the stairs, she merely teleported herself to the kitchen.

With a swirl of dense purple mist she appeared amongst the other titans. Starfire was cooking cookies, Beast Boy had flour all over him, Robin was struggling with something that looked like a long red piece of rope. Terra was half way up a ladder attaching mistletoe to the doorframes while Cyborg held said ladder steady.

Raven put her hand on her hips when she grasped the fact that no one realised she was there. She raised both her eyebrows, "Isn't it a bit early to put up all these decorations?" she asked casually.

What happened next was very...interesting.

At the sound of Raven's voice Terra gave a startled squawk and fell backwards; she waved her arms wildly as she crashed into Cyborg. Cyborg yelled and stumbled backwards tripping over Beast Boy in the process. Beast Boy crashed to the ground his elbow knocking the mixing bowl Star was holding out of her hands. The same mixing bowl flew high into the air and came back down, with a soft 'plop' right on top of dear Robin's head. Robin's faced suddenly morphed into an expression of utter disgust.

"I have that effect on most people." Said Raven shrugging sitting down on a stool next to the counter.

##Throw me in the garbage,

Shackled up in chains,

But I still got my boots on,

So I can walk away##

Robin lifted his hands and wiped away the brown mess from his eyes. He shook the stuff from his fingers onto the floor and dropped the rope he was holding. Not rope, Raven realised, but a string of red fairy lights. Nice. "Raven?"

Raven nodded to him, "Robin."

Starfire gave a small scream of delight and lunged at Raven; she wrapped her long arms around her and hugged her tightly. Perhaps even too tightly. Raven choked on her breath and had the sudden image of all her ribs cracking under the pressure. She squirmed away from the over zealous alien girl. "Oh Raven! I am so glad you have come forth from your sleeping compartment! Truthfully I was getting very worried!"

Raven finally managed to dislodge herself from Starfire's grasp and she looked around the kitchen at them all, trying to read their faces. Either they were still suffering from shock or were really good at hiding what they felt. Only Terra seemed to have no qualms about showing what she was feeling.

The blonde's eyes were bored and filled with disdain.

Raven felt something inside her growl in protest at this. Hatred flitted through her mind along with the need to do Terra in once and for all. Raven's glare darkened greatly. The blonde took a small step back and lost her condescending smirk.

Satisfied Raven sneered, "I was busy thinking." She drawled, "You shouldn't have been worried."

"But you have not eaten!"

"I wasn't hungry."

This remark of hers was met by a few moments of silence. It seemed no one knew what to say to that.

"Well, that's a shame." Simpered Terra putting on a fake smile.

Raven resisted the urge to scowl; instead she kept her face expressionless, "No not really. My eating habits tend to have little effect on the rest of the world. Had I known that it would have caused such discontent amongst you I would have ordered a takeout to make you happy." She placed her hands on the table and then looked up at them all, "You can carry on now. You didn't have to stop on my account."

Terra obviously was the first to move, she grabbed the stick of mistletoe that had fallen to the floor and straightened herself up a bit. She nudged Cyborg, "Can you steady the ladder for me please?" she asked in a voice so full of sugar it would make your teeth melt.

Only Raven seemed to notice this and she snorted quietly to herself. This was going to be an interesting day.

##A heartbeat says you haven't died,

You gotta try to stay alive,

Leave me to the vultures,

Throw me to the wolves,

I'll live on tomorrow,

And purify the soul##

-FIVE HOURS LATER-

"No, not THAT one, THAT one! The red one!" shrieked Beast Boy from his vantage point on top of the ladder. His finger was pointing madly towards one of the hanging decorations that were to cover the tree. The other titans were on their hands and knees on the floor, which unfortunately was covered in thousands of the seasonal and glittering things. "The RED one!" he frantically gestured while he was speaking. The huge green tree before him was bare and towered so high that its tip just brushed the ceiling.

Robin lifted himself up off his hands and put his fist on his hip, "Beast Boy, there are hundreds of red ones! Which red one?"

"That one!" yelled Beast Boy as if it was obvious, "The Star!"

Robin growled, "BB, you're going to have to be a bit more specific, half of the stars are red." He turned and began picking up random decorations. They'd been at this for three hours already hunting out the decorations that Beast Boy had told them were vital. "This one?"

"No."

"This one?"

"Nope."

"This one then?"

"Wrong again."

"Oh for..." Robin began looking around at the seemingly identical red stars. His eyes were narrowed to mere slits behind his mask. His annoyance was only just barely restrained.

"You mean this one?" asked Raven holding out an eight-pointed red star that glittered in the light.

"THAT'S IT!" yelled Beast Boy bouncing slightly on top of the ladder, "See how easy it was to find Robin? Now quick pass it here!"

Robin turned to Raven, "Thanks." He mumbled.

"Just helping out a team mate." She returned and dropped the star into his lap; she turned away and went back to shuffling through the piles of purple and blue fairy lights.

Robin winced slightly as one of the sharp points of the stars decided to become rebellious as she dropped it onto his lap. He plucked it up and handed it to Beast Boy.

Hours later, much to everyone else's consternation the tree still wasn't done. Beast Boy had insisted on getting everything perfect. Nothing was allowed to be a millimetre out of place. And to top it all after all the hanging decorations had been put on the little green elf had decided it would be better if the lights went on first. So everything came off. And everything was still off. Apparently the lights had to be in perfect concentric circles.

"Surely they are right now Beast Boy!" Starfire exclaimed as BB stepped back to admire his handy work.

Beast Boy looked thoughtful, "Maybe a spiral pattern would be better..."

There were groans from all around the room.

"It doesn't matter how you put the lights!" snapped Raven, nearly at her wits end. True she didn't see the point in Christmas but she was willing to go along with it for everyone else's sake, but this must have been a form of torture. She was beginning to think that she should have just stayed in her room. At this rate they'd be lucky if they could finish for new years never mind Christmas.

##Dump me in the ocean,

Tied to a piano,

But you forgot to rip my heart out,

Before you let me go##

"Yes it does, if the lights are out of sync, then so is everything else." He put his hands on his hips, "It's like painting with a toothbrush. It's just not gonna look right!"

Raven rubbed her temple, his irritating voice was slowly driving her up the wall. How on earth was she supposed to act as if everything was normal when all this palaver was going on? She sighed internally, things just seemed to keep getting in her way, there was only so much she could do herself, like pushing down her feelings, disregarding her paranoia but the rest had to come from someone else. Of course nobody else knowing wasn't helping either.

##A heartbeat says you haven't died,

You gotta try to stay alive##

Raven looked at the bored faces of her team mates. She wondered what had possessed her to become a titan in the first place. She couldn't remember. Maybe she lost a bet. She turned her eyes to the clock that hung suspended on the wall. The second hand ticked slowly. She thought that the monotonous sound was a lot more interesting than Beast Boy's incessant babble. Grimacing she settled back for a better view...

##Lock me in the basement,

Without anything to eat,

You can hurt my body,

But you can't hurt me##


	27. Together

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to the song Together by Avril Lavigne. A chapter dedicated to Terra. About Terra. To see what makes her tick.

Hand in Hand

Chapter Twenty Seven: Together

Still 1st of December

As a member of the teen titans there were many hardships and trials that Terra knew she would have to face and overcome. She accepted this; it was the cycle of life for a titan. There was a lot of grief that she had to put up with from the public, from villains and sometimes even from her own team mates. Mainly Raven.

The blonde wasn't exactly sure what had sparked off the incessant quest to out do one another. But she was pretty sure that it was Raven's fault. It was always some one else's fault. At every corner the gothic sorceress was constantly trying to out do her. Terra hated it; it wasn't as if beating her would achieve anything.

Raven was a freak. Not that Terra had anything against freaks, because most the titans and her friends were all different in some way. It was just that everyone else was able to have fun and at least tried to act normal though. Raven on the other hand....well; let's just say Terra wasn't going to spend too much money on Raven's Christmas present. Terra knew that having super powers sometimes made others hate you, she had experienced it first hand but Raven was over doing the sympathy vote with her 'I can't feel anything' persona.

To Terra it all seemed like a clever ploy for sympathy and she had been pleased to see that no one had fallen for it. Her brow creased into a frown. That was until Aqualad had arrived on the scene. The atlantian had fallen for the act, hook, line and sinker.

Terra would not, could not stand for this. She valued Aqualad as a good friend ever since Beast Boy had introduced them a few years back. He seemed like a good guy, but his willingness to help had landed him right in the middle of Raven's web.

The thought made Terra boil with anger. She would do everything in her immediate power to try and get Aqualad to see the error of her ways. He being with her obviously wasn't doing any good. That little stunt she had played by locking herself in her room...over dramatic and childish. In Terra's opinion anyway.

##Something just isn't right,

I can feel it inside,

The truth isn't far behind me,

You can't deny##

Over the past few years since she joined the titans Terra had tried to gain some sort of friendship with Raven. But it would have been more productive talking to a rock. Nothing she said even registered. Indifference had turned to rivalry and rivalry to hatred.

Terra shook her head to clear her thoughts once again reminding herself that she had more important things to focus on.

She turned in her seat and watched the green elf who had recently become her boyfriend. Already she was beginning to regret that decision. It wasn't as if she didn't care. In fact she might even love him but circumstances were beyond her control and fate was taking ample time in psychological torture.

For instance, Terra wasn't sure, only having one really bad boyfriend previously, but wasn't the significant other supposed to pay a lot of attention and lavish her with gifts? She had had to make allowances for the fact that it was Christmas and so gifts would have to wait and all, but still it annoyed her to find that her boyfriend was so much more interested in creating the 'perfect' Christmas tree rather than spending some quality time alone with her.

Maybe it was her, but she was slowly realising that Beast Boy wasn't ready for the type of relationship that she wanted to have.

##When I turn the lights out,

When I close my eyes,

Reality overcomes me,

I'm living a lie##

Terra shifted slightly trying to get comfortable in the sofa and watched Beast Boy fiddle with the flashing fairy lights. She didn't have anywhere else to go. There was no way in hell she was going to attempt communication with Raven, she wanted to survive until Christmas thank you very much, she didn't feel like working on the T-Car with Cyborg. She wasn't all keen on the titan's dependency on such transport. And she guessed that Robin and Starfire had gone off to somewhere a little more private.

She smoothed down the silky stands of her hair and tried to remember if Beast Boy had ever run his fingers through it. She could not recall such an event. She let her hands fall to her lap and she sighed.

"BB, are you finished yet?" she asked hopefully when he paused to view the lights.

Beast Boy turned and flashed her a grin, "Almost Babe. I just have to adjust the tinsel and hang up the novelty candy canes. Then I put the star on the top and I'm done!"

Terra's smile faded slightly. That would take ages. She sighed again, "Can we go out after that then?"

"Sure. Any particular place in mind?" he replied turning back to the tree with a length of sparkling silver tinsel clutched in his fingers.

"I was thinking that maybe we could go to the café we went to on our first date? Do you remember? We could get some pie and sit outside on the beach." Terra remembered her date fondly. It was then that she had realised what deep feelings she had for the changeling.

When she received no response she looked up. Beast Boy had his back to her and had his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth in concentration as he fiddled around with the green fuzzy branches of the fur tree. Terra scowled.

##When I'm alone,

I feel so much better,

Than when I'm around you,

I don't feel...###

Did he even hear her? Or was he too wrapped up in his own Christmas wonderland. Terra was beginning to think that Maybe Beast Boy had lived in the North Pole at one time or another. He certainly had a fetish for the celebration and seemed to know more about Santa Clause that humanely possible.

Terra wondered if she was dating a psychotic.

Shaking her head she rose from her seat on the sofa and headed towards the kitchen. She was getting tired, which was strange seeing as she had slept in this morning. But her eyelids were beginning to droop, what she needed was a good jolt of caffeine to wake her up. Besides it wasn't as if Beast Boy would realise that she was missing.

She wiped sleep from her eye with the back of her fist and entered the kitchen. The temperature suddenly dropped by about twelve degrees. She looked up and saw the object of her earlier thoughts sat at the table. Terra's eyes narrowed. There was something different about her.

Raven's posture was different. Usually it was huddled and slightly withdrawn as if she was trying to make herself as small as possible. Her hands were normally clasped in front of her and her eyes were generally downcast.

The Raven she was faced with now was a lot different.

One elbow was resting straight on the table edge, the hand twirling a silver ring idly as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. The other arm was resting casually on the back of the chair. Raven's hood was down and her face was tilted back slightly her narrowed eyes watching the ring in her hand with morbid fascination. Her lips were curled up into a cocky smirk.

All this made Terra falter. This was too strange. And it was still cold. She shivered involuntarily. She was sure that Raven did not have the ability to tamper with the temperature.

Terra stared, mouth open.

Raven didn't move, her gaze didn't move.

##Together, it doesn't feel right at all,

Together, together we built a wall,

Together holding hands we'll fall,

Hands we'll fall##

Recovering from her quick bout of shock Terra drew herself up, "Raven."

Raven made no move.

Terra began to feel ticked off, "Raven are you even going to acknowledge my presence? This little charade you're pulling won't work with me you know!" she put her foot down; it was time to show the witch who was boss.

Raven chuckled darkly.

Terra froze, not because she actually got a response, which was a feat in itself, but because of the duality of Raven's voice. It was so un-Ravenish. Raven's voice echoed with a deadly voice that didn't even seem to be female. Terra was reminded of a scene from the exorcist.

"A charade?" chuckled Raven darkly finally raising her eyes to the blonde.

Unconsciously Terra took a small step back. She had witnessed Raven when she allowed her rage to control her and it wasn't pretty, however the look that shined deep in her eyes at the moment was the original rage amplified by ten. The dark red pupils were narrowed to cat like slits and they stared at her almost mockingly.

"A charade?" repeated Raven slowly getting to her feet in one fluid movement. Her dark blue cloak billowed backwards on an unseen wind. Terra's eyes widened as she saw black writhing tendrils lash out from the darkened recesses of Raven's shadow, "You think this is a charade?"

Terra swallowed and then told herself, reasonably, that Raven wouldn't really hurt her. She was probably just trying to amp up her intimidation.

##This has gone on too long,

I realise that I need,

Something good to rely on,

Something for me##

Terra gave Raven the best glare she could muster. It had little effect. "You don't scare me Raven!" she lied trying to make her voice sound a lot more confident than she actually was. "This s just a game you're playing with me!"

Raven laughed coldly, "Do you like playing?" she asked as the many tendrils curled backwards on themselves and forward in a mass of thrashing tentacles.

Terra forced herself to stand her ground, she may have been called inferior, may have been called a traitor but she would not allow herself to be called a coward.

"Hey Terra!" yelled Beast Boy from the other room.

Terra looked towards the source of the voice. When she turned back she was surprised to find herself all alone. She didn't know if she was relieved or not. True she doubted that she could defend herself against Raven when she was in that state but a part of her was angry for missing the chance to fight her. Her subconscious told her that raven was just being a coward for vanishing.

Terra smiled darkly, no one else had witnessed that, with that information she could, if she wanted to that is, completely turn the team against Raven. Someone with that amount of unstable power was surely a liability. Her smile grew, what a perfect opportunity to get her own back on the gothic witch.

## Together, it doesn't feel right at all,

Together, together we built a wall,

Together holding hands we'll fall,

Hands we'll fall##

"Terra!" yelled Beast Boy again.

"What?!" she yelled back turning back towards the living room. She swore that if he wanted her to look for a decoration he had misplaced it would be the end of his life. Sure, she loved Christmas as much as the next person, but Beast Boy was taking the meaning of Christmas Spirit to whole new extremes.

"Come here!"

Terra swore under her breath, she loved him, really but she hated be told what to do, she hated being ignored and she hated that he was ignorant to the things that she hated. "I'm coming!" she yelled back grabbing an apple from the nearby fruit bowl.

She walked into the room and was blown away, not literally, by the sheer brilliance of the tree. Flashing silver and gold lights looked like stars, the tinsel curled around the branches behind the lights, the reflections casting kaleidoscopic patterns on the walls. Candy canes and glittering spheres were hung at regular intervals. Two turtle doves were situated in the top most branches their white wings sweeping in huge arcs.

"Whoa..." was the only thing she could say, "What's with the birds?" she asked when she caught sight of them.

Beast Boy swelled with pride and grinned, "They're turtle doves, another tradition. The doves represent a promise made and as long as there are two of them, the promise can never be broken. Never."

Terra stared at him. He really did mean well.

##My heart is broken,

I'm lying here,

My thoughts are choking,

On you my dear,

On you my dear##

"Hey Terra. Do you wanna put the star up?" Beast Boy asked shyly handing her a large five pointed golf star.

Terra smiled back, "Yeah. I'd love to."

She took the star from him and stood up on her tip-toes. She reached forward. She felt Beast Boy's hands encircle her waist and she smiled inwardly. She leaned further forward and slid the base of the star over the top vertical branch of the tree.

They both stepped backwards to admire the, finally, completed tree.

"It's beautiful." Whispered Terra.

"Hmm, just like you." Murmured Beast Boy tightening his grip and kissing her neck.

Terra smiled to herself, she could turn Beast Boy against Raven easily, "Hey BB?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to talk to you."

"About what babe?"

Terra took a deep breath, this is it. The point she could never go back from. She was going to enjoy this. She supposed that she got her sadistic side from hanging around Slade for too long, "About Raven."

##When I'm around you,

When I'm around you,

I don't feel together, no,

I don't feel together##


	28. Positively Fourth Street

Disclaimer: I do not own the teen titans or the words to the song Positively Fourth Street by Bob Dylan. Sorry for the delay my computer has been having MAJOR temperamental problems. It is now seeing a shrink.

Hand in Hand

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Positively Fourth Street

6th December

Raven stared out of her window deep in thought. The last few days had been relatively peaceful; sure she had had that little run in with Terra something that she had now pushed to the back of her mind and told herself it hadn't happened. Terra had been acting suspiciously since then and the amount of arguments that she had engaged in with Beast Boy had risen to an all time high. Raven wondered what was up with those two. She had an inkling that somehow it concerned her directly, but apart from that the other titans had pretty much carried on as normal.

Raven's brow rumpled into a cute frown as she recalled the 'incident' yesterday with Aqualad. She supposed it was her fault really; after all he had only tried to do what most do in relationships.

He had tried to kiss her.

Raven scowled suddenly, she had pushed him away quite violently and told him, at a multitude of volume levels that she was not ready for that and that she would tell him when she was. But secretly she doubted that she would ever be ready to be kissed by him. In fact, even though she hated to admit it, when kissing was mentioned her mind immediately pictured Robin which caused to her flee and spend several hours meditating.

True, she had not seen head or tail of her timidity since that disturbing episode in nevermore and she had hoped that there was some sort of emotion in there that would stop her pursuing Robin like she had done Aqualad. She still cringed when she remembered the evening in the coffee shop. But luckily her pride had still been intact. And luckily she had a lot of pride.

She counted herself lucky on that count.

But apart from those two little mishaps the past two days had been quiet. There had been no villains, no economical upset, no wars announced, no yelling and thankfully no more decorating.

Raven hoped that this peace would last. However it didn't. She had been minding her own business. Staring out of the window watching the city awaken. But then something had happened. Something terrible and more terrifying than Genghis Kahn on a snack attack. And that something...was Starfire.

##You gotta lot of nerve,

To say you are my friend,

When I was down,

You just stood there grinning##

"RAVEN! FRIEND RAVEN!" the voice screeched through the entire tower causing even the windows to flinch.

Raven sighed knowing that if she did not submit to the will of the redhead then she and the rest of tower and possibly everyone up until China would be subjected to horrible torture. She uncurled her legs from under her and rose into a standing position. She brushed the dust of her uniform and then walked over to the door, "I'm coming." She confirmed as she skirted the edge of the bed.

The last thing she needed was Starfire coming into her room and seeing the dried blood all over the floor. There were many questions that she did not wish to answer just yet. Probably never.

She slid open her door and stepped into the hall narrowly sidestepping a rib cracking embrace as she closed the door behind her. She turned her emotionless face to Starfire, "Morning Star, what can I do for you?" she kept her tone light.

Starfire beamed, Raven wondered that if the smile went any wider would the young alien's face crack? The thought amused her but she quickly banished it as Star opened her mouth and began talking at a speed even the roadrunner would be proud of.

"Oh friend Raven, I'm glad I caught you. I was wondering if you would want to go to the mall with me today. I know that Aqualad is busy in Atlantis today and Terra is in a mood and so I thought that you would like to commence the ritual of Christmas shopping with me. Conceivably it may be fun! And also I need your help in purchasing some gifts I have no knowledge of the things that Robin would want and I..."

Raven cut her off with a wave of her hand, "Remember to breathe Starfire. You're turning blue."

Starfire's hands flew to her face, "Blue?" she squeaked, "Perhaps I am ill, Robin will have to accompany me to the hospital I may the plague, or likerjnerack!"

Raven frowned, "Likerjnerack?" what the hell was that? "Never mind, Star, it was an expression. You're not ill."

##You've gotta lot of nerve,

To say you've got a hand to lend,

You just want to be on,

The side that's winning##

"Oh." Exclaimed Starfire in relief, "Thank goodness."

Raven stared at her friend in disbelief, Star had been on earth a long time now and she still hadn't mastered the phrases and analogies that everyone else used everyday. She shook her head; just last week Star had told Raven that cooking was a 'piece of pie' instead of a 'piece of cake'. That had caused hours of entertainment on Beast Boy and Cyborg's part who just happened to over hear. It was the same when last month Starfire had challenged Terra to a dance competition and the blonde had denied. To which Star had called her a 'turkey' and not a 'chicken'.

"On second thoughts friend Raven! Do not accompany me to the mall! We shall go back into your room and ritual of writing up a purchase lists for each of our friends! Shall it not be the greatest fun?" Starfire went to brush past Raven.

##You say I let you down,

You know it's not like that,

If you're so hurt,

Then why don't you show it? ##

Raven felt rage bubble within her, but she would not let it emerge now. The accident with Terra had been close, she would not do the same to Starfire, "NO!" she called out dragging Starfire back gently, "Uh, I mean let's do this in the kitchen downstairs. It's lighter in there..." she trailed off lamely knowing that anyone in their right mind would realise that what she had said was an attempt to keep others out of her room.

To her surprise Starfire smiled and nodded, "That is a wondrous idea! Let us go at once!"

Raven stared after the redhead as she flew off towards the stairs, "No one in their right mind..." muttered Raven, but then that was of course the problem. Raven wasn't sure if Starfire was in her right mind...or any mind at all for that matter...

##You say that you lost your faith,

But that is not where it's at,

You had no faith to lose,

And you know it##

She walked into the kitchen after Starfire and the tension in the air was so thick that you could cut it with a butcher's knife. Raven paused and her glance swept across the room to Terra and Beast Boy. Beast Boy merely smiled and turned his attention back to his tofu breakfast. Terra glared heatedly.

Raven allowed a smirk to show on her features.

She looked away and slid onto a stool next to the kitchen and watched with raised eyebrows as Starfire went back and forth searching for a piece of paper and a pen.

Raven rested her elbow on the table and but her chin on her fist. She watched with something closer to disdain than amusement as paperclips and notebooks flew past as Star's search grew more and more frantic.

Eventually the redhead came and sat opposite Raven with a fountain pen and a piece of A4 yellow paper in her hand. Raven hadn't even realised they had coloured paper... then she realised that the sheet was just very old.

Starfire took the cap off the pen and deftly scribbled down six names. In alphabetical order. She looked up at Raven and smile showing off her perfectly white teeth. "Right. What would you suggest that I purchase for Aqualad?" she held the pen poised over the paper.

Raven shrugged, "Anything, he's never had a Christmas present before so he'll be pleased with whatever you buy for him." That was half true. That and that fact that she herself had no clue whatsoever on what to get her 'boyfriend'.

Starfire nodded and scribbled 'Anything' next to Aqualad's name.

Raven shook her head, she really shouldn't be celebrating. She had nothing to celebrate. "Who's next?"

"Beast Boy."

"That's easy. What you should buy for him falls easily between two categories, tofu or a computer game." Raven shrugged as she said it not even bothering to think if the green elf would like something else.

"Cyborg."

Raven thought for a moment, "I suppose either a computer game, a video or some new tools...maybe." She sighed, "I don't know. I think it's all a waste of time."

Starfire ignored this comment and scribbled down the suggestions next to Cyborg's name. "You."

##I know the reason,

That you talk behind my back,

I used to be among the crowd,

That you're in with##

Raven looked up, "I don't want anything."

Starfire looked up to and frowned, "But friend Raven you must want something!"

Raven's eyes narrowed, what was it with people? Did they think that she lied all the time? Why didn't they take her at face value? When she said that she didn't want anything, she didn't say that to save them money, she said it because it was true.

"No Starfire. I said that I don't want anything."

The redhead didn't catch the warning in her tone and merely scowled, "You must want something. Everything wants something!"

Raven swore under her breath, "I want nothing."

Actually she did want something but it was nothing that Star could give her. She wanted what was happening in nevermore to stop. She wanted her paranoia to go away, she wanted her wounds to heal, she wanted to not have to rely on her own self destruction to feel alive, she wanted Aqualad to be her friend and only her friend, she wanted Terra to disappear and most of all she wanted what was Star's. She wanted Robin. She felt like pulling all her hair out in frustration. Why must she always want what she cannot have? And why must she always have what she didn't want.

##Do you take me for such a fool?

That I'd make contact,

With the one who tried to hide,

What she doesn't know to begin with##

"Uh, Star?" asked Raven when she realised that Starfire was rambling on and she had no idea about the gibberish that was flowing out of the girl's mouth. She didn't have the energy to try and decipher it anyway.

"Yes friend Raven?"

"Can you get one of the others to help you? I have something to do." That was a blatant lie and raven knew it, but she had to escape from the confines of the tower, for fear that Starfire would drive her up the wall and if that happened Raven didn't know if she could control the anger that was rampaging inside of her.

Starfire looked disappointed for a second but then she smiled and nodded, "Of course. I shall go and consult Terra and Beast Boy!"

Raven nodded her head distractedly and then teleported herself to the first place that came into her mind.

##When you see me on the street,

You always act surprised,

You say 'How are you?' 'Good luck'

But you don't mean it##

Raven's foul mood bled into her stride as she stormed in 'The Black Out.' It was empty again and she wondered if she was the only one who ever came here. It seemed as if one person only worked here as well.

The black haired girl looked up and grinned from where she sat at the counter idly flicking through a Wicca magazine. Her eyes twinkled as she turned to face Raven. "Hey Rae, you haven't been in for a while. I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me." She winked cheekily and closed the magazine, "Please take a seat." She indicated to the high stool/chair in front of her. "What can I get you today? We have a new variety in, I think it's all spice and sage, do you wanna try that?"

Raven sighed, "Sure why not. You get yourself something as well." She felt generous now that she was away from the tower. She could feel her rage bleeding out of her. It must be this place. The café did strange things to her.

The girl smiled nicely, "Thanks." She went back into the kitchen.

Raven began to trace complicated patterns on the table top.

The girl came back minutes later holding two cups of steaming tea. She set one down in front of Raven and another in front of herself. Raven leaned over to look at the girl's tea curiosity getting the best of her. "What's that then?" she asked taking a sip of her own.

The girl smiled and took a swig of the pale pink tea, "Its eyebright and thyme. For luck." She rested her elbows on the counter and looked across at Raven. "You seem tense. Is something wrong?"

Raven sighed dubiously, "I don't know maybe."

The girl nodded, "Want to talk about it?"

Raven shrugged, "Not really, but sometimes...I don't know it feels that if I don't tell anyone I'll implode."

"Uh, don't you mean explode?"

"No."

"Ah." Said the girl thoughtfully.

##When you know as well as me,

You'd rather see me paralysed,

Why don't you just come out for once?

And scream it##

Raven decided that she liked this girl, true she had often thought of her as annoying but it was nice to have a friend outside of the titans. She had other friends yes, but they were too far away for her to go and visit and she knew that none of them possessed mobile phones. She kind of classed the atlantian that Aqualad introduced her to, Rei, as a friend. But she would never talk to him about what she was feeling. Then it hit her, she didn't know this girl's name.

"Hey, what's your name?"

The girl looked up surprised, "I thought I told you."

"You probably did, but depending on the mood I was in I have probably forgotten." Raven admitted taking another sip of her tea.

The girl brushed her dark hair over her shoulder, "My name's Claire Morgan." She shrugged, "I know it's a boring name but it's so much better than being called Fred."

"Fred?"

"Oh, personal joke. Guy I dated. Horrid person." She said grinning into her cup.

"His name was Fred?" asked Raven as her right eyebrow rose.

"No. Milton."

"Huh?"

The girl giggled, "Sorry, I made it all up. I do that all the time to people. It makes introductions that much more interesting. Don't you think?"

"You're odd." Raven stated drinking more of her tea.

"I try."

Raven opened her mouth to say something else when she was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Raven didn't turn around to see who it was. She had no business in doing so.

"Raven? I saw you come in here and I thought... I need to talk with you." Came Robin's voice from somewhere behind her.

##No I don't feel that good,

When I see the heartbreaks you embrace,

If I was a master thief,

Perhaps I'd rob them##

Raven stiffened when she heard his voice. She didn't turn around, this time though it was because she didn't want to. Frantically her mind searched for a way out. She really didn't want to hear how everything that had happened was a mistake. After all she had heard his thoughts ages ago about him liking Star and not her. She didn't need to hear that thought voiced.

She turned her head slightly to make clear she was addressing him, "Can't you see I'm busy?" she snapped.

He shifted nervously and then looked at his feet. A moment later he looked up, "Uh, it's important."

"I don't care. I'm busy."

##And now I know you're dissatisfied,

With your position and your place,

But don't you see?

It's not my problem##

He made a noise in the back of his throat and tried again then, "Tomorrow then. I know you don't have plans."

Raven's left eye ticked in annoyance. How dare he presume to know whether she had plans or not. But unknowingly he had just given her, her way out.

"Actually Robin," she said turning away to face Claire, "I do have plans. I'm going to the mall with Claire tomorrow."

"Who the hell is Claire?" he almost shouted balling his fists.

"You invited me to come shopping didn't you?" she asked making a point of making eye contact with Claire who looked as if she'd just been electrocuted. Claire nodded her head and grinned.

"Oh yes. We're going to buy music and then have lunch and then go to a concert...and can you please not yell in my café? You're disturbing my customers!" Claire said in a casual tone directing all of her verbal actions towards a stunned Robin.

Robin looked around at the empty café, "What customers?"

Claire looked around as if noticing for the first time that they were the only one's in there. She scowled at Robin, "Well you're disturbing me! And do not question my words again or I'll have you barred!" she said the words with finality and she flapped a dishcloth at him.

Raven had no idea where the dishcloth had come from but somehow it added effect and she was glad for it. She looked back at Robin almost goading him to say something that would allow her and Claire to hurt him.

Instead though he merely glowered at Claire and stared at her. He shook his head, "Whatever." He muttered and turned on his heel.

The two girls watched him walk away, open the door and step out into the street. They watched him pass the window and turn around a corner.

Claire giggled, "That was fun. But now you really must tell me everything. I promise on my own life to keep everything that passes between us a secret unless God threatens me with an eternity or two in hell."

Raven turned back to face her. She trusted this strange and possibly clinically insane girl more than she trusted Aqualad and that was saying something. Which was strange normally she didn't take to knew people very well. Maybe Claire was someone that could help her. She took a deep breath. Slowly she began to tell her new friend about ALL of her troubles including Robin.

##I wish that for just one time,

You could stand inside my shoes,

And just for that one moment,

I could be you,

Yes, I wish that for just one time,

You could stand inside my shoes,

And you'd know what a drag it is,

To see you##


	29. Misfit

Disclaimer: I do not own the teen titans or the words to the song Misfit by Amy Studt. Sorry it's been sooo late, things have been hectic for a while now but things are settling down….woohoo….it has been a while since I updated.

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Misfit**

_7th December_

"What on earth are you wearing?" asked Raven as she stood stunned at the side of Claire's black Pontiac Firebird. Raven herself had decided to at least try and dress discreet in black jeans and a black polo neck and boots. Claire it seemed though didn't share that ambition.

Claire was dressed in a black spaghetti strap top that had small chains hanging off it. On the front it said 'Remember EVIL is just LIVE spelled backwards' in red pointy letters. Claire had a red leather spiked dog collar on and black three quarter length jeans that were laden with silver and gold hoops and chains. She was wearing shiny black thigh length boots which had a heel that would probably cause considerable damage if she stepped on someone. Over all of this she was wearing a bright red knee length leather jacket with a high collar. Claire's hair had been pinned up very…enthusiastically and it spilled outwards in all directions. Claire had painted her eyes with such vigour that she looked like reject from the film The Crow.

"Clothes Raven. They're called clothes." Claire said grinning like an idiot.

"They're very…noticeable clothes." Muttered Raven as the two of them started walking towards the mall.

"That's the whole idea Rae." Claire said flinging her black pentagram shaped bag over her shoulder. "I'll be damned if I'm going to dress like everyone else. That's just pathetic and superficial."

##So you think you've got it all worked out,

You got your hot pants on,

You got your arse right out,

And you think you're something,

New and special,

And me in my drab dress,

We won't do it at all##

Raven shook her head, "Riiiiight…"

Claire grinned back her easily; "There's this shop on the top floor called 'Black Magicks' we have to go there." She slipped from one topic to the other as if it were the easiest thing in the whole world. She bounced as she walked making her look like an excited kid, "I want to check if they've got something I want at the same time. There are a few things there that you might like."

Raven nodded, if there was a prize for the most words said in a minute then Claire would take the trophy home. It amazed her at the length her new friend could talk out without running out of breath. But surprisingly her endless babble didn't annoy her as much as it should have.

But Claire, for her part, was a very good listener when it came to important things. Raven remembered yesterday evening well, she had expected lectures and swearing as soon as she had told Claire about her self-harming, but the black haired girl had merely traced the wounds with her finger nails and gave her advice on sterilising her knife. She was glad that Claire hadn't given her the 'selfish' speech.

"Claire, do you have a fascination with the colour black?" asked Raven when she realised something.

Claire paused as her hand touched the door to the mall, "Why do you ask?"

"Well your hairs black, your café is called 'The Black Out' and now you're going to a shop called 'Black Magicks'." Raven counted off the reasons on her fingers.

"Says the girl dressed in black." Replied Claire sarcastically and then she sighed, "Do you know that scientists say that black isn't a real colour. And neither is white apparently." She shrugged, "Maybe that's why I like it so much."

Raven nodded, "That's a good answer." she said as Claire finally managed to push open the door and entered the mall.

To Raven's surprise not that many people turned to stare at Claire as she brushed past the masses of 'normal' looking people. In fact most acted as though she wasn't even there. Raven wasn't sure if she was relieved or not.

"The shop's this way…c'mon!"

##I spent so long trying to fit the prototype,

I kept slipping on the heels and I never got it right,

What's the use?

What's the point?

You've got the wrong girl! ##

Raven looked around her at the interior of the shop. She had to admit it was tasteful and silently applauded Claire's choice for shopping. It was a long room with a low arched ceiling. There were golden and green coloured lanterns hanging off of the walls at regular intervals, casting mellow lights on the midnight blue walls. The carpet was thick and black and the display cabinets were made of chrome or steel or something like that. But it seemed as if the shop sold everything.

There were special decanters that raven knew were used in witchcraft, there were open bowls, bowls with lids, tall glass and topped bottles in a range of colours. There were packs of incense, herbs and spices, packs of tarot cards, shaman wisdom cards and fortune cards. There were rune sets, staves, crystals and collections of bones. There were gargoyle ornaments, black fairies with rubies for eyes, jewellery, clothes, daggers and cutlery. The back walls were lined with rows upon rows of books.

She browsed through the small trinkets and jewellery and her eyes caught on a bracelet that she liked. It was three different kinds of metal, silver, white gold and platinum wounds together like snakes, two claws were the fastener and the talons hooked together securely. It was beautiful.

She was about to pick it up when she heard Claire shriek at her from the other end of the store, "RAVEN!"

Raven left the bracelet and went to see what her friend was doing. Claire had a thick black book in her hands, which she was waving madly in all directions.

"Look at this Rae! You should totally get this!" she said while grinning.

"You're a very happy person aren't you?" stated Raven as she drew up to the goth girl and peered down at the book.

Claire nodded, "Only when the situation calls for it." She answered happily shoving the book into her hands and then wandering off to look at something else.

Raven allowed a small smile to grace her features and she looked down at the book in her hands. She snorted in amusement when she saw the cover. 'The Book of Spells.' Raven wondered if it was a joke, she opened the cover and read the index of spells, quickly she found one that appealed to her and she leafed through the thin white pages. Her eyes travelled down the page absorbing the information. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to try it. She closed the book and decided to trust Claire's judgement. She walked to the counter and paid for the book.

She turned around and searched the shop for Claire. Claire was standing near the jewellery stand looking longingly at something.

##So keep on doing what you're doing down there,

Because I'll be flying higher,

Waste your own time,

I don't care,

Anything you can do I can do better##

"What are you looking at?" asked Raven as she walked over to where Claire was standing. The black haired girl pointed to the necklace that was displayed next to the bracelet that Raven had previously been admiring.

The necklace was suspended on a silver string and the pendant was a silver wolf's head with emeralds for eyes.

"Buy it if you like it." She told her friend while her own eyes travelled back to the bracelet she had noticed before. It was large enough to cover quite a number of her scars so she could probably get away with wearing it.

Claire sighed audibly, "I don't have enough money to buy it."

Raven looked up and then looked back down at the price tag, it said it big black letters forty-five dollars. Raven looked back at the bracelet. That was only thirty dollars. A plan formed in her mind.

"Hey Claire?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you got thirty dollars?" Raven stuck her hand in her pocket and grabbed her purse.

"Yeah."

Raven nodded, "Well how about you buy me that bracelet," she pointed to it, "And I'll buy you the necklace. They can be Christmas presents."

Raven suddenly stumbled sideways as Claire threw herself at her. The other girl's arms wrapped around Raven's neck and hugged her tight. Raven was sure she felt her ribs splintering.

"Raven!" cried Claire in a euphoric voice clinging to the titan, "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me! It's the only thing anyone's ever done for me!" she hugged Raven tighter, "I could kiss you!"

##All you girls you look and flip your hair,

You wonder why I'm still here, well,

You're superficial I'm a misfit,

But baby that's okay##

Claire grinned and hugged Raven again.

"C'mon let's pay for all this and get outta here!" cried Claire enthusiastically.

Raven nodded dumbly, "Uh, sure…can we go to life essence after this though?"

Claire looked mystified for a moment, "You want to buy candles?" her eyes dropped to the book in Ravens hand, "OH! Okay then!"

"After that, do you wanna come back to the tower?" Raven asked this for two reasons, one because she didn't want today to end but there wasn't really a lot to do when they had just spent nearly all of their money, and secondly because she wanted to prove to Robin that Claire was her friend and that she did make plans without notifying him.

Claire's eyes got as big as saucers, "R…really? You want me…to come back to the tower?????"

Raven shrugged, "Only if you want to."

##All you girls when you look into the mirror,

Tell me how do you appear? Well,

You're superficial I'm a misfit,

You're superficial I'm a misfit,

But that's okay! ##

Raven watched Claire out of the corner of her eye. The black haired teenager was staring up at the T shaped tower with amazement. In fact she was doing a very good impression of a fish. Raven keyed in the access code to the door and it slid open with a hiss.

Claire jumped when she heard the noise, her hand flew to her chest and she took several deep breaths. She flashed a smile at Raven. "This is it, isn't it, this is the moment where we enter the tower…" her voice came out as a mere whisper.

Raven sighed, "Yeah…it's nothing special, really." She tried to placate the teen, but nothing seemed to work. She was beginning to wonder whether or not buying Claire that sugary soda had been a good idea. She suspected that the present sugar high girl was the result of that refreshment stop. Raven made a mental note to stay well away from soda.

Claire looked at her in disbelief, "It's all right for you to say that. You live here!" she shook her head in disbelief, "I don't know whether I can do it."

Raven, who for her part had been most accommodating for the day was beginning to lose her patience, she recognised somewhere in the back of her mind, that losing her patience was not a good thing, she could snap or say something harsh to her new friend, and even though she trusted Claire implicitly there are a lot of things that people will do when they are hurt and confused.

"Just get in there." She sighed pushing the strange girl towards the open doorway. Claire kind of ran over the threshold and then closed her eyes as if expecting alarms to go off or something. Raven shook her head and closed the door behind her as she too entered.

## So you got your little groups and gangs,

You got your VIP, your member only things,

Your 'Happy Clappies' and your 'VC Crews'

And if you get in their way they've got ten on you ##

Raven held her breath and counted to ten in her head, true she had no idea what she was so annoyed about, Claire was her friend and a lot funnier than Beast Boy any day, but there was just something about the strange girl that bugged Raven or rather bugged her remaining emotions. "Claire, I hope you don't mind me asking, but is there something wrong with you?" she asked lightly, trying to figure out what was wrong and not sound to horrible at the same time. Sighing she levitated their shopping and floated it up towards the roof with her powers to distract herself.

"Yes actually, it's ADD."

Raven raised an eyebrow; did this girl have something mathematically wrong with her? "What?" she asked in clear bewilderment.

Claire grinned and waved her hand, "Oh sorry, it stands for Attention Deficit Disorder. Disease. Disorder. It's one of them." She looked up at the walls, "Just think, I've been looking at the walls that make up part of Titans Tower….wow."

Raven groaned and put a hand to her face, great, not only had she befriended a lunatic, but she was a raving lunatic at that. Well, she reflected dryly, at least Claire would get on with the rest of the titans then. She thought that in all seriousness, all capabilities at laughing and joking had gone out of the windows with her happiness.

## Well I don't wanna be in that game,

I don't wanna follow the leader,

No way, what's the use,

What's the point?

You've got the wrong girl ##

Raven tilted her head to the side as she heard the sound of footsteps coming towards them; she turned to look at the doorway that the person would soon come through.

Sure enough seconds later, Robin, looking very disgruntled, emerged from the hallway into the entrance hall, he was looking at the mess of papers that he was carrying in his hand. He didn't notice them standing in there watching him. He was muttering under his breath and shuffling through the papers like his life depended on it.

Raven cleared her throat to get his attention.

Still scowling he looked up, "What?"

It must have taken a few moments to realise who was standing there. His eyes widened and he looked down self consciously, his fingers pulling at the corners of the bits of paper he was holding, he cleared his own throat uncomfortably, "Hey Raven, Claire. Did you two have fun today?"

"It was good thank you." Said Claire crisply, her eyes dropped to his hands, "What have you got there?"

Raven stood there, slightly thrown off by her new friend's sudden change in attitude, she had gone from moron to curious ice cube in seconds flat. A feat she was sure was hard for any normal person to manage.

Robin looked down and then looked up, he smiled happily, "It's the invitations for our Christmas party, I've already filled mine out and sent them, these are Star's and Cyborg's, I think BB and Terra have gone to deliver there's by hand, Aqualad is inviting some people as well, and you should find your blank invitation in the kitchen." Apart from the dark look that crossed his when he mentioned the atlantians name, Robin's smile seemed genuine. He was actually happy about the party.

Raven nodded, "Okay."

Robin grinned, "Yeah, I can wait if you want and then I can post yours as well."

Raven narrowed her eyes at him, "No, it's all right I'll do it myself. Thanks for asking though." She counted to ten in her head again. She had to try and preserve their friendship, who knows what would happen to the team otherwise?

##So keep on doing what you're doing down there,

Because I'll be flying higher,

Waste your own time,

I don't care,

Anything you can do I can do better##

Robin's posture seemed to relax a little and he gave them both a warm smile, "Great, I'll see you later then," he paused to reach up and grab his coat that hung on the hook on the wall, "I guess I'll see you at the party too Claire, it's on the fifteenth. I know we kinda got off to a bad start but things can change yeah?" he smiled again and slipped out the door, closing it quietly behind him.

##All you girls you look and flip your hair,

You wonder why I'm still here, well,

You're superficial I'm a misfit,

But baby that's okay##

Raven and Claire exchanged glances. They were silent as tombstones for a few moments.

Claire was the first to break the silence, "What was up with him?" she asked looking over her shoulder at the door as if to check no one was eavesdropping.

Raven shook her head, "I have no idea."

"PARTY!" screamed Beast Boy as he suddenly appeared from around the corner, he raced over to Raven and Claire, not seeming to notice that Claire wasn't a regular visitor at Titans Tower, grabbed them both by the wrists and dragged them into the kitchen where everyone else was sat, "WE'RE GONNA HAVE A PARTY!" he practically screeched shoving the invitations into raven's outstretched hands.

While Raven shook her head and wondered whether the only reason Robin was so nice just then was that he somehow knew the others were in the kitchen and could hear what was going on.

Claire just introduced herself and joined in with the fun, leaving Raven alone for a few moments so that she could fill out the four invitations she had been given. Who on earth could she invite to the party?

She didn't really know anyone who would want to come to a party.

Hang on…she knew some people that would come, she hadn't seen them in ages, and it would be nice to talk to them again. She picked up a pen off the side board and began writing out the invitations.

##All you girls when you look into the mirror,

Tell me how do you appear? Well,

You're superficial I'm a misfit,

You're superficial I'm a misfit,

But that's okay! ##

* * *

A/N HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO HELP ME OUT!

For the party I need guests, you have two choices, either choose your favourite character from any other anime/manga or make up your own. You can tell me by putting them in your reviews. You must tell me who is to be inviting them, and how they know that particular titan. THANKS!


	30. Run Rudolph Run

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans. Thank you to the people that have volunteered guests for the party, keep them coming, the party isn't for another two chapters yet! Also I do not own the words to the song 'Run Rudolph Run' By Bryan Adams.

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Thirty: Run Rudolph Run**

_12th December_

"Star?" asked Cyborg holding up the twenty different rolls of Christmas wrapping paper for Beast Boy's inspection.

The green elf frowned and studied the festive patterns that adorned the brightly coloured paper rolls. He inched forward to inspect one on the right, "This one definitely. It's pink and has ponies on it. She'll love it. And this one. It's purple. Star loves the colour purple." He smiled and grabbed the mentioned rolls putting them on the side for later.

Cyborg nodded and readjusted his grip, "The down side to buying so many presents." He muttered, "Wrapping them all up."

"Scrooge." Whispered Beast Boy grinning, "Anyway who's next?"

Cyborg rolled his eyes and chuckled, "Robin."

"He's like the easiest one, anything red or green." Beast boy didn't wait for the reply he just yanked three rolls from Cyborg's grip and deposited them on the floor. He heard the sounds of wrapping paper hitting the floor; he turned and looked at Cyborg who was now holding an armful of air while the rolls lay in a heap on the floor, "You're supposed to hold them Cy." He said.

"You try holding them after what you just did." He complained picking them up, 'accidentally' catching BB on the chin with a particularly heavy piece.

"OW!" cried Beast Boy stumbling backwards, he rubbed his chin and looked at his friend ruefully, "You did that on purpose."

Cyborg merely smiled back innocently, well tried to, "Hey man, I slipped."

"Yeah whatever."

##Out of all the reindeer you know you're the mastermind  
Run, run Rudolph, Randalph's not too far behind  
Run, run Rudolph, Santa's got to make it to town  
Randalph he can hurry, he can take the freeway down  
And away went Rudolph a whizzing like a merry-go-round##

Beast Boy stood back and admired his handy work. "Not bad if I do say so myself." He said puffing out his chest in pride, at his feet lay twenty or so brightly wrapped Christmas presents, each decorated with curly ribbons, huge glittery bows and cartoon tags hung on with silver string. He rubbed his hands together and grinned. "Man, I love Christmas."

Cyborg snorted as he finished sticking down the final corner on Robin's present, his wrapping skills weren't as extravagant as Beast Boy's, true the paper was still as bright, but the ribbons were smaller and the tags leant towards a more traditional style, like Christmas trees instead of reindeers holding beer. He shook his head at his friend's happiness. "Yeah, I know. You've only been going on about it for the past two weeks straight."

He grinned, "I can't help it, it's like the best time of the year, I am so psyched about this party, and I just can't wait! Who'd you invite?"

Cyborg grinned knowingly, "Now why should I tell you now? That'd spoil the surprise."

Beast Boy wrinkled his nose, "That's not fair, well; I'm not going to tell you who I've invited."

Cyborg's grin widened, "Who says I want to know anyway? I'm sure they're all goofballs." He slapped BB on the back and chuckled.

"Dude, that's harsh."

"Just stating a fact, now, how about a game on the ol' gamestation?" Cyborg asked taking a coin from the floor, and balancing it on his thumb, "Heads or Tails? Winner gets to choose the game."

"Heads!" called Beast Boy as the coin flipped up into the air.

"Too bad. It's tails." Crowed Cy as he hid the double-sided coin away for future use.

"Aww man," moaned Beast Boy, "I just can't get a break, first Terra won't tell me what she's gotten me for Christmas, which is totally unfair because I would have told her what I bought her if she asked, then Robin starts acting really weird around the girls and Aqualad and I can't get a word in edgeways even if it is to remind him that he has to wear the pink dress next time we go and rescue someone or stop a villain, Raven's ignoring the fact that its Christmas at all and now you win me at flipping coins! It's like nothing is going right!" he held his arms out to emphasise this fact.

Cyborg shook his head at his friend's dramatics. "Yeah, your defeat via me is a great tragedy. I wouldn't tell you what I got you either, Raven is just being herself and as for Robin, well he's got a lot on his mind." He gave BB a sly look, "Now stop stalling for time and get ready to lose."

## Said Santa to a boy child "What have you been longing for?"  
"All I want for Christmas is a Rock and Roll electric guitar"  
And away went Rudolph a whizzing like a shooting star##

* * *

Meanwhile downstairs Raven was drifting through the kitchen looking for a place other than her bedroom to stash the candles she had bought at the mall with Claire the other day. She had started hiding them in her room, but her nightmares caused things to explode, and she had no more money and so keeping the candles in one piece was high priority as in a few days she was going to try out one of the spells. Especially one of the 'break the habit' ones, perhaps it would help her conquer her self harm. Having told all her problems to Claire, which she realised was very unlike her to begin with, she put it down to the fluctuation in Nevermore, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

However, Claire was an outlet point, a place to unload her troubles, but the strange girl didn't actually help, she didn't try and offer advice, whether it was wanted or not. Raven didn't think she would feel entirely comfortable discussing problems and finding solutions with Claire. She would tell the girl things, but that was it. It was a very one sided thing.

And even though Claire accepted this, it left Raven feeling very frustrated.

She opened a cupboard. It was filled with furry blue food. She closed the door, she always thought that one day that food was going to come alive and wreak havoc upon the city. She drifted along and opened another, finding it similarly filled she moved onto the next one.

"What are you doing?" asked a voice from behind her.

Recognising the voice and the person that suddenly appeared beside her she turned slightly to address them, "Aqualad." She nodded, "I'm trying to find suitable storage for these blue candles."

"I'll help then." He said gallantly, as if the task of putting candles away may be too dangerous for girl such as Raven to even think of attempting on her own.

"Okay." She said in no mood to argue. The atlantian was trying, really he was. But sometimes, he tried too hard. She shook herself mentally. At least he was trying, she told herself, that's all that mattered.

"Who're you inviting to this party then?" he asked in an attempt to try and start up a conversation with his girlfriend. She wasn't ready for too much right now, he respected that, he would keep it light for now.

Raven shrugged, "Claire was invited anyway, so aside from her I've invited Genjo Senzo, he's a friend from…my past." She paused for a moment, "I've had his reply anyway, he's willing to come."

Aqualad opened a lower cupboard, "This any good?" he asked indicating the empty space. Raven closed the closet she was busy looking in and nodded; she crouched down and began to pile the candles one by one onto the bottom shelf, hidden behind the ant killer. Aqualad watched her for a moment, "So who else are you inviting?"

Raven sighed, "I haven't invited Hiei, a past associate because I don't know whether he'd bother showing up. I'd like to talk to him again, but he doesn't really go for social gatherings. Besides he always show up when you want him to anyway." She screwed up the plastic carrier bag in her hand and replaced the large tin of bug spray before she closed the door and straightened, "I want Blaze to come, I haven't seen her in ages, and she's a lot like Claire, only less….happy. And I invited Rukia Kuchika."

##Run, run Rudolph, Santa's got to make it to town  
Can't you make him hurry, tell him he can take the freeway down  
And away went Rudolph a whizzing like a merry-go-round##

Aqualad frowned, "Isn't that the girl that soul reaper person? I've heard of her."

Raven nodded, "Yeah, we've got some history together, she saved the ghost of my mother from being destroyed by my father." She shrugged, "And I invited Gavin and his wife. The invitation says plus one anyway."

"Who's Gavin?"

"A friend." She said in a monotonous tone casting her eyes to the ground, she opened the bin with a wave of her hand and dropped the carrier bag in it. "Who're you inviting?"

Aqualad grinned, "Rei and Kai for starters, I don't think Kai wanted to come, but he can't deny Rei anything. And I've invited a friend of mine, Franchesca Matthews. She's an undersea intern from New York; she's helped me save some of the whales before now. I only had three invitations to hand out." He shrugged, "But enough of that, why don't we go and have some tea at that café?"

Raven glared at him, "I don't want to go and have tea."

Aqualad stopped stunned for a moment and the sudden turn in her attitude. He took a deep breath, he could deal with this. He had to help Raven through her problems. "What would you like to do then?"

"Meditate." She snapped turning her back to him.

"Great, I'll come with you." He said, hoping that he was getting somewhere with her.

"Go away!" she snarled at him over her shoulder before she teleported away, muttering under her breath, "I would never have had to put up with this if Alexial was still here."

Aqualad stared dumbfounded at the space where Raven had just stood; it seemed to him that perhaps her problems were getting worse, and not better. Maybe he wasn't doing enough….maybe he was doing too much.

"And who the heck is Alexial?" he implored the ceiling, he grabbed his hair in his hands and pulled it until it hurt, he let out a low growl. Yes, even Aqualad can be impatient at times.

##Said Santa to a girl child "What would you like most to get?"  
"I want a little baby doll that can cry, scream and wet"  
And away went Rudolph a whizzing like a Sabre jet##

* * *

Robin hummed to himself as he wrapped up the last of his presents. He loved Christmas, perhaps not as much as Beast Boy, but still he enjoyed the festive holiday. He was actually even happier at the moment as he had managed to escape being Starfire's official cookie taster for the day by saying he had to wrap up her surprise. That had left Terra doing it.

Robin chuckled under his breath.

He had to say he was looking forward to the party, it was a good idea, he couldn't wait for the next few days to pass. The only thing that worried him however was the fact that only Speedy seemed to be free to come, his other friends had returned their invitations yet. He bit his lip, they would come, he was sure of it. They might even bring their invitations on the day.

Robin looked up as he saw Aqualad storm out of the kitchen with a murderous look upon his face and exit the tower muttering. It took all of the Boy Wonder's will power to not get up and run to Raven.

He forced himself to stay and wrap up the presents. It was Raven's choice who she went out with. She was with Aqualad and he was with Starfire. Simple as that. He told himself he should learn to accept it.

Easier said than done.

He didn't know how to describe his feelings for Raven, they ran deep, and it was obvious that she was going through some kind of trouble; he hoped that the party would help take her mind of whatever was bothering her.

He paused and listened, well nothing was exploding, and that was a good sign. Perhaps he didn't need to go and see Raven after all. He finished wrapped the present before him and smiled.

Yes, Christmas was a time for celebrations. He started humming to himself again.

##Run, run Rudolph, run, run Rudolph, a running like a son-of-a-gun##

* * *

A/N HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO HELP ME MORE

I now need friends for Terra, Robin, Starfire, Cyborg and Beast Boy. NOT Raven and Aqualad. Got that? Good! I'll give you all special mention at the end of this fic if you do!


	31. Impossible

Disclaimer: I don't own the teen titans or the words to Impossible by Christina Aguilera

**Hand In Hand**

**Chapter Thirty-One: Impossible**

_14th December_

Aqualad kicked a rock that was in front of him. It hurt his foot. But it only made him angrier. The events of the twelfth of December were still heavy on his mind. He was trying so hard to help and please Raven but nothing he did seemed to do any good. If he said one thing, she said the other, and to top it all, it was her who propositioned him, not the other way round.

Perhaps he hadn't thought it all through. He wanted to help her, really he did, but he was beginning to think that maybe he wasn't cut out to fight away all of the little gothic girl's demons.

He made a noise in the back of his throat and scowled down at the floor. It wasn't that he didn't care for Raven, far from it, he cared deeply for her, but he was beginning to re-evaluate them. He liked Raven. But it definitely wasn't love.

##It's impossible, it's impossible to love you,

If you don't let me know what you're feeling,

It's impossible for me to give you what you need,

If you're always hiding from me ##

He knew that atlantians were nearly always unlucky in love. They hardly ever fell in love, and when they did, the fell hard. But he wasn't in love with Raven. He thought back to his conversation with Terra, when they had been at the mall. He shook his head and sighed, why didn't anything ever go smoothly?

He kicked himself. It was his own fault for chooses to try and love someone who hadn't even begun to love themselves yet. He should have just stayed as her friend, but no he had to take her up on her offer. He felt badly, as if he had taken advantage of her.

He clenched his fists together and lifted his head up to stare at the night sky, the stars shined down on his brightly. He sighed. His fingers uncurled and his hands slackened. It was no use getting angry. It wasn't Raven's fault.

It wasn't anyone's fault.

But he still felt guilty.

## I don't know what hurt you,

I just, I wanna make it right,

Because I'm sick and tired of trying to read your mind##

It was pointless trying to find someone to blame though, he had always known, well part of him had, that Raven was just a bomb waiting to happen. She seemed to have herself contained, and seemed to be perfectly in tune with herself. But if you looked close enough, tiny cracks were starting to appear at the edges of her brilliant façade. Her eyes flickered with emotion, things exploded; she shut herself off from things that she didn't understand. That would get to anyone.

In truth Aqualad was surprised she hadn't snapped already.

But he knew what rested on the fact that Raven didn't snap. She had to hold on, because who knows what her powers could do if she lost control, or what she might do in a moment of anger.

Had it been anyone else he would have broken off the relationship, but because it was Raven he had to stick with it. She was in too much of a fragile state to be let now. Maybe her relationship with him was the only thing that was holding her together.

That thought scared him beyond belief.

He hoped there was more that held Raven to reality, because he really didn't think he could cope with many more of her mood swings.

##It's impossible,

Oh baby its impossible for me to love you,

It's the way it is,

It's impossible, oh baby its impossible,

If you're making it this way ##

"Dammit." He cursed to himself.

"Hey, what's the matter?" he threw a sideways glance at the crimson eyed atlantian next to him, "Can I help?"

"No." sighed Aqualad still looking at Kai, wondering if maybe his friend had it easy being gay. Not that he'd ever go that way, but it must be much simpler than going after girls.

Kai smirked slightly, "Why not? Girl trouble?"

Aqualad blinked, "Uh. Yeah."

Kai nodded and then turned back to watch the ocean that was lapping against the shores of the beach that they were standing on, the wind ruffled his blue hair as he stared out to the horizon, "It's that Raven right?" he asked, Aqualad nodded, "I thought so. You know she's not the type I would peg as for going into relationships. What made you ask her out?"

Aqualad sighed and turned back to the ocean too, his own kind was very good at picking up on the emotions of others, and they made for good agony aunts, even if they were interfering at times. "She asked me."

Kai raised his eyebrows but didn't turn, "You surprise me. But then perhaps even the silent ones need companionship. Look at me and Rei."

Aqualad smiled slowly, "Very talkative tonight aren't you Kai?"

Kai waved a hand; his long white scarf caught in the wind suddenly and blew madly around for a moment like it had a life of its own, "Rei must be rubbing off on me. Besides, I need to prepare myself for that party you just had to invite me to."

Aqualad grinned, "You don't have to come."

"Rei wouldn't hear of it. I thought we were talking about your problems." Kai muttered lifting his hand and flicking a spike of hair from his eyes.

Aqualad sighed again, "Yeah."

##Impossible to make it easy,

If you're always trying to make it so damn hard,

How can I, how can I give you all of my love?

If you're always, always putting up your guard##

"So what's the problem then?"

Yes, what was the problem? Aqualad felt stupid all of a sudden, what if it was all in his head? What if he was dreaming things up? He shook his head to clear his thoughts, no the problem was real. "I can't get her to open up to me, she's slipping further into darkness all the time, and I can't bring her back."

"Maybe you're not supposed to."

"What?" he tilted his head to stare at his friend, why did he have to have Kai as the one to talk to? Why couldn't Rei be here? Kai would be blunt, and he could excruciatingly cruel when he wanted to be.

"The two of you don't fit together. Is there someone else on the scene?"

Aqualad scowled, "Yeah. Robin. He won't leave Raven alone, he feels something for her I'm sure, but he's just messing with her."

"How can you be sure about that?"

"Because I know how his mind works."

Kai sighed, "You know it's not a good idea to try and understand someone else's mind, before you understand your own."

Aqualad felt like tearing his hair out, "I understand my mind perfectly thank you!"

"Don't get angry with me. You know I'm telling the truth, if you know what your mind wants, why are you here talking to me? Why didn't you ask her out? Why do you keep getting in the way of Robin," Aqualad went to protest, "You don't need to tell me, it's written all over your face and you don't exactly hide your thoughts very well. You try and stop him from talking to her. You shouldn't."

"But why not?"

##This is not a circus; don't play me for a clown,

How long can emotions keep going up and down? ##

Kai sighed again, as if he was used to helping people out with their love lives, "You're forcing her to choose that way, and who do you think would come out on top if that happened. I'm sorry, but I don't think that it would be you."

Aqualad pulled a face, "Does Rei know you're an agony aunt."

"We swap shifts every now and then." Kai dead-panned.

"Whatever."

## It's impossible,

Oh baby its impossible for me to love you,

It's the way it is,

It's impossible, oh baby its impossible,

If you keep treating me this way,

Over and Over ##

Kai turned away from the ocean and gave Aqualad a glare, "I suppose I'll go and get some sleep. After all, it is that party tomorrow. I dread to think what Rei will make me wear. I still can't get over the whole birthday debacle."

Aqualad snickered at the memory, "Yeah. Hopefully the party will help lighten everybody's mood."

##Impossible baby, impossible, impossible,

If you're making it this way,

Oh, it's impossible,

If you're making it this way##

* * *

A/N I need guest people! The party is the next two chapters! Come on! I want to post them before Saturday! 


	32. Here for the Party

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to the song 'Here for the Party' by Gretchen Wilson

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Here for the Party**

****

_15th December_

Beast Boy was running around the tower like a boy possessed. Hanging mistletoe here, and holly branches there. He had spent have of the previous night calling round his guests, making sure they were coming and making special arrangements for some of his friends' more unique tastes.

He'd spent the best part of the morning clearing out the hall on the third floor, it was being used as storage space, but they had all agreed that because it was the biggest room in titan's tower that they should take advantage of that fact and use it for the party.

They'd been clearing out the old furniture, Cyborg had been moving some of the heavier things, while Starfire and Terra had been in charge of redecorating, it was a quick job but they had finally gotten it done in time. Raven even leant a helping hand by levitating some of the long table in that they would use to put the buffet food on. Robin had spent the morning ordered the food, and had gotten into quite a few arguments with pizza place managers, as he thought they had overcharged him, much to everyone else's amusement.

He had gone to the extra trouble to write out Christmas cards to all the people he knew were coming, he had finally gotten it out of Cyborg who he was inviting and he wasn't surprised to find that they were all girls. He had even gone out and bought some extra presents.

He had never been so excited in his life. He was even going to get to meet some of Terra's friends from when she used to travel, and he was going to get the chance to meet some more atlantians! Raven had told him that one even had cat eyes, which of course excited him no end.

Suffice to say there was a permanent grin attached to his face as he whizzed around getting ready for six o'clock when everyone else would arrive.

## Well I'm an eight ball fisted double shooting son of a gun,

I wear my jeans a little tight,

Just to watch the little boys come undone,

I'm here for the beer and the ball busting band,

Gonna get a little crazy just because I can ##

* * *

Robin glowered darkly at the man on the doorstep, "This is daylight robbery." He seethed. 

The man held up his hands and shook his head, "Hey I'm not the boss, I just deliver the food, don't shoot the messenger."

Robin growled in the back of his throat but dug into his pockets for the cash anyway, he handed over the bills into the other man's hands who tipped his hat and said good day before turning and trotting back the way he had come.

Robin shook his head and put his hands on his hips. He stared down at the amount of food that was now piled on the doorstep. There were boxes of pizzas that would need to be reheated later, bowls full of salad, bowls of pasta, Chinese food, a turkey with all the trimmings, chocolate cake, ginger cake, dried fruit and nuts. He knew that Terra was going to make sandwiches and Starfire, unfortunately was going to make…something.

He jumped slightly as Raven's black magic enveloped the food and lifted it gently off of the ground. He looked over his shoulder and smiled at her, she seemed to be cheering up recently; he hoped that it stayed that way.

"I'll put these in the kitchen shall I?" she asked, her lips curling up into a smile that was not quite happy, it was more…relieved. Robin decided it was his mind playing tricks upon him.

He nodded and grinned back, "Yeah, Terra and Beast Boy are going to put it all on plates and take it to down to the hall later."

She nodded and went back inside, taking the food with her.

Robin smiled to himself and then followed her; this party was going to be amazing, and further more his guests had sent back their invitations this morning so he knew that they were coming.

It was going to be a blast.

## You know I'm here for the party,

And I ain't leaving until they throw me out,

Gonna have a little fun, gonna get me some,

You know I'm here, here for the party##

* * *

Cyborg was getting irritated. The damn fairy lights that he was supposed to be stringing around the hall didn't want to comply with his wishes, every time he pegged them up, the other end fell down. It was getting on his nerves. 

The hall had to be finished by five at the latest; he had to string up the white lights across the ceiling, which had been painted black, courtesy of Raven, so that the flashing bulbs would look like stars in the night sky.

He had to fasten the multicoloured star shaped lights around the edges of all the long wooden tables, before the food was put on them, to top it all he had to get a disco ball up so that it hung from the rafters, and set up the stereo with flashing red and green lights so that it lit up the floor when the music was playing.

He had a box of tiny silver pegs in one hand and the end of the lights in his other, and he was balanced on the end of a wooden foot ladder. He was beginning to wish that his guests would get here early to help him, after all two of them were good with electronics.

He looked at his watch, it was ten past two, he didn't have long, he reached up and pegged the wire he was holding into the corner, making sure that the lights faced outwards.

"Hey Cy!" called Terra from the bottom of the ladder.

He jumped slightly but managed to hold his balance, without turning around he answered, "Yeah?"

Terra leaned against the wall and flicked her blonde hair over her shoulder, "I just wanted to know if you had any preferences for music."

"Anything about Christmas and anything by The Goo Goo Dolls are good." He replied after a moments thought before he leaned over and pegged up more lights.

"Okay, thanks." Grinned Terra straightening and heading off to another part of the tower, "This is gonna be great." She shouted over her shoulder.

Cyborg agreed, but he couldn't answer because he had a peg in his mouth.

##I may not be a ten but the boys say that I clean up good,

And if I give them half a chance,

For some rowdy romance you know they would,

I've been waiting all week to have a good time,

So bring on them cowboys and their pick up lines##

* * *

It was quarter to six. Raven was standing in the kitchen doorway. She pursed her lips and put her hands on her hips, everyone else was busy getting changed now, all the decorations had been complete and the food had been set out, the lights had been turned on and she was pretty sure that the stereo was already playing a random Christmas song, if she listened hard enough she could hear it. 

She wasn't one for getting dressed up, but she was going to be seeing people that she hadn't seen in ages, and so she had made a small effort, she was wearing black flare jeans that covered her boots and a long sleeved navy blue blouse with a high colour, she had finished off her ensemble with a hoodless version of the cloak off of her uniform.

She leaned against the doorframe and waited. Starfire was the first of her team mates to appear, the bubbly Tameran girl was wearing a long purple dress with three quarter length sleeves. A green sash was tied around her waist and she grinned and waved when she saw that Raven was waiting.

"Friend Raven!" she screeched, "Isn't this fabulous! We're going to have a party, you look really pretty! Do you think this dress is alright? Will Robin like it?"

Raven winced at the high pitched voice but she plastered a smile on her face, "I'm…sure he'll like it just fine."

Star opened her mouth to say something else but was prevented from doing so by the sound of Cyborg and Beast Boy approaching, as usual they were arguing.

"No, my clothes are not retro. How can you even say that?" demanded Beast Boy as the two of them rounded the corner, "Well, you're tie looks dumb."

"Hey, leave the tie outta this, the tie is cool and you know it."

The tie in question was dark red and had a yellow Christmas star on it near to the bottom. It was festive. Beast Boy on the other hand was wearing dark blue cords and a yellow shirt, with a mid-calf length white blazer over the top, he had slicked his hair back with hair gel, and despite his protests both girls had to admit that it did look slightly retro.

Cyborg looked up and noticed the girl first, "Hey guys, looking good." Starfire giggled and blushed behind her hand, Raven just blinked.

## You know I'm here for the party,

And I ain't leaving until they throw me out,

Gonna have a little fun, gonna get me some,

You know I'm here, here for the party##

Beast Boy looked up and grinned at them, he gave them a thumb up sign and then looked at his watch, "Oh man, where's Terra? The people are gonna start arriving any minute now."

"I'm here BB." Said a soft voice.

He turned around, and his jaw, literally hit the floor. Terra, his girl, was dressed in baggy beige cargo pants and a black spaghetti strap top with a black sleeveless cardigan over it, she had put some make-up on, and suffice to say, she looked stunning.

"Wow, babe, you look…" Beast Boy trailed off, "What I mean is, you are…no….you look stunning…no beautiful…no fantastic."

Terra giggled, "I'll ignore the fact that all those words mean the same thing." She leaned over to him and kissed his cheek, "Have any of the guests arrived yet?" she asked looking around.

"No." he sighed and looked at his watch, but it's one minute to six now, so any second now right?"

##Don't want no purple hooter shooter just some jack on the rocks,

Don't mind me if I start that trashy talk##

"Hey guys." Said Robin as he jogged down the last few stairs, "You all look fantastic." He stopped between Raven and Starfire. He was wearing baggy stonewash jeans and a dark red polo neck jumper, he hooked his arm around Starfire and grinned, "Hey, why don't some of us go down to the hall ready for when the guests arrive, we can't all stay here and answer the door."

Cyborg nodded, "Good idea Rob, I'll go, I wanna get some food anyway before Beast boy eats it all."

Beast Boy puffed up his chest in indignation.

Robin sighed, "Why don't you all go down, I'll stay here and welcome the guests."

Everyone was halted from saying anything further when there was a knock at the door.

## You know I'm here for the party,

And I ain't leaving until they throw me out,

Gonna have a little fun, gonna get me some,

You know I'm here, here for the party##


	33. DJ

Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans or the words to 'DJ' by H and Claire. I am sorry for the delay. It's my longest chapter to date and therefore would take a while longer. I was going to split it into two…but decided to leave it as it is. Thank you if you reviewed! I love you all, you're brilliant!

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Thirty-Three: DJ**

_15th December_

The titans looked at each other for a moment. It was Beast Boy, surprise, surprise, who broke the silence and practically leaped at the door. He grabbed the handle and yanked it back with all his strength, as if his very life depended upon it.

The door swung back to reveal three people he hadn't seen in a long tome, and much to his annoyance, they weren't HIS guests but he embraced the three girls before him anyway, with more vigour than was actually needed, "Karen! Kara! Donna!" after a few moments her released them and looked them all up and down, Karen's black hair was pulled back into a bun on top of her head, she was wearing a yellow sundress and a pair of gold lined shades, she lifted them up and grinned at the titans.

"Long time no see!" she said smiling as she entered the tower hugging all of the titans in turn, she paused when she came across Terra, "Hey, I haven't seen you before, my name's Karen Beecher but most know me as Bumblebee." She gestured to the girls over her shoulder, she pointed to the girl with long dark hair and bright blue eyes, "This is Donna, you'd probably know her as Wonder Girl and that's Kara, universally known as power Girl."

Kara snorted, "Universally known indeed. May we please come in, we're freezing out here." She added as an after thought, "So, where's this party happening?"

Robin grinned, "It's good to see you three, the party is taking place in the hall on floor three, these guys are going there now, just follow them."

"Whoa!" cried Beast Boy holding up his hands, "I wanna know who invited Donna, 'cause I sure didn't." he knew that Cyborg had invited Kara and Karen, because he had written out their cards that morning.

Donna smiled and slipped past him, tugging her long black cardy tighter around her, "Robin invited me." She tugged at her cardy again, "Come on guys lets go I'm cold."

The group began to move away from the door, leaving Robin standing there waiting for the other guests to arrive. He closed the door and sighed, "That's three guests down, twenty three to go."

He barely had time to blink before there was another knock at the door. He put a happy smile on his face and opened it again. "Aqualad, hi." He said with less enthusiasm that he should have had, "Are these you're friends?" he asked indicating the two tall teenage boys and the tall brunette stood just behind him.

Aqualad nodded his head, "This is Kai, Rei and Franchesca."

Robin stepped out of the way so that they could enter, "You know where the party is. I'll see you later." The four of them passed. Robin could have sworn that as they walked off down the corridor one of the other atlantians said 'So that's Robin? Interesting.' But it could just have been his imagination.

He turned back to the door, he was about to close it, but he saw another group of people coming up the path, so he held it open, despite how much the breeze chilled him.

##Another Friday night and the weekend's just begun,

Everyone's dressing up because it's time to have some fun##

Robin stared speculatively at the three teenage boys that were walking up the path. The one in front was laughing loudly, he was dressed all in black and a long chestnut coloured braid swung behind him as he walked. He seemed to be a very happy person. If Robin had to guess he would say that Beast Boy invited them. The second boy was laughing, although quietly, and he had short soft blond hair. He walked with an easy stride, he looked laid back enough, it was the third boy that worried him, the boy had light brown/sandy hair that fell completely over one of his eyes, he hadn't said a word on the walk up, and he walked as if he was stalking someone.

Robin hated to admit it, but the walk alone scared Robin slightly, he would not like to go up against that guy in a fight. The three of them reached the door.

"Hiya!" exclaimed the one with the braid, "We're here for the party, not late are we? There is food here isn't there?" his violet eyes were wide and friendly.

"No, you're not late," laughed Robin, "And yes there's food, I take it you're Beast Boy's friend?"

The blond boy laughed slightly, "Yeah, we've known Garfield a while now," he paused, "Oh, I'm so sorry, we haven't introduced ourselves! I'm Quatre Raberba Winner and this is Trowa Barton." He bowed slightly and smiled.

Robin nodded and turned his eyes to the braided boy.

"Hi, I'm Duo Maxwell, I may run and hide but I never tell a lie!" he grabbed Robin's hand and shook it vigorously.

"Welcome to titan's tower." Robin said as way of introduction, "I'm Robin, the leader of this motley crew." He pointed down the hall, "Follow the sound of the music, it's the third door on the right on the third floor."

"Thank you." Said Quatre bowing again and walking into the tower behind Duo who had took off at a run, most probably because there was food.

Robin gave Trowa a searching look as the silent boy came in and followed Quatre, Robin jumped slightly when the boy spoke, "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt anyone here."

Yes, that made Robin feel more comfortable.

##Tonight, live all your fantasies,

Tonight, play it on and on and on and on,

DJ! Show us what you've got,

Keep our bodies moving, turn the music up,

Don't you ever stop; you know what to play,

To make this party rock all night##

It was another five minutes before any more guests arrived, Robin opened the door only to find himself roughly pushed aside by a blond that said his name was Vash and he was here only because Terra asked him to be. He didn't even ask for directions he just went. Robin supposed that with that attitude he could find his own way.

He checked to see if anyone else was coming and then closed the door shaking his head. It was at that moment that he noticed the floor was glowing. Intrigued he moved a few spaces forward and stared at the glowing light, it was a circle.

There was a flash and a rush of wind. Robin stumbled backwards in surprise; he covered his eyes, to avoid going blind. He heard a thump and some shuffling and then…

"Chris! Your foot is in my face!" cried a feminine voice.

"Sorry!" came the hasty reply.

Robin lifted his hands from his eyes and threw a cautious glance in the direction of the voices. He blinked. There on the floor was a red headed girl wearing what seemed to be some type of uniform, underneath her was a boy with black hair and dark eyes looking very miffed about the position he found himself him. Standing over them was a lanky blond boy with green eyes, he looked innocent and clueless. "Uh…hello?"

The blond looked at him, "Is this titan's tower?"

"Yes."

The blond's face broke into a wide grin, the other two were busy helping each other and dusting off their clothes, "That's great, this is my third attempt at trying to teleport us to the tower." He closed his eyes and smiled a sparkly smile.

"Yeah," grumbled the boy shrugging off his black jacket and tying it loosely round his waist, "Starfire's directions were lousy."

The girl smacked him on the back of the head, "Leave Kory alone!"

Robin smiled in spite of himself, it was a long time since he had heard anyone use Starfire's alias. "Well Star'll be happy that you've made it. Uh, who are you?"

The girl shoved her hand in his and shook it, "I'm Erutis, this is Chris and the great and powerful Demon Lord Raenef." She grinned gesturing to the blond, "He may not look like much, but this kid blows up mountains and breaks enchanted swords with his head."

Robin raised an eyebrow, "Breaks enchanted swords?"

Raenef groaned, "I said I was sorry Erutis, and it broke when it hit my head, it was not intentional!"

"She'll carry it to her grave you know." Put in Chris helpfully.

Robin shook his head, "The party's in the hall on the third floor, if you want to make your way there."

Raenef suddenly grabbed onto Erutis and Chris, "Thanks, GO!" and with that the three of them vanished in a slash of light and a burst of wind.

##Everyone's feeling good,

Smiling faces everywhere,

So if you're in the mood,

Put your hands up in the air! ##

Over the next half hour or so Robin opened the door to another half a dozen people, including his other two guests Bobby and Rogue, part of the famous X-Men team, a girl called Heather Avalon who Cyborg invited, a bubbly girl with blue hair and pale blue skin who introduced herself as 'Bluefire' Starfire's cousin.

It was Raven's friends that startled him the most though, they were the last ones to arrive, which he had kind of expected, but he had also expected them to be all gothic and silent. He was surprised however when a tall brown haired teenager turned up with an impish redhead on his arm, claiming to be one of Raven's friends. They went by the names of Gavin and Keira, he didn't question them straight away though, that could wait until he was down in the hall with everyone else, and after all there were only three people left to arrive.

The first of the last three to arrive was a tall deathly pale girl with black hair. She was quite a bit taller than Robin and when he opened the door to her, she stared down at him with a cold almost ruthless look in her eyes. "I'm Rukia Kuchika." She stated as if that explained everything, "I'm here for the party."

Robin nodded politely and gave her directions; he watched as she walked off, her movements like liquid, she held a certain grace about her. He wondered if she had been a big influence on Raven in the past.

He started to close the door.

"Keep that door open please!" called a female voice desperately, he heard footsteps running up the path, "I'm dying in this cold!" seconds later a tall lithe girl with long silver hair stepped nimbly over the threshold.

She swept said hair over her shoulder and straightened.

Robin blinked at her, this must be one of Raven's friends, no question about it, the girl, although young looking practically exuded cynical vibes. "Welcome to titans tower."

She waved a dismissive hand, "Yeah, I know."

Robin scowled, "Hey, this is our party, we invited you so you could at least be a little more polite." He closed the door with a click and glared at the girl, who stared back with her own narrowed red eyes.

"Look." She said in a tired tone, "I can only afford to be nice to one person a day, today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking too good either, so unless you want to be set on fire, I suggest you move." With that she brushed past him and stormed off.

Robin growled in the back of his throat but then yelled the directions to her; she raised a hand to show that she had heard.

Robin had to admit that even Claire looked like a wonderful person compared to the last two people that had arrived, but then, he supposed you had to get to know them before you could appreciate them. He leaned against the door frame and waited for the last guest. He really was beginning to rethink his decision to be the man on the door. Oh well, too late for that now, he couldn't abandon his post with only one person left to arrive.

One brisk knock on the door jerked him from his reverie; he opened the door, for the last time and took in the young man on the door step.

"Are you Raven's friend?" he asked politely putting a smile on his face and beckoning for the tall blond to come in so he could shut the door.

The young man dusted down his black coat and looked up at Robin with a cold and calculating gaze, "Indeed." He muttered, "Are you serving alcohol at this party?" he enquired in a deep voice.

Robin wrinkled his nose in distaste; he really didn't care for this person's attitude. "No. We're not." He said in a tone that he hoped implied that there would be none at all, even if anyone did offer to go and get some.

"Pity."

Robin took a breath, "And you are?"

"Not, that it's any of your concern, my name is Sanzo. Genjo Sanzo." The blond gave him a mocking grin, "Now, lead me to this party."

## Tonight, live all your fantasies,

Tonight, play it on and on and on and on,

DJ! Show us what you've got,

Keep our bodies moving, turn the music up,

Don't you ever stop; you know what to play,

To make this party rock all night##

* * *

Robin stared about him at the mass of people that he could see milling about around the tables of food or dancing on the dance floor to the tune of various tunes that were belting out from the CD player. The lights were flashing and reflecting off everyone's heads. 

At the moment though there was only on scene he was interested in watching, and that was Raven trying to fend off Starfire's cousin; Bluefire. Her attempts were in vain however and Claire seemed to be enjoying the blue skinned girl's banter immensely. After a few moments though his gaze drifted to the side where Cyborg was dancing with Bumblebee. He smiled slightly, it was good those two were getting back on track, if he understood the two of them had dated a while back, but it had ended due to some unknown circumstances.

Power Girl, Wonder Girl and the girl named Erutis were chatting away in one of the corners quite happily, each with glass of punch in their hands. He smiled, it was nice to see people interacting with each other and having a good time.

He looked over to the dance floor and took in the couples. Rogue and Bobby were dancing a slow dance, it didn't exactly go with the music but they seemed to go along with the tune quite well. Next to them Raenef was dancing with Starfire, it was, to say the least, a mixture of every dance style he had ever seen. If he had been in a cartoon he would have sweat dropped. Next to them was the dark haired boy called Chris, it looked as if he was trying to sweet talk Heather, who looked more interested in reading over the plans to the T-Car.

A little further off, almost in the shadows was another dancing pair, Robin raised his eyebrows at them but otherwise he didn't react, Kai and Rei, he had no idea which was which, were dancing slowly, the two atlantians were practically hanging off each other and their faces were very close together.

Feeling as if he was intruding on their privacy his eyes slid over to the next two couples. Gavin and Keira were dancing together quite happily; they were grinning and moving their bodies perfectly in time with the current song which just happened to be 'Slide' by the Goo Goo Dolls. His gaze drifted over to that conceited blond that had arrived last, he had his arms wrapped possessively around Blaze's waist. He shook his head, from what he had seen so far they deserved each other.

There wasn't anyone else dancing, he smiled and began walking over to Beast Boy who was chatting away to the three boys that he had invited. After all, he was still wary of that Trowa, but the others seemed like decent people.

Beast Boy seen him approach and threw his arm wide, "Rob! Man, I think we under estimated how much food we'd need tonight."

Robin raised an eyebrow behind his mask, "Why's that?"

"Ifsh nosht mef aulk!" exclaimed Duo around the food he was chewing.

"What did he say?" asked Robin bewildered looking at the other three for help.

"I think it was 'it's not my fault.' But if it was he isn't exactly telling the whole truth. BB challenged him to an eating contest. Duo won, but then his stomach is bottomless." Stated Quatre smiling slightly, "If it's a problem, I'll foot the bill."

Robin looked at Beast Boy and then at Duo. He took in their guilty faces and laughed, "No, that's alright." He patted Beast Boy on the back, "Though I never thought I'd see the day when you'd be beaten in an eating contest."

Beast Boy rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah, I've gotten rusty."

Throughout this conversation Trowa didn't say a word.

## DJ! Show us what you've got,

Keep our bodies moving, turn the music up,

Don't you ever stop; you know what to play,

To make this party rock all night##

Raven finally managed to shake off Bluefire and Claire who seemed to find great entertainment in making her head spin with random facts about girly magazines. Really, it was all unnecessary.

"Having fun?" asked a familiar voice off to her right.

She turned her head and smiled emptily, "Rukia. As a matter of fact, I'm having an average time."

"I see." Replied the pale girl quietly, "Well I have something that may make this evening a little better seeing as your…" she trailed off searching for the appropriate word, "Partner is otherwise engaged." She gestured towards where Vash, Aqualad and Terra were talking together. "I found him lurking around the corners of the hall trying to hide from the other guests."

Raven leaned to the side and peered to the person that had suddenly appeared at the side of Rukia.

"Hiei. I haven't seen you in a while." Her eyes sparkled as she took in the boy's dark hair and white bandana. He was dressed in a black tunic type shirt and his arms were wrapped in standard white cloth up to just above his elbow. His dark trousers dragged slightly on the floor over his boots.

He brought his red eyes up and smirked slightly, "I heard the titans were having a get together, besides, I had a feeling you might want to talk." He leaned against the wall, "And as for the notion that I was hiding," he threw a dirty look at Rukia who smiled innocently, "It's untrue."

Raven smiled hollowly, "I understand. You like your privacy. It's alright. I had my doubts that you wouldn't come, but seeing as you're here…"

Hiei held up a hand stopping her, "I've heard rumours that you're dating now Raven. What happened to the cold hearted girl that I knew?" Rukia pointed to the corner, and his eyes shot to the place where Terra, Aqualad and Vash were talking. "You've changed." He muttered, "Which one is it?"

"The atlantian." Sighed Raven wearily, she didn't really want to be explaining herself right now. She was beginning to think that maybe a party wasn't the best idea in the world, at least so far she had managed to avoid any meaningful conversation with Gavin and Keira. She could be thankful for that. But she trusted Gavin not to say anything about their history together. "Don't ask it's a long story."

Hiei pursed his lips, "He doesn't look like much. I think I'll go and introduce myself."

Raven blinked and Hiei was gone, she watched as he reappeared next to Aqualad and started up a conversation. She hated how he managed to slip away so easily and quickly, she bit her lip. Hiei's conversations always left something to be desired.

She turned back to Rukia who was staring in distaste at the dancing that was going on, mostly by Starfire and Raenef…it seemed Bluefire and Claire had joined in as well. Raven shook her head.

"So how long are you in town for?" asked Raven politely pulling her cloak around her shoulders a bit tighter.

Rukia sighed, "Not long. I'm in high demand around Christmas. Personally I think it's because to many people watch 'A Christmas Carol' but duty calls I'm afraid, I'll be on my way as soon as the party is over."

Raven nodded, "That's okay, and it's likely to be hectic around here just before Christmas. You should have seen the chaos we had here this morning." She pressed a finger to her temple. "It's enough to try the patience of a saint."

Rukia laughed quietly, "Indeed, well I think I better go and pry Blaze away from that insufferable Sanzo. He's a bad influence." She strode off with a determined look on her face.

Raven nodded absently, she knew the penalty for getting in Rukia's bad books. It was not pretty. Not that she'd been there herself, but because many of Rukia's acquaintances seemed to owe her something.

"LET'S BOOGIE!" Raven's eyes immediately snapped to Beast Boy who had put on 'Saturday Night Fever' and was currently dancing most enthusiastically along with Starfire, Raenef, Claire, Bluefire and a Duo. She cringed at the sight.

"It's scary isn't it?" asked Robin next to her.

Normally she would have jumped in surprise but recently due to her emotions fading her senses had been heightened through her powers. Part of her rejoiced in the fact that she was stronger than ever, but parts of her hated it because Nevermore was running riot.

She slanted a glance his way, "Yes." She replied crisply.

He smiled uncertainly back, "Look, I know now's not the time but I really would like to talk to you sometime about…"

"Raven!" He was interrupted from saying anything further by the arrival of one of Aqualad's atlantian friends. Robin still didn't know which was which.

Raven turned her gaze to the cat eyed boy who was positively beaming at her; she caught flashes of his fangs behind his lips, "Rei." She nodded, deciding that that was now her official greeting. A nod and their name. Very nice.

Rei grinned, "Having fun? I must say this is a lot nicer than I imagined. You must be Robin!" he said grasping the surprised boy's hand and shaking it once and the letting it drop. "I've met almost everyone here now." He smiled, "That Rukia is very knowledgeable on Chinese Mythology. I must talk with her at some length about it." He flicked his long bind over his shoulder.

Robin nodded, although Rei talked a lot he didn't seem to be as happy as everyone else, he seemed calm and just a little elated at being here. He decided that this atlantian was decent. "I've been working my way around people as well, although I've still got quite a few to meet. Yes I'm having fun."

Raven seemed to be looking for someone, "Where's Kai?" she asked lightly.

Rei smiled, "I think he's gone off to find that boy you were talking to before. He's been sneaking around the edges of the hall for a while now and Kai was getting annoyed." He looked around, "Kai's always hated being kept in the dark about something. I don't mind though."

Robin tried to catch sight of Kai and the mysterious creeping person. But he couldn't see a thing in the darkened corners.

Raven raised an eyebrow but otherwise remained silent.

Rei turned back to Robin, "You should also know that that man. Genjo Sanzo. He's been sneaking alcohol in somehow for the past ten minutes. He's managed to get that Chris quite drunk."

Robin's eye ticked in annoyance, "We'll see about that." He growled and put down his drink before storming across the dance floor.

As Robin left Aqualad suddenly appeared at Raven's elbow, "Are you okay? I saw you here on your own." He said in a strained voice, and Raven knew he wasn't exactly telling the truth.

Rei smiled at them both, "You make such a nice couple. I'll be off then. I can see Kai."

* * *

##Tonight live all your fantasies, 

Tonight play it on and on and on##

Rei leaned back onto Kai's chest, "Possible disaster via Robin and Raven interaction averted successfully." He purred snaking his arms backwards around Kai's neck.

Kai wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist, "Well done koi."

## DJ! Show us what you've got,

Keep our bodies moving, turn the music up##

* * *

The rest of the evening passed in relative good will, the dancing continued, at one point there was a mini food fight between Erutis and a drunken Chris who later passed out on the floor. All alcohol had been confiscated, much to Genjo's utter disbelief and Starfire's disappointment who had managed to consume at least two glasses full before Robin found her. Bobby had ended up making ice sculptures for Raenef to look at it who was as giddy as a kid in a candy shop even though he hadn't been drinking. The girl's at one point had banded together and chased Cyborg down only to dress him in a tux one of them just happened to have. 

The music had continued Aqualad had yet to tempt Raven into one dance, Kai and Rei had even tried to get her dance, although Kai was possibly less enthusiastic about it than the other two. The food had finally run out thanks to Duo and Beast Boy.

The music was still belting out at a deafening rate and people were still having fun. So yes the party was progressing nicely.

That is until…

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Raven?! Are you in there! Let me in! It's important! I bring news of Azarath!" shouted a female voice before hammering commenced on the door once again, "Raven please! It's important!"

The music continued washing over the girl's voice and drowning it out. Raven however heard the ruckus and quickly teleported to the door in a flash of dark blue magic energy.

Only three people noticed her leave.

## Don't you ever stop; you know what to play,

To make this party rock all night##


	34. Smoke

Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans or the words to 'Smoke' by Natalie Imbruglia.

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Smoke**

The main door to Titan's Tower opened to reveal a tall girl who looked as if she had something important to say. Her hair at first glance was bone white, but if the light caught it you could see that the strands glittered like expensive silver. It fell down her back pin straight down to the middle of her calves. Her eyes were extremely pale blue, verging on clear, they looked as if they would be perfect for glaring harshly at someone but now they just look pained and tired.

Raven stopped and stared at the girl, "Alexial?" she asked in disbelief unable to comprehend what was happening. So many things were changing lately; there were so many new faces and old friends…and now this. Raven didn't know whether to be relieved at seeing someone she had known since her childhood on Azarath, or wary because it could just be a figment of the raging maelstrom in Nevermore.

"Raven, thanks the Gods!" breathed the girl stepping into the tower, "I have news of Azarath." Her words were low and spoken with care.

Raven's mind was deliberately being slow, "But, you haven't been on Azarath in years. You've been commuting in Gotham City and Jump City."

Alexial stared at her friend and then shook her head, "You Knew I was on earth all along?" she closed the door behind her, "I know I haven't been to Azarath, I received a message from my commuter. He was heading there on a trade mission for Wayne E. It's urgent that I speak with you in private."

The tone of her voice made Raven's blood go cold in her veins, "It's not good is it?" she asked carefully pointing towards the kitchen where they could talk quietly.

Alexial shook her head sadly, "No I'm afraid its not."

##My Lullaby,

Hung out to dry,

What's up with that?

It's over##

Raven dropped into one of the chairs by the kitchen table and watched her long time friend do the same. Raven severalty hoped that no one noticed she was gone, but she knew that at least one person should have noticed.

She levelled her gaze and caught Alexial's. The two of them had been childhood best friends; they had shared the same bad upbringing and had been outcasts because of their heritage. Although, Raven reflected she didn't know which was worse, she was half demon and half human which meant she was constantly told that she was weak for sharing blood with vermin, with something that would normally be considered as a slave or as food, but Alexial was half demon and half angel, which meant the two sides of her friend's psyche were often conflicting and she was under intense scrutiny by both the demon council and the angelic council. "Tell me what happened on Azarath." Raven demanded in a tone harder than she had meant to use.

Alexial looked startled at the tone of voice but nodded, "As you obviously know I've been on earth for a few years now working for Wayne E. commuting between Gotham and Jump City. I've had minimal contact with Azarath and The Makai since I left because the councillors there were still bickering over who would rule which quadrant and such, I couldn't deal with that, not after only just recently escaping from my father's tyranny. I cut off all communication to my birth planet, knowing that one day they would want their 'Queen' back." She made a disgusted face, "But we have regular trade fairs at Azarath. Mr. Wayne thinks it's important to keep the bond between all the intergalactic planets safe and solid to avoid disasters."

"I see." Muttered Raven laying her hands flat on the table, "What happened?"

Alexial took a deep breath, "Last week was the last trade mission of the year, and the regular trade welfare officer came down with some kind of flu so he couldn't go. We hadn't heard from Azarath for a while and thought it would be for the best if we overviewed how life was going there. Mr. Wayne wanted me to go on the mission being a security commuter but I couldn't because the jewels from San Fran were due to arrive any day so I asked one of the subordinate commuters to go in my place. He accepted happily."

Raven leaned forward, "Yes?" she asked in a whisper.

The silver haired girl closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them again, her gaze once again locking onto Raven, "When he got there he found Azarath in great disarray. Everything was in chaos, and what wasn't was deserted. He was only a junior commuter, I should have gone, it was my job!"

Raven was alarmed at the amount of emotions showing on her friend's face. She seemed generally angry at herself, "What happened?"

Alexial muttered something under her breath, "The third moon had been decreasing in altitude for the past month but nobody realised, it caused change in the tidal energy. Lands were flooded; rivers and lakes burst their banks."

Raven's hands flew to her mouth, "But the water on Azarath is corrosive!"

Alexial nodded grimly. "I know. The water killed some of the people living at the waters edge. But the chemicals in it mixed with the acids in the soils, the crops and plants began to die, the rocks crumbled, cliffs gave way. Telecommunications were down, that's why we didn't know about it. The people couldn't get off the planet in time, the geothermic upsets spread like wildfire."

Raven's eyes were wide, "W…what?"

Alexial's eyes closed again, "The planet was dying. My commuter recorded what was happening on the camcorder…but…transmission was cut off." She drew in a shaky breath, "Mr. Wayne sent out some probes to find out what was going on. But it was too late. Azarath had imploded. Raven…you're planet is dead. No one got out alive."

##Where are you dad?

Mum's looking sad,

What's up with that?

Its dark in here##

Raven shook her head, "No, no you must be mistaken." She was horrified to hear that her voice was shaking.

Alexial leaned over the table and covered Raven's hand with her own, "I'm sorry."

"No. No. It's not true. No." Raven stood up quickly and stared down at Alexial, "Why did you tell me that? It's not true!"

"Yes it is Raven. Don't you think I wanted it to be a mistake? Don't you think I wanted it to all be a misunderstanding or a joke by the commuter I sent? But it wasn't then and it isn't now, I've shed my tears for the place I called home, my pain can't even begin to compare to yours!"

Raven shook her head and the amethyst strands of her hair flew in front of her eyes, "Azarath can't be dead! It can't be!"

Alexial looked down at her hands and clenched her fists. "That's not all."

Raven froze all thoughts of how her friend could just tell her those hateful things fled from her mind as she turned around, "What else is there?"

Alexial bit her lip, "After it happened I tried tracking down all the people from Azarath who had left years ago. Some had come here; other had fled to The Makai or other planets. And I found something out while I was searching."

Raven couldn't say anything, her throat was tight, she couldn't squeeze the words out. Her eyes were desperate pleading with someone to tell her that it wasn't true. That it was all a bad dream and any minute now she was gonna wake up in her room.

"What did you find?" asked another voice from the doorway.

##Why?

Bleeding is breathing,

You're hiding,

Underneath the smoke in the room,

Try,

Bleeding is believing,

I used to##

Both Raven and Alexial spun around to face Robin. He half shrugged, "I noticed you leave Raven. So did Rukia and Hiei but I convinced them to stay at the party. I don't doubt that they'll use any means necessary to try and make sure you're okay. I heard everything."

Raven nodded jerkily and turned back to Alexial who seemed to have tears in her eyes, "It's alright. What did you find?"

Alexial nodded back, "The other Azarathians were acting strangely, they have been for month now, or so sources say, they don't know what's wrong but the full demons have been having the overwhelming urge to kill themselves and we can't stop them."

"What?!" cried Robin in alarm looking at Raven.

Alexial continued, "The human part of the Azarathian community have gone insane, we've had to lock them up to stop them hurting or killing themselves, all the produce imported has turned to dust, the animals have starved to death because they've refused to eat."

Raven blinked, the emptiness inside her making itself known once again, was that what was wrong with her? Was that the actual source of her depression? Her planet? Did she have no free will of her own? Now that was depressing. "So, I'm going to die?" she asked, surprisingly there was no fear in her voice.

Robin and Alexial looked at each other, she could see them thinking that she was being awfully brave about it all.

If only they knew the truth.

##My mouth is dry,

Forgot how to cry,

What's up with that?

You're hurting me##

Alexial managed a small smile, "No. That's the thing. You might actually survive!"

In the background Robin breathed a sigh of relief.

Raven stared at Alexial and waited for her to continue.

"You're half and half Raven. Half demon, half human." Raven heard Robin gasp at that, it was only Beast Boy and Cyborg who knew the truth, and now Robin had found out at the most inconvenient of times. Ever. "So the forces acting on the full demons are going to be diluted, you are not going to want to needless kill yourself without knowing why like they have, and the forces acting on the humans are going to be even weaker on you, so it's very unlikely that dementia will set in. And because you're powers are focused on your emotions you have absolute control over your mind, therefore are likely to be in control of your thoughts more. You could survive Raven."

Raven didn't know what to say, did she tell her leader and all time best friend about her inner turmoil? No. that would only worry them, she could handle it. She'd survived worse, although she couldn't bring any incidents to mind, she was sure there were some though. There had to be.

"That's good." She heard herself saying.

"I'm sorry for crashing the party." Alexial added as an after thought.

Robin ran a hand through his hair and nodded, "Its fine. Don't worry about it. Listen, do you want to crash here for the night? We have plenty of spare rooms."

##I'm running fast,

Can't hide the past,

What's up with that?

You're pushing me##

Alexial looked torn, "I'd love to, but I don't think I can, there are still other Azarathians that are out there, they need to be found, and apparently I'm the only one willing to do it." She looked really indecisive, "I want to stay here of course, but…I can't. I'm not due for time off until the twenty third. I'll be off in a whole other part of the galaxy until then. I can't neglect my duties. Dammit. It was so much simpler when we were kids Rae."

Raven nodded numbly, "Yeah, when we were kids. On Azarath."

Alexial opened her mouth to say something, but the kitchen was suddenly filled with the sound of static. She scowled and whipped out a walkie-talkie from god knows where.

"Alex are you finished there yet?" asked a gravely voice, "We've located another one just south of Jump City."

Alexial sighed and held the black radio up to her mouth, "I'm just coming now. Start the engine." She looked up at Raven, "I'm sorry. I have to go. I have to save as many as I can."

Raven sat back down and stared at the table without saying a word. It was as if she had gone into shock.

Robin answered for her, "It's alright. Go and save them. If you ever want to come back. You know where we are."

Alexial smiled thankfully, "Thanks." And then she was gone.

## Why?

Bleeding is breathing,

You're hiding,

Underneath the smoke in the room,

Try,

Bleeding is believing,

I used to,

I used to##

"What have you done to her?" exclaimed Aqualad as he burst into the kitchen moments later and witnessed Robin shaking Raven gently to try and lift her from her stupor.

"I haven't done anything!" protested Robin holding up his hands and glaring.

"Like I believe that!" hissed Aqualad as Rei, Kai and an assortment of others from the party piled in through the door, ironically late for most of important stuff, but just in time to see everyone fly off the handle for the wrong reasons. "You better not have tried anything funny!"

"Like I said I haven't done anything! If you were here…!"

"Oh that's right blame me! It's never your fault is it Robin?" snarled Aqualad moving forwards as Kai tried to hold him back. He lashed out at his friends, "Why weren't you two watching her?"

"What?!" demanded Robin, but he was ignored.

"We're not your employees." Growled Kai. "Do your own dirty work."

Rei sighed and tried to drag a now angry Kai away, "We had other things to do than watch your girlfriend." He said trying to placate his friend and his lover at the same time.

"I asked you to keep them apart! Is that so damn hard?!" he snapped back now free from Kai's grip, he tried to lunge at Robin only to have himself pulled up short Donna aka Wonder Girl and Kara aka Power Girl.

"Calm down cowboy." Said Donna slowly, "Let's settle this like adults!"

"Don't patronise me!" retorted Aqualad as he went to push past them.

That was the moment all hell broke loose.

##Why?

Bleeding is breathing,

You're hiding underneath the smoke in the room,

Try, bleeding is believing,

I saw you crawling on the floor##

Aqualad accidentally knocked Kara as he pushed past her, she cried out and lost her footing. She hit the kitchen floor hard. That brought Beast Boy running who tried to step in front of his friend.

"BB, don't make me hurt you." He snapped, but the green elf didn't move.

"Don't threaten him." Said Duo carefully placing himself next to his friend, "It may be dangerous for your health."

"Raven are you okay?" asked Robin as he noticed that her hands were clenched tight enough so that then knuckled were white.

Aqualad, quite literally saw red. "Leave her alone!" he shouted and lunged past Beast Boy, Duo grabbed him as he went past and he swung his fist around on impulse and as the braided fool ducked he caught Genjo in the jaw just as he was coming through the door.

The blond staggered back into Franchesca who pulled herself free and immediately took in what was happening and joined in, she started arguing with Donna and Kara who were trying to get back at Aqualad.

Robin moved out of the way as Aqualad's fist came through the air in the spot he had been a few moments ago.

Everybody started arguing with everybody else, no one knew what was happening but one of the largest fights ever broke out in the hall and kitchen of titan's tower.

"Robin!" shrieked Starfire as she hovered over them all, she saw that Aqualad was attacking Robin and conjured up a starbolt as righteous anger filled her. She didn't even have time to aim before a hand clamped down on her ankle and dragged her down.

Her starbolt spiralled out of control towards the mass of people. Incidentally it managed to find its way directly between Blaze and Rukia. The younger of the two threw her hands up to protect her face and the gothic girl managed to duck out of the way as Blaze's namesake came into play. Golden red flames leapt from her fingertips and swallowed the green light.

"Fire!" yelled someone to the left; no one was really paying attention to what was happening. The sprinkler systems activated themselves for the second time in the past two months and everyone got soaked.

"My clothes!" shrieked someone, Robin had an inkling it was Bluefire. But he was too busy trying to dodge the deranged atlantian that was now on his tail, he really didn't want to fight back, it might upset Raven.

Raven however was beginning to tremble where she sat at the table.

##Why, bleeding is breathing,

You're hiding underneath the smoke in the room,

Try, bleeding is believing,

I saw you crawling on the floor##

The kitchen was a mess, people were shouting, kicking and screaming, the floor was soaking, the fire alarm was shrieking in the background and somewhere a green wolf was running around biting at everyone he could get at.

But then suddenly the floor began to shake, nobody noticed.

Plates began to rattle in their places on the draining board.

No one noticed.

"QUIET!" screamed Raven, and as she did everyone was blown backwards towards the walls on a wave of dense black magical energy. They hit the walls, the side cupboards hard and many winced, people were crushed together because there was no space, they were held there by Raven's magic. It was only Robin who noticed she didn't even use her magic words. Raven slammed her fist down on the table top, "STOP IT! I've just been told that my planet is DEAD! Yes, DEAD!" everyone immediately quietened and the alarm faded to silence and the sprinklers spluttered and then shut off, "So if you don't mind I would like some peace and quiet!" her magic gave way and everyone fell to the floor in an awkward mesh of limbs and soggy clothes, "I'm going to bed." She said in a quieter tone, "This party is over."

## Why, bleeding is breathing,

You're hiding underneath the smoke in the room,

Try, bleeding is believing,

I saw you crawling on the floor##


	35. Clean

Disclaimer: I don't own teen titans or the words to 'Clean' By Incubus

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Thirty-Five: Clean**

_16th December_

The next morning had dawned bright and early for the titans. All of the guests had gone, albeit some more willingly than others. There had been a few nice surprises such as when they had finally wiped the sleep from their eyes and after Beast Boy had explained to Starfire why her head ached so much they discovered that presents off some of the guests had been left underneath the tree.

This had cheered them all up, that was until they saw first hand the damage left by last night's escapades. Robin being leader was the sensible one and had told everyone what they already knew but didn't want to voice, "Guys, we have to clean."

There had been a lot of grumbling and general complaining before they had all got stuck in.

That was where they were all now. Cyborg and Terra had taken on the party hall and were vacuuming the wooden floor and taken down all the fairy light. Beast Boy had decided on the hall thinking it was the easiest place to do and in his pig form he was trotting back and forth picking up the bits of pizza and turkey off the plates that had been discarded when the fight had broken out.

Starfire was currently whizzing up and down the kitchen with a mop and bucket wiping away all the water that had been spilled by the sprinklers post Blaze's little pyromaniac episode.

Robin had of course taken it on himself to wash and dry all the dishes that were in the kitchen and put everything away. And that's what he was doing now, standing before the sink with soap suds up to his elbows absently wiping down the white dishes with a cloth.

##Today everything was fine,

Until roundabout quarter to nine,

I suddenly found myself in a bind##

Robin's mind was far from the task of making sure all the cutlery was clean and sparkling however. No his thoughts were all centred on Raven, who still hadn't emerged from her room. He had convinced the others that she need to be left alone but that meant that he couldn't go up and see her either, he couldn't give them one rule and then take another for himself. What was he? A communist? And plus everyone except Starfire was treating him suspiciously after the fight last night. They seemed to believe that he hadn't been doing anything, but they couldn't understand why Aqualad would think he was.

He placed a clean plate on the draining board and pursed his lips. The news of the death of Azarath did not bode well. So near to Christmas it was a tragedy. He didn't know whether Raven was going to be able to cope. She had been acting out of sorts recently anyway, at least now he had something, or not, he frowned, to point the finger of blame at.

He couldn't imagine what a blow it must be to lose your home planet. He didn't know what he would do if the world was destroyed, of course he wasn't exactly Raven's position. He'd lived on Earth for his entire life; he had never resided on another planet. He just didn't know what to say to comfort her.

And that outburst from last night had not done anything to ease his nerves. He wanted to give her space, but he wanted to keep an eye on her. It was no wonder that Alexial was worried. He wondered briefly about Raven's history with her.

He placed another plate on the draining board. What could he do to help? He was beginning to wonder if his 'help' was actually making things harder than they already were. He scowled to himself.

##was it something I said?

Something I read?

And manifested that's getting you down##

He thought back to the time at the coffee shop. She had completely zoned out, was that because she somehow knew what was happening at her home, even though she didn't know the detail? Was she somehow linked to Azarath? He shuddered, that was kind of creepy.

But…did that mean that now Azarath was dead, a part of Raven was dead too? He felt the blood drain from his face, oh good lord, what was going to happen. Alexial had said something about the majority of surviving Azarathians going insane or killing themselves, he really didn't want that to happen to Raven.

Then Robin remembered something else, _'You're half and half Raven, half demon and half human.'_ That was what the silver haired girl had said. He swallowed. Raven was half demon. Strangely though he wasn't as disgusted as he expected himself to be. It explained a lot, her powers for one and her cruel sense of humour as another…but then he had met many humans with a cruel disposition.

He shook his head, what did it matter about Raven's family. She was still part of the team; she was still one of his best friend's. She was still Raven. Nothing could change that.

His eyes widened behind his mask, "She's still Raven." It dawned on him that he didn't care about her past or background. She could be a full demon, an angel, an alien. He didn't care. He still felt the same about her.

But that was half the problem.

He wasn't quite sure what he felt about her.

He looked over his shoulder and watched Starfire singing happily to herself as she scrubbed vigorously at the floor, he wouldn't be surprised if she could see her reflection in it. Starfire was a vivacious girl with a loving demeanour and a pretty face, but how could she compare to Raven's Exotic ice cold beauty and mysteriousness?

Simply put, she couldn't.

##Don't you dare come to bed,

With that ambiguous look in your eye,

I'd sooner sleep by an open fire,

And wake up fried##

Robin felt like screaming. But he couldn't. Not without getting himself committed to an insane asylum anyway. The media would have a glorified field day.

This was so unfair. And it was right near Christmas as well. Dammit.

There went his Christmas spirit. Right out the window with whatever he had had planned for the twenty first. In her semi-tipsy mood Starfire had invited Claire to a cooking fair at a place about three hours drive away. Claire of course had agreed and in a gesture of good will had invited him. This of course left him no option but to agree. Who knows how dangerous a tipsy Starfire was.

He cursed his easy going attitude. He really had to earn to say no more often. Two letters N and O. It wasn't really that hard.

He placed the last plate on the draining board and pulled the lug. He stood there and watched the warm but dirty water turn into a mini tornado and vanish down the drain, gargling like a gargoyle choking on a toothpick. Not, that he knew what that sounded like mind you.

The water disappeared and he turned the tap on again to wash the soap suds of his arms. He turned the tap off and then shook some excess water off his hands before he reached for the towel. Instead of drying his hand though he moved to the end of the draining board and picked up a dish, methodically drying it without even noticing.

He went through a checklist in his head, 1) He had bought and wrapped all of his presents. 2) He had hidden said presents far away from Beast Boy. 3) It was a week and one day until Christmas. 4) He had planned out what to say to Aqualad next time they came into contact with each other. 5) He had sent thank you and I'm sorry notes to all the guests of the party. 6) He had checked up on the local news to see if Slade had made his move. He hadn't.

Perhaps Slade was waiting until the holiday season was over.

Not bloody likely.

##Say what you will,

Say what you mean,

You could never offend,

Your dirty words come out clean##

He began piling the dry plates as he worked his way through them. He had finished drying the dishes and the glasses and he wasn't too sure but he could have sworn that they didn't have this many plates before. He shrugged. The world could never have enough plates. Or socks for that matter.

He finished drying all the kitchen ware and dried his own hands on the towel. He put said towel back on the rack and picked up the dishes. He walked over to the cupboards, opened them and placed them in. He closed the cupboard with a click and then went back and retrieved the glasses and repeated the same action with them, only with a different cupboard.

He started to put the plates away. And they came across an unforeseen problem. True, the world could never have enough plates, but apparently titan's tower could. He put his fist on his hip and glared around the kitchen.

"Where oh where can I put you then?" he asked the left over plates as he glanced around at the cupboards he knew to be full.

The plates of course didn't answer. Let's face it, he would have fainted and been comatose if they had stood up and answered.

He shook his head at himself, "I'm going mad. I'm talking to plates!" he exclaimed to no one in particular as he moved forward and began opening all the cupboards. Suddenly he straightened, a light bulb having flickered on in his head. He snapped his fingers, "Of course. The cupboard under the sink. There's space behind the bug spray!"

He grabbed the pile carried them back over to the sink; he set them down carefully and dropped to his knees. Yep, sure enough he could see his reflection in the shiny surface. He should do something special to thank them all. He'd figure it out later. He opened the cupboard and began removing the sprays taking a keen interest in the odd names splashed brightly on the front of the canisters.

"Hmm, let's see. Phil's Do It All Bug Spray. What else would you need a bug spray to do? Except kill bugs?" he wondered out loud, "All terrain ant killer. Should come in useful up the mountains." He chuckled to himself, his mood improving already, "Firehouse Spray. Kills all bugs dead. I wouldn't expect it to kill them alive." He placed them in a neat row on the floor, he looked up and spotted the white plastic bag, "What's this then?"

He reached into the cupboard and withdrew the bag, he pulled open the handles and peered inside.

"Candles?" he rummaged through the bag with one hand trying to see if there was anything else there. "Candles." He repeated, not even starting to wonder why they had about twelve pale blue and white candles stuffed behind the ant killer.

He placed a hand on his face and groaned.

"Candles. Of course." He muttered with grim finality.

He pushed the candles back into place, figuring that they must be there for a purpose and began to slot some of the plates into the space that was left.

##Tomorrow what price will I pay?

Could I make it all up to you?

By serving coffee for two in bed##

He got to his feet and dusted off his clothes, which at the moment happened to be a baggy black t-shirt and a pair of loose grey pants. They weren't particularly fancy and therefore quite perfect for cleaning up in.

He thought he'd take a break and have some coffee to catch his second wind. He'd have to go and let the others know of this particular decision.

He jogged out of the kitchen and told the news to Starfire who nodded happily and made a beeline back to the kitchen. He found Beast Boy lying belly up in a pile of sparkling clean take away boxes still in his pig form. He looked quite full.

Robin prodded the stuffed pig with his toe. It squealed and gave jerk as it came awake and transformed back into the little green elf. "Hey BB, break time go and tell the others okay?"

"Sure thing!" Beast Boy replied before belching loudly and rubbing his stomach, "Man I'm stuffed. I feel like a pig."

Robin stared at his friend incredulous, "Beast Boy, you were a pig."

"Oh. My bad."

* * *

##Would you then give me the time of day?

I need a map of your head translated to English,

So I can learn not to make you frown##

Robin sipped his hot coffee and stared meaningfully out of the window. He supposed he should go and see what Raven was up to. It was his duty as leader. And as a friend. He certainly didn't want her to kill herself. But he didn't want to intrude and make her feel as if everyone were crowding around her.

Strange things had been happening recently. He reflected on the events of the past month, Raven and Aqualad had starting dating; he and Starfire had started dating. He liked Raven more than Starfire. Raven's planet died. He scowled, and what was up with Beast Boy and Terra? They had been out of sorts for a few days now. Beast Boy was hiding it well, but it seemed as if everything was not going smoothly in their relationship. Terra seemed to be more moody than usual.

Cyborg had finally got back together with Bumblebee. Robin smiled into his coffee.

##You'd feel better if you'd vent,

Put your frustrations into four letter words,

And then let them out on mine,

The most weathered ears in town##

After putting his coffee mug in the sink he decided to go and see how Raven was and began jogging towards the stairs passing through the lounge as he did so.

His progress was halted however by what was on the wide television screen. He skidded to a stop on the clean and newly fragranced carpet and stared at the lit up screen.

A young woman was clutching a microphone to her chest and yelling against the wind, "That's right; this is the location where the escaped villain Slade was last seen." The camera zoomed into the building behind the reporter. It was a big square and looked more like a prison cell than anything, "Although Slade hasn't been up to anything yet he has been spotted by the night guard on several occasions. What he could be doing at the local mental hospital no one knows. But what we do know is nothing good can come of it."

There was a noise behind him and he whirled around. The couple of his previous thoughts were stood in the doorway about to leave. One looked tired and worn out, her pale eyes diverted from his face, while the other just looked smug. Aqualad gave him a filthy glare. Robin's gaze dropped to where the atlantian's hand was resting on Raven's waist. He looked back up and balled his fists behind his back. He really was beginning to despise his former friend.

"See you later Robin." Mumbled Raven as she allowed herself to be guided out of the tower. Her voice sounded emptier than he had ever heard it before. It was more than just monotone now, it was…hollow. He watched as the electronic door slid closed after the two of them.

Robin stood there stunned. He expelled the breath he knew that he had been holding and turned back to the television. The camera was moving past the perimeter of the hospital slowly. Robin narrowed his eyes as he saw someone moving in the shadows at the corner of the shot.

He recognised the person and stumbled backwards in surprise, "No. That's…"

##So say what you will,

Say what you mean,

You could never offend,

Your dirty words come out clean##


	36. OceanSoul

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to Ocean Soul by Nightwish. Sorry it's been a while; check out my new Fic 'Bare Grace Misery'. It's a Raven/Malchior fairytale fic (Being stuck in the UK means I've only just seen 'Spellbound' and I'm going to have to wait a few months for 'Birthmark' to come out…damn.)

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Thirty-Six: Ocean Soul**

_18th December 19:37_

Aqualad was feeling troubled. No. That was an understatement. He was so close to the edge that if he too one more step he imagined in would be like walking off the top of Mount Everest.

He just couldn't seem to go forwards with Raven. And for every step he did manage to take she seemed to be taking about thirty two backwards.

He groaned and brought his hand up to hold his head. At present he was sat at the back of a darkened restaurant/ bar all on his own listening to the music which drifted out wearily through the old and probably malfunctioning speakers. He was pretty sure no human could sing like that. It sounded like a strangled crow. But really, he didn't have a choice. He wasn't about to throw out the tickets he had managed to get.

They had been a special treat for Raven; after all she had been acting really strange since the party. It was to be expected he supposed what with her planet dying at all that. But he just couldn't grasp the concept of her violent mood swings. Just a few days ago he had persuaded her, with minimal effort, to come back to the atlantian beach; he had even placed his arm around her waist. Showing that off to Robin had just been an added bonus. He tore his thoughts away from the Boy Wonder. Robin had been acting exceedingly odd the past two days, and he seemed extremely nervous when the news came on, as if he was expecting something. Aqualad shook his head, back to Raven…

Today however was shaping up to be one of the most embarrassing he had ever suffered, and with Beast Boy as his friend that really was saying a lot. To begin with Raven had refused to answer her communicator, and being the concerned boyfriend he was, he had rushed straight to the T-Tower and up to Raven's room. His good intentions however had been thrown right back in his face, Raven it appeared did not want any help, from him or any other person. His efforts to calm her had gone unnoticed and unheeded, and to top it all when he announced that he had managed to get tickets to the most exclusive and expensive restaurant in Jump City he had been rudely snubbed and then ignored for the rest of the day.

Aqualad sighed, he wasn't about to waste all the money he had spent by just not showing up, and besides after booking the table it was bad courtesy to not make the most of it. So here he was, currently sat alone at a table, waiting for the night to end.

_**One more night to bear this nightmare,**_

_**What more do I have to say?**_

_**Crying for me was never worth a tear,**_

_**My lonely soul is only filled with fear**_

This situation had gotten out of control, he wasn't even sure of his reasons for dating Raven anymore. He had thought that it was to help her, but as it progressed all it was causing him was grief, and it was making him irritable and moody. Just look at the way he had gone after Robin, he had never been that malicious to another before.

He was always thinking of others, never of himself, but lately thinking of others didn't seem to be helping anybody. Perhaps he should start focusing on himself. He hadn't thought about what he truly wanted for a long time.

But what did he want?

He groaned out loud in exasperation.

He wanted Raven to be happy, but not enough to make himself miserable. She didn't seem to even want him anyway. It was the truth, he knew, that she would rather have Robin, he finally accepted it. It had been there all along lurking behind their relationship like an obsessed stalker, and he had always pushed it away believing that he could make her forget all about the Boy Wonder if only he tried hard enough.

What a lie. He could never replace Robin.

Letting out an inarticulate growl he introduced his head to the table top. Repeatedly.

"You know, you could damage something doing that." Said a familiar voice.

_**Long hours of loneliness,**_

_**Between me and the sea**_

Aqualad looked up and smiled slightly, "Terra." Then he frowned, "What are you doing here?"

The blonde shrugged, through he could see the tears gathering at the corners of her eyelashes, she was upset, but she was trying to hide it, "I just wanted to go somewhere where nobody knew me." She let out a shaky breath, "I've just broken up with Beast Boy."

Aqualad's face drained of all colour, he hurriedly got to his feet, "Take a seat, please." He requested gesturing with one hand towards the seat opposite him. "You shouldn't be on your own."

Terra sniffled slightly, "I…I don't have a ticket to sit here." She muttered dejectedly, "I was just going to buy a stiff drink and go."

Aqualad shook his head, "That is not an option. Use my spare ticket, Raven's not going to show up." He leaned over the table and pulled the other chair out for her so she could sit down.

Terra smiled thankfully and slid into the velvet covered seat, "Thanks."

Aqualad sighed loudly, "Not having much look with our love-lives are we?"

The blonde across from him gave a brittle laugh, "No. I guess not." She looked down at her gloved hands bitterly, "I guess not." She repeated.

Aqualad winced at the tone, "Do you mind I f I ask what happened?"

Terra shook her head, "No, the other titans probably know about it now anyway." Her fists clenched, "I was trying to be supportive, I was, at least I think I was. I don't know. I guess I was jealous." She sniffled again and then brought her hand up to wipe her eyes.

"Jealous?" asked Aqualad in surprise, "Of what?"

"Of Raven."

"Of Raven." He repeated in a bewildered tone, "Why were you jealous of Raven, and what could that possibly have to do with your relationship?" he was watching the titan's face intently, trying to read the expression, she looked dejected that was obvious, sad and even slightly angry.

"Because everyone practically worships her!" Terra exploded suddenly slamming her fists onto the table with a loud 'BANG' causing the atlantian to jerk backwards in surprise, "I mean, everyone's so concerned about her because her planet's died. So what? She wasn't living there when it happened, she should be glad that she's alive! She's been acting really strangely lately, she even threatened me! And when I tell Beast Boy he thinks I'm lying and sticks up for her!" tears were beginning to flow down her cheeks as she continued in her tirade, shaking her head at regular intervals, her clenched fists still shaking, "I told him I couldn't stay with him if he wasn't going to trust me, and you know what he said? He said, 'Fine' as if I don't matter to him! She has everything I want! Everyone trusts her more than me! They would rather rush to her aid then my. Gods I hate her!"

Aqualad just sat there stunned, he hadn't been expecting a reply of that magnitude, he looked around and saw that the other customers of the restaurant were looking at them, he glared at them, and they turned away, "Look, Terra, it can't be that bad-"

"But it is!"

_**Losing emotion,**_

_**Finding devotion,**_

_**Should I dress in white and search the sea?**_

_**As I always wished to be,**_

_**One with the waves,**_

_**Ocean soul**_

"Terra-"

"NO!" Terra fixed him with a deadly gaze, "She's got what I want! She's got a caring boyfriend who would do anything for her! Who loves her more than his hobbies and his childish games! I want that! Why can't I have that?"

"Terra!" interrupted Aqualad grabbing the girl's trembling hands in his own, "For one they've known Raven longer than you, you knew it was going to take a while for them to treat you the same when you signed on, secondly you can have what you want, you CAN have someone who makes you happy, and thirdly…" he trailed off, "Thirdly, I don't know where you got the idea that everything was fine between me and Raven."

She looked up startled, "W-what?"

Aqualad smiled sadly, and laced his fingers with Terra's and gave them a reassuring squeeze, "My relationship with Raven is complicated." He sighed, "Too complicated. I'm…I'm breaking up with her tomorrow." The revelation shocked him as much as it did Terra, but he supposed it was for the best.

"You're breaking up with her?" asked the titans, disbelief evident across her features, "But I thought you loved her!"

"Love is a fickle mistress." He gave a wry smile, "I love Raven, but I'm not _in _love with her. She's like a sister to me, it just doesn't feel right. I want her to be happy, but I won't sacrifice my own happiness for that cause." He looked p at Terra who was staring at him openly, "Does that make me selfish?"

Terra shrugged, "It's okay to be selfish sometimes." She looked down at their joined hands, "I guess she'll take it hard."

"Oh you know Raven, she'll bounce back." Aqualad said overly-brightly, in truth he was trying too hard, trying to steer the conversation away from Raven, "I think I'm more worried about you, are you going to be okay?"

Terra smiled, the expression lighting up her features, "Yeah, I'll be fine. Time heals all wounds and all that."

"Hmm."

_**Walking the tide line,**_

_**I hear your name is angels whispering,**_

_**Something so beautiful that it hurts**_

"So. You're practically a free agent now huh?" asked Terra leaning her elbows on the table, but still keeping her hands interlinked with the atlantians.

Aqualad smiled and pulled one of his hands away, slowly he reached up and brushed her tears away with his fingertips, "Yes, I suppose I am." He looked into Terra's eyes and saw himself reflected there, "Why do you ask?"

She shifted slightly and leaned forward, her voice dropping to a near whisper, "I'm just making sure."

He stared at her, a smile forming on his features, "May I enquire why?"

Terra smiled, "So I won't feel guilty when I do this."

Without waiting for a reply she shifted again, leaned over and pressed her lips to Aqualad's. Without hesitation, he kissed her back.

_**I only wished to become something beautiful,**_

_**Through my music,**_

_**Through my silent devotion**_


	37. Paper Tiger

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Paper Tiger' By Dry Kill Logic.

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: Paper Tiger**

_December 18th 18:54 _

It was…dark. Darker than before.

Raven looked around herself at the wasteland that used to be her mind. Nevermore had fallen into disrepair, it was just a skeleton of what it had once been, there was no wind, no noise…no life.

The ground was hard and cold beneath her feet, she could feel the ice cold waves running up into her legs from the ground, but she couldn't move. The air was too oppressive; it was weighing her down and preventing her from levitating.

She looked across the wide expanse of ground, it was grey, all of it was grey and riddled with red lines. Veins across her mind. Veins of fire that tracked glowing patterns all across Nevermore threatening to split apart and bleed with molten anger, ripping her thoughts apart like a paper tiger.

She tried to open her mouth to speak, but it was as if someone had sown her lips shut with acid. She couldn't utter a single word, and it hurt. Goddess how it hurt.

All around her she could see bits and pieces of her emotions, broken parts of things that she used to hold dear, a torn piece of blue cloak here, a broken pair of rectangular gold glasses there, a silver brush littered amongst the broken rocks and a glittering white belt wrapped around the limbs of a twisted tree.

Where were all her emotions?

**_I have seen what's left for the rest of you,_**

_**And it's not what you think it'll be,**_

_**For the gift and the curse of what's been shown to you,**_

_**I can't believe what I feel it is taking.**_

She should have felt destroyed that her emotions were gone, but…she felt nothing. She couldn't seem to force herself to feel anything. Horrid realisation curled around her like a hungry viper, what could she feel without her emotions? She didn't feel despair, sorrow, distress or anything like that.

What could she do? She just stood there, her cloak weighing her down as if it was made out of metal instead of fabric, her eyes wide open and her mouth settled into a thin grim line.

"Don't fret so dear Raven, I am still here!" declared an evil voice off to her left; the declaration was followed by a sinister chuckle.

Raven slanted a glance in the general direction of the speaker; she found she was unable to turn her head. She couldn't see anything. How annoying.

"Aren't you even going to turn and face me? Pity." The voice was laced with amusement, "Because that makes me so very angry." The tone of the voice changed slightly and it sent shivers running down Raven's spine, but she wasn't afraid, no she didn't feel anything.

Raven raised her eyes and looked directly in front of her, having given up trying to catch a glimpse of who was talking to her. She felt a pair of hands snake onto her shoulders and hold her still tightly, as if she could go anywhere anyway.

"Are you ignoring me?" hissed the voice coldly in her ear, "That's not a wise decision. We know what happens when you ignore me." There was a small dark chuckle, "This time though, you're little associates aren't here to help you fend me off."

Raven would have widened her eyes, had she been able, she recognised that voice. She knew full well the implications of its appearance. It spelled 'trouble' with a capital 'T'. It was Rage.

"I have you all to myself. Lucky me." The hands moved forward and paused at her neck, she felt a sting of pain as a sharp fingernail was dug into the soft flesh, drawing a thin line of crimson blood. "I wonder Raven, do you want to play?"

The hands tightened on her neck briefly and she thought that perhaps her own emotion was going to kill her; it was a stupid notion because her emotions could not exist without her. But the hands slackened and withdrew. Rage was changing position.

**_Never give,_**

_**Never bend,**_

_**It's all a lie to you,**_

_**And all you do is seem to remind me,**_

_**Of all the times and the ways,**_

_**That I would have died for you,**_

_**And this is all of the thanks you'll show me.**_

"It doesn't really matter, whether you want to or not you know." Mused Rage as she planted herself squarely in front of Raven. Rage's cloak was longer than before it billowed around her like a sheet of silk, and it no longer had a cowl. Rage's hair had grown out, it was longer, just past her shoulders but it was still blood red. And the eyes, the eyes were still the same. The four slanted red eyes gazed at Raven contemptuously. "After all, the less emotions you have, the stronger we remaining ones become."

Raven's heart began to beat fast inside her chest, what did that mean? Were her emotions slowly gathering minds and wit of their own? That must be it, for surely Rage had not been this…enigmatic the last time she had made an appearance. Hang on….Rage had said 'we' that meant that had to be other emotions still lurking about somewhere. Oh if only she could move her mouth!

"I can see you wish to know who I am referring to when I say 'we'." Commented Rage reaching out a pale hand and caressing Raven's cheek, "Very well, they'll be gone soon anyway, they do not have the will to hold on and remain. Your Bravery is still here, along with your Determination. The others have all faded away in the most gruesome ways possible and it's all because of you!" Rage practically crowed the last few words.

**_If you would show the light for me,_**

_**The things I'd known,**_

_**That now I'd see,**_

_**This is…**_

_**Not the same, not now, not ever again**_

"We both know it's going to happen eventually Raven, those other lesser emotions will die off leaving only me! Rage! And I shall consume you Raven, I will become you. I will be the demon that your father wanted for a daughter and will wreak havoc and destruction upon the world!" Rage grinned cruelly and grabbed the sides of Raven's face in her hands. She brought her own, sneering face; close so that they were mere centimetres apart. "And don't you dare get in my way."

She released Raven and backed off, levitating slightly she began to drift around the statue-like girl, Raven tried to follow the action with her eyes but couldn't she gave up and just stared ahead of her, sure enough Rage was going full circle.

She was levitating around Raven, picking up speed as she went; soon she was just a blood coloured blur in the darkness. Raven started to feel dizzy.

"You know the truth better than anyone. Better than Robin, better than Aqualad, you going to bring them down with you, you know." Rage chuckled, "And they'll hate you, despise you for it. You'll be cast out with nowhere to go. Poor little Raven." Rage peeled into a fit of hysterical and maniacal giggling. "Poor little Raven!"

Raven screamed, "NOOOOO!"

**_When the dreams and the truth came colliding,_**

_**And the same can be said for the rest of them, **_

_**See the strong and the weak divided,**_

_**Yet I feel alive for all the pain I have**_

Raven jerked into consciousness and sat straight up in her bed. Her chest was heaving and her head was spinning. It had been a dream. She looked around herself and saw the mirror to Nevermore on the other side of the room. That's it, it must have been a dream, she couldn't remember picking up the mirror and it was in the same place that she left it.

It was just a dream.

Oh, thank Goddess!

Raven winced as something on her neck stung. She frowned and reached up with her fingers and touched the place that hurt. She brought her hand down and her eyes widened when she saw they were covered in blood. Her blood. Blood from the wound that Rage had given her.

She bolted to the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. She inspected the side of her neck, sure enough there was a thin long scratch running from just below her ear to just above her collarbone.

She washed it quickly, almost absent-mindedly. So it hadn't been just a dream then. Had it been real? Had she really ventured into Nevermore without realising? She went cold as another thought struck her, had Rage found a way into her dreams? Was it going to be safe for her to fall asleep from now on?

What could she do?

The others were out, Cyborg had taken Beast Boy out to cheer him up and breaking up with Terra, Terra had run off somewhere and Starfire had dragged Robin out on the spur of the moment when Bluefire had turned up on the doorstep. She was all alone.

**_And all you do is seem to remind me,_**

_**Of all the times and the ways,**_

_**That I would have died for you,**_

_**And this is all of the thanks you'll show me.**_

No, she wasn't alone. She had Aqualad. She reached for her T-Communicator with a hard resolve. He would help her, he always did. She could depend on him, if not anybody else. She flicked the switch and listened to the tone.

She cringed as she remembered, she had forgotten that he had bought tickets to that Restaurant and then she had just slammed the door in his face. Well, she would apologise for that, anyway she would have to explain everything to him anyway if she was to get any good help. She wondered where he would be.

Probably at the restaurant he had mentioned something about not wasting his money. She smiled, he was reliable like that.

She took a deep breath and focused her inner thoughts, she would teleport to the restaurant, yes it was a while a way, but she had no doubt that she could do it. After all she was a strong person really. She was just having an off day.

She closed her eyes.

**_If you would show the light for me,_**

_**The things I'd known,**_

_**That now I'd see,**_

**_If you would show the light for me,_**

_**The things I'd known,**_

_**That now I'd see**_

She found her centre. She levitated into the air slightly in preparation. She could just picture the restaurant in her head. The dim lighting, the quiet music and the smell of the food.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos." She began chanted her enchanted words over and over again, as mentally she plotted her route, she had often tried to explain to Beast Boy that teleporting was just thinking of a place and going, it was picturing the route in your mind and then willing your soul to travel through it in half a second. Quite simple really. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos." Her magic suddenly took the form of a raven that surrounded her, made her one with it and then with a silent cry it vanished.

**_Energy as I feel it calling,_**

_**Cannot see through the cloud that is forming,**_

_**Blinding as it passes before my eyes,**_

_**Looking for the thing that's calling,**_

_**Now I see it's coming after,**_

_**Now I see it's coming after …me**_

****Raven blinked as she set her feet down on the warm floor of the restaurant. She paused t listen to the music. It was oddly soothing. She smiled again, not a true smile, but to try and block out what she was feeling within, which notably, was rage. She couldn't let that emotion, or her panic show. Not when she was in public.

Now. Where was Aqualad?

She scanned the table in front of her, he wasn't there. She turned to her left and looked, nothing. He had mentioned he would be at the back of the room. She turned around and looked towards the far side of the restaurant.

Her eyes narrowed.

She was definitely feeling rage now.

There in plain view, for the whole world to see was Aqualad, her boyfriend, kissing Terra. That slut. For one unimaginable second, it caught Raven slightly off guard; she wanted nothing more than to rip the blonde's head off.

She tried to quell the feeling. Now was not the time for her to loose control.

Her attempts were in vain however. She gave an angry roar, a demon roar, and immediately the tables around her were wrenched apart by her magic, splinters flying in all directions, impaling unsuspecting customers and waiters to the floor. But she could spare them no thought.

Aqualad and Terra wrenched themselves apart.

"Raven!" shouted Aqualad as he stood up.

Raven ignored him and pulled her magic back. She had to get out of there. If only to save the people. Again, she melted into the form of a raven and passed out of sight, before anything else terrible could happen…

Back in Nevermore Rage cackled with glee.

**_If you would show the light for me,_**

_**The things I'd known,**_

_**That now I'd see**_


	38. Dreams On Fire

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Dreams on Fire' By Dare

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Thirty-Eight: Dreams on Fire**

_December 18th 20:18 _

Robin was bored. Scratch that, Robin was about to fall asleep. For the past five hours he had been sat in the same chair outside the ice cream shop listening to Starfire and Bluefire going on and on and on about things he couldn't even pronounce let alone begin to comprehend. He stabbed at his melted chocolate ice cream in desperation.

To keep Star happy he was just nodding and smiling every time she turned to him and asked his opinion. To begin with he tried to understand and had tried to be interested, but there are only so many 'bridfergins' and 'terulanics' a teenager could stand, whatever they were.

He had a suspicion that they were something to do with cooking. He shuddered. He shouldn't be here; he should be out tracking Slade's latest minion. It had taken him hours to come to terms to what he had seen, he had had to make sure that it was who he thought it was before confronting them. It was a very delicate situation.

After careful scrutinising of the news, the papers and various truthful magazines Robin was infuriated to find that there was a plethora of weird things happening right under his nose and he hadn't even seen it! Odd things, like Slade stalking the mental asylum, an escapee from the same asylum, this escapee disappearing without a trace, warehouses containing special herbs being ransacked and turned over and an inexplicable fluctuation of the parrot population. Okay, so that last one may have nothing to do with actual crime but it was still odd.

He wanted to confront Slade's minion, but he couldn't be sure if Slade was the instigator, and if he was, then what was he up to? Why choose that particular person? Why now? And how had Slade gotten his new apprentice on side?

It was puzzling.

And with a background noise of Tameran cosmetics it was making Robin's head hurt to even think about.

His thoughts turned to more personal matters…

**_There's a dream that I hold,_**

_**In my heart I've seldom told,**_

_**Where the four winds blow to streets of gold,**_

_**And it holds me high**_

What was he going to do about Raven? Because no matter how he looked at it, no matter how long he thought or how hard he trained, all of his problems led back to one single entity. Raven.

His feelings were growing for her, he couldn't deny it. It was like marching up to Cyborg and proclaiming him a frog. It just wasn't true. His feelings for Starfire on the other hand were diminishing with each passing day. He couldn't help but think that she would be better off suited to dating someone like Beast Boy or someone with a similar personality.

He had known it was a bad idea to get involved with another titan. He had warned Beast Boy, but the changeling hadn't listened, he had told himself, but he hadn't listened. He was telling himself again now and still he ignored himself.

Sometimes he wondered what it would be like to be dating Raven; he wouldn't have to sit through this that was sure. He looked up and caught a few snippets of the conversation.

"No cousin Bluefire, you are wrong! The frenghinjury would be a much better choice for you I think!"

"Really? Wow. You're right! Thanks cousin Starfire!"

Robin groaned internally, no, he just couldn't see himself having to put up with this kind of torture if he was with Raven. Instead he would be having an intelligent conversation, watching something awe-inspiring or reading something that would make him shiver. There were other things as well that Raven would do, that Starfire never would, like just sit and be quiet.

**_In my heart I touch the sky,_**

_**No matter how many times I fall**_

Robin sighed. He was just about to suggest that he go and make some coffee or something, mostly so he could just stay awake, but also so he would have an excuse to get away from the two alien girls before they got any nasty ideas to give him a makeover, when Bluefire emitted a startled shriek.

His head snapped up.

"What?" he jumped up ready for action.

Bluefire pointed across the street, "Look! Look! A Brightly coloured bird!"

Robin sweatdropped as he followed the wildly pointing finger to across the street. True to her word there was a rather large parrot resting on the back of a bench. Rather strange considering parrots weren't native to Jump City. Ah, Robin thought with grim finality, this must be a result of the inexplicable fluctuation of the parrot population.

Another parrot fluttered down next to it.

"Oh! Glorious!" cried Starfire clasping her hands together as yet another bright bird landed on the back of the bench and proceeded to preen itself, "Robin, what are these magical animals called?"

"Parrots." He deadpanned.

"I think you'll find the correct name for them is 'Macaw'." Snarled a female voice from behind them. It was not a friendly voice.

_**There were times in my life,**_

_**When I walked across that line,**_

_**There were many times in my life,**_

_**When I tried so hard to make it**_

The three of them whirled around. Robin's eyes narrowed as he took in the person standing before them upon one of the other tables. It was obviously a villain.

The girl was tall, her dark hair was tied up in a tight bun on the top of her head, and she had a mask covering the upper part of her face, it was painted black and curled upwards and outwards on either side of her forehead, hundreds of tiny brightly coloured feathers ran around the edge of the mask and they moved with the wind. She was wearing a black jumpsuit that covered her whole body apart from the neck up, her hands and her feet; she was wearing knee length black boots, and black leather gloves. Most noticeable perhaps were the huge parrot feathers that were attached to the underarms of her suit and ran from under her shoulder to her wrist.

She grinned at them darkly, "Robin, Master Slade sends you a message."

Starfire and her cousin gasped out loud and Robin growled low in his throat, "Who are you?" he demanded taking a step forward drawing out his bird-a-rangs from his utility belt.

The girl gave a laugh which sent the parrots across the street flocking towards her in a clamour of bright wings and sharp beaks. "You can call me The Dread Macaw."

Robin stared, well at least now he knew that the influx in the parrot population was crime related. "And what is the message?" he asked coldly, tensing his muscles in case he had need to attack.

The Dread Macaw spread her arms wide and the feathers attached to her suit fanned out like wings, "The message is 'You are searching in all the wrong places'!" before she had even finished the girl had leapt of the table and forced her arms downwards, the feathers caught in the wind she created and she was lifted high. She was using the feathers to fly!

Starfire took flight immediately and swung her fist in the girl's direction letting of a flurry of Starbolts. Each one she fired however, missed by miles as the girl ducked and dived with amazing agility.

Robin yelled a warning as The Dread Macaw conjured a large feather from nowhere and threw it directly at Bluefire who, it seemed, was not as used to fighting as Star was. The blue haired girl froze, stunned as the feather sped towards her.

The feather itself parted to reveal a deadly steel needle about half an inch in diameter and about six inches in length, the coloured strands fell away as the weapon rocketed with deadly accuracy towards Star's relative.

It was Robin who saved her by throwing his bird-a-rang so it hit the needle and set it spiralling off course.

The Dread Macaw gave an anguished scream, and pointed her hand at Robin in an accusing way, "YOU! GET HIM!"

Robin scowled for a moment, not understanding what she was implying but then he understood as the parrots, now grown considerably in number suddenly took flight and charged at him in a mad colourful aerial assault. Robin, who had never been in a situation like the one he was in now, before, did the first thing that he could think of. He turned and ran.

"Friend Robin!" shrieked Starfire firing a multitude of green flashes in every direction; the squawks of the birds were her only answer. "Bluefire! Help me!"

The blue haired alien girl snapped out of her stupor and nodded, her eyes going wide at the scene unfolding before her, "Okay!" she pushed herself off the ground and flung out her arms, her own silvery blue magic trailing out of her fingers like a fishing net. She flung said net at the parrots that were hounding Robin; she closed the spell around them and flew up high dragging the screeching birds up and away from the Boy Wonder.

Robin slowed, relieved to have the birds off his tail and expelled a breath, though before he could even draw a fresh lung full of air The Dread Macaw slammed into him from the side screeching bloody murder, and her voice was enough to make his ears bleed. He cringed at the sound. She slammed him up against the wall, and held her arm across his throat.

She leaned in close to his face, "Master Slade said you were an exceptional fighter. From what I've seen you aren't worth his praise." She gave him a shake for emphasis, her sparkling golden eyes boring into his through the eye holes in her mask, "If you value the lives of your friends, stay out of Master Slade's way." With that she released him and she ran back the way she had come, leaping onto a table and springing into the air, beating her arms once, twice, three times and then gliding away. The parrots, somehow free from Bluefire and Star's control flew after her like a kaleidoscopic cloud.

"Friend Robin! Shall we follow her?" yelled Starfire from above him as he picked himself up from off of the floor, rotating his shoulder slightly and wincing as his muscles protested.

He shook his head and looked up at the dot in the distance that was The Dread Macaw, "No. She's too far away now. But at least we know Slade's up to something."

**_With my dreams on fire,_**

_**And my heart in my hands,**_

_**We are who we are,**_

_**And I know who I am tonight**_

Starfire was busy trying to console Bluefire who was convinced she was more of a hindrance to the fight than a help, which pretty much left Robin to his own devices. He looked up at the sky, it was already dark and the stars were starting to glitter in the sky.

But Robin couldn't focus on things such as pretty skies, no matter how much he might have wanted to. No, his thoughts now revolved around Slade. He had long since suspected strongly and had expected that the criminal mastermind was up to something. Now he knew for sure.

But what?

The appearance of Slade's newest henchmen, woman, had thrown all his past suspicions out of the window, leaving him confused.

There were a few explanations that he could see so far.

Slade had employed two new apprentices, The Dread Macaw and the traitor, (Robin still couldn't get his head around who he had seen), The Dread Macaw really was the only apprentice and Slade wanted him to know this so that the titans could chase him, or both were Slade's minions and Slade had sent the message to through the titans off the scent.

All in all, it left Robin back at square one.

**_From the shore we turn the tide,_**

_**If you seek it will not hide,**_

_**And the flags we fly at last unfold**_

"Come on Bluefire, you did great for your first fight, let's go out and celebrate! We can go dancing! C'mon I see Cyborg and Beast Boy over there let's go and ask them to come!" suggested Starfire ever the happy girl.

Bluefire sighed and then nodded slowly, "Okay. I guess you're right. Let's go." She gave her cousin a bright smile, "Robin? Are you to be joining us?"

Robin looked up from his musings and shook his head, "Oh, no I won't. I'd love to but you know I have to file this incident on report back at titan's tower."

Starfire bit her lip, "But Robin, it is such a long journey back, do you wish me to fly you there?"

Robin waved a hand, "Nah it's alright. I'll walk. Go on and have some fun." He gifted the girls with a smile.

Starfire giggled and floating over she kissed his cheek before turning around and heading in the direction of Cyborg and Beast Boy, with her cousin following along afterwards.

**_I'm an island in the sun,_**

_**They can't stop what has begun,**_

_**No matter how fast those daggers come**_

As he watched them walk off Robin sighed loudly. He turned around and began the long walk back to Titan's Tower. He was glad really that he was wearing normal clothes instead of his uniform, that way he attracted less attention. True he was still wearing his mask, he never took it off, and his utility belt was safely fastened around his waist underneath his denim jacket.

He tucked his hands into his trouser pockets.

**_There were times in my life,_**

_**When I walked across that line,**_

_**There were many times in my life,**_

_**When I tried so hard to make it**_

Perhaps Raven was still in her room. Perhaps they could finally have a private talk. Terra was supposed to be there as well, but it shouldn't be too hard to ditch the blonde. He smiled to himself. He'd go and talk to the quiet girl as soon as he'd done some training. Then maybe things could get back on track…

**_With my dreams on fire,_**

_**And my heart in my hands,**_

_**We are who we are,**_

_**And I know who I am tonight**_


	39. Breaking The Habit

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Breaking the Habit' by Linkin Park.

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: Breaking the Habit**

_18th December 21:09_

Raven fled over the threshold of Titan's tower and ran straight to her room. At least that was the plan, as she was passing through the kitchen she came across her spell book. Anger flickered in her as she remembered why she'd bought it and in an act of rage she picked up the leather bond book in her hands and flung it as hard as she could across the room.

It flew through the open door and smacked the wall with a dull thud and fell to the floor, crinkling and tearing the pages as it went.

Raven's chest heaved as she gulped in breaths of air, the adrenalin and hurt in her system using up all of her oxygen quicker than she thought possible. Why did nothing ever go right for her? Why did everything go wrong? Was she just a magnet for discontent? A jinx on the living world?

She felt something hot and wet sliding down her cheeks and she reached up to wipe it away. She lowered her hand and saw the tiny diamond like teardrop that rested on the fingertip of her dark blue glove.

She was crying. Dammit he had made her cry. No one ever made her cry, she used to see to that. She couldn't understand why she was crying now. The icy coldness of the air in the tower closed in around her, killing the warmth on her skin and leaving an empty space where her anger had been.

Raven took a shallow shuddering breath, why did this have to happen now? Why now? She cursed her home planet and all that resided on her, why did this have to happen now? She closed her eyes and tried to block the emptiness out.

She knew that there was no one in the tower, they were all out buying last minute gifts or betraying others' trust. She clenched her fist in memory of what she had witnessed. Had she been so easy to cast aside, she had opened up to Aqualad, and this was what he did to her, she had thought that he wanted to help, but it seemed she had been wrong in that assumption.

Trying to slow her breathing down she glared at the book that now rested upon the floor, and all the sadness that she had locked away to stop Aqualad and Claire seeing came flooding back in salty torrents that ran down her cheeks like warm rain.

She felt the scars along her arms begin to itch, and the silence, that horrible silence that she thought had left her for good, came roaring back in the quiet of the empty tower.

**_Memories consume,_**

_**Like opening the wound,**_

_**I'm picking me apart again**_

She froze, caught between crying her heart out on the cold kitchen floor, or running up to her room and quieting the silence in her ears. Her eyes, wide and scared darted around the shadows of the room, the kitchen looked otherworldly when there was no electric light to light up the darkened spaces that were not lit by the light of the moon through the windows.

Panic rose like bile in her throat, she scratched at the skin on her arms through her dark blue sleeves. At some point, the rational part of her mind shut down completely. She tried blinking back the tears as she tugged at the cloth covering her arms, but she couldn't stop the flood, once the door was open, it could never be closed, or so they say.

She unclasped her cloak and let it fall to the floor, realising in her distorted mind that she would have to take off her sleeves if she was satisfy the itch that was plaguing her.

The roaring in her ears was amplified; she wondered how silence could be so noisy. It was a paradox in itself. But the thought slipped away from her as she reached up to her shoulder and began to pull at the ties that held her long gothic sleeves in place. The strings slid out of their knots easily and the sleeve slipped off to join the cloak upon the cold tiled floor. Moments later the other joined it.

Raven looked upon her arms, she hadn't cut them in days now, she had been holding off the feeling for Aqualad and Claire's sakes, but somehow that reason was no longer valid. She moved her fingers over the healing scars and began to scratch at them.

It only took a few seconds for her to feel her nails pulling off the re-knitting skin, reopening the wounds and letting her blood spill again.

But this time, it wasn't enough. The pain flickered away after a few seconds, swallowed by the sounds of the silence and the worthlessness that was soaking through her skin.

Mere pain was never going to be enough this time.

**_You all assume,_**

_**I'm safe here in my room,**_

_**Unless I try to start again**_

It had to be something more than pain. She had hopped on the Desperation Train and now she must see it through to the end. She wasn't going to get off at the next stop like last time; she was going to make sure it went off the rails.

It was perfect, the simplest thing that had ever crossed her mind, how else was she going to rid herself of all the feeling and paranoia that she didn't want? How else was she going to rid the world of her morbid presence? She was amazed she hadn't thought of it sooner.

Should she write a letter, explaining why she did it? Explaining why she couldn't go on living in this world any longer? No. She didn't think she even had the will power to write the damning words. She'd just end it and let them figure out her reasons later.

All around her the cupboards began opening of their own accord, slamming open and shut, the cutlery rose off the side board and blade began rattling in the piles they were laid in on the side.

She drifted towards the sink, a kind of quiet determination now settled over her, gone was the rage of seeing the betrayal, they would have to suffer with it for the rest of their lives, she only had to suffer for a few more moments.

**_I don't want to be the one the battles always choose,_**

_**But inside I realise that I'm the one confused,**_

_**I don't know what's worth fighting for,**_

_**Or why I have to scream,**_

_**I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean,**_

_**I don't know how I got this way,**_

_**I know it's not alright,**_

_**So I'm breaking the habit, breaking the habit,**_

_**Tonight**_

Her pale hands moved towards the knives that hovered above the draining board, held aloft by dense black energy. She reached out to grab one. A droplet of blood from one of her opened cuts dripped onto her palm, she stared at it for a moment, enraptured by the sight of the substance that gave her life, as red as the core of the third moon of Azarath. It was beautiful. It reminded her of when she was a child and she used to sit upon the marble walls of her home palace and stare up at the six moons as they rotated around the planet.

She felt an ache in her chest, another reason for her to end it, her planet, her home, was dead. It was never coming back. Why should her planet and its people suffer so when she lived on? It had to be rectified; she had to purge herself of guilt.

Water purified, so why shouldn't blood? It was thicker than water after all.

She shook herself back into action; the tears finally dry on her cheeks, leaving behind a trial of bitterness and despair. Her cold fingers curled around the hilt of the kitchen knife and she pulled it from its place in the air.

She ran her fingertips loving along the sharp edge, sighing as she felt the metal tickle the nerves in her skin. Using her powers she dragged the wooden chair out from under the table, her cloak caught around its legs and rumbled into a dark blue pile.

She took a few steps forwards and collapsed on the solid wooden base of the seat, her shoulders sagged forwards and she rested her bare and bleeding arms upon the cool surface, her right hand still clasped tightly around the knife.

It didn't bother her anymore that the knife was not the one she normally used, it was more than decoration and relief this time, it was the end of all hope. She didn't want to taint her silver knife with that despicable act.

**_Clutching my cure, _**

_**I tightly lock the door,**_

_**I try to catch my breath again**_

Lock the door that was what her mind told her, lock the doors; so that if anyone did come home, they wouldn't be able to get to her in time. She didn't want them to stop her; she couldn't bare life if she failed to die.

A sob tore itself from her throat as she flung her left arm out, slamming all doors that could be opened with grim finality. She heard the clicking of the electronic locks and she set her mouth into a grim line. This was it, no time for smiling now.

She raised the knife, it glimmered slightly in the dark, as if it had a life of its own, it was her medicine, she didn't care if it was alive or not. It was her saviour. Nothing could compare.

She raised it above her upturned wrist, she tensed her muscles for the sweet agony that was about to befall her. It was absolution, in the form of mind, body and soul.

Down went the knife tip.

_**I hurt much more,**_

**_Than any time before,_**

_**I have no options left again**_

The skin resisted slightly before the sharp metal edge broke through. Raven didn't blink, she didn't feel it, days ago she would have revelled in the burning sensation as it ran up and down her nerve endings and let loose chemicals from the brain, both numbing and exciting at the same time. But now, it felt like more of a chore than anything else.

She stared downwards at the wound she was creating, she felt pathetic, but somehow in her disjointed mind she released that if she ended it she would never have to feel that way again.

She pressed the blade down harder. She could feel her blood trickling down from her wrist into the palm of her hand. It was so warm. It was comforting in an odd sense; all her troubles seemed to flow away.

She would give anything, anything at all, to feel like this all of the time. She sighed and lifted the knife, without the metal there to block the flow, her crimson life spilled up and out, sliding around her arms and splashing onto the table.

She frowned, it didn't look right. When she was alone in her room, it always looked beautiful, but now… it didn't seem as perfect. Maybe there wasn't enough.

She turned the knife over in her hands and fastening her left hand about the handle she breathed in, ready to begin the act of salvation upon her other arm.

_**I don't want to be the one the battles always choose,**_

_**But inside I realise that I'm the one confused,**_

_**I don't know what's worth fighting for,**_

_**Or why I have to scream,**_

_**I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean,**_

_**I don't know how I got this way,**_

_**I know it's not alright,**_

_**So I'm breaking the habit, breaking the habit,**_

_**Tonight**_

She slashed through the delicate skin on her right wrist, watched as the blood escaped from her tainted ash grey arm. Red and grey. It would never be as beautiful as red on white, that was how it was supposed to be. But Raven viewed herself as a tainted child, why should she be offered the glory of red and white? No, she should be forced to die surrounded by red and grey. Grey wasa colour that was so unclean, so dirty.

Just like her.

A fresh flood of tears left her eyes, spilling from the corners of her eyelids and catching on her eyelashes.

She raised the knife and brought it down. And again, and again.

She took out all the self hatred and all the self pity that she held inside her soul out on her bruised and scarred arm. But she felt nothing, she just felt empty.

Splashes of scarlet sprayed her face and the table cloth, raining down from the bloodied knife edge as it raised and lowered in sweet succession.

**_I'll paint it on the walls,_**

_**Because I'm the one at fault,**_

**_I'll never fight again,_**

_**And this is how it ends**_

Her arm was starting to get tired. It was odd, she felt sleepy. Her eyelids drooped, all energy drained out of her quickly, like water down a drain. Her fingers opened and the knife fell from her grasp and clattered uselessly to the table top.

Her eyes were playing tricks on her, the corners of the room were moving in, the darkness was crowding into her vision, what she could make out in the darkness was blurry.

There was a dull ache in the back of her head, like the type of headache that you could ignore. Her hands were cold and sticky.

She rubbed her fingers together to try and warm up, but to no avail.

So tired…

She rested her head on the table.

So tired…

Her eyes flickered closed.

So tired….

Raven Roth drifted off into darkness.

* * *

Robin was in a bad mood, not only had he had to sit through hours of talking between Starfire and Bluefire today, but he had had to suffer with Bluefire's cooking, which was only marginally better than Starfire's.

He felt sick to his stomach.

And that whole 'I am The Dread Macaw I Worship Slade' thing hadn't helped either.

He punched in the access code to the tower and stormed inside, filled with the intent to take his anger out on the punching bag in the gym.

The first thing he noticed was how dark it was. Maybe Raven and Terra had gone out, he was sure that they weren't supposed to be going anywhere tonight. He shrugged.

Deciding that a glass of water would help purge his mouth and throat of the taste of Bluefire's Jelly Bean Omelette he headed towards the kitchen.

He found the door locked.

That was odd; the door to the kitchen was never locked. Sure it had a lock, but no one ever locked it, there was nothing in there worth stealing if a villain ever had the guts to try and rob anything.

He banged on the door with her fist, wondering if maybe Beast Boy had come back early and he and Terra wanted some time alone. The kitchen was a strange place, but then Beast Boy was a strange boy.

As his hand connected with the door, it was blown back on an explosion of black energy. He recognised the glow as Raven's magic. Worry clenched at his stomach. He tried to shake the feeling but couldn't. Maybe Raven just wanted to meditate. But why the kitchen? And why lock the door?

He looked around, for the access panel to the kitchen. His eyes caught sight of something that was where it shouldn't be. Frowning he bent down and picked the book up in his hands. The pages were torn and crinkled.

He turned it over and stared at the title. 'The Book of Spells' well it was obviously Raven's…he flicked it open and began to flip through the pages, his eyes searching the pages quickly. He paused on one of the middle pages, his eyes drawn by Raven's hand writing scrawled in the corner. He read the hand written words and swallowed, _'Must be performed on the full moon, use three candles only, goddess I hope this works my scars are burning already.'_

He looked at the title of the spell, 'A Spell To Stop Self Harm.'

He gasped out loud and the book dropped from his hands. That was it, everything made sense now, why she hated anyone touching her arm, why she wouldn't come to the water park, why she seemed tired all of the time. She was hurting herself.

His throat felt tight and dry, like sandpaper. He looked back up at the door.

**_I don't want to be the one the battles always choose,_**

_**But inside I realise that I'm the one confused**_

Why hadn't he seen it sooner? Raven had to go through so much, it was no wonder she was feeling more depressed lately, no wonder she had been distant and the death of her planet hadn't helped either.

His eyes widened behind his mask, was, was this what Aqualad had seen? Was this why the atlantian was being so protective around her?

He found the control; panel on the wall and hurriedly punched the numbers in, his fingers slipped in their haste and he had to start again, he cursed his stupidity under his breath.

What had happened to Raven? His heart was pounding inside his chest. The consequences of her locking herself in a room alone, in the dark no less, was not good. There were knives in the kitchen. Knives. His hands were starting to tremble, but forcing his body to calm down, he finally got the code in, and with a slight 'whoosh' the door slid open.

**_I don't know what's worth fighting for,_**

_**Or why I have to scream,**_

_**I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean**_

Stumbling into the kitchen he fumbled for the light switch, his fingers trembling in anxiousness as he grasped the switch and pushed it upwards.

The scene before him was illuminated in white light.

He stilled in horror at the beautiful gothic girl slumped on the table in a pool of her own blood. He rushed to her side, his hands still shaking he leaned over her and pulled up her eyelid. He recoiled. He found himself gazing into an expanse of nothingness, like staring out over galaxies and solar systems, only without the stars and the suns.

"I've gotta get you to a hospital." He murmured, putting his arm around her and lifting her up.

_**I don't know how I got this way,**_

_**I'll never be alright,**_

_**So I'm breaking the habit,**_

_**Breaking the habit,**_

_**Breaking the habit,**_

_**Tonight **_


	40. Inhale

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Inhale' By Edgewater.

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Forty: Inhale**

_December 18th 22:34 _

Robin wrung his hands while he paced about in the waiting room of Jump City Hospital. To him it seemed as if the second hand on the clock that ticked above him were mocking him somehow. It seemed to be going very slowly indeed.

Robin despised waiting with a passion.

His fingers were red and would most probably be bruised from the amount if times he had wrung them together in his frustration; he had reached the hospital with Raven intent on making sure she was okay, only to have her taken away from him. Then a very polite nurse had informed him that he must wait in the waiting area, else he would be escorted from the premises by security.

That hadn't really gone down well. After a brief period of raised voices and exaggerated hand gestures Robin had finally convinced the majority of the staff that he was THE Robin and not just someone who had decided to play dress up. But unfortunately being a super hero didn't get you very far when battling against hospital protocol, the most they had been able to offer was a free cookie. Which, in fact, was not quite want he wanted or needed right now.

So now here he was pacing back and forth up and down a long white hallway that was lined with the most obscene dark mauve chairs that had ever been invented by the world of man. A small Christmas tree had been erected in the corner; tiny fairy lights sparkled on it. Amongst the branches he spied two turtle doves. "Birds of a feather…" he murmured to himself. He shook his head, some friend he'd been to Raven; he'd been so caught up in his romancing that he'd been blind to what was really happening. How could he have been so far off? He wanted to strangle himself; Raven must have been struggling terribly if she had taken it to this extent. He clenched his fists and paced with renewed vigour.

His boots made terrible clicking noises on the polished floor as he walked, but he couldn't quite bring himself to care whether he annoyed people or not.

Raven was in there, the room at the end of the corridor, and she might be dying! He felt like howling at the injustice of it all. There was nothing more he could do, he felt helpless. His heart was racing in his chest, half of him wanted the doctors to hurry up in there and come and tell him what had happened, but the other half didn't want to find out in case it was something really bad. He didn't think he would be able to take it.

**_Yeah you're shaking now, _**

_**Falling, you can't take it,**_

**_Just breathe in, breathe out let it flow_**

He made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and looked up at the clock again. It looked as if only a minute or so had passed. It must have been more than that surely! He ran a hand through his hair, messing up the dark locks.

He jumped out of his skin when a gnarled hand was placed on his shoulder; he jerked violently, "Ack!" he twisted around to try and see what was happening.

A small old man with deep set hazel eyes stared back at him with a kind gaze, "Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Would you care to sit down? You'll exhaust yourself pacing around like that. Come and sit down my son."

Robin, despite not knowing who the man was, allowed him self to be guided towards the chairs, he sank into one and put his head in his hands. Everything had gone so wrong. Nothing was supposed to turn out this way, they were a team dammit! When did they stop acting like one?

"Penny for your thoughts." Offered the elderly man as he lowered his frame into the seat next to Robin, he turned in his seat to face him, "Name's George."

"Robin." The boy wonder replied wearily groaning into his hands, "And my thoughts aren't worth that much."

George smiled gently, "Thoughts can be worth millions my boy, and you know it helps to talk about some things. If you don't, they'll eat you up inside."

It took a few moments for the man's words to sink in, Robin winced, Raven had never, ever talked about her problems, which was what had gotten her into this mess. Would the same thing happen to him if he didn't talk about it to anyone?

He felt like he was drowning.

**_Just ease your mind and take your time,_**

_**Can't you feel it?**_

_**This one life, this time, this time let it show**_

Robin raised his masked face and looked into the old man's eyes, trying to decide whether or not to trust him or not, you can't be too careful with people.

George must have sensed the searching gaze because the skin around his eyes crinkled as his smile widened, "You don't have to talk, I'm just saying, sometimes it helps. You know?"

"Yeah." Muttered Robin sighing, "I…" he trailed off and took a deep breath, "It just went wrong. It was never meant to, it was meant to work out perfectly and everyone was meant to be happy. But no one is, well except for Star, BB and Cy. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't make everything right again."

The man nodded sympathetically, "Girl trouble?"

Robin groaned again and leaned back in his chair, "How did you guess?"

George leaned back in his chair too, "I've seen it many-a-time." He stated very matter-of-factly. He nodded his head, "Yes I have, but you do realise you can't make everything else right. It's up to other people." The man stopped; as if he expected Robin to say something but when he didn't he carried on, "Why are you here?"

Robin's strength of will drained out him then, and he knew that his weariness and sadness showed on his face, he could feel it inside him, if that made sense, all other things he had ever felt were pushed aside by fatigue and sorrow. "My friend tried to kill herself."

George's eyebrows rose slightly but the man seemed to school his expression well, "You're friend…you're girlfriend maybe?"

Robin scowled down at his hands, which now lay in his lap, "No. She's dating a friend of mine, although we're not really friends anymore."

"But you want her to be your girlfriend." Said George nodding again and fiddling with the buttons of his extra large cardigan.

"Maybe." Admitted Robin, "I…I really like Raven, and I think she likes me, but we're both…otherwise engaged. She has a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend."

George shrugged, "Well if you like each other then go for it."

Robin's face became pained, "It's not that simple, Star's very happy with our relationship, she thinks it's a happy ever after thing and I don't think I could bear to hurt her."

"So you're staying with her because of what? Pity?"

"No. No that's not it." Replied Robin wiping his face with a hand. "I…I just don't know what I want. I want Raven, but I don't want to hurt Star, although I wouldn't mind hurting Aqualad."

George chuckled to himself, "Your friends certainly have odd names."

Robin glowered at the man.

George sat forward and looked directly at Robin, "Here's what I think. Now whether you take my advice or not its up to you, but it seems as if you really like the little lady that's being seen to now, she's gonna need someone to be there for her and you are the only one here. Think about it, this boy of hers can't be doing much good if she still wanted to commit suicide." George patted Robin's hand with his, "If you feel you have to stay with your current girl for sake of duty, then you're going to spend your life, living a lie."

Robin blinked at the man.

**_Just breathe and bring yourself back to me,_**

_**How can you let go?**_

_**Of everything you meant to me?**_

_**Time it goes slow,**_

_**No, don't go**_

"George there you are!" cried the doctor looking relieved, she turned and addressed Robin, "Has he been annoying you?"

"Err, no." answered Robin warily.

"Good thing to." The doctor said shaking a finger at George, "You promised not to go wandering off, you gave the mental health ward staff a right scare!" she admonished, "Now get yourself back to your room, and what have I told you about talking to visitors?"

George merely smiled charmingly and got up slowly; he winked at Robin and then lumbered away. Robin stared after him slightly disturbed by what had transpired.

The doctor shook her head and then turned back to Robin, her expression serious once more, "Are you the boy who brought Miss Roth in?"

**_All you want it a taste you can't erase,_**

_**It's taken over,**_

_**Just once more chance last stand,**_

_**Take it slow**_

"Yes. I am." Replied Robin in a voice barely over a whisper, he was desperately fighting with himself to try and stop him from screaming and demanding to see her right now, the rational part of him realised that that would not get him very far.

The doctor nodded, "Come with me please." She turned on her heel and started to work up the corridor, which now seemed obscenely long to Robin, back towards the room where Raven was, "Miss Roth lost a lot of blood, you understand."

Robin swallowed the bile in his throat and then nodded, "Yeah." He agreed almost silently.

The doctor continued, "It was lucky that you brought her in when you did, another ten or twenty minutes and we wouldn't have been able to revive her."

Robin froze at the words he looked up at the doctor his eyes wide and hope filled, "You mean…she's still live?" he asked fearing to hope.

The doctor nodded, "Yes. She is still alive. A day or so of rest and she'll be fine, her body seems to be healing rather quickly." The woman shook her head before continuing, "We've stitched up her wrists, and the stitches should dissolve in their own time. You can go in and see her, but try not to excite her too much, if she even wakes up today, she needs rest." As she finished speaking they both began walking again, only this time at a faster pace.

They finally reached the end of the corridor, much to Robin's immense relief and they stopped outside the room that Raven was being held in.

"Can I go in now?" asked Robin trying to hold back the tears he could feel gathering behind his eyes.

The doctors gaze softened, "Of course." She reached over and pushed the door open for him. As he entered she said, "It's a terrible thing to happen so near Christmas." She closed the door quietly.

Robin looked over to the bed.

**_Tired of waking up and you can't take it,_**

_**Well strike back, take that,**_

_**Let it show**_

Raven was lying prone on a white bed, the sheets covering her were bone white. It looked very clean. The first thing that Robin noticed was how pale her skin now looked, he was used to seeing it at it's usual dusky grey, a colour which he secretly admired, now though all the colour had drained out of it and it was a very pale coal grey verging on dirty white.

Her eyes were closed and the jewel upon her forehead was dull, it was almost lifeless. Her beautiful violet hair, the hair that he had always wanted to run his fingers through, was spread upon the white pillows behind her head, but it looked dull now. His eyes dropped to her wrists, they were bandaged right up to the elbow. He felt the tears gather at his eyes again.

"How could you do this?" he asked her softly, even though she was sleeping.

Her face was peaceful. She looked as she did when she fell asleep at the kitchen table after mission where she was just too tired to stay awake. She looked…free from trouble. Innocent.

He slipped into the chair next to her bed and his own trembling hands reached out and touched hers, her fingers were so cold, but he laced his own with them anyway. He brought his hand up, thereby bringing hers up with it and he placed his lips on her knuckles and kissed them gently.

"Raven, I'm here for you." He said it like a promise, but it was a vow. More sacred than any other he had taken in his young life. "I'll make everything right again. I promise. Whatever it takes." He kissed her hand again.

**_Just breathe and bring yourself back to me,_**

_**How can you let go?**_

_**Of everything you meant to me?**_

_**Time to take it slow,**_

_**It's your last chance to take your stand,**_

_**God only knows,**_

_**The time has come, what's left undone,**_

_**How can you let, how can you? **_

He enveloped her hand with his other and stared intently at her sleeping face, "I know you think that I've never been there for you, or that I'm too wrapped up in doing my own thing. Maybe I was, but I won't be anymore. If you want I can change, I can make things better."

A lone tear managed to find its way down his face. How could he have let this happen to such a beautiful creature?

"I swear Raven, on my life, as useless as it may be, that I will try to make you happy, I know circumstances haven't always led us to believe that, and that at times things are difficult, but I will try. I can't do more than that."

He began to rub Raven's hand with his fingers trying to will his warmth into her.

"I'd probably make a lousy boyfriend, I know I'm probably not that one you want, but I'm offering myself to you here." He looked at her face, "I only wish you could hear me."

He cradled her hand in his and took a deep shuddering breath.

"Raven…" his voice cracked on her name, "I think I love you."

**_Just breathe; you gotta fight to make it through this,_**

_**You can't leave me,**_

_**How can you, how can you let go? **_

"Please don't leave me." He begged before he broke down into tears.


	41. Tell All Your Friends

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Tell All Your Friends' by Feeder. Take note, I know the emotion Love in not mentioned as a part of Nevermore, but that is because she doesn't exist yet, she will exist later on in the fic however. Thank you, reviewers! You have inspired to post this chapter a week ahead of schedule!

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Forty-One: Tell All Your Friends**

_December 19th 06:05 _

It was official; Raven had the largest and most acutely annoying headache in the world. It didn't help that she was stood in a deadly silent Nevermore yet again, unable move.

Had she been able to sigh she would of, very loudly.

Life was never simple, and apparently neither was dying. Raven didn't care. Why should she? She had no emotions, well except for ones she didn't particularly want.

"How could you?" snarled a voice suddenly.

Raven stared at Rage, who had appeared in front of her in a thrashing red haze, both sets of eyes hard and gleaming with fierceness unknown to human nature.

"How were you able to keep such a worthless emotion from me?" Rage was practically seething, her chest was heaving and her hands were crackling with black energy, "I thought there were only three of us left, yet you somehow managed to hide your Depression! I don't understand why you would want to hide such a worthless feeling!" Rage spat at Raven's feet.

Raven, in a miraculous turn was able to quirk her lips up into a smirk. The action surprised her, but not too much. She was slowly regaining control of her body, and she was slightly pleased, only very slightly, but she was still pleased. It was more like satisfaction really, but there was a very fine line between the two after all.

Rage glared and narrowed her eyes, "You must have thought you were so smart! Ha, I knew Intellect was up to something, even though she faded away her essence is still here! I can feel it! It is the same with Apathy!" Rage growled, "I don't know how you managed it, your Depression and Determination working together, I suppose Bravery was in their somewhere. I had no part of it. If you die before I get free, I will be killed with you." She drew closer to Raven, "I can not allow that."

Raven managed to open her mouth and utter a few quiet words, "You have no choice in the matter, you are just a part of me."

Rage gave a barking laugh, "Are you sure of that? True, I began as a mere part of you but I have evolved past that point. I am fast becoming a single entity, you will not be able to stop me when I break free, don't even think about killing yourself either, you can't stop me. I'll make sure of it."

Raven's eyes widened as Rage brought her hand up and created a complicated pattern in the air with her magic, "What are you doing?" she demanded as the sign that Rage drew in the air began to glow.

The sign shimmered, and slowly began to take form, within seconds later, instead of just a trail of glittering magic, there was a black cloaked Raven, her black eyes were down cast and filled with tears. "I'm protecting my future." Snarled Rage grabbing the black Raven by the neck, "By killing off Depression."

Depression began to sob uncontrollably in Rage's vice like grip, but Raven could do nothing to help, being trapped in a statue like shape, "Stop it!" she cried, trying in vain to move her body but to no avail.

Rage's face turned smug and her eyes glinted, "You cannot stop what I've started." She declared and then drove her clawed hand, still glowing with magic, directly through Depression's back.

Raven felt bile rise up in her throat as Rage's clawed hand erupted from the front of Depression's chest clutching a still beating heart.

* * *

_**Staring out to reach a star,**_

_**Contemplating life on Mars,**_

_**Life's a cover magazine,**_

_**I'm an eggshell under feet**_

* * *

Raven bolted up in the bed and screamed.

Robin who had been dozing lightly in the chair next to the bed awoke with a start and miscalculating his position, fell awkwardly and landed on the floor with a loud 'oof'.

He clambered back up to his feet and grabbed Raven by the shoulders and shook her gently, her eyes were clenched shut and she was trembling. The scream wasn't like any scream he had ever heard before, it wasn't fear induced, it was…he didn't know how to put it; it was just one long continuous mournful note.

"Raven!" he shouted loudly over her odd scream, hoping beyond hope to try and get through to her, it wouldn't do to have the staff running in and complaining, he knew that most of the nurses were off checking on the cancer patients, he had taken the liberty of checking their rota when he went to get a cup of coffee to try and keep himself awake.

Her eyes snapped open and focused on him.

He forced himself not to stare, and it was damn near impossible not to, her eyes, when once they had been violet and exotic they were now darker, almost red. Not red as if they were bloodshot, but red as if she had dropped a film of dark silk on her eyes.

"Robin?" her voice, which he had expected to sound hoarse and quiet as the doctors had told him it would, was an octave lower than usual and as smooth as satin. He blinked when he heard his name, "Where am I?"

* * *

**_Until I see this house under pale blue skies,_**

_**With golden fields that will burn your eyes,**_

_**So let's take a drive underneath the sun**_

* * *

****

Robin shifted nervously and releasing her shoulders he sat back in the chair next to her bed, she turned her head slightly to face him, and he had a horrible feeling deep in his stomach that he wasn't talking to the real Raven, it just felt wrong. "You're in Jump City Hospital." He said slowly.

Her eyes clouded for a second and she looked as if she was contemplating something, "Why am I here?" she asked finally.

Robin stared at her incredulous, she had to ask? What was going on here? "You tried to kill yourself, remember?" he reached over and gently turned her arm over so that her wrist was facing upwards. He watched her face intently, not liking the way things were turning out one little bit. This had to be something to do with the death of Azarath. That girl, Alexial, had warned them about it.

Raven looked down at her wrist, slowly she lifted her other wrist and stared at them critically, her eyes, just for a moment flashed a brighter more intense shade of red, "Well, this simply will not do." Her voice was darker, colder, and there was an evil undertone to it, it made Robin shiver, but as he watched, her eyes narrowed. He looked back down to her wrists and almost started in surprise as the raw skin began to stretch and regrow, fibres of grey flesh began knitting themselves back together, erasing the wounds and leaving her arms, smooth and scarless.

Robin gaped, "H…How?"

The red eyed Raven looked at him, "It must be magic." She leered sarcastically.

Robin blinked again; Raven had never, never ever used that tone of voice with him, or anyone else before. Something foul was going on. "Who are you?" he demanded firmly.

The red eyed Raven inflected darkly, "I am the Demon Rage!"

Even as the announcement left her lips, Raven's body seemed to shudder slightly and her eyes flickered closed. She fell back against the pillows and seemed to be a sleep, but a few seconds later her brow creased into a frown and her eyelashes rose, revealing the normal violet irises.

* * *

**_New intentions all around,_**

_**Put the brakes on, slow it down,**_

_**Trying to find a new release,**_

_**Trying to find a space that you can breathe**_

* * *

"Raven?" asked Robin warily edging forwards slightly, to peer closely at her.

"Robin…I…I can explain…"

Robin sighed and smiled gently, "I'm here to help, and I think you better tell me everything, starting with who is the Demon Rage?"

Raven's eyes flickered closed for a second and then they opened again to fix him with a steady gaze, "Do you remember a year or two ago when we fought Dr. Light?"

Robin ran back across the list of villains that he stored in his head, he remembered the night well, it was the night Raven had gone crazy. As far as he knew Dr. Light was still in a mental institution somewhere. "Yeah, but what's that got to do with-"

Raven cut him off, "I haven't finished." She said with a determined light in her eyes, "That night something got loose in my mind." She blinked owlishly, "Beast Boy and Cyborg came to check up on me after I destroyed breakfast the next morning, and they accidentally transferred themselves into Nevermore, the dimension inside my mind."

"You have a dimension inside your head?" he exclaimed loudly, seeing her annoyed look he closed his mouth, "Sorry."

"That mirror that you picked up last month that is the main gateway into Nevermore. In Nevermore reside all of my emotions. They are versions of me, but they only have the ability to feel one thing. They are named after that one thing. Intellect, Happiness, Bravery, Timidity, Depression, Determination, Sloth, Vanity, Apathy and Rage."

Robin expelled a breath, "So you're saying that the Demon Rage is one of your emotions?"

"Yes. The day Beast Boy and Cyborg entered my mind Rage had gotten loose and had transformed into my father, the demon Trigon. Combining the efforts of all my other emotions I managed to contain her before she did any damage and I merged her back into co-existence." She sighed, "Now she's loose again."

"So, let's go into Nevermore and seal her away again or whatever it was you did. Ask your other emotions to help you."

Raven looked pained, "I can't."

* * *

**_But I've seen a house under pale blue skies,_**

_**With golden fields that will burn your eyes,**_

_**So let's take a drive underneath the sun**_

* * *

****

"What? Why not?" Robin was trying very hard to understand what was going on, but he was trying to take in all this new information and come up with a suitable solution at the same time.

Raven blinked again, "Because I only have three emotions left. Rage, Bravery and Determination. The essence of Intellect and Apathy are still clinging to the corners of Nevermore but they do not have substance. Depression…was still there until recently…" she trailed off, but didn't break his gaze.

"How recently?" Robin asked gently, wanting nothing more than to hold her hand and comfort her, but he couldn't take advantage. It wasn't honourable.

"Until just before I woke up." She shivered in memory.

"What happened?"

"Rage killed it off." There was no sadness in her voice; she was just stating a fact, "The less emotions I have the more powerful the remaining ones are."

"How does that work then?" he questioned raising an eyebrow.

Raven inclined her head slightly, "My power is shared out between my emotions equally, when their number is cut the larger the share that they receive. If one emotion was to have all the power then it would be a constant battle of wills between me and that emotion to keep control of my mind and body."

"I see." Robin nodded, it made sense really, when you thought about it, he never really knew what it meant to have to control your emotions all of the time, but he supposed that it couldn't be too great, in fact it sounded quite terrible. "So what can you do about it?"

"I have no idea." She admitted slowly, "I've been thinking about it and mulling it over for a few months now and no answer has presented itself."

"A few months?" exclaimed Robin, "How long have you known you were in trouble? Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"I didn't want to worry you all."

"Worry us? Raven, we're your friends! Worrying is what we do best! You opened up to Aqualad though didn't you?" he accused tightly without meaning to, "Why can't you open up to us?"

She stiffened at the atlantian's name, "Aqualad noticed something was wrong on his own. I didn't have to tell him." Her eyes flickered to the door behind Robin for a moment as if she was waiting for something and then she snapped her gaze back to him, "I care about the titan's at titan's tower too much to depress everyone with my own problems."

"But we're there to help you!" whined Robin in a voice that was not flattering for a boy of his age.

Raven shook her head as if trying to will the conversation away. She clenched her eyes shut. Robin stared at her, waiting for her to open her eyes. When she did, it wasn't Raven he was talking to.

Rage smiled darkly, her two red eyes flashing, "Raven's not here right now. You can talk to me if you like." Without waiting for an answer she continued, "Did you know Beast Boy and Terra broke up? Raven and Aqualad have for that matter, though Raven's break up style was the most spectacular thing I've ever seen, I can be held responsible for only part of it."

* * *

**_But don't you come round, pulling me down,_**

_**Telling all the world that I let you down,**_

_**Just tell all your friends,**_

_**That I wanna dream with you**_

* * *

****

"What did you do?" demanded Robin in a harsh tone, he really didn't like this Rage, even if she was a part of Raven, she creeped him out and the permanent sneer on her features made her almost unbearable to look at. His stomach tightened though at her words, had she hurt Aqualad? True he no longer liked the atlantian, but he wouldn't want to see him killed.

Rage laughed, "Me? It wasn't me that started it Robin dear, it was Aqualad who betrayed Raven's trust. It was Terra who despised Raven so much to tear her world apart."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that Raven walked in on her boyfriend in the middle of an intimate act with Terra! Raven blew up several tables when she caught them at it!" crowed Rage laughing.

Robin swallowed uneasily, as Rage laughed he glimpsed a pair of razor sharp fangs, "So, Aqualad cheated on Raven with Terra?" it just didn't compute. Aqualad had never shown any interest in the blonde. Never. "Why are you telling me this?"

Rage sat up suddenly and stared down at him, "So that I can watch you squirm."

Enough, was enough decided Robin sitting straight in his chair, it was time that he addressed the problem head on, with out any interruptions, "Rage. What do you want with Raven?"

Rage leered at him, "Haven't figured out have you? I'm going to tear her to pieces and rise up as Trigon's true daughter in her place, only a few more emotions to go Robin and then absolute power will be mine!"

"You can't do that!"

"Why not? No one's strong enough to try and stop me are they? Are you? No, not even Raven is anymore." She chuckled, "My path to victory is clear, for now I can only take control at intervals, as soon as I finish off Nevermore I will take full control. Permanently."

"If you take full control, what will happen to Raven?"

"She will cease to exist."

* * *

**_So tell your friends and your neighbours too,_**

_**CNN, BBC, World News,**_

_**Tell all your friends I wanna dream with you**_

* * *

****

"NO!" yelled Robin leaping from his chair, and balling his fists at his sides, why was life so damn complicated? "You can't let that happen, I…I…"

"I know you love Raven, I heard your little admission last night, even if she didn't." mocked Rage, "But she can NEVER love you back, and do you know why? Because for Raven, the emotion Love does not exist!"

"You. Are. Lying."

"Deny it all you like, you know she didn't mention Love when she was naming her emotions, yet she named all the others!"

Robin scowled, and then he realised something, "But she didn't mention hatred either, which is the opposite of Love!"

Rage's grin widened and the two sharp canine fangs indented her lower lips, "Hatred is part of Rage, and you should know Robin that Hate is not the opposite of Love."

"Of course it is! You either love it or you hate it! What else is there?"

"Indifference."

Robin floundered for a moment, he felt out of his depth in the conversation, "She didn't mention Indifference either" he said hotly, already knowing the answer that would come back at him.

"And what, pray tell, do you think Apathy is then?"

Robin glared.

* * *

**_Tell all your friends,_**

_**Tell all your friends,**_

_**Tell all your friends**_

* * *

****

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?"

"You bring Raven back right now!" he pointed to the floor as if to emphasise his point, "Raven can you hear me? Come back! Don't let Rage boss you about like this!"

Rage suddenly frowned; she raised her eyes to Robin, "She listens to you. How annoying." The redness in her eyes started to fade back to violet, "But it looks like I have a new toy to play with at least."

The violet eyes returned, the sharp fangs retracted and Raven started trembling uncontrollably.

"Raven?"

* * *

**_I don't want to sit here catching house flies,_**

_**Because I've seen a house under pale blue skies,**_

_**With golden fields that will burn your eyes,**_

_**So let's take a drive underneath the sun**_

* * *

****

She didn't look up. "Robin. Get me out of here."

* * *

**_But don't come around, pulling me down,  
Telling the world how I let you down,  
Just tell all your friends,  
I wanna dream with you,  
So tell all your friends and neighbours too,  
CNN, BBC, World News,  
Tell all your friends,  
I wanna dream with you  
_**


	42. Turn

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Turn' by Feeder. Reviews greatly appreciated, check out bare Grace Misery, my other Raven centric fic, I updated that as well, and I was thinking of sometime starting another story which would mainly be a Raven/Blackfire friendship thing, just to be different…what do you guys think?

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Forty-Two: Turn**

_December 19th 09:56 _

"So, how long have you been hurting yourself?" asked Robin after gathering the courage. Both he and Raven were walking slowly back to titan's tower in the morning sunlight, they had talked about a number of things, Raven had explained in great detail about her lineage and Nevermore. He felt that he understood her better now somehow. He had told her how his parents died, how he had met Batman and how he had come to be in Gotham City. In turn he had learned all about Raven's history with the girl called Alexial, the two of them had been best friends back on Azarath before Raven had fled to earth.

Raven sighed; she had known that this question was coming, "Ever since I can remember. It was customary for Azarathians to receive wounds when they succeeded at something; the pain would heighten their powers ever so slightly giving them adrenaline rushes and extra energy. When Azarathians went to war they pierced themselves with needles before they went into battle, usually the scent of their blood would confuse the enemy." She paused and watched her feet closely as they walked, "Although I didn't go to war, or succeed at anything in particular I used to watch the ceremonies from the palace balconies." She shrugged, "I didn't want to be left out and so I started cutting, I think it was different for me because I'm half human, because it hurt a lot more than I expected it too, and it didn't increase my powers. It gave me the adrenaline rush, but instead of heightening my senses it dulled down my emotions so that I didn't feel anything for a while. It made my emotional pain go away. I was….six… the first time that I tried it."

Robin didn't say anything, he wanted to say something comforting, something deep and meaningful that would make her smile, or something witty anything other than the uncomfortable silence that they had settled into, "That means you've been doing it for eleven years." he sighed, "Did becoming a titan make any difference?" He had to know.

Raven was silent for a moment, "Yes." She answered finally,

Robin smiled lightly, "Really?"

Raven slanted him a glance, "You have to understand that cutting is an addiction, I can't just stop straight away. But when I first joined the titans I was so wrapped up in what was going on around me that I didn't pick up a knife for a good eight months. When people get hurt because of me, when I loose control, or when I have nightmares, they're usually the only times that I hurt myself."

Robin nodded satisfied with her answer, "I'll help you. I'll stand by you whatever you decide. If you want to stop, I'll help, if you want to carry on, I won't be happy, but I'll support your decision."

"Robin. I can't hurt myself anymore. I only did it because of Depression. Depression is dead. Rage saw to that." Reminded Raven bluntly.

"Oh." Robin cleared his throat to cover his embarrassment as he posed his next question, "What about Love?"

**_Seeing things, going places,  
Living out of suitcases,  
Every day's like a dream,  
I find myself talking to shadows,  
Taking the train of youth,  
Back home again_**

"What about Love?" she shot back raising her eyebrow, and slowing her stride slightly.

Robin hesitated, but decided to plough onwards anyway, he couldn't bury his head in the sand about it and quite frankly it had been annoying him since they left the hospital. "Rage said that Love doesn't exist for you. Is that true?"

"Yes." She answered crisply.

Robin frowned, "How come?"

"It's none of your business."

"Raven, please tell me, I want to help you and to do that I need to know every single detail about Nevermore including the reason for the absence of Love." She didn't reply so he tried a different approach, "Did you love Aqualad?"

"No."

And that was that.

The two of them walked in complete silence for the next mile or so until Robin gathered the courage to attack the subject again.

"Have you ever loved?"

"Yes."

The conversation dried up again.

The city was beginning to come to life again; people were opening up their shops for the weekend, some were running about getting ready do some last minute shopping and some were just walking in the street wrapped up warm in thick woollen jumpers and bobble hats.

Robin was beginning to think that these people had the right idea. He was freezing in his jacket. He looked to Raven, she was wearing some clothes that he'd rushed out and bought quickly, (her own had been destroyed because of the amount of blood on them) she was wearing black jeans and a black polar neck. She looked fine.

"Are you cold Raven?"

"No."

Robin sighed.

"But thanks for asking."

Robin brightened immediately.

**_I don't want to be a hero,_**

_**But I don't want to be a zero**_

They were nearing the tower, slowly but surely and the minutes were ticking by, "So…" began Robin cautiously, "What happened to Love?"

Raven didn't reply straight away, when she did her voice was dull, and tinged with a hint of regret, though he couldn't be sure. Was regret an emotion? "Love died a long time ago."

"How old were you?"

"Eight."

"It must have hurt, losing Love like that. Did it…did it fade away like your other emotions?" Robin was afraid to ask, but he felt like he needed to know.

"No. One day it just wasn't there anymore."

They kept walking, though at some point they picked up the pace.

"Do you want me to tell the others what's happening?"

"I don't want them to know unless it's absolutely necessary." Replied Raven reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, "Then, and only then, will they be told."

Robin nodded, "Okay." He didn't like it. He didn't like it one bit, he hated keeping secrets from the titans even though he knew that it was sometimes necessary. If this was what Raven wanted then he would go along with it for now, and from this moment on he vowed to try and be a better person towards her. She needed help and besides that he had to be there with her if the demon Rage ever reappeared. He didn't know how he was ever going to explain that one to the other titans. He supposed that both Cyborg and Beast Boy would understand having already seen Raven's emotions in the flesh as it were.

The tower was becoming distinctly larger as they approached.

A cold wind whipped past them, carrying Raven's purple locks back over her shoulder in a shower of amethyst strands. Robin wanted to reach out and touch the silken hair, wanted to see how cool and soft it would be to touch for real…but he controlled the urge.

He expelled a breath in a quiet sigh.

**_And I don't wanna sit here wasting time,_**

_**I just want a place inside your mind,**_

_**I wish that I could turn the clocks right back,**_

_**It's easy to forget just what you've got**_

They paused at the door to titan's tower and they both looked awkwardly at one another. What had happened had bound them together for life; they were more than just friends now. There was something a lot deeper, a lot stronger between them, a connection shared by two minds that happened to chance upon the same situation at the same time.

Raven's cool violet eyes met Robin's masked gaze and they stared at one another for a long moment, letting the winter weather whirl around them in ice cold frenzy, letting the wind create new folds and patterns in their clothes as it changed direction.

"Are you alright?" asked Robin softly as he looked at her, even to him she seemed lost and almost hollow. Had that been what Aqualad had seen? It must be, like looking across the expanses of space and directly into a black hole, her eyes sucked everything in and he could feel her claws digging into his soul. Whatever happened now, he realised, he would not escape what was happening, and he was part of it until the day he died.

Raven nodded, "Yes." She too, knew and understood the reasons behind their actions. It wasn't just her anymore, there was someone else involved. She had to try harder, if not for her sake then for Robin's. She knew that Rage would tear him apart if she had the chance; Raven knew that Robin had put himself in a dangerous position merely by being her true friend. "Let's go in then."

Robin nodded and turned to enter the access codes, the door slid open silently and the two of them gave each other one last reassuring look before they slipped into the welcoming warmth of their home…

And were confronted by a hysterical Starfire…

**_Seeing things, going places,_**

_**Meeting all kinds of faces,**_

_**Every day's like a scene,**_

**_I find myself going through phases,_**

_**Trying to find somewhere that I can be me**_

"RAVEN! YOU ARE ALIVE!" screamed Starfire characteristically loud as she flung herself at the startled pair. Her long arms wrapped around Raven's shoulders in a massive bear hug that carried them both back several paces.

Robin stunned by the action stumbled back himself, if only to save himself from Raven's flailing arms. "What the-"

"Yes, Starfire. Thank you for mentioning the obvious. Now could you let go?" snapped Raven hostilely shooting Robin a venomous glare.

Robin as the recipient of the glare found it hard to take her seriously when she was looking at him through the gap between Starfire's ear and shoulder. He held up his hands in surrender anyway. "I'm not getting involved."

"Too bad, buddy. You're already involved." Remarked agitated Cyborg coming out of the kitchen dressed in a white apron with rubber gloves on. "We had a rather impromptu visit from Aqualad this morning." He let his gaze slide to the kitchen door, "Beast Boy hasn't recovered yet."

Raven's eyes narrowed to slits, "What?"

Robin blanched, "What about?"

Cyborg gave them a stern look, "I think you know what about. Raven." He switched his attention to her, "We found the book, and saw the blood. Why didn't you tell us what was wrong?"

In a flash Raven had whirled on Robin, "You didn't clean everything up!"

Robin scowled at her as she managed to peel Starfire off of her, and the Tamaran girl hopped backwards, tears shining in here eyes. How had it got this bad? Everyone was hurting now, and he couldn't help but feel responsible. He registered Raven's words, "You expected me to clean? I was too busy saving your life!"

**_Because I don't want to be a hero,_**

_**And I don't want to be a zero**_

Raven glared at them all, and then the unthinkable happened.

Robin saw it first and he was the only one who knew what was happening but it happened before he could even open his mouth. The Demon Rage emerged once again. Not only was this annoying and slightly disturbing, but it made him feel as if his life was in danger, and when it came down to it he severely doubted that he would be able to fight against Rage when she was still inside Raven.

The dark look entered Raven's eyes and she gave a wistful sneer and brought her hands up to her chin, gifting them all with a darkly seductive look and she fluttered her, now incredibly long, eyelashes, "Oh, silly me." She purred, "I think I've gotten the wrong idea."

Cyborg's mouth dropped open and he spluttered in disbelief, "Wha…what?"

Starfire blinked innocently with a confused expression on her face, "Friend Raven? Are you alright? You must have lost a lot of blood from your harm of the self…and you need time to grieve over your break up with Honorary Titan Aqualad."

Rage's smile curled into look of contempt, "Grieve? Over that waste of scales and skin?" she gave a dark chuckle, twisting her hair around one of her fingers, as the fingernail stretched into a talon, "I do not need time to grieve, and self harm? Whoever suggested such an idea?"

"But…we saw the blood…and the book…and…and…" protested Cyborg looking back and forth between the strangely acting Raven and the gaping white faced Robin.

Rage laughed again and moved her sleeves down exposing her pale, scarless arms, "You must have been mistaken. For you see, _I _have never had anything but love for this body." She moved her now clawed hands in front of her face and clicked the talons together slowly, the noise sounding deafening loud in the stillness of the hallway.

"What? But…." Starfire trailed off, looking around at the other occupants of the room, maybe she was looking for support, or some amount of sanity in the madness, and she looked towards her boyfriend. Robin gave her a pained look but then his gaze moved back to Raven. She felt a pang in her chest. She frowned….what was that?

Rage sneered, "Oh Starfire, how I hated you. With your pretty face and bubbly attitude, you were everything that Raven, that I, could never be." She clicked her claws together again and her eyes flashed a blood red, her hatred appearing on her face as she took a slow step forwards towards the frowning redhead. "Let's play." Without waiting for a reply from any of the people in the room, Rage's hands flooded with dark energy.

**_And I don't wanna sit here wasting time,_**

_**I just wanna play inside your mind,**_

_**I wish that I could turn the clocks back,**_

_**It's easy to forget just what you've got**_

Starfire gave a deafening shriek as she realised what was about to happen and she took flight, shooting upwards towards the unfortunately low ceiling as bolts of dark magic flew after her, crashing into the walls, melting the paper and sending shards of plaster flying in all directions. She shot back the way she had come, her eyes wide as she dodged the attacks, "I do not wish to fight you!"

"Then just stay still and let me kill you." Rage all but purred, the mocking tone to her words making it sound nothing like Raven at all, because raven never used that type of voice EVER. Dark lightning arced forwards from her open hands.

"Whoa, Raven!" cried Cyborg as he enfolded the attacking girl in his arms, trying to keep her arms down by her sides so that she couldn't attack Starfire anymore.

"Hands off!" she spat, throwing him a look that, if it had the strength to kill, would have, then reincarnated him, so that he could be killed again. A blast of energy threw him off of her, and he crashed into the opposite wall hard, his head cracking against the doorframe that led to the kitchen. He groaned as he slumped downwards, stunned, for the moment.

Rage's chest heaved and she turned back to Starfire who was back on her feet staring at Raven, or at who she thought, was Raven, "Raven! What has gotten into you?"

Robin just stood there staring between the two of them. Things had gotten so out of control, he had thought that they would have been able to keep the whole Rage thing a secret, but he guessed that he was wrong. He guessed that things were never going to be as easy as he wanted them to be.

Things were just falling apart.

They were even fighting against each other now.

**_I'm not trying to find an easy way,_**

_**Picking up the pieces of a page,**_

_**I'm looking for a place inside your mind,**_

_**Because I don't want to leave it all behind**_

Rage cackled as she flung her arms out, dark waves rippling from her body, knocking Starfire to her knees, she levitated over to the fallen Tamaran and a manic grin adorned her features, "Yes," she breathed with a hysterical air, "Kneel before me." Her eyes widened and her pupils shrank to mere pinpricks. Her breaths were coming in ragged and uneven gasps as she said the world.

"Rage."

Rage turned to look over her shoulder, her eyes even wider now, the red of her eyes visible around her tiny black pupils. An insane giggle bubbled up, "Want to join in Robin? So much power…" she inhaled, as if inviting a scent in towards her, "I can finally feel the power that Depression left joining with my own…"

Somewhere in the background, Cyborg gave a moan of pain.

Robin stared at her from behind his mask.

Her eyes narrowed suddenly, "What are you thinking Robin?" she tapped her right temple with the edge of a sharp nail, "I can't get inside your head."

"Rage. You need to stop."

"I will, once she's dead!" the demon declared, her power intensified, causing the still knelt Starfire to yelp in pain.

"This has gone on long enough." Stated Robin slowly, "Raven needs to come back out now."

Rage fluffed her hair up, and gave him a coy smile, "You sure you want that? You could have so much more fun with me. You know you could." She swivelled her body around and approached him, swaying her hips as she went, "I suspect I encourage all kinds of dark thoughts in you."

Robin didn't blink, well, even if he did, she couldn't tell. "Raven needs to come out now." He placed his hand on her shoulder, to halt her advance on him as soon as she got within distance, "Raven. I know you're in there."

Rage's manic smile returned as his hand made contact with her shoulder, "Don't you want me Robin? I know you want Raven, but I'm so much better than her. I can show things you've never even dreamed about, I can take you into the darker, more erotic parts of your mind."

Robin had the vague sense that Rage wasn't talking about platonic friendship anymore, he swallowed to cover his nervousness, why wasn't Raven responding? Surely she hadn't lost power, or something, "Raven?" he questioned tersely.

**_So come on, give in, _**

_**There's no beauty in this pain,**_

_**So come on, give in,**_

_**We've got to find ourselves again**_

Rage chuckled and reached up to stroke the side of his face, "Did you know I'm both masochistic and sadistic? Think about it, all you're wildest fantasies…there's nothing I won't do." Starfire squeaked in protest, another wave of power sent the Tamaran further into the ground.

"Raven?" Robin tried again, though the sternness in his voice seemed to be waving, dammit, he mentally kicked his inability to do nothing except stand there and repeat the same word over and over again.

A clawed finger reached up and trailed along his jaw, she could still reach even though his hand was on her shoulder, "Do you like pain with pleasure…Robin?" his name rolled off her tongue, off her sharp and poisonous tongue. When he didn't reply she grinned again, "You'll get used to it."

He let out a strangled squawk.

"I want you to scream for me." Her talon dug into his skin suddenly and ripped downwards, leaving a path of crimson along his jaw. Unexpectedly her hand suddenly stilled, her eyes flashed back to normal before they rolled up t the back of her head and her body went limp.

She slumped forwards, revealing the tear streaked face of Beast Boy. He had a frying pan clasped in his raised hand, his eyes were red from crying and his hair was dishevelled. He looked down at Raven, or rather Rage's prone form, and then looked back up to Robin. "People like that. They can turn on you."

**_I don't want to be your hero_**

Robin looked up at Beast Boy, taking in his friend's appearance and he winced, again guilt rose in him, despite his conscience telling him that not all of this was his fault. "Beast Boy…I'm sorry." His voice cracked on the last word and he looked to his feet, before he shuffled past to haul Starfire back to her feet.

Beast Boy watched them for a moment, all the happiness gone from him, "I knew Terra wasn't happy y'know. But I thought it'd blow over. I never dreamed that she would cheat on me." He looked down at Raven, "Terra warned me about this. I didn't believe her."

"What?" asked Robin raising an eyebrow as he turned around, supporting Starfire with his right arm and then moving over to Cyborg and offering his other hand, "Terra, warned you about this?"

Beast Boy nodded wearily, letting the frying pan fall from his fingers and running a hand through his emerald hair, "She told me that Raven was being funny with her, darker, colder and evil. But I shrugged it off, yelled at her for even saying that. I guess I wanted to believe that Raven would never be like that again. She was scary enough when she faced Doctor Light; I thought we'd sorted it. But…"

"Seeing is believing, as they say here." Put in Starfire grimly, "What is going on Robin?"

Robin pulled Cyborg to his feet and shook his head, "I'm not even sure. I know parts…"

"I think you had better tell us those parts." Suggested Cyborg, holding his head in his hands and wincing in discomfort as he leaned against the slightly destroyed wall for his support.

Robin nodded.

**_And I don't wanna sit here wasting time,_**

_**I just wanna play inside your mind,**_

_**I wish that I could turn the clocks back,**_

_**It's easy to forget just what you've got**_

* * *

Later, after the others had all been briefed on what was going on the four of them were sat around the kitchen table in silence. No one really knew what to say, no one knew how to act. Things were going downhill fast for them, first Raven tried to kill herself, then Terra had cheated on Beast Boy with Aqualad and then had left the titans as soon as BB had found out, then Raven had been possessed by the rogue emotion Rage who was determined to have Raven's body for herself. Rage's goals consisted of killing Starfire, seducing Robin and numerous other things, Azarath had died leaving her without a home, multiple emotions had faded or been taken away from existence, there was a new villain by the name of The Dread Macaw (which was a really bad name in Cyborg's opinion) and Slade was back on the streets. Oh, and it was six days until Christmas. Could things possibly get any worse?

Just what was going on in everyone's heads at the moment?

Cyborg had a headache, understandable, so he wasn't thinking much except about how slow the aspirins were.

Starfire was sad, unusual for her, but it did happen, she was confused and shocked about what was happening. Her friends were falling apart at the seams and she couldn't seem to do anything about it.

Beast Boy was hurt, and in the process of grieving. Her mind full of thoughts that he neither asked for nor wanted, but there was little he could do about it. He was as much in control here as a chicken was in a slaughter house.

Robin was trembling, visibly trembling in fear and…something else. Excitement? He didn't know. But what he did know was that he did NOT need this right now. Everything was so much easier before all of this had started happening. Maybe it would be easier if he went to sleep and never woke up….NO! He couldn't believe he'd just thought that, he sighed dejectedly. Everything was slipping through his fingers…

**_I'm not trying to find an easy way,_**

_**Picking up the pieces of a page,**_

_**I'm looking for a place inside your mind,**_

_**Because I don't want to leave it all behind**_


	43. Bound

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Bound' by Disturbed

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Forty-Three: Bound**

_December 20th 11:45_

"Is she awake yet?" asked Cyborg tiredly as he ran a hand over his face and knocked back a glass of orange juice.

"No." answered Starfire worriedly, biting her lower lip nervously, "It is not normal, she should have waken up by now." She looked around at her friends and they just stared back at her, because no one knew what they should be doing in a situation like the one that they were faced with. "Should we do something?"

"I didn't mean to hit her that hard." Mumbled Beast Boy scratching his hands, looking downwards to the floor from where he sat at the kitchen table. "I just wanted to stop her, y'know?"

Robin sighed, "I know. If you hadn't have knocked her out, who knows where we would be now." He steadied his hand on his palm as he leaned his elbow against the table, "I don't know if we should do something. I worried. What if something's going wrong? It's been twenty-four hours." He blinked slowly, "It's too early in the morning to be dealing with this."

"It's nearly midday." Put in Starfire helpfully as she drifted back and forth around the kitchen. It still made her nervous to be in their, it had only been yesterday morning that she had come down to find the place covered with blood. It had not been a nice way to wake up at all. "Friend Raven needs help." She decided laying her hand on the side of the cooker, "Can we not do something?"

There was absolute silence for thirty seconds and then…

"Well…" began Beast Boy hesitantly, "We could always go into Nevermore and see what's happening." He clenched his hands into fists, "I mean, we shouldn't letter suffer on her own, if there's something we can do…me and Cyborg, we've been there before…"

"That's right. You have." Nodded Robin looking around at them all carefully, "But how do we know that going into her mind won't just do more damage, you know what's going on, her emotions are dying it could have changed."

"I hear you Rob," began Cyborg, tossing his glass into the sink, "But I don't think that I can just stand here and hope that she makes it out alright. After all you said it yourself, its been nearly a whole day," he looked at his watch, "In fact its been just over twenty four hours now since she blacked out. I think something's wrong. Shouldn't we even try to help?"

"We should!" declared Starfire suddenly, "Even though that thing, that demon inside of her wants to kill me, I won't let it kill Raven. Raven is my friend and I love her!"

Robin looked at the three determined faces of his teammates before him and he knew that by arguing he would be fighting a losing a battle. Perhaps if they could stop Rage in Raven's mind today then things could get better, not go back to normal, he knew that was out of the question now, but things could start to improve. At least, he hoped they could. Sighing he nodded glumly, "If you all think it's for the best, we'll go into Nevermore and sort this out. Raven may not even want out help. But the least we can do is try."

"Glorious!" cried Starfire, "Tell me, how do we get to this 'Nevermore'?"

Cyborg and Beast Boy exchanged knowing glances, "The mirror." The said simultaneously.

Robin nodded too, he knew the mirror was a portal, Raven had told him, but he had no idea how to use it. He pushed his chair back, ignoring the horrible screeching sounds it made against the floor and stood, "Right, let's go."

**_Ready, darkness cover me,_**

_**I'm not ready to die girl,**_

_**Because of what you don't tell me,**_

_**I'm not ready to walk inside where you're taking me**_

* * *

****

Robin stared down at the mirror he held in his hands. "Now what?" he asked the others who were gathered tightly around him in the gloom of Raven's room. He cast a glance towards her still form that lay tangled in the dark sheets on the bed.

"Umm…." Began Beast Boy frowning, "Poke your face?"

Robin's eyebrow rose, "What?" he demanded.

Beast Boy rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Well, last time I was just y'know, admiring myself in the mirror, poking my face, checking for zits and this huge hand, just sorta came out and grabbed me."

"I see."

Robin gave a long suffering sigh and brought his hand up to poke warily at his face. When, after a few moments nothing had happened, he shoved the mirror into the changeling's hands.

"Dude, what?"

"You do it. You seem to know how." Shrugged Robin crossing his arms and waiting patiently, he was aware of Starfire hovering around behind him, and he resisted the urge to tell her to put her feet on the floor, now was not the time to get snappy at his friends.

Beast Boy shrugged, and then looked to Cyborg, "Okay." He muttered out of the corner of his mouth, he brought the mirror up and tentatively poked at his cheek. Within seconds two pairs of slit red eyes showed up and narrowed dangerously. "I told you it would work!" he shrieked as he dropped the mirror in surprise. It landed on the dark carpet with a dull thud, and gave off an eerie light.

The light burst upwards like a geyser, taking the form of a clawed hand, the hand opened and darted towards Beast Boy, wrapping it's talons around him and tugging him back towards the mirror.

It happened so fast Robin didn't even have time to realise what was happening before Beast Boy's hand wrapped around his wrist and he felt himself jerked roughly into the air, his own arms flailed, catching around Starfire's ankle, who in turn shrieked and grabbed onto Cyborg, and then suddenly the claw gave an almighty tug and all of them vanished into the mirror.

**_I'm not ready to die girl,_**

_**Because of what you don't tell me,**_

_**I'm not willing to compromise,**_

_**The man I want to be**_

* * *

****

The first thing Robin noticed about the vortex was that it was hot. Not hot as in when you turned the heating up too high, but hot as in the air that rushed into your face when you opened the oven. It was sweltering.

All around him, lines of black and red twisted and turned in spirals and rings, pulling him in different directions every couple of seconds. He was tossed upside down, left, right and his stomach was beginning to protest.

He caught flashes of his friends as they tumbled and fell and screamed around him but he couldn't seem to reach out to them, his body was heavy as it fell, like weights had been attached to his arms and legs. It was out of his control.

Sweat beaded down his brow as he struggled to keep his eyes open, it was making him feel drowsy and sick at the same time, not a good combination. The heat was burning him, sticking to him like a sheet of pure discomfort.

Suddenly there was a blast of cold air, a tug across his shoulder blades and the next thing he knew a dark slab of uncompromising rock was rushing up to meet him.

He landed with great indignity on his back, with his legs sticking straight up, he managed to roll quickly out of the way, as Cyborg and Beast Boy crashed into where he had just been in a mass of metal and green limbs.

Starfire screeched to a stop about a millimetre from the ground, a thin film of sweat along her forehead, she wiped it away with the back of her hand and then gently alighted upon the ground, surveying the gloomy place around her.

**_Do you think you're a little bit closer?_**

_**To changing me?**_

_**You're never winning me over,**_

_**You're wasting time**_

Robin looked around, his face paling as his eyes took in the landscape before him. This was Raven's mind? It looked like an embodiment of Dante's hell. The sky was pitch black, no stars visible, except for the blinking and flashing of turning red rocks that glittered like freshly spilled blood. Long shadows stretched over the barren rocky wasteland that formed a twisting and turning pathway that continued downwards as far as they eye could see, until it was swallowed up by the dark.

Trees with rotting branches that curled out like fingers and hands flanked the pathway, broken bits of rubble and bones left over from god-knows-what littered the roots and the edges of the trees, if that's what they could be called.

Robin looked back to Cyborg and Beast Boy, "Is this what it was like last time?"

"Pretty much." Shrugged Cyborg, "Only there were more stars."

"And not as many bones." Muttered Beast Boy turning a sickly shade of grey.

**_Leave me be_**

* * *

"So." Stated Robin as the four of them began to make their way down the path, he shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to ignore how quiet and still it was in Nevermore, "Anyone know where we're going?"

Cyborg looked around, "Last time, there were some creepy birds that attacked us, and when we'd finished driving them off, we saw Raven's happiness." He shrugged, "I don't think that'll happen this time though." He pointed to the crooked archway, just visible ahead of them, "My guess is we go there. That leads to the lighter part of her mind."

"Creepy birds?" whimpered Starfire looking around and hugging herself, "I hope we do not get attacked by those creepy birds. They do not sound nice."

The four of them continued on their way, being careful not to disturb any of the rocks, or bones that were currently underfoot. The archway came gradually closer, but as it did so, a sense of dread settled over the party quietly, like a cloud of oppression that none of them were eager to voice.

Starfire shivered, "I do not like this place Robin."

'_What a shame.'_

_'What a shame.'_

_'A shame.'_

_'A shame._

_'Shame.'_

Raven's voice, or was it really? It could have been Rage's or one of the other's, echoed around them quietly, but the voice sounded anything but disappointed. In fact, it almost sounded happy, teasing.

Starfire latched onto Robin's arm tightly, ignoring the odd look he gave her. She snuggled into his shoulder, "I am afraid."

"Don't worry Star." Robin murmured distractedly as they kept moving towards the archway, "I'll protect you."

A sudden clamour of crows taking flight silenced the group.

**_I'm not ready to die girl,_**

_**Because of what you don't tell me,**_

_**I'm never going to tow the line of your conformity**_

They passed through the archway, finally, after Beast Boy commented that it was farther away that he remembered and they all looked around, taking in the difference, or lack thereof, of appearance. The field was dark and windy, shadows hung where there was no objects to create them, stretching towards the group like black ghosts. Grass rustled as they walked, sounding dry and dead through they could see it was dark green and lush despite the dark.

The sky was pitch black, covered with wispy grey clouds that may or may not have been blocking out a life-source. Dead leaves and chunks of disturbed earth floating past them serenely, moving at a different pace to the breeze.

"This is the lighter side of Raven's mind?" exclaimed Robin incredulously. "It's barely changed from where we were before!"

"Hey last time, it was sunny valley with floating strawberries!" protested Beast Boy ignoring the raised eyebrows he got in response, the night hid his blush, "Well, it was."

Robin shook his head, Starfire still attached to his arm, "What do we do now then?"

'_Leave.'_

_'You need to leave.'_

_'Leave now.'_

_'Leave.'_

The voice was more serious this time, more demanding.

"That is seriously starting to freak me out." Remarked Beast Boy, "But, whatever. We can't leave now anyway. The only way to leave is to keep going forward to the last gateway, and seeing as we're going that way anyway…HA! Stupid voice, you should've known that." Mentally Beast Boy was doing this: 'Boo-Yah, BB- 1, ScaryVoice– 0!'

_'You MUST leave.'_

The voice practically howled the words and as it did, the wind picked up, blowing their hair and clothes n all different directions, blinding them in the darkness, pushing them back with its ferocity.

**_I'm not ready to die girl,_**

_**Because of what you don't tell me,**_

_**I'm not ready to leave the realm of anonymity**_

Robin gritted his teeth against the wind, and motioned to the others to follow his leave, shielding his eyes with his arm he pushed himself forwards against the wind, begging his muscles to take the strain as he made, progress. It was slow progress, but at least it was progress. That was better than standing still and a lot better than being forced backwards by a voice with no body.

He forced himself to ignore the horrid sensation of bones cracking beneath his feet, and the lashes of pain that hit him as his own cloak was blown against his legs like a whip, cracking against his shins and ankles as it got caught in the devilish wind.

"C'mon." he told himself, "It's not far until the next archway." And it was true; he could make it out, barely, through the haze of dirt and wind, before him. He estimated it would take about five to ten minutes for him to reach it at his current rate.

"ROBIN!" screamed Starfire over the howling wind.

A shadow fell over him, and he looked up, surprised but relieved to see Beast Boy now in his Tyrannosaurus Rex form looking down at him. Perched on his green back was Starfire and Cyborg.

"Climb up Rob!" Cyborg yelled down, leaning forwards and offering his hand to the boy wonder.

Robin grasped the extended hand and pulled himself up.

**_Do you think you're a little bit closer?_**

_**To changing me?**_

_**You're never winning me over,**_

_**You're wasting time**_

On top of Beast Boy the journey took less than a few seconds, his huge scaled green feet making fast work over the dark and grassy ground, his reptilian head, facing downwards to ward off of the wind which seemed to shriek with renewed vigour.

They made it to the archway and passed under it.

Complete silence met them on the other side.

Robin, Starfire and Cyborg looked up as Beast Boy stopped dead in his tracks. They peered over his green head at what he was looking at and they all gasped in horror at the same time.

There, in front of them was a huge black slab of broken wall, washed with blood and grime. At the top of the wall there were two thick chains, rusted and covered with ice they hung stiffly down the edges, with metal shackles at their ends.

Chained to the wall, using said Shackles was Raven's (the real Raven) body. The metal clips were tight enough to draw blood where they dug into her skin, and her body dangled uselessly against the chipped surface. Her head was hanging to one side, her neck clawed and scratched and her eyes were open, but they were unseeing. Like pools of blackness and emptiness.

"Raven!" shouted Cyborg, but there was no response, she just hung there like a discarded doll.

**_Get away from me_**

Starfire shrieked again and buried her face in Robin's chest as Beast Boy snorted, steam erupting from his flared nostrils, "Robin." She whimpered as she clung to him, "I do not like this. Let us hurry and free her. I am afraid."

"You should be." Snarled a sickeningly familiar voice.

Rage descended from the dark sky, in all her glory, the double pair of slit red eyes narrowed manically, her scarlet robe flowing around her, her long claws covered in blood.

Robin, Cyborg, Beast Boy and Starfire stared at her.

She sneered back, "Come to play have you?"

**_Do you think you're a little bit closer?_**

_**To changing me?**_

_**You're never winning me over,**_

_**You're wasting time**_


	44. Violence Fetish

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Violence Fetish' By Disturbed.

**This chapter is dedicated to ****_Acastus of Thessaly_ for the most inspirational reviews of the month!**

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Forty-Four: Violence Fetish**

_December 20th 13:14 Nevermore_

"Come to play have you?" Rage repeated, her sneer stretching to show two rows of needle sharp teeth, "You know you can't win. You know that eventually, sooner rather than later I will destroy Raven and then I, Rage, will take her place."

"You can't do that! We won't let you!" shouted Cyborg swinging his laser cannon around to aim at her.

"Tut, tut." She shook a clawed finger at him, pushing him back with a wave of her hand. "The clock is already ticking. Tick tock. Tick tock." She raised her hands above her head and gave a little twirl, almost as if she were dancing. Trickles of her magic billowed out around her, veins of red and black in the darkness that glittered and flashed and writhed as if it had a life of its own.

"You're insane!" yelled Robin as he jumped down off Beast Boy's back, just as Starfire finally let go of him and took flight, her eyes darting back and forth to the unconscious Raven and the dancing Rage.

Beast Boy melted back into his usual form, his face stricken with confusion and fear. He seemed to be debated something, he bit his lip, then decision made he made a leap for the shackled Raven, only to draw up short when a wall of crackling magic slammed down, barely missing his face. With a yelp he stumbled back and whirled around to face Rage, "What did you do to her?" he demanded.

Rage laughed, giving an elaborate twist in the air, swinging her fingers back and forth, "Nothing that she doesn't deserve." The wall of magic dissipated and she laughed again, "But you can't help her. What happens to her know, is up to her. Secretly she longs for death, it's not a conscious longing but its there nonetheless and so she is incapable of waking up." She lowered herself to the ground, her dark red boots touching the flat rock silently.

Robin found it amazing that such a threat to his life as he knew it was still as small and insignificant if you thought about it terms of actual size. She was the second shortest of the group, yet she seemed to be giving them the most trouble. He fist shook slightly, where it was held at his side, "You know that's not true." He said quietly, "She can't long for death."

Rage glided backwards slightly, the grin never leaving her face, "Oh I suppose in a roundabout way, you must be correct. After all, depression is dead now. Let me reiterate. The real Raven has succumbed to the feelings of her remaining emotions, the one's too weak of will to try and take control. Namely, Bravery and Determination. Apathy and Intellect of course are still clinging to the edges of existence, after all, they are two of the most powerful emotions in Nevermore, but they never held much importance in physical appearances, often opting to wander around in the atmosphere."

"Say what?" asked Cyborg, never letting his laser's lock-on-target feature leave Rage's body.

Rage sighed dramatically, "Must I spell everything out to you? Of course I must, none of you ever understood her." Ignoring the protests of the group she continued, her red eyes flashing at regular intervals as she continued her elegant one woman dance, "Raven feels overwhelmed by Determination and Bravery. Which, I suppose you can take to mean that she's determined to be brave. Her intellect is telling her that being brave is perhaps not the smartest thing to do, can you blame her? So apathy has provided the answer. Raven is now determined not to care, by doing so she is being brave and leaving herself open to attack, intellect is too confused to do much good. So you see, it's her own fault she's in that state. I merely had to tip the scale."

"Huh?" gaped Beast Boy scratching his head and looking to the others, "What does that mean?"

Rage sneered nastily, her magical tendrils snaking forward towards the changeling unnoticed until they curled about his ankles, effectively holding him in place, "It means that Raven has resigned herself to death. Because she doesn't know what to do."

* * *

**_Bring the violence,_**

_**It's significant,**_

_**To the life,**_

_**If you've ever known anyone**_

* * *

****

Robin's blood had turned to ice in his veins, what Rage said, it couldn't be true, could it? It couldn't possibly be true. How could Raven just give up? She was stronger than that. His fists tightened so that his knuckles turned white and his brows furrowed into a frown. "No." he growled out, between clenched teeth.

Both his teammates and Rage turned to look at him.

Rage raised an eyebrow, "No? No what?"

"I refuse to believe that Raven would have given up so easily."

Rage leaned forwards and clasped her hands behind her back, "You sure? Hmm. Believe what you want. You're in no real position to find out are you?" she slid forwards slightly, effortlessly, having abandoned her dancing in favour of something that looked much like she was ice-skating. Seeing their confused faces, and Robin's anger she turned, spraying flashes of magic in their direction with her boots, "This world, Nevermore, with Raven incapacitated as she is, and the other emotions too weak willed to stand up to me, well, let's just stay I am in control. Anything I want can happen, I can do nothing. You're in my territory now. You are all under my control."

"You are lying!" yelled Starfire unexpectedly, firing a fluorescent green starbolt at Rage, the green light lit up the area with blinding intensity for a moment, before it was swallowed by a sudden flash of red. "H…how?" she demanded shakily, no one had ever just crushed the power out of a starbolt without even raising a hand before.

"Weren't you listening?" sang Rage gleefully, "This is my world, the rules of physics and every other law inducing theory does not apply here. I can do whatever I like. You are powerless to stop me. By coming here…you have walked right into my trap."

"Trap?" Robin's face flushed with anger, this had all been a trap, to get them there? Argh! They had walked straight into as well, blinded by the wish to help Raven. Damn. "What do you mean trap? What kind of trap?" out of the corner of his eye, he saw the tendrils wrapped around Beast Boy suddenly jerk the feet out from under the changeling.

Beast Boy hit the ground hard, and was dragged along the ground quickly, the vines thickening and tightening with each inch they moved. A shower of starbolts lit the area with flashes, each extinguished as easy as the last. Walls of crackling magic rose up from the rock, thinning and separating into bars that crossed and latched against each other.

Robin stared as what looked like a cage formed around his friend. Cyborg's cannon finally went off, the blue light arcing towards Rage in rapid fire. The demoness merely grinned and side stepped out of the way, flinging her hand up, sending Cyborg flying backwards in a cloud of dust.

"This type of trap." She purred as the cage finished its creation, sitting tightly around the bound and stunned Beast Boy. His brow furrowed as he willed the change. His shape grew, but with it so too did the cage, with frightening speed, his form shrank, so too did the cage. In despair he looked to his friends. He threw himself at the side of the cage, and then leapt back yowling like a wounded cat when his skin blistered and burned on contact with the sizzling bars. Rage watched this with half lidded eyes, a cruel smile curling onto her features, "That's one of you down. Three to go." She clicked her fingers and the tendrils of magic released Beast Boy, but even without them holding him back he could not get through the magic. "Who's next? Roll up, roll up!"

**_Bring the violence,_**

_**It's significant,**_

_**To the life,**_

_**Can you feel it?**_

* * *

****

"Whoa." Breathed Cyborg looking at the caged Beast Boy, "How did she do that? Raven can't even do that!"

Rage stepped backwards into the air, and then sat, hovering gently on the still breeze, "Well, I never said I was Raven, did I? I'm something different entirely." Her cloak fluttered behind her, "I'm much more powerful than she could be."

"Liar!" screeched Starfire, "Friend Robin told us what Raven told him! If you truly are more powerful then you would have taken control already! But still you are here!"

Rage's gaze slid to Starfire and turned murderous, "You dare to question my power? I should take that as a challenge should I?" she raised her eyes to the sky and then looked around at the three of them, ignoring the caged changeling. "When I have caught you all, you shall be the first to die."

Robin lunged forwards as he saw the magic drift quietly behind the floating Starfire, "Star!" he shouted, "Behind you!" he leapt at Rage, drawing his staff from his utility belt, pressing the button so that it extended to its full length. He swung at her shoulder, intent on knocking her off course, but it didn't exactly go that way.

Rage's hand shot out, closing around his wrist and yanking him forwards so he was the one who lost his balance, and then she kicked him in the small of his back as he stumbled past. That confirmed that she was separating from Raven even now, because Raven had never been big on physical combat, yet Rage had nearly levelled him in one blow.

Starfire dived downwards, starbolts flashing out in every direction as she strove to get herself away from the magic, she didn't know what else to do, physical strength wouldn't work against magic, and seeing as everything else seemed to be void, well, Starfire's fight seemed relatively redundant.

Two blasts from Cyborg's canon laser sent Rage spiralling backwards through the air, having caught her off guard when she was busy toying with Starfire. Rage hissed in anger, her four eyes narrowing in distaste. "How dare you?" she screeched at him, flinging her arms out in retaliation so that bolts of red and black rained down from the sky.

Cyborg grunted as the magical attacks hit him, and he jumped out of the way, swinging his fist in Rage's direction, only to have her teleport away just as he reached the spot where she was standing. "What the-" he started before the ground turned to liquid beneath his feet.

Rage cackled in the background, "My territory, my rules!" she reminded, as Cyborg sank in the sticky ground.

The liquid rose up to his waist and then increased rapidly upwards, unheeding of his flailing limbs and struggling. It was thick, like mud, yet it moved and swelled like water in a puddle, glimmering slightly, belying the fact that it was wet and not dry.

Starfire shot forwards, wrapping her hands around Cyborg's wrist and heaving as hard as she could backwards, trying to dislodge her friend from the dark ground.

"Starfire!"

Star heard Robin's shout just seconds before she was wrenched back painfully, as something ice cold latched around her waist, jerking her away from Cyborg, just as her friend disappeared up to his neck. She gave a scream as she flew backwards, propelled by Rage's magic until she crashed into Robin who had been running towards them. Together the two of them tangled into a mass of limbs that rolled across the jagged round, until they came to rest against one of the dark and towering trees.

"Urgh…" muttered Robin grabbing the side of his head as he tried to extricate himself from Starfire. He looked across to Cyborg, and thankfully the ground had not passed over his head, instead just settling underneath his chin, locking him securely in place, but not killing him. Robin closed his eyes, willing the pounding head in his head to cease, so that he was steady enough to get back to his feet. There had to be something wrong with the gravity of this place, he was having difficulty breathing and with each step he took, he felt light headed.

"GET UP!" screamed Beast Boy suddenly from the other side of the plane, "MOVE!"

**_How do sleep at night?_**

_**When you live with your lies,**_

_**Out of your mouth,**_

_**Up from your mind**_

* * *

****

Robin felt Starfire push him backwards as something struck at where he had been sitting. He heard Star's pained shout as she only just managed to evade the attack, though she acquired a thin red line of blood along her left cheek, where Rage's claw had passed.

Robin rolled to his left and the vaulted up, turning around quickly, staff at the ready. He lunged towards Rage who looked outraged that her attack had failed to hit its mark. But that confused him even more, he didn't think that Rage had wanted to kill him, but maybe he had been a fool to underestimate her. He swung his staff, catching her on the shoulder, but before he could follow through, his staff was wrenched from his grip and thrown away.

He heard it clatter to the ground. But looking around, he knew he had no hope of finding it soon. He turned around, eyes widening when Starfire suddenly crashed into him and both of them flew backwards again. Robin felt his back crack painfully against the ground, and he hissed through his teeth as he scrambled up. He dragged Starfire up and placed himself in front of her, staring at Rage in pure, unadulterated anguish.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because you're getting in the way!" Rage snapped, "But that's okay. You won't be in the way much longer." She thrust out a glowing hand and behind him, Starfire rose off of the ground against her will.

He tried to grab onto the redhead's ankle but she was lifted too far out of reach too quickly and his hand closed around the air.

"LET GO!" yelled Starfire, struggling against the magic bonds that wrapped themselves around her arms and legs, stopping her from making too much of an effort.

"Now why would I want to do that?" Rage mused out loud clicking her fingers. Starfire had no control whatsoever as her body was slammed against the thick rotting trucks of one of the trees. As her skin made contact with the back, the vines and dying leaves that littered the branches and roots, curled around the girl's limbs, effectively holding her in place. "Stay there." She ordered, as she clicked her fingers again, sending the Tamaran princess further back into the tree, so that the bugs and all manner of monsters that lived in its dead flesh crawled out through the holes and cracks and swarmed over the frozen girl.

Robin stared in horror as the tiny beasts covered his girlfriend's form completely, blocking her from view. He let his gaze slide to Cyborg, still encased in the ground, and Beast Boy trapped in the ever changing cage. He looked back to Rage.

The wind stilled as the two of them stared each other, and their cape's stopped moving and fell like sheets of colour behind them. Rage's hand found her hip and she stared at him coolly, "Just you and me now. Odds aren't in your favour."

Robin glowered at her, for stating the painfully obvious, how was he supposed to fight against the demon Rage without his teammates. She was right, odds weren't in his favour, and the likelihood of them getting out of there alive was small indeed. "We'll see what happens." He said just as calmly. That's it; he told himself, bluff your way out of this. Sound as if you know what you're doing. Maybe she'll get scared…ha. Unlikely.

Rage looked at him peculiarly, "Very unlikely." She confirmed, tilting her head to the side.

Robin's jaw dropped, "What? How did…did you just…you knew….oh." Damn her gift and natural aptitude for telepathy. His face flushed, and he ducked his head to hide his embarrassment. How could he have forgotten that she could read minds? The colour drained from his face faster than light itself at the revelation that hit him, did that mean that Raven could have heard any of the thoughts he had indulged in to compare her to Starfire. His palms felt suddenly sweaty.

**_That kind of thinking starts a chain reaction,_**

_**You're a time bomb ticking away,**_

_**You need to release,**_

_**What you're feeling inside**_

* * *

****

"So then." Rage started, jerking Robin from his troubled thoughts, "As much as I hate to break up your internal torment, and I do believe me, I'm going to offer you two choices. Just to see what you would choose. Fun." She drummed her fingers together and smiled, "So, do you want to live or die?" he opened his mouth to answer, but she cut him off, "I haven't told you what each entails. Living means that you will have to endure the rest of eternity as my personal slave, bending to my will and my wishes, unless of course you can prove yourself worthy, in which case we will rule the world together, side by side, Robin and Rage. Nice to ring to it, eh?" she grinned, "Or you can choose death, which leaves you to watch your friend's die one by one and then you get to be subjected to the most painfully slow demise ever to be tried on a human being. Even after that, I'll make it so that you're soul is damned to wander Nevermore until the end of time."

Robin's heart raced inside his chest, it was a wonder Rage couldn't hear it, he could barely hear himself think. That was really no choice, was it? It was surrender or not. The game hadn't changed at all; she was just pretending it had by putting a new spin on the outcome. He cleared his throat, bringing her attention back to him.

"Decided already?" she crowed, "A or B?"

Robin grimaced at her voice, with each word it was changing into something that didn't sound like Raven at all, "I choose option C."

"C?" she frowned at him.

He nodded firmly, "I'll defeat you, save my friends, save Raven and then get out of here."

She gave a snort of laughter, "Well, aren't you overly optimistic."

He took a step backwards, retrieving another staff from his utility belt, he was glad really that he always carried a spare; it really helped in time like this. He pressed the button and watched as it extended in a silent whoosh. Planting his feet in a solid stance he gripped the staff like a sword and narrowed his eyes at Rage, "Maybe I am optimistic, but I won't let you hurt my friends." His grip tightened, "Especially Raven."

Rage's face darkened immediately and she gave a snarl, "You think you can beat me?" she demanded, drawing back her hands into an offensive position, magic crackling along her fingers as she flexed her claws, "You're braver than I thought."

* * *

**_Let out the beast that you're trying to hide_**

Far across the other side of the plane, Raven's closed eye twitched ever so slightly.

**_Step right up and be part of the action_**

* * *

****

The two of them eyed each other up warily across the distance. Robin's hands itched against the cold metal of his staff, and his eyes flickered across Rage's body, trying to pick out unprotected area, she seemed to be leaving her back open, natural, he supposed, because she was facing him.

With a howling scream of a cry Rage threw herself at Robin.

Robin gave a war cry of his own and charged at Rage, his boots thudding against the ground in a steady rhythmic pattern that slowly gathered speed as he approached her. He swung his staff back, and then around again as they came within striking distance. Rage's attack landed first, the blistering icy coldness of her magic driving into his gut and winding him, but he sucked in a lungful of air and continued his attack. His staff struck her arm, unbalancing her, and before she could regain her footing he delivered a roundhouse kick to her side.

She snarled at him again, though the sound sounded much more threatening this time, and it echoed slightly, distracting him just enough for her to rake her claws down his face, creating three thin lines of red down the right side of his face. He jerked backwards, bringing a hand to his stinging cheek, his eyes narrowing when his fingers came back damp with his own blood.

He swung his fist to the right, anticipating that she would feint to the left, when she did, he snap kicked her in the stomach, sending her backwards quickly. Her foot caught on one o the many jagged rocks that she had decorated the land with and she went down hard.

With a roar she launched herself at him, eyes darker than the fire of hell, claws out stretched, "You will NOT win against me!" she swung at him, and he dodged quickly, smacking her in the lower back with his staff. She whipped around, catching him unaware, not ready for such a brutal counter attack and sent his spinning to the left, a deep gash opening up in his shoulder.

"Wanna bet?" he asked calmly, before he jumped out of her way, leapt into the air, spun and threw several bird-a-rangs in her direction. The flying blades cut into her cloak, opening up rips in the fabric. She paused momentarily in surprise and then the staff hit her with great accuracy in the side of the head.

The blow sent her crashing to the ground amidst Beast Boy's ecstatic whooping from the background. Rage's eyes narrowed further, until they were just lines of glowing crimson set in her ashen face. She gave an almighty shriek and the billowing wind that had been apparent in the earlier quadrants of Nevermore came back with fearful vengeance. "I WILL NOT BE SO EASILY DEFEATED!" she screamed at him, forcing herself up into the air on her magic, disbelief and anger written all over her face. "YOU WILL FEAR MY WRATH!" her magic burst into a column around her in the blink of an eye, a towering inferno of dark red and pitch black flames that licked at each other and burned the air, while chilling it at the same time. Steam started swirling upwards from her feet, aiding the wind and the magic. Her arms spread wide in an attempt to gather it all to her hands.

* * *

_**Get your game face on,**_

_**Because it's time to play**_

Raven's violet eyes snapped open in surprise.

**_You're pushing and fighting your way,_**

_**You're ripping it up**_

* * *

****

"Oh my G-" started Robin as he stared at what was happening in front of him, before he could finish converting the thought into words however, he felt a cold clammy hand grab onto the back of his collar and haul him backwards.

Surprised he flailed his arms slightly and tried to turn around, the person who was holding him did not let him; the angle was too difficult to manoeuvre. He caught a flash of dark green out of the corner of his eye. He looked back to Rage; she was too busy gathering her power to notice he was being dragged away from her.

"What are you doing?" he hissed at his saviour.

"Quiet." Snapped the voice.

Robin's eyes widened in shock, the voice was Raven's.

He twisted his body violently to see what was happening and at the same time, he was dumped unceremoniously upon the floor in front of the brick wall. He put his hands out to stop his fall, and he felt his staff fall from his grip and clatter to the floor. He took a deep breath, his lungs aching from the exertion he had just forced himself through when he was fighting and he tilted his head upwards. Had it not been for the fact that he had been told about Raven's remaining emotions, he supposed he would be very startled to see what was going on before him.

Raven was still hanging from the wall, looking worse for wear, but she was being assisted by another version of herself, only this one was dressed in a muddy brown coloured cape, and she had short choppy dark brown hair. She was fiddling at the shackles that held Raven with a determined expression on her face.

Robin jerked his head back to look behind him. A green cloaked Raven was stood by his shoulder, her hands on her hips, her emerald green hair dancing in front of her eyes as she looked down at him and smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry." She said, "We know what to do."

"You do!"

Raven's violet eyes landed on him and she stared hollowly at him, "We're going to tie Rage to this wall. She won't be able to free herself without help. No one here is going to help her. Determination and Bravery dislike what she's doing."

Determination nodded resolutely as the first shackles finally clicked and fell away, "She's getting too bossy for her own good."

Raven raised her head and looked across at the trapped titans and then she looked back down to Robin and Bravery, "Go and free the others." She commanded softly, flexing her free hand rapidly.

Bravery gave a mock salute, tossing her cape over her shoulder, "Loud and clear Captain!" she grinned and then bounded off with incredible speed towards Beast Boy, her feet barely touching the floor.

Robin nodded up at the gothic witch, "Good luck Raven." He said quietly before he ran towards Starfire, picking up his staff along the way.

**_How do you live without playing the game?_**

_**Sit on the side and expect to keep sane,**_

_**Step right up and be a part of the action,**_

_**Come and get a piece of it before it's too late**_

* * *

****

"HYA!" Bravery's hand cut through Rage's magic like a heated knife through butter, dark green energy dispelling the red wires that held the changeling in place. As he tumbled out, free from his confines, onto the ground, she held her hand down and hauled him up when he took it, "Ain't seen you in a while!" she declared, "You gonna help us take her down?"

"Huh?" said Beast Boy dazedly looking across to Rage, who was still gathering her power, and then back across to Robin who was pulling the bugs away from Starfire and then finally to the wall where Determination was freeing Raven, "Whoa, but I thought that…how did you…" he pointed, "Never mind." He concluded, "It can wait. What's the plan?"

Bravery grinned, "We're gonna catch her off guard before she's finished gathering all her power, which will take a while, _believe _me, and then we're gonna chain her to the wall."

Beast Boy scowled, "I thought we were gonna get rid of her, not tie to her to a stupid wall."

"You mean kill her?"

Beast Boy shrugged. "I don't know."

Bravery shrugged, "If we kill her, we will take away Raven's anger. She would never feel anger again. She would be…incomplete."

"Hang on a second!" he waved his arms, "What about all her other emotions, aren't they dead? What about them?"

Bravery shook her head, "Only if an emotion is killed by another emotion can it be truly classed as dead and not return. The others have all faded or opted to fade instead of being hunted down. Depression was the only emotion killed out right by Rage. But I think Raven can live without being depressed."

Beast Boy nodded, "Okay. I think I get it." He gifted her with a charming smile, "Okay, let's go and kick her ass!"

Bravery grinned again, "Right on! Let's go!"

**_You can't deny what you see,_**

_**We're living in a violent society**_

* * *

****

The second shackle clicked open.

Determination stood back with a triumphant grin, "Done!" she helped Raven down from the wall, and the gothic witch touched down to the ground gently. "You sure you're ready to do this? You know the wall won't hold her forever."

Raven stared back at her, "It'll do for now. They don't need to know that." She gestured to her teammates. "Besides, let's just focus on getting her on the wall, to begin with. You go and free Cyborg from the ground; I'll go see if I can distract Rage."

Determination sighed and brushed her hair out of her eyes, "Okay. I trust you. You are me, after all." She smiled, "We can do it." She gave Raven a small grin, before she teleported over to Cyborg.

Raven stared at Rage, feeling nothing but emptiness when she looked upon the contorted face of her emotion. Such raw power, it would surely upset the balance within Nevermore. She couldn't let that stop her now though. She had to get Rage tethered to the wall, if she could manage that then she could curb Rage's appearance drastically which would buy her time to do research and meditation so that she could figure out a way to bring her emotions back, and merge Rage and the others into her soul. Or something.

**_Why my brother,_**

_**Let me show you a better way,**_

_**So set your game face on,**_

_**Because its time to play**_

* * *

****

"AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!"

Rage whirled around at the familiar shout, before she was blown back on a wave of black energy. Winded and surprised she stared up at Raven who was floating in the air above her calmly, her own hands filled with magic. "When did you wake up?" she panted, trying to regain her breath. She looked around her, noticing for the first time the absence of the titans and the emptiness of the cage.

Something large hit her in the back and carried her forwards onto her knees. She whipped her head back quickly, only to see the tail of the green Veloceraptor vanish into the darkness. She gave a shriek of outrage, only to be caught on the back of the head with Robin's staff. She stumbled to her feet and staggered forward.

She managed to avoid the canon blasts courtesy of Cyborg as the blue light came flying at her, but being too focused on what was going on around her, she didn't notice the starbolts until it was too late.

Rage was thrown backwards, where she crashed into the same tree that she had imprisoned Starfire upon. "How dare you hurt my friends!" yelled Starfire as she rounded on the demon, lashing out with a volley of flashing green attacks.

"AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!"

"AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!"

"AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS!"

The identical shouts rang through the air suddenly, silencing everything else.

Rage's eyes widened, "NO!" she howled, clawing herself forwards, firing magical attacks in every direction possible, trying to fend off the three enchanted attacks that were closing in around her, "I won't be defeated!" she cried rising into the air once again, "I won't be defeated!"

"That's what you think!" yelled Robin diving forwards, kicking at her legs with her right foot. He caught her on the back of her knee, and once again she hit the ground. She lashed out, pushing him away from her with a blast of dark magic.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

**_You're pushing and fighting your way,_**

_**You're ripping it up**_

* * *

****

"Hold on Raven!" shouted Bravery from her left, "We just need to distract her long enough to get a hold of her. You can do it!"

"I know!" cried Raven back, her arms shaking with the strain to keep the rivers of black magic coursing out of her hands into the atmosphere around Rage. She still felt weak, disorientated from everything that had happened. "I know." She repeated to herself slowly. She watched as her friends ducked and weaved and attacked her own emotion, hitting out at her, bowling her over, trying to break her concentration. She could tell that it was working; already the magic that had made such an impressive inferno was beginning to drop down and fade away, despite the frustration that lit Rage's face. She pushed herself forwards, testing the very limits of her own humanity.

Beast Boy gave a chilling cry in his hawk form and shot towards Rage's eyes, talons unfurled ready to cause optimum damage. Rage threw up her hands to protect her eyes.

Cyborg's cannon fire sent Rage reeling sideways.

The last dredges of her gathered magic flickered and then faded like the snuffed flame of a candle.

"NOW!" shouted Determination.

"ARGHH!" Raven's scream tore from her throat unbidden as fire rippled through her muscles, coiling and tightening her limbs in anticipation and tension. Her magic swelled, and then, in a huge colossal form of a pitch black bird it arced outwards and then crashed back down onto Rage's writhing form. It exploded outwards in shockwaves, just as Raven's eyes rolled back in her head and she slumped down, asleep.

Smoke flooded Nevermore.

When it cleared, Rage lay unconscious in the middle of a darkened circle of ash.

**_So tell me what I'm supposed to be,_**

_**Another Goddamned drone,**_

_**Tell me, what am I supposed to be?**_

_**Should I leave it on the inside?**_

* * *

****

Determination and Bravery latched the shackles tightly closed around Rage's wrists. Then, satisfied that they were tight enough the two emotions stood back and looked at the titans. "That should hold her."

Robin nodded to them, "Thanks for all your help. We couldn't have done it without you."

Bravery blushed, "We're just parts of Raven. It's her you should be thanking." She looked at Raven's sleeping form, where it was nestled safely in Robin's arms and she smiled fondly, "Take good care of her okay?"

"Count on it." Nodded Beast Boy, wiping his forehead with his hand.

"You should really get going you know." Pointed out Determination as she flicked the hood of her cloak upwards, hiding her face from view, "You know the way." She nodded to Beast Boy and Cyborg.

The two titans nodded.

"Oh thank you for all your help parts of Raven!" gushed Starfire gathering the two of them together in a group hug, squashing all life out of their bodies, until they choked and asked her to release them. She blushed and did so, before she joined the other titans as they waved, and set off for the last archway. The one that would lead them back into their own world.

In her sleep, Raven frowned.

* * *

**_Tell me, what am I supposed to be?_**

_**Should I leave it on the inside?**_

* * *

****

Determination and Bravery watched as the titans left through the archway. Then the brunette turned the emerald green haired girl, "I thought that went quite well."

Bravery nodded, "Yeah. Those chains should hold her for a while."

Determination looked up at Rage and shivered, she wrapped her brown cloak around her tightly, trying to keep in what little warmth there was, "When it started, it was all a game to her wasn't it?"

"Even Rage knows it's not a game anymore. It's a fight for survival between her and Raven."

"Raven will win, won't she?"

Bravery looked up at Rage's unconscious form, she looked so innocent in her sleep, but you know what they say, appearances can be deceiving, "I…I hope so."

**_Should I leave it on the inside?_**

* * *

****

Chained to the wall, Rage smirked and clicked her claws together, "Don't worry." She mumbled as she opened her eyes to watch the two emotions walk off into the distant bleakness of Nevermore, "It'll be gameover for you soon."

**_Or should I get ready to play?_**


	45. Pride

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Pride' by Seether

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Forty-Five: Pride**

_December 20th 18:35 Slade's Hideout_

The room was dark and cold. The windows were boarded up with plywood, so that only thin slivers of light shone around the edges in tiny streams no thicker than a hair's breadth. The wind howled outside, rattling the door handles and shaking the foundations, but that was not the reason that the place was cold.

Suspended along the walls, and along the skirting boards of the perfectly rectangular room, were dozens of mini ice sculptures in various shapes and sizes, animals from all over the world, most noticeably several large renditions of parrots and other exotic birds, their large glass eyes staring out into the centre of the room where two figures clung to each other in the bitterness.

The smaller person was female, and dressed entirely in black, her face masked by brightly coloured feathers. The same feathers ran along her underarms that were wrapped around the other person almost protectively. Her eyes were closed behind the mask, her head resting on the other's chest.

The other person was male, and one hand was wrapped tightly around the Dread Macaw's waist, his other hand resting in her dark hair. His frame was tall and willowy, his fingers long and nimble. His eyes were closed too and his bone white eyelashes were brushing against his cheek as his closed eyes fluttered gently. His short white hair brushed the underside of his young chin, he couldn't have been more than eighteen years of age, but he exuded a harsh aura that made him seem a lot older than his years. He sighed softly, "Hey, Mac?"

The Dread Macaw shifted and looked up at him, her eyes finally opening and resting on his face, "Hmm? I thought I told you not call me that."

He breathed in slowly and then let out a wry chuckle, "You were the one that picked the worst villain name in history. It's too long to say all the time. I had to shorten it."

The Dread Macaw snuggled closer to the warmth, "I don't mind as much. What were you saying?" she buried her face in the warm black cloth slung across his chest.

"I was just wondering. When this is over, and we've completed Master Slade's work…do you want to go to Italy? I've heard it's lovely there. Besides, we'll finally have the money." His voice was quiet and soft in the empty room.

"That would be nice." The Dread Macaw admitted, "I've never been abroad before." She sighed again, and trailed her fingertips along his arm, "I'm so glad that we found Master Slade. He was so kind to save us and take us in."

"He was." Agreed the boy, running his hand through her hair, feeling the silken strands against his ice cold fingers.

**_Take it, break it, rape it, forsake it (in time you will)_**

_**Find it, maim it, thrill it, shame it (in time you will)**_

* * *

****

Slade was not a man that liked to be kept waiting. But in this particular instance he supposed he would have to, after all the waiting was part of his grand plan. He had taken a risk hiring two more lackeys to pick up the work that Jinx couldn't handle. Ever since Mammoth and Gizmo had been arrested in that bungled armoury raid, her performance really had been going down hill. It was vital that his current plan worked of course, and since threats hadn't seemed to work as well anymore he had gotten her two knew companions, but if she didn't start pulling her weight again, he supposed he would have to…dispose of her somehow.

His own escape from prison had come about through months of tactical planning, worming his way into the guards' psyches so that they feared him more than they feared their supervisors. He was good at messing with people's heads and getting what he wanted. He always got what he wanted.

Now, soon, he would have his ultimate desire, Robin would be under his control and he would take control of Jump City after eliminating the other titans. They really were of no use to him. Raven, he could use, his spies had told him much about her progress, but the others could be discarded.

He entered into the main room, where his two new minions had taken to hiding themselves, and announced his presence by shoving his fist onto the light switch by the door, illuminating the room in all it's boarded up icicle glory.

"Dread Macaw, Kismet. Report. Now!" he barked at them, watching as they jumped to perfect pristine attention and curtsied and bowed respectively. He wondered whether or not they were worth the money that he was paying them, after all he had only seen the girl in action, Kismet was still a shot in the dark, and he had been relying on word of mouth and legend for most of his information.

"Yes sir, Master Slade." Nodded Kismet, moving to stand at ease, "Reports say that the titans' party was a disaster, and that Raven has been falling into despair." The boy's pale pink eyes glittered in the neon white light.

"The relationship between Aqualad and Raven is over." Put in the Dread Macaw clasping her hands in front of her waist, "Reports also say that Terra has left the titans, sir."

Slade felt his eyebrows rise, so the little blonde had finally figured out that she didn't belong where she had decided to stay. "So, Terra has left the titans." He mused out loud, "I wonder if she'll be joining our party then." He smiled to himself.

"That would certainly cause disruption amongst the ranks Master Slade." Confirmed Kismet, "Do you wish for us to locate her? She was last spotted wandering about the down town area. I could go and pick her up. It would not be a problem."

Slade took a swift step forward, pleased when the two of them took two quick steps back in fear, which was how he liked his minions, run by fear and terror, not respect. "Did I ask for your input Kismet?" he asked in a dangerously low voice.

"No." murmured Kismet looking downwards at his brown suede shoes, "Sir." He finished quietly, "Sorry, sir."

**_Heal my pride,_**

_**Leave me blind,**_

**_Heal my pride_**

Slade stopped his advance on them, pleased that they knew he was the boss and that they should fear him. It did not do to have his apprentices and hired help thinking that they could rebel on him. Oh no, that simply would not do. "Good." He replied in a crisp tone, "And for your information, no, we will not be recruiting her. If she comes, then she comes, if not then it is of no consequence." He took a moment to look around at the ice sculptures that surrounded him. Kismet's work. He pursed his lips together in annoyance.

"Understood sir." The pink eyed albino replied, nodding his head once.

Slade fixed the two of them with another glare, "Anything else?"

The Dread Macaw's gaze slid to Kismet and then back to him, "Recent research and gathered information show that there is even further disruption on the Raven and Robin front."

"According to witnesses at the hospital, Robin is debating his break up with Starfire and confessed his love to a comatose Raven." Continued Kismet lightly, hooking his long fingers into the belt loops of his jeans.

"Comatose?" asked Slade in interest, this was new.

Kismet inclined his head, "Sir. She tried to kill herself. Slashed open her wrists a couple of dozen times."

"People suspect that it was something to do with the girl from the party. One, Alexial, worker at Wayne Enterprises." Supplied the Dread Macaw, crossing her feathered arms in front of her chest.

"Ah yes." Remarked Slade, a cruel edge to his words, "I remember now. The death of Azarath a fitting end for such a backwards little planet." He gave a mirthless laugh and leaned back against the wall next to the light switch.

"With respect sir, the Azarathians were an honourable –Ow!"

Slade narrowed his eyes as Kismet started speaking out of turn once again, "What was that?" he questioned dangerously.

Kismet looked down, "Nothing Sir. I didn't say anything." A few strands of his bone white hair fell in front of his face, hiding his half closed eyes from view. Looking closely however, Slade noted with minor satisfaction that the boy's eyes were already beginning to burn under the light.

He glared through the eye slits in his mask at the teenagers before him, if that boy didn't learn to control his tongue, then he would have to be taught a lesson. They needed to know their place and they needed to know that it was not negotiable. Still, he was pleased at the amount of information they had gathered. He would have to think of a way to use it to his advantage. "Good work. You know what to do next don't you?" he asked coldly, debating whether or not he should have them both punished anyway, just for fun.

The Dread Macaw smiled brightly, "Of course Master Slade, we will start the plan tomorrow morning. Nothing can go wrong."

"Indeed." Slade looked at them both, they were only teenagers, yet they were more successful at gathering information than any of his old spies had been. It was just a shame that he had had to spring Kismet from the Mental Institution. He hoped it hadn't been too much of risk, if he proved to be a liability then they would both pay with their blood. "I'll come for your next report at six o'clock tomorrow."

Kismet and The Dread Macaw bowed as he turned to leave. "Yes Master Slade." They chorused.

**_Take it, break it, rape it, forsake it (in time you will)_**

_**Find me, maim me, thrill me, shame me (in time you will)**_

* * *

****

As Slade left the room, The Dread Macaw hopped to the wall and flicked off the switch, flooding the room with darkness once again.

"Why did you kick me?" asked Kismet softly as he rubbed at his stinging eyes, they were already watering from the bright light, sometimes he thought Slade did it to spite him. He wouldn't put it past the masked criminal. His shin throbbed slightly from where the Dread Macaw had caught him brutally with the side of her boot.

The Dread Macaw made a noise in the back of her throat, "You know why I kicked you, you were speaking out of turn again and to Master Slade. He deserves our respect. He saved us when we thought no one cared. We owe him our lives."

Kismet blinked away the salty tears that had built up at the edges of his eyes and he grinned wickedly, showing off perfect white teeth, "We owe Master Slade our life. Would you listen to yourself? Next you'll start worshipping him."

The Dread Macaw gave an offended squawk, "How dare you mock me!" she smacked him lightly on the arm as she came back over to him, her voice dropped a decibel, "How're your eyes?" her fingers touched the red skin beneath his eyelashes and she frowned, "It doesn't look too bad."

"I'll live." Kismet replied bravely, clasping a hand to his heart in jest, "Don't worry, I'm getting used to the light remember? Besides, tomorrow I'm going to make sure I wear the contact lenses that Master Slade made."

The Dread Macaw sighed, "He's such a great man, Master Slade."

Kismet shook his head and pulled her fingers down away from his face, "You talk as if you're in love with him."

The Dread Macaw stared up at him in silence for a moment, "Don't be silly. I'm just grateful, that's all." She linked her fingers with his and wrapped his arms around her waist, "In just under a month we'll have finished work anyway. We'll be long gone."

Kismet rested his chin on the top of her head, "Hmm. Which plan are we going with tomorrow?" when he didn't get an answer he sighed, "I see how it is. We're doing _that _are we? No problem. I may drop by and see you some time during the day."

The Dread Macaw sighed, "I knew you'd understand. It's the only way. A frontal attack would be guessing work anyway. It may not work properly." She leaned back into him, "Where do you plan on meeting me then?"

**_Heal my pride,_**

_**Leave me blind,**_

_**Heal my pride,**_

_**Leave me blind**_

Kismet gave a dry chuckle in response, "Oh, I don't know. I heard about this great little coffee place called Black Out. I hear they sell great tea." He started stroking her fingers absentmindedly when they tightened around his.

The Dread Macaw snorted, "That old place?" she said in mock disgust, "They couldn't serve decent drink there if they tried." She shook her head, "Fine, you know what, never mind. I'll meet you there in the morning okay. Perhaps we can find out what the word is on the streets about the titans. There hasn't been much crime happening lately."

"No there hasn't. But there have been a lot of parrots flying around." He teased back, "Lots of parrots."

"Macaws Kismet, they're called macaws." Chided the Dread Macaw, "And so what if there's lots of them flying around, they're petty to look at it."

Kismet grinned, "That they are."

"Remember to call me by my alias out on the streets though. People might get suspicious."

Kismet tightened his grip around her, his eyes gradually returning to normal in the cold darkness that seemed to settle over them like a sheet of satin, he was used to such abrupt changes in the conversation, after all he had been putting up with it for years, "And if I call you Mac? Surely they wouldn't get suspicious about that?"

"You call me that in public and I'll disembowel you." She threatened.

"I thought you didn't mind it."

"Slip of the tongue."

**_I am silence sent to find you,_**

_**I am violence sent to find you,**_

_**I am silence sent to find you,**_

_**I am violence sent to fuck you up**_

* * *

Jinx sat alone in the smallest room of Slade's new hideout, she shivered in the cold and idly twirled her fingers through her pink hair. It was almost unbearably lonely without Mammoth and Gizmo around. They were her friends and she missed them, but Slade had said that it was too much of a risk to spring them out of prison until his plan had been completed.

She wrinkled her nose and flopped back onto the single bed she had been allocated. She was bored. Bored, bored, bored. She wasn't allowed to go and do her own thing in case she was caught and jeopardised the mission, and she wasn't allowed to start her part of the plan until Kismet and the Dread Macaw had competed their part.

She didn't know what she thought about the two newcomers. The Dread Macaw was okay, if a bit eccentric and weird some of the time, but Kismet just scared her. He was creepy and the fact that he had been stuck in the insane asylum for the past three years didn't exactly fill her with confidence.

But every time she asked about what he was doing in there, she always got a different answer. He murdered his parents, he just started screaming for no apparent reason one day, he hears voices and a lot of other random things. She didn't know what to believe. She admitted that he was quite good looking, if you liked that sort of thing, he was just a bit too effeminate for her.

Albinos were freaky.

She stared up at the bare ceiling, she knew all about The Dread Macaws special abilities, to control the minds of parrots and fly with her specially crafted wings, which she supposed was a cool power to have, but she had no idea what Kismet could do. Maybe it had something to do with ice; after all, he did spend abnormally large amounts of times holed away in the darkest room sculpting animals and monsters.

The two of them were too wrapped up in each other to pay her much attention, as they had said when they had first joined, they were just passing through. As soon as the job was done they'd be leaving meaning that she'd be left alone once again.

She sighed.

She really missed Mammoth and Gizmo.

**_Take me, break me, rape me, forsake me (in time you will)_**

_**Find me, maim me, thrill me, shame me (in time you will)**_

_**Hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me,**_

**_So kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me!_**


	46. Catch

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Catch' by Kosheen

**Holy Hell! I'm ALIVE! (Well, yeah…) You see folks, the thing was that my computer has been having a right hissy fit and I couldn't log in at all…so I had the internet disconnected and the computer fixed…it went back up on Saturday and the first thing I did was finish writing this chapter, so I could give it to you guys! I hope you enjoy!**

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Forty-Six: Catch**

_December 21st 09:32 The Black Out Cafe_

Claire leaned back against the counter as she chatted absently to a random customer she was serving. She smiled brightly as the woman nodded and then moved off to find a seat. Her eyes kept flickering over to the door nervously, she had been waiting for Raven to arrive for several minutes ever since she had received a phone call from her, declaring that she was fed up with the atmosphere in titan's tower and would be dropping by soon.

Claire looked around, her café was unusually packed today, and that was saying something, she had sixteen tables all together and today only two were spare. It was odd, especially this early in the morning; she supposed many of them were getting a caffeine fix before they went out to do last minute Christmas shopping. Her eyes swept around her shop, taking in the odd stereotypes littered around the table.

A group of goths were hunched in a gloomy corner, looking as if the world was about to end, a young family were sipping tea and eating cookies by the window, a group of athletes were running over training methods, a group of preppy blondes were giggling to themselves and pointing around the shop, and couples were strewn everywhere. A dark haired girl and a light haired boy were sharing a hot chocolate in one of the darkest corners. Claire thought that that was very sweet.

"Hey Claire."

"ARGH!" screeched Claire as she whirled around to face Raven, a hand clutched to her chest as she faked a heart attack, "Don't do that!" she cried, pretending to die atop of her counter. When she resurrected herself she sent Raven an accusing glare and pointed her finger at the titan, "You did that on purpose, when did you get here? Normal people use the door you know!"

Raven gave a smile, "I'm not normal, you should know that by now. I came in just now. You're crowded today." She looked around briefly and then looked back at Claire, her hand reaching up to brush aside some of her hair.

Claire peered at Raven curiously, "Are you alright?"

Raven smiled animatedly and nodded, "I'm fine. I'll tell you all about it later."

Claire stared at her uncertain, "Okay."

**_Catch you_**

_**You create misery,**_

_**Have your cake and eat it**_

Raven slid into one of the single stools by the counter and rested her head in her hands, "I'm fine, but no one seems to believe me. I've had to put up with everyone worrying about me all morning. Robin's even gone as far as not wanting me to go out. You've no idea how reluctant he was to let me come here. He knows you for God's sake." Raven shook her head.

Claire blinked, "He didn't want you to come and see me? Why?"

Raven sighed audibly, "Are you sure that you want to know?" she asked wearily as she picked up a discarded plastic spoon and began to draw random patterns on the counter top.

Claire told Raven that yes, she wanted to know about everything that was happening, down to the last detail. Every secret, every word. She sat down on the chair behind her counter and told everyone loudly not to bother her for the next half hour or so, unless there was an emergency, and that an emergency didn't constitute as anything less than the world ending.

Raven ordered an herbal tea quickly, before Claire had time to protest and then regaled her tale of woe, quickly and succinctly for fear of being overheard by the customers, especially since more than one kept looking in her direction, trying to figure out if she was THE Raven.

**_Take your place in history,_**

_**And pray we don't repeat it**_

By the time that Raven had finished, Claire looked marginally distressed. Raven wondered, in hindsight, whether or not it had been a good idea to tell Claire everything, it almost looked as if the intake of knowledge had broken the strange girl's mind.

Oops.

Claire looked up slowly, her fingers gripped around her cup of tea so tight that her knuckles were white. She looked around the shop silently, almost checking if there was someone there. Raven followed her gaze and noticed that the café had emptied remarkably quickly, they couldn't have been talking for more than twenty minutes but all the larger group had departed, leaving only the couples sat close together. Raven watched Claire's face to gage her reaction.

Fair play to Claire, she didn't seem as shocked as she could have been, actually, she had taken it quite well. Raven wondered if that was a good thing or not. Slowly Claire turned and her steely gaze met Raven's.

"Okay. Next time you pull something like that, like trying to kill yourself or giving up to a negative emotion, you remember one thing."

Raven's eyebrow rose, "And that is?"

"That my face will haunt you forever with this sad and mournful look." Claire pointed to her head and then morphed her features into a pouting lips and large tearful eyes. "No one can withstand the power of the puppy dog eyes."

Raven stared. "You are insane."

"I've been told. Do you have the time?"

"…you're wearing a watch."

"Oh!" Claire grinned sheepishly, she looked at her wrist, the little red dial on her watch said that it was ten to eleven. Time really had flown.

"Are you expecting someone?" asked Raven, suddenly conscious that she was cramping her friend's style. "I'm sorry. You didn't need to speak to me if you had other things planned." She internally cursed herself for not reading Claire's mind ahead of schedule. But she had made a point of not reading her friend's minds unless absolutely necessary. Everyone liked their privacy after all.

Claire waved her hand, "Don't be silly, it's just a friend from school, he works at the hospital, and maybe you've seen him?" Claire shrugged, "He was coming round for a chat, you could meet him though, and he's nice. Quiet. But nice."

Raven raised her eyes to the ceiling, "Nothing wrong with being quiet."

"Never said there was." Replied Claire, reaching over and flicking Raven's nose with her finger. "AH! There he is!" She suddenly launched herself over the counter top, pointing and waving madly, nearly knocking a startled Raven from her stool in her haste.

_**Call it fate,**_

_**Call it back,**_

_**Call it off,**_

_**Don't call me later**_

Raven whipped her head around to see the person who was brave enough to have been Claire's friend for longer than she had. She should give him a medal.

The boy that had come through the door was tall, and was wearing a black baseball cap that covered all his hair. He was wearing sunglasses, but Raven could just make out the gleam of dark brown eyes behind the lenses. He was wearing a black polo-neck and black jeans. He looked normal enough. He looked up and grinned as Claire rocketed towards him, and he opened his arms to catch her. The two collided, but remarkably the boy held his ground.

Raven stared; he must be really strong to remain standing after such a hit. The odd thing was though, that he seemed too thin to be that strong. She tilted her head quizzically. It took all sorts she supposed. Claire suddenly started babbling non-stop, her words running in to each other, so that it was just a blur of sound.

Raven wondered idly if she should even try and decipher what was being said, but in the end she just decided that she couldn't be bothered.

"Claire…calm down." The boy said with a smile, "I can't understand you when you're like this."

Claire merely grinned widely and latched onto his wrist, dragging him, none to gently towards Raven. Raven wondered what the odds were that she would make it out of this introduction alive. Someone appeared to have fed Claire one too many sugary sweets this morning. It was terrifying. "Shut up! C'mon you have to meet Raven!" she flung the boy in front of Raven violently, "Kieran, this is Raven, Raven this is Kieran."

"It's a pleasure." The boy said softly, nodding his head in Raven's direction, "I've heard a lot about you."

Raven raised an eyebrow warily, "You have?"

"Don't worry." He smiled at her, "They're all good things." He disentangled himself from Claire's grip, "I didn't know you were inviting a friend." He said apologetically, looking sheepish, "I've bought us tickets to the cinema, but I guess we can go another time."

"Oh, I couldn't keep you." Said Raven softly, almost embarrassed that she had interfered with their plans. Maybe she should just go back to the tower and meditate for a…no. She would not meditate. Meditating meant going back…there. She suppressed a shudder.

"No, it's no trouble." Squealed Claire, "We can all just go hang out somewhere! Just wait until my cover arrives…there she is! JULIA!" Raven winced, "Mind the shop would you?"

Raven opened her mouth to protest, but no words had even managed to be formed before her friend's arm was linked with hers and she was dragged from the shop at full speed.

**_Lay your head in your bed,_**

**_It's just the way you made it_**

"You know, you really should have thought this through before you left the shop." Sighed Raven as she and Kieran watched Claire sit against the wall and rub her sore feet vigorously, "You should know not to wear high heels."

"But they're fashionable!" whined Claire.

"Yet impractical." Muttered Kieran as he looked out across the busy street, tilting his hat slightly so that he could look up into the sky, "Looks like it might snow."

Raven looked up into the clear sky and frowned, snow? There weren't even any clouds, what was he going on about? She decided not to comment on it, besides he had to have something wrong with his brain in order to be friends with Claire. Harsh but true. She scanned the busy roads of the streets in front of her as she folded her arms and waited for Claire to get back to her feet.

People were wrapped up in thick jumpers, chatting together happily as they milled back and forth laden with shopping bags and other such stuff. The breeze was deadly cold as it whipped past her face, blowing her hair into her face so hard that it stung her cold skin.

**_Out of my way,_**

_**I'm running**_

The alarm of the bank opposite her suddenly screeched, breaking apart all of the conversations that she had been listening to.

**_I'm gonna catch you if I can,_**

_**Out of my way I'm coming,**_

_**I'm gonna catch you if I can**_

Raven swung her gaze to the large two storey building that lay across the road. For a moment she couldn't see anything that could have caused the alarm to go off and then she saw it. Or rather, she saw her. A scowl found its way onto her features as she watched the familiar streak of pink flash behind one of the glass windows.

"Jinx." She growled.

**_Out of my way start running,_**

_**I'm going to catch you**_

Claire and Kieran looked up suddenly, their eyes widened as they looked across to the crime scene. The red light started flashing on Raven's cloak clasp, indicating that the other titans were on their way. "You going to fight her?" asked Claire in a hushed voice.

Raven looked over her shoulder towards her black haired friend and she nodded once, grimly, "Yes. You two stay here."

"I'll go and get help!" shouted Kieran as he turned tail and ran the other way, disappearing after a moment down one of the many side alleys. Raven watched him go with an annoyed expression but didn't comment. He didn't have time to play foolish games with a mere human.

Raven paused, where had that thought come from? She was half human too…Argh. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and then looked back across to the bank. She hadn't seen Jinx in a long time, she had thought that with Gizmo and Mammoth still in prison then the pink haired little witch would stay out of trouble. Raven frowned, but why a bank of all places? Out of the corner of her eyes she saw a green blue and a flicker of red approaches. The other titans were starting to arrive.

Throwing up her arms she melted into the ground in a shadow of dark purple energy, intent on making it to the bank before the others.

If she had turned around once more to make sure that Claire was indeed staying put like she had been told, she would have witnessed the mischievous smile that stole across the other girl's features.

**_It's your day,_**

_**Believe it,**_

_**It's your date with destiny**_

Raven flashed up through the floor of the bank, startling Jinx, who stumbled backwards wildly with a loud screech of surprise. The pink haired girl glared viciously as she regained her balance and then she grinned manically, "Raven!" she cried, almost gleefully, "Still dressing like a boy I see." She twirled around and vaulted back onto the tops of one of the safes that lined the back bank wall.

"Jinx. What are you doing robbing a bank? Fallen on hard times?" Raven's eyes flickered over the interior of the building; stacks of money had been strewn about, but left to flutter in the wind that came in through the broken front door. It appeared that the hex witch didn't want the money. But that didn't make any sense, what was she here for? What could possibly be inside the bank?

Robin and the others suddenly skidded into the doorway.

"Jinx!" shouted Robin, "Stop what you're doing and surrender!"

"Pfft." The pink haired girl said as she twirled a strand of candy floss coloured hair around her index finger, "Haven't you known me long enough to know that that is never an option for me?" she hopped to another safe and grinned, "Did you all miss me?"

"Like a hole in the head." Growled Beast Boy as he melted into the form of a green eagle and flew up to strike her. A wave of pink coloured energy sent some of the seemingly sturdy rafters from the roof tumbling down on their heads, blocking Beast Boy's ascent and forcing the others to move to avoid being crushed. "Ack!"

A jet of brilliant green whipped past Jinx's head, barely missing the girl as she bounced to a higher position, bending her legs underneath her like a cat and then jumping across the wide space and landing on the floor next to the large bay window that looked out onto the street, "It looks like you've all gotten rusty with time." She darted forwards out of the way of a flash of bright blue light.

Robin swung his staff in her direction, lunging forwards at the same time to try and catch her off guard. At the same time a wave of black energy crackled forth and slammed into Jinx's back, pushing the witch into the oncoming blow. The staff struck her abdomen with great force and the air rushed out of her lungs in one great breath as she was flung backwards into the wall.

Jinx's head struck the brickwork and she hissed in pain, flinging out her hand. More beams started to fall from the ceiling with a rumble, unhinging themselves from the rest of the roof.

"Robin!" shrieked Starfire suddenly, "Look out!"

Raven's head whipped around, "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" she shouted before she even registered what she was doing, a tendril of her dark energy shot forth like a river of black smoke and smashed into the side of the heavy wooden plank that had been freefalling in Robin's direction.

The wood splintered upon impact and the shards of broken roof rained down on the top of everyone's heads.

Robin held his staff against Jinx's throat as the rest of the splinters covered their heads and shoulders with a pale brown, almost white dust, "It's over Jinx. Now tell us, what are you doing here? Where is Slade?"

"It's not over." The pink witch said with a slight smile, "It's only just started." Her eyes flickered over to the door.

Raven heard the loud rumbling noise before she saw the door and all the bricks that surrounded it crash inwards, pushed towards them by a wall of pure sleet. Looks like Kieran had been right about the snow prediction.

"GET DOWN!" roared Robin as all the windows shattered.

**_It's too late to leave it,_**

_**After all it's your party,**_

_**Call it luck,**_

_**Call it fate,**_

_**Call me beautiful to my face**_

"I'll give you this one chance, Titans. Leave now, and I'll spare your life."

Raven looked up as she heard the voice, as cold as ice in the dead quiet of the bank know that the sheets of ice and sleet had covered all that was inside, her hands slipped against the newly frozen floor as she struggled to raise herself. Around her she saw the others doing the same. She looked over her shoulder to Starfire, who was nursing a cut on her forehead with her orange hands. A sudden pang of triumph welled up inside her, like the memory of something long forgotten. She quelled the thought.

"We'll give _you_ one chance." Said Robin as he steadied himself with his staff and then dropped into an offensive crouch, "Retreat now and you won't go to jail."

A sudden insane laughter peeled forth from doorway as the last vestiges of blizzard like weather dropped, revealing the form of the person that had come to Jinx's aid. Raven's eyes widened in disbelief. The boy that was floating in the doorway was ethereal; there was something about him that just leaked of beauty. He had pale, pale skin, almost the colour of snow itself, and even whiter hair that danced across his eyes as he looked down at them. His eyes were pink.

Not just a weak imitation of red, but a horrifying startling pink, the pupils were almost none- existent and as Raven looked up at him, she felt something cold wash over her body. He continued laughing, his long white cloak fluttering around him in the unseen breeze.

"Why are you laughing?" challenged Robin as he took a step forwards, being careful not to slip on the icy flooring.

Raven glanced over at Jinx who had regained her footing and was looking cockier than ever. "Who are you?" she demanded as she returned her gaze to the new threat.

The young man stopped laughing and a cruel smile twisted his features, "Why should I give you my name?" he asked coolly, "You, with your bitter tongues, would only sully it." He swept his hand sideways and Beast Boy jumped out of the way just as several vicious looking spikes, crafted completely from ice rose up from the floor, their tips sparkling with the promise of pain.

"Are you working for Slade?" shouted Robin as he took another step forwards. His foot slipped and his hand shot out to rest against the wall so that he could steady himself and stop himself from falling.

The albino's eyes narrowed.

Robin gave a cry of pain and wrenched his hand away from the wall, the bricks had become so cold that they had stuck to his gloves and frozen through them, so that when he moved he had ripped a layer of skin off of his palm, and now the wound was red and sore. Robin clutched it to his chest and glared.

"Suppose I do?" he asked, "What are you going to do about it? You don't seem very adept at all."

**_Call it off to my surprise,_**

_**It's just how you made it**_

"I'll put you in jail where you belong." Growled Robin as he tightened his grip on his staff with his other hand. "Starfire, Cyborg you two take care of Jinx, we'll take care of this guy."

The boy suddenly dropped to the floor, landing in a crouch before he straightened, "I suppose it is fitting if you _do _know the name of your killer." He crossed his hands in front of his face, netting his fingers together before he pulled them apart creating his own staff out of glittering ice, "My name is Kismet."

Faster than Robin could track the cruel looking blade come staff that Kismet had fashioned slashed across his chest, leaving a deep burning gash, which stung with terrible agony as soon as it was exposed to the cold.

Raven rose up into the air, her hands drawing signs in the air as she chanted her magic words. The icicles that now hung from the ceiling broke away suddenly and fell towards Kismet, guided by dark purple magic that sprang from Raven's finger tips.

Kismet's free hand was held up tiredly and the icy missiles froze in place before dropping harmlessly to the floor, shattering like glass upon impact, "You disappoint me Raven." He said without taking his eyes off of Robin, "As an Azarathian you should know what to expect with me."

"What?"

A blast of ice cold air sent her reeling backwards into Starfire as the redhead had tried to lunge at Jinx who had hopped back up to the highest point of the room and was tugging at one of the loose bricks in the wall.

"Urgh." Raven grunted as the two of them landed in a pile of ice splinters and broken brick, the sharp edges digging into her legs painfully causing her to wince. She pushed herself back into the air, the shards of ice crystals falling free from her body as she rose, "What do you mean, I should know what to expect?"

Kismet smiled maniacally, "Why should I explain myself?" he laughed as he dodged a blow from the bo-staff, and then parried with an attack of his own, before his leg swept out and knocked Robin onto his back. "Do you like the cold, pretty boy?" he asked cruelly as his fingers flared out and fragments of ice began to creep up to cover Robin's body, causing violent shivers to run up and down the boy wonder's lithe frame.

A blur of green was frozen in place by a well aimed icicle and a howl of pain echoed through the chaotic room.

"Stay." Hissed Kismet, baring his teeth at the wounded green wolf, "Good doggie."

"Azarath Met-Argh!" Raven felt herself crash into the ice slicked wall behind her as something heavy slammed into her from the side. She slid to the ground and then cracked open an eye warily. A villain she had never seen before grinned down at her from behind a mask of feathers.

"Starting the party without me?" she asked as a particularly mean looking parrot fluttered in and settled on her shoulder.

"It's YOU!" shrieked Starfire suddenly, "That Dread Macaw!"

"You remember me? How nice." A simpering grin worked its way onto the new arrival's features. "Kismet." She called over her shoulder, "Are you done yet?"

**_Out of my way I'm running,_**

_**I'm gonna catch you if I can,**_

_**Out of my I'm coming,**_

_**I'm gonna catch you if I can**_

Raven launched herself at the girl wearing the feathers as she looked away. A blast of dark magic made the parrot take flight and the villain stumble back several steps, "Never turn your back on an enemy."

Kismet gave a shout of anger and ripped his hands away from Robin, just as the icy barrier was nearly complete. The bo-staff shattered the ice, but Robin shuddered violently and licked his blue lips, trying to get warmth back into them, and he rubbed his arms and legs to get the circulation running again. But as he was doing that the ice-prince had lunged at Raven, crystal spear held high.

"RAVEN!" Robin screamed in warning.

"Azarath Metrion Zinth-" a wave of ice filled air slammed into the back of her head, knocking her forwards. The crystal weapon caught her in the leg, throwing her to the ground in one blow.

"We'll be having none of that." Kismet snarled as he stood over her. He leaned down to her ear and she jerked away as his breath, colder than the ice around them brushed against her ear, "So tell me." He began as his weapon struck the ground next to her head, effectively pinning her beneath him, "Is Rage coming out to play today?"

**_Out of my way I'm running,_**

_**I'm gonna catch you if I can,**_

_**Out of my way, start running,**_

_**I'm going to catch you**_

Robin covered his head with his hands as he inched forwards towards Raven and the others, as the brightly coloured birds attacked him with their beaks and claws. Beast Boy was still pinned to the floor with the icicle, Cyborg was feeling the effects of the cold more strongly than the rest of them and his metal joints were seizing up, preventing him was going very fast and Starfire was busy firing a volley of starbolts, at the airborne Dread Macaw, who just laughed and dodged the attacks before sending out a flurry of trained birds in retaliation.

But Robin didn't care about any of that. All he cared about was getting to Raven on time. The look on her face suggested that something was wrong, and the fact that she was pinned down under the sneering albino made a knot of jealousy and rage coil in his gut.

**_Out of my way I'm running,_**

_**I'm gonna catch you if I can,**_

_**Out of my I'm coming,**_

_**I'm gonna catch you if I can**_

"Let go of me." Raven said evenly, as she felt the boy's icy fingers wrap around her throat and squeeze firmly. Her gaze held his and for a moment, she thought she saw a flash of sympathy in his eyes. She must have imagined it.

**_Out of my way I'm running,_**

_**I'm gonna catch you if I can,**_

_**Out of my way, start running,**_

_**I'm going to catch you**_

"I've got it!" shouted Jinx suddenly as she jumped down from her vantage point up in the last surviving beams of the roof. She landed on the cold floor gracefully, "Let's go!"

Kismet smiled insanely down at Raven before he released her and rose back into the air, a fresh blizzard already starting to blow around him, "Guess we'll have to finish this some other time, my dear." He said softly, "Only I trust then, you'll be more prepared."

Raven struggled to sit up as she watched him breeze through the door after Jinx, her eyes darted to the Dread Macaw, who had stopped next to Robin as he had managed to pull himself into a crouch, "It's been fun." The villain said with a smile, "Next time though, we won't let you live." And with that she took a running jump through the nearest open window, her arms opening revealing a fan of feathers as she caught the wind and flew away.

"Raven, are you alright?" asked Robin as he staggered to his feet, shivers still running down his spine, Raven could hear his teeth chattering as he spoke, but she didn't say anything, she just looked over to Beast Boy who had turned back into his normal form and was cringing valiantly as he pulled the thin piece of ice from his thigh, "Beast Boy?"

"I'll live." He said and winced.

"Starfire?"

"I am fine. I think."

"Cy?"

"I'm like a robot Popsicle. Somebody get me a hot chocolate!" he complained as his joints creaked with the ice, the floor boards breaking under his heavy steps.

Beast Boy and Starfire smiled.

Raven and Robin didn't. They realised that there was nothing about this situation to smile about. They looked at each other and their eyes locked. Whatever Jinx had found was evil, there was no doubt about it. And though they didn't want to admit it, both of them knew that they probably didn't have that much time left.

So much for the season of good cheer.

**_I'm going to catch you. _**

Rage looked down at her blood soaked claws, "One down." She sneered as the brown cloak beneath her feet disintergrated into dust and blew away into the farthest recesses of Nevermore.

**_I'm going to catch you. _**


	47. Someone Else

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'Someone Else' by Queensryche

**Some of you wanted to know which Raven wore the brown cloak, and in case more of yu don't remember, it was Determination who wore the brown cloak, and also some may feel as if I've missed something out by jumping straight to Raven's meeting with Claire after the whole Nevermore incident, don't panic...what happened the morning after will be told in flashbacks from Star's view in the next chapter. Thank you. Keep reviewing!**

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Forty-Seven: Someone Else**

_December 21st 13:56 Just Outside Titan's Tower_

There were some things in the world that Robin really could do without. Not that he was complaining because he knew that everyone had to do something that they didn't like at some point in their lives and he was no exception. However coming face to face with Aqualad whilst en route back to the Titan's tower with the others was something that was at the top of his 'Not To Do' list. The atlantian looked at them all from underneath half closed eyelids and then he straightened and looked directly at Robin, ignoring the accusing glare from Beast Boy and the disregard from Raven.

"I need to talk with you." Aqualad said firmly as he walked over to Robin, "Alone. It'll only take a moment." He put his hand on Robin's arm and gave him a pleading look.

Robin looked back at the others and then nodded for them to go on ahead. He watched as they walked away and he could almost see them wondering if the two of them would be able to hold a conversation with each other without resorting to the commonplace violence. "You've got five minutes." He said coldly as he crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't know what the water boy thought he was doing but considering what had happened that morning Robin couldn't really find it in himself to find the patience to care, "Make it good."

Aqualad took a deep breath and released Robin's arm, looking into his eyes as he spoke, trying to get his words across, "Okay. I'm an idiot, alright? I don't know what I'm doing or saying half the time. I'm a jerk with bad dress sense and an odd fetish for seashells, but please, hear me out."

Robin's eyebrows rose at the seashells remark, but he remained quiet, his heart thudding loudly in his ears. His hand was stinging from where the skin had been ripped off at the bank, but he tried to ignore the pain. "I'm listening."

**_When I fell from grace,  
I never realised,  
How deep the flood was around me.  
A man whose life was toil was like a kettle left to boil,  
And the water left scars on me._**

"I've been doing a lot of thinking recently, thinking about thinks that have never even crossed my mind before. About Raven and about you and the other titans and about what happened at the party. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm remembering correctly, sometimes I wish I'm not." The atlantian shrugged but did not let go of Robin's gaze, "I haven't been able to sleep or eat, things have just been running over and over in my head and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I've realised though, that despite this, this mess that I find myself in, I'm glad it happened, because, in all honesty, I think that it's helped. All of us, at least in a way."

"What are you saying?" asked Robin softly, his eyes darting back to the tower, expecting to see someone watching him, but there was no one there. He turned his gaze back, "I don't understand."

Aqualad smiled sadly, "I sat on the seashore and looked into the water, hoping that what I wanted to know would be shown to me through my reflection. It came to me then, the reason for everything. I'd like to say that it's all because of Azarath being destroyed, but I think it's nothing to do with that. If anything it's just something that happened to make everything seem too convenient."

"You're calling the death of Raven's home convenient?"

"Ah, you misunderstand me." Aqualad sighed as he reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, "I meant that that happening only masked the true problem. I know why Raven was never receptive to me, why no matter what I did she always seemed so miserable."

"What do you mean?" asked Robin as he heard the sound of the waves crashing against the sand on the shoreline, "What are you saying?" he knew he was repeating himself, but it didn't seem to matter, the hostility that he had felt towards the atlantian started to dim a little, of course he couldn't forgive him completely knowing the trauma that he had put Raven through, but still dislike is better than hate.

"I'm not the one that she wanted." Aqualad said, suddenly breaking Robin's gaze and looking out to the horizon over the ocean, "I was never the one."

Robin's heartbeat sped up, a roaring of his own blood echoed in his ears. "What?" His mind seemed to have difficulty functioning as he ran over what the boy before him had just said. The words that came out of the atlantian's mouth… he must have heard wrong.

"I'm not the one Raven wants." Aqualad repeated wistfully, "I think we both know who the real object of her affection is."

Robin was silent, he couldn't…there was no…it just… "We do?" he asked in a near whisper, his eyes darting about beneath his mask, like a dear in the headlights.

"Yes." Said Aqualad as he took a few steps forwards to the edge of the rocky shore that stood between the Titan's Tower and the vast sea. Aqualad paused on the edge and then looked back over his shoulder, "It's you. It was always you." Without waiting for a reply he jumped into the ocean, a darker shadow of blue amidst the moving waves.

And Robin's mind completely shut down.

Preparing to reboot.

* * *

**_I know now who I am.  
If only for a while,  
I recognize the changes.  
I feel like I did before the magic wore thin  
_****_And the baptism of stains began  
_**

Robin walked along the edge of the rocky shoreline and kicked at the stones that his boots came into contact with. His head was down and he was staring at the path that his feet were taking, without really seeing what he was looking at.

This was certainly a new development. But how well could he trust the words that the atlantian uttered? He hadn't exactly been someone reliable recently. Robin sighed and shook his head. Behind him the Tower was lit up with a warm orange glow from the early afternoon sun, the same rays were glancing off of the top of the water and casting shimmering images against the grey-white brickwork of his home.

The question was…

How far was he willing to go to be with Raven? If what Aqualad said was true then there was a chance that the two of them could be together, but even if it was a possibility it didn't mean it was going to happen, did it?

For starter's there was the whole reason that things were going wrong in the first place. Rage. How could Raven be in a relationship with the evil part of her running around unchecked in her head? Was he going to have to watch his back every time he was around her? He seriously didn't think that he was cut out for that. No. He couldn't risk making her even more messed up that she already was. They had to deal with the emotions thing first and fore most, it was impossible for anyone to feel Love if they did not have the necessary requirements needed in order to perform such a feeling.

Secondly there was Slade and his new cronies to think about. They were up to something and no good could come from it. But how was he supposed to go about saving the city when he didn't know what they were planning or even how to go about setting things right? He knew that if he just charged in then there would be no hope for him. Things just didn't work like that anymore. Now you had to plan everything out to last the detail and think up tactics in case things went wrong.

Thirdly there was Starfire, his current girlfriend. He felt kind of guilty that he hadn't thought of her until now, but on the scale of things she really didn't deserve to be number one on his list and he hated the way that that made him feel. He would have to break up with her to be with Raven, which would break Starfire's heart. She probably just wouldn't understand. And what if he did break up with Starfire, Raven was likely to refuse to be with him to refrain from hurting the other girl's feelings.

He heaved a greater sigh and then moved closer to the outcrop of rocks that hung over the deep dark water. He sat down slowly and drew his knees up to his chest, staring across to the horizon that Aqualad had looked minutes before.

**_They used to say I was nowhere, man,  
Heading down was my destiny.  
But yesterday, I swear,  
That was someone else not me._**

A sudden sharp pain in his hand made him wince and he looked down at the wound. It was raw and red. He stared at it for a long moment and then looked back up, a million and one thoughts flying through his confusion, like streams of light in the dark.

Raven used to hurt herself all the time, tried to make all the other pain that she was feeling go away. It had helped her, in a way to be the person that she was today. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. Had hurting herself really been a way of venting anger and frustration.

His fingers itched suddenly and he licked his dry lips, trying to ignore the sensation, but everyone knows that the more you ignore an itch, the more prominent it becomes. He closed his eyes and breathed out slowly before breathing in. His heart was racing in his chest and he didn't know why.

He pressed his forehead into the caps of his knees and groaned. Strands of black hair fell into his face but he couldn't gather the energy to brush them away. What was he going to do? He was supposed to be the one that was in charge, the one that knew what to do in difficult situations. He was supposed to be the one that the others turned to for help. But Raven had never come to him for help. He clenched his eyes tightly until he saw white specks behind his eyelids.

He opened his eyes again, almost blinded by the sun rays that glanced off of the ocean. He was supposed to be fearless, he was supposed to be their leader and yet he felt as if he was failing them over and over again. He felt that he was failing Raven.

**_Here I stand at the crossroads edge,  
Afraid to reach out for eternity.  
One step, when I look down,  
I see someone else not me.  
_**

He looked back down at his wounded hand and slowly he curled his fingers into a fist, quelling the itching as he dug his nails into the tender skin. Pain flared intensely, almost white hot at the contact point and he winced. Was this what Raven had felt when she had hurt herself? He dug his nails in harder. He needed to understand, more than anything, he needed to understand.

_**Looking back and I see someone else.**_

A sudden shadow fell on him and then a pale hand took hold of his, pulling his fingers from his clenched fist, releasing him from his self inflicted torture. He looked up.

Raven looked down at him, her eyes bleak in the afternoon sun. She let go of his hand and it fell to his side as she faced the horizon also and then sat down next to him, crossing her legs underneath her.

Robin looked away from her and out to sea, to see what she was seeing. The water and the gulls that screamed as they dipped down across it, their white wings brushing against its surface as they flew on the wild wind currents. The smell of sea salt made him feel nostalgic, and he didn't know why. The rock was cold against his throbbing hand, but he didn't look down at it.

"You don't need to understand." Raven said softly, not looking away from the horizon, and the fishing boat that bobbed about in the distance, "Some days, even I don't understand myself."

It only took Robin a moment to realise that she must have been reading his thoughts. Her comment should have made him frown, but instead, the edges of his lips curved upwards slightly in a soft smile.

**_All my life they said I was going down,  
But I'm still standing, stronger, and proud.  
And today I know there's so much more I can be._**

**_  
_**"Robin, what do you think is going to happen?" she asked as a breeze blew in, sending her amethyst hair back over her shoulder in a shower of soft waves.

Robin saw the sunlight glitter in her gaze as he looked at her from the corner of his eye. He didn't reply for one long moment, "Something great." He lowered his legs slightly, "Something great." He repeated in a softer tone.

"Terrible, but great."

Robin turned his head to face her and a wide grin spread across his features, "You're quoting Harry Potter?"

"…shut up."

**_From where I stand at the crossroads edge,  
There's a path leading out to sea.  
And from somewhere deep in my mind,  
Sirens sing out loud songs of doubt as only they know how.  
But one glance back reminds,  
_****_And I see, someone else not me._**

Robin smiled again and then looked back to the ocean, something in his mind told him to keep his hopes up. He had a good feeling about everything. Maybe it was the sunshine, maybe it was what Aqualad had told him, maybe it was the fact that Raven was here…talking to him and Rage was nowhere in sight.

He looked down into the depths and saw his reflection, his hair was mussed and sticking up in all directions, his mask firmly in place, almost hiding himself from his secrets. The smile faded slightly.

Was that how the others saw him? As someone who always wore a mask to hide himself from prying eyes? He'd never really thought about it, he'd always worn it, to protect himself and his identity. He frowned down at his reflection, it seemed older than he did, wearier.

Eyes are supposed to be the windows to the soul.

"Smile." Raven whispered to him, "It might never happen."

He felt a swell of love in his chest and he dropped the tip of his foot into the water, destroying his reflection with a multitude of ripples. And, as she suggested, he smiled again.

**_I keep looking back,_**

_**At someone else…**_

_**Me?**_


	48. I Caught Fire

Disclaimer: I do not own teen titans or the words to 'I Caught Fire' by The Used

**Hand in Hand**

**Chapter Forty-Eight: I Caught Fire**

_December 21st 14:13 Titan's Tower_

Starfire was confused.

Not that that was anything unusual, but this time she really couldn't understand what was going on, or maybe she did, but she didn't want to admit it. Maybe she didn't want to put into words what she was feeling at the moment. She pressed her hands against the cold glass of the Tower windows and stared down at the two figures sat on the rocky shore. She wanted to go down and sit with them, talk about what they were talking about, but something was stopping her and she didn't know what it was.

Things hadn't really been right since yesterday, she didn't think that everything would have gone back to normal but there was a certain amount of tension in the air that made everyone uncomfortable. Her thoughts flickered to the night before.

**_It seemed to stop my breath,_**

_**My head on your chest,**_

_**Waiting to cave in from the bottom of my…**_

_"Robin?" she asked quietly as the leader of the titan's pushed open the door to Raven's room and carried the unconscious witch into the darkness that was her haven, "Is she okay?"_

_Robin didn't reply as he laid Raven down on the top of the bed and pulled the covers up to her shoulders, finally he straightened, his fingers brushing some of the purple hair from her sleeping face, "I think so. A good night's sleep should do her the world of good." _

_Starfire watched him smile down at Raven and her chest clenched painfully, she gave a small gasp at the sensation, what was it that she was feeling here? _

_"Are you okay?"_

_She plastered a grin on her face, "Oh, yes!" she said with fake cheer, "I am very much okay Robin!" her eyes slid to Raven, "I'm just worried about her." Her eyelids dropped slightly and she gave a mournful sigh, "At least it's getting better now."_

_"Yeah…"_

Starfire laid her forehead against the window, her eyes watching the silent couple below. Most people thought that she was a ditz, an airhead and she admitted that when it came to things that revolved around earth like technology and food she did still have a lot to learn, but she could still see when there was something going on.

"Robin…" his name escaped her lips before she even realised that she was saying it. She cringed slightly, a strand of red hair dropping in front of her face. She didn't know what to do; there was something funny going on, something other than the whole 'Slade' thing.

She could hear Beast Boy and Cyborg in the other room playing on the game console, but even their laughter didn't ease her mood. She couldn't help it, she knew that something was going to happen soon, and she couldn't help but think that it wasn't going to be good. Robin already knew more than he was letting on, if this morning's fiasco had been anything to go by.

**_I hear your voice again,_**

_**Could we dim the sun?**_

_**And wonder where we've been,**_

_**Maybe you and me…**_

_"Morning Raven!" called Beast Boy happily from over the top of the frying pan, a tofu omelette sizzling contentedly in its depths, regardless of the fact that Cyborg was poised right next to it with a spatula, ready to try and sabotage the dish as soon as the changeling wasn't looking._

_Raven nodded slightly and then proceeded to walk straight past the table, and straight past Robin, causing the boy wonder to look up and frown, "Raven? Where are you going?"_

_Starfire watched from her vantage point behind the kettle as Raven turned to look at him, "I'm going out to see Claire; I'll be back before it gets dark." _

_Robin's expression became panicked for a moment and he jumped up, knocking his chair back several spaces in his panic, "NO!" at the raised eyebrows he received from the others in the room he smiled sheepishly and then rubbed the back of his neck, "I mean, are you sure that it's safe for you to go out so soon? I mean, you've been through a lot haven't you?" his words were being said so fast that nobody could understand him properly. _

_Starfire looked between the two of them, seeing Robin's worry and then Raven's blank stare, "Friends?" she ventured quietly. _

_The two didn't even turn to her as Raven spoke, "I'll be fine Robin, and if I get into trouble, which is unlikely, I have the T-communicator with me, and Claire's a friend. You know that."_

_Robin hesitated, "I don't…I don't think it's a good idea for you to go and see Claire." He said slowly, not taking his eyes off of her._

_"Dude what?" asked Beast Boy as he smacked Cyborg's hand with his fork, "Claire's cool and you know it. Man, will you stop tryin' to ruin breakfast!" the green boy snapped snapping the fork onto his friend's hand again, smiling at the grunt of pain he received._

_"You call that breakfast…" and on that argument went. _

_Starfire poured the hot water into her cup as she tried to drown out the bickering and focus on what was going on between her boyfriend and Raven. _

_"It's just that…what if Rage comes out? I mean…Claire isn't going to be able to…do anything." Even to Starfire Robin's words sounded flustered and rushed and she could tell by the narrowing of Raven's eyes that the other girl didn't believe a word of it. _

_"I'll be fine Robin, Rage won't bother me for a while, not after yesterday." She said stiffly, glaring at him, "It's my problem okay? You may be the leader of this team, but you can't control everything that I do. So stop trying." Her eyes narrowed further, daring him to argue. _

_"But…" his voice trailed off, Starfire expected him to start protesting again, but to her surprise he merely looked down at his feet and then shrugged, "Okay, you're right. I don't control you." Starfire's eyes widened, she had never heard Robin back down from an argument with the team before. "Just…be careful."_

_Raven nodded, "I will be." She looked across at Starfire who 'eeped' at the gaze that was suddenly turned her way and she pretended to be busy with the many functions of the kettle…really, 'boil' was a very interesting word… "Why don't you have some quality time with your girl friend over there?" Starfire blushed. _

_**So kiss me like you did,**_

_**My heart stopped beating,**_

_**Such a softer sin**_

Why hadn't Robin wanted her going out? Sure, it was only the day after the Nevermore adventure, but they'd fought villains in worse conditions than that before.

Robin had been in an off mood ever since that moment at breakfast, he had seemed worried, agitated, and refused to settle in one place. He didn't want to train though, which confused her, he always wanted to train. Then they had gotten the call about the bank being robbed in the centre of the town.

The four of them decided that it was better if they just flew there, Starfire carrying Robin, and Beast Boy carrying Cyborg, to safe time instead of trying to find a way through the disastrous Christmas traffic that seemed to be blocking up the streets.

But even when they had got there…

_"We're here…let's go, we don't know who could be in there…" said Robin to the three of them as they ran towards the bank building. People were gathering around it in curiosity instead of running or calling the police like they should have been. _

_Starfire turned her gaze to the left, "Hey, Robin! Isn't that friend Claire? That means that Raven is nearby."_

_Robin turned to follow her gaze, his eyes narrowing when he saw the girl that she had been pointing out. His hand tightened around his staff and for one brief moment he paused in the threshold of the bank. _

_Claire looked up and saw them. She gave a big grin and a thumbs up sign, "Raven's already in there!" she yelled before she pointed to the bank. _

_Robin scowled but nodded anyway. _

_Starfire looked back at Claire before she entered the building, why had Robin seemed so put out to see her? A flash of pink in front of jerked her back to reality as she saw Jinx vault back onto the top of a row of filing cabinets and give a cocky grin. _

**_I'm melting,_**

_**Never caught by breath,**_

_**Every second I'm without you,**_

_**I'm a mess**_

****Starfire wondered when Jinx and the others would attack again. The two new villains were trouble, because they were dangerous and powerful, perhaps more so than anyone they had ever faced before. It scared her, and she wasn't ashamed to admit that.

The aftermath of the battle that morning had been more painful than the actual event, in Starfire's opinion, Beast Boy was going to have a limp for a good few days and Cyborg was going to be stiff. Even her muscles ached, which was something that hardly ever happened. But her main concern was for Raven and Robin. They were two of her best friends after all.

They were just acting oddly around each other, she had never seen the two of them act like that.

She turned her gaze to where they sat at the base of the tower and she smiled softly, at least they weren't arguing anymore. They looked so peaceful sat side by side on the rocks, watching the water lap against the slabs. It was a step up from the atmosphere that had hung over their heads when they had been returning.

They had decided to walk back, because in Beast Boy's state, he couldn't carry anyone back, and they had all been tired. It had been decided that it would be better for everyone all around if they just walked back on foot. That would give them time to think about what happened as well.

**_Ever know each other,_**

_**Trust these words are stone,**_

_**Why cuts aren't healing,**_

_**Learning how to love**_

_"Dude, that guy was freaky." Declared Beast Boy as he limped beside Cyborg and Robin, "I've never seen anyone look that scary before." _

_Starfire saw Raven's smile at that remark, but she didn't stop to wonder about it. "I agree!" she said loudly, "He was very scary." She smiled at Robin, "What do you think?"_

_Robin scowled, "I think that he could be trouble, both of them could. We need to figure out what Slade's up to." He pursed his lips and drew his cloak tighter around his shoulders; Starfire could tell that he was still suffering the after effects of almost being trapped alive under a slab of ice, "At least next time we'll know what to expect." _

_"What did Jinx take though?" asked Cyborg, his stiff steps becoming slowly looser as they thawed, "It obviously wasn't money."_

_"I don't know." Said Robin, "It could have been anything, we'll have to get on to the owners of the bank when we get back, see if they can tell us." He reached down and flicked a shard of ice away from the clasp on his utility belt._

_"No problem, I can do that as soon as." Offered Cyborg, "I'll be heading to the computer room anyway to see about an anti-ice upgrade. There's gotta be something that I can make that will let me be of more use."_

_"He knew about Rage." Said Raven suddenly. _

_Robin froze and Starfire floated uncertainly next to his shoulder, unable to read his emotions because of that mask, "What?" he asked quietly._

_"You heard me." said Raven as she bit her lip and looked over her shoulder, "I suppose I should have expected it, but it still came as a surprise, every demon or magical being within this town should have felt the power that was coming out of nevermore." She didn't elaborate on that, and Starfire was glad, sometimes the things that went on in Raven's mind were confusing enough to put her in a coma. "It doesn't matter though."_

_"Slade's up to something." Growled Robin as he started walking again, his pace just that little bit faster._

_"I think we've established that." Cut in Raven sarcastically and then she frowned again, "Did any of you see Claire after we left? I told her to wait outside."_

_Robin ignored the comment and picked up his pace again, "Let's just hurry and get back to the Tower, I'm freezing."_

_Starfire nodded happily, "Okay Robin!" she said with a big smile, "When we get back I shall make us all some delicious Tregnab snacks! That will warm us up!" she didn't see the looks on the faces of her comrades as she started to hum to herself as she flew after Robin. _

_**I'm melting in your eyes,**_

_**I lost my place,**_

_**Could stay a while,**_

_**And I'm melting in your eyes,**_

_**Like my first time,**_

_**That I caught fire**_

Starfire looked over her shoulder to the discarded pan she had left on the cold stove, the mixture of Tabasco sauce and mustard congealing slightly at the base. She should get back to it…

She looked back out the window, down to Robin and Raven and where they sat. She wondered what Aqualad had had to say, she hoped that he and Robin hadn't started a fight, she hated it when her friends fought. It made her sad. She turned away from the window with a set expression.

She wasn't going to think about that anymore. She had food to make. Everything else could wait. She rolled up imaginary sleeves as she headed towards the cooker.

**_Stay with me,_**

_**Lay with me**_

She turned the cooker on to full heat and shoved a spoon around the pan, mixing what was in there up until it looked like orange goo. She grabbed the flour off the counter and dropped it into the sizzling mess. She stirred it for a minute, humming as she did so.

Reaching out she grabbed at the prawns that had been left on the side, and the bowl of breadcrumbs that she had put there earlier. She threw the breadcrumbs into the pan without a second thought and whisked it quickly with the fork in her left hand and then she dropped the prawns in one by one, watching the pink flesh get covered by the slightly orange breadcrumbs.

She breathed in the smell of her cooking and sighed.

"Hey something smells nice-" Robin's voice stopped suddenly.

Starfire looked over to him, surprised to see him frozen in the doorway, a shocked expression on his face as he looked at her and then at the pan, "Robin!" she grinned happily, "You like the smell of the Tregnab?" she mixed the prawns into the batter mix and then tipped the contents of that pan into the frying pan that was next to it, already filled with oil.

"Um…yeah…" Robin looked over his shoulder and Starfire saw why. Raven had com up behind him, a curious expression on her face, "It smells….nice."

Starfire grinned happily, not really caring that he seemed so shocked that something she had made smelled nice. He always complimented her cooking. "Glorious! Then you and friend Raven can be the first to try some!" she dumped the crackling covered prawns onto a big plate.

Raven's eyes widened slightly as she looked at what was coming towards her, she looked like she was about to make a run for it.

"We'd love that!" beamed Robin, falsely, "Wouldn't we Raven?"

Starfire grinned again and nodded as she floated back over to the draws to get out some clean forks, turning her back on the other two. It didn't occur to her that the gothic girl may not want to try her food. She heard the two of them mutter to each other as she grabbed the cutlery. "You'll have lots more to try later! Remember friend Claire is coming over to try some of my recipes!"

"Bastard." Hissed Raven.

Starfire didn't know what a bastard was; she'd have to ask Robin later. She turned back to see Robin grinning his head off; perhaps 'bastard' was a compliment then. She would have to start saying it often. She smiled brightly as she gave them each a fork. "They shall warm you up from the inside!" she said, watching as the two of them looked at each other and then speared a prawn on their forks.

**_You can stay and watch me fall,_**

_**And of course I'll ask for help,**_

_**We could take our heads off,**_

_**And make love that's all**_

Starfire clasped her hands together as her friend slowly tasted her food. She watched as they chewed for a moment, and then grew even more interested as their eyes started to water and their faces took on an odd shade of red. They swallowed with big gasps.

"Well?" she asked hopefully.

Robin set his fork down, "Um…delicious, Star." He said with a smile, "But I'm not really hungry now, we should save them for later."

"Thank you! I knew you'd like it bastard." Starfire said beaming at the two of them.

Robin choked on the air.

**_I'm melting in your eyes,_**

_**I lost my place,**_

_**Could stay a while,**_

_**And I'm melting in your eyes,**_

_**Like my first time,**_

_**That I caught fire**_

****"So…it is not a compliment?" asked Starfire slowly, as she played with the fork that she held in her hand, pushing around the last of the prawns she had made around the plate, she had eaten most of them herself, to cover her embarrassment when Robin had suddenly started laughing hysterically at her comment. It had surprised her more than anything, but then the others had come running to see what the fuss was about and soon all three of the boys were smiling at her mistake.

"No." sighed Beast Boy wiping a tear from his eye, "Oh Star." He grinned and patted her on the shoulder, "You sure know how to make a guy's day!"

Starfire blushed again and looked across the table to Raven and Robin. Starfire wondered if her boyfriend realised that he kept sneaking quick glances at the gothic girl. She stabbed at the last prawn; there was nothing for her to get upset about. She told herself, he was probably only worried.

She looked at his smile, at least he was happy.

She was not jealous.

She wasn't.

**_Stay with me now_**


End file.
